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Post Reply are we in the day and age women have to make the first move?
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46 / M / Pennsyltucky
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Posted 4/12/16

redokami wrote:
I understand truly,
it is stated in my profile simply as looking for marriage
and

if you are looking for a hook up or booty call don't message - yes ik I put don't message- but there are men who lead you on and don't say anything until later , that they don't want a commitment, so before I put my heart , soul, and time into dating someone , so I myself don't elad them on, I say it


Then that might explain the lack of responses. If I got a message from someone, first thing I'd do is go look at their profile and if it says that you are looking for marriage and if they are looking for a hook-up to not to message you. That may be a good majority of your non-replies.

Maybe change things up by instead saying you're looking for friendship. That you're not against things maybe progressing into something more over time, but that you're looking for someone to hang out with and have fun with without it being about sex.

Something like that is a lot more open ended but does say you're not looking for sex. You might have a little better luck going that route (and that isn't leading them on - there is no way either of you are going to know if the other is marriage material until you go and get to know each other and a friendship is a good place to start - and if that is all it ever ends up being - at least you made a friend). :-)
Posted 4/12/16
Hurmm.. I don't know.
qwueri 
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Posted 4/12/16
You'd be better off saying "looking for long term relationship" or "serious relationship". "Looking for marraige" throws all kinds of red flags that most guys will avoid. Marraige is the step after months or years of a serious relationship. That looming overhead before even the first date puts more pressure on even the prospect of a date.

Stick with "not looking for sex until marraige" or something similar if you're wanting to avoid that right off the bat. The thing is, don't put your heart and soul into every first date, you'll just wind up drained. Treat a date as a perspective interview to see if your even compatible with each other. If it works great put your heart and soul into it gradually, if not look onwards.

It seems like part of the issue is you winnowing the field with expectations of the long term before getting to know the date.
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Posted 4/12/16 , edited 4/13/16
Honestly I wouldn't mind if a women made the first move on me, it shows she has courage. I dig it.
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Posted 4/12/16

Daisuki-Suki wrote:

But I usually make the first move, I think a lot of guys appreciate this. If they don't reciprocate feelings or continue to message you. Don't waste time cause he's not into you.



^yes this, and it applies to both sexes, and it should be common sense
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Posted 4/12/16
Maybe you should talk face-to-face instead of messaging while asking someone out on a date? You'll definitely get some kind of response in person than someone who can ignore your message.

Honestly I don't think it should matter if its female or male to ask someone out? I been asked out on dates by both females and males so it doesn't really matter to me. But really, if your interested in someone you should at least attempt to ask out the person of your choice.

For me personally, I wouldn't go out on a date unless I was friends or exceptionally familiar with the person. The dates don't have to consist of sex ...I mean, if the guy only dating for that then I'd walk the other way. I been on dates with guys before where we throw a football around or we walk the pier and it was genuinely fun.

Though I guess you should also consider personality wise when it comes to asking someone out, too. Before my boyfriend and I were dating my soon-to-be-boyfriend was very shy and timid kind of person while I myself was very bluntly honest. So I had no problem to make the "first move" in this situation.. though believe me, it wasn't as easy as it sounds.

If you honestly like someone I'd say don't give up just yet. There was a time where before me and my boyfriend were dating we were just friends and he liked someone else and my love was just one sided for while. I tried to give up on my feelings but it was so hard cause I honestly liked my friend a lot. Then to my surprise my friend actually began to like me back~ <3 And now we been dating for a few years now


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Posted 4/12/16

redokami wrote:

are we? I have had to make almost every first move, messaging, anything.
and when I do, I don't get a response

honestly im tired of taking the intuitive...

and not getting a response


I think it depends on a certain person. For example, I made the first move several times and everything was ok Maybe you just didn't find your type of guy? Usually when people behave in such way it means that they're not unterested in communication with you
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20 / M / Norway
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Posted 4/12/16
Might be because some people are scared of being annoying? I sure am scared like that.
I am scared that if I message someone first multiple times often enough, they will get annoyed or bothered. So I just back off after a while unless they message me first sometimes as well. Nowadays, I don't have a chance to message first
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Posted 4/12/16

stars201 wrote:

IRL: Lol when I make the first "move" they back away and make it seem like I've annoyed them or something. I stopped doing it after that.


WATCH ME MAKE THE FIRST MOVE RN!!!

WHEEL EWE GO OUT WITH MEHHHHHHHHHHHH&MEHHHHHHHHHHHH&HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ¥♥♡♥♡♥♡


but yeah I wish girls made the first move instead of making a move to get you to make a move
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Posted 4/12/16

Nightlife17 wrote:


redokami wrote:

are we? I have had to make almost every first move, messaging, anything.
and when I do, I don't get a response

honestly im tired of taking the intuitive...

and not getting a response


I think it depends on a certain person. For example, I made the first move several times and everything was ok Maybe you just didn't find your type of guy? Usually when people behave in such way it means that they're not unterested in communication with you


Omg, u r so cool for making the first move XD
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Posted 4/12/16

Freddy96NO wrote:


stars201 wrote:
IRL: Lol when I make the first "move" they back away and make it seem like I've annoyed them or something. I stopped doing it after that.
Thats why you ain't coming back for me?!
But yeah most guys (atleast in a "reasonable" state) would consider it to be an option that its being a.. trap!
so yeah many guys that isn't that high for it at that point would ignore it or atleast turn away from it (so if going a bit more in for it they could maybe notice where you would want to go) but again many guys don't feel the need to go for it then what a girl might do (like to how some females do have a "goal"/future that having a family/kids or get married and would want to "progress" more then some of the bit older guys unless in a more "father" position).

but thats just ramble with more rambling...


Das soh transphobic man. We r offended. You u do dis!?!?;?!?!! □■□■●○▪°•◇◆
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Posted 4/12/16

redokami wrote:

are we? I have had to make almost every first move, messaging, anything.
and when I do, I don't get a response

honestly im tired of taking the intuitive...

and not getting a response


I know how you feel, I have the same problem. What I have found though that making the first move is not worth it. If they want you, then they will come after you.
Sogno- 
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Posted 4/12/16
i think it's always been a thing for women to make the "first move" or take the "initiative" . men have always been seduced by women
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8500 / F / Apollo...
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Posted 4/12/16

redokami wrote:

are we? I have had to make almost every first move, messaging, anything.
and when I do, I don't get a response

honestly im tired of taking the intuitive...

and not getting a response


Various factors: is the other person dense? Not interested? Just playing/stringing you along? Someone else beat you to them? They're just shy?

Some of my guy friends say when girls take the initiative, it's sometimes emasculating. A couple of them say "oh, thirsty girl" or "she's probably clingy" <<something to that effect.

I honestly wouldn't know. I've never been in a position to make the first move and don't ever plan on doing so, in addition to the fact that I'm dense when it comes to cues so you'll never find me making that attempt.

Kudos to you for trying, I find it very brave/courageous.
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Posted 4/12/16
Would it be better if we were still in the mode of arranged marriages?
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