Post Reply Manga Ongoing first draft
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27 / F / in my office
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Posted 4/10/16
a story im writing and drawing. i will continue to post pages as i finish them
its the first draft so its kinda sloppy
pg 1

-NO TEXT

pg2
-
"GOOD MORNING MR CORWIN"
"HUH? OH YEAH GOOD MORNING"
"HEY JACKIE STEP INTO MY OFFICE"
"BUT SERIOUSLY, WHY DO I HAVE TO BE CALLED JACKIE FIRST THE MORNING BY YOU?"


pg3


"GROSS I FEEL VIOLATED BY THAT LOOK ON YOUR FACE"
"DID YOU FINISH YOUR REPORT?"
-"OF COURSE. YOU KNOW I WOULD HAVE CASUALLY AVOIDED YOU UNTIL IT WAS FINISHED"
BUT THIS TOOK ME ALL NIGHT SO I HOPE YOU WONT DRAG YOUR FEET"

"WELL I HOPE YOU WONT DRAG YOUR FEET PACKING YOUR BAGS. I JUST GOT APPROVAL FOR THE TRIP AND FUNDING"
"WE DEPART IN FIVE HOURS!"


pg 4

"kAI, YOU KNOW I CAME HERE TODAY PREPARED TO KILL YOU IF YOU TOYED WITH MY HEART"
"HUH?"
"OH YOU SAW US"
"NOW WE HAVE TO TO"
"KILL YOU"
[CRYS]
"KILL ME?"

pg 5

JACK JUMPS ACROSS THE DESK IN A DRAMATIC FASHION TOWARDS THE CRYING CIRL
"THERE THERE"



pg 6



"kAI! YOU IDIOT HOW COULD YOU MAKE SUACH A CUTE GORL CRY"
"I WAS OBVIOUSLY JOKING'
'BUT WOW SHE REALLY FREAKED OUT"
"BY THE WAY HERO MAN. YOU REALLY WILL KILL HER LIKE THAT"
[GASP]
"OH SORRY I JUST THOUGHT MY SPECIMEN WAS BEING MISTREATED AND MY BODY JUST KIND OF REACTED ON ITS OWN"
"YEP HE JUST SAID 'SPECIMEN' DID SHE EVEN NOTICE?"
[HIDES BEHIND DESK]
"HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER"
Humms 
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24 / M / CAN, ON
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Posted 4/13/16
Definitely some good chemistry between characters so far. I'm not sure what type of humor you're going for, because I don't really know what kind of story it will be, but I thought it was funny. It looks good so far.
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F / Colorado
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Posted 4/20/16
I like it. Hope you continue. Curious what happens on the trip.
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24 / M
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Posted 4/22/16
I feel like the dialogue boxes are placed weirdly so I keep reading things out of order. Starting on the very first panel on page 2, your dialogue boxes are backwards, which completely threw me off for a few pages. Otherwise, some of the dialogue feels a bit unnatural, like, you don't usually start a conversation with "But seriously..." and the sense of humor suffers from this unnatural pacing. Also, I find it a little unrealistic for that woman to freak out, when the average person would likely go to great lengths to rationalize the situation. The art is a bit inconsistent, but the panels which look like you put real effort into look really nice.
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