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Post Reply are we in the day and age women have to make the first move?
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Posted 4/12/16

gornotck wrote:

Would it be better if we were still in the mode of arranged marriages?


sometimes I think that
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Posted 4/12/16 , edited 4/12/16

1stladyent wrote:


redokami wrote:

are we? I have had to make almost every first move, messaging, anything.
and when I do, I don't get a response

honestly im tired of taking the intuitive...

and not getting a response


Various factors: is the other person dense? Not interested? Just playing/stringing you along? Someone else beat you to them? They're just shy?

Some of my guy friends say when girls take the initiative, it's sometimes emasculating. A couple of them say "oh, thirsty girl" or "she's probably clingy" <<something to that effect.

I honestly wouldn't know. I've never been in a position to make the first move and don't ever plan on doing so, in addition to the fact that I'm dense when it comes to cues so you'll never find me making that attempt.

Kudos to you for trying, I find it very brave/courageous.


double standards though, if a woman asks first, messages first its "thirsty" maybe as u say
or if she doesn't its "fake"


even when I WAS dating I had to make every single plan, every single date, text first, other wise my -first - bf wouldn't even talk to me, lets just say I broke up over that, after a year of maybe seeing me only about 2 times a month

im tired of making every god damn decision - EVEN FOR MY FRIENDS- such as what to eat even, or where to go, or message first - even for friends- I wish someone would have a mind of their own gooood daaaaaamn, I do it all


rant over, sorry
qwueri 
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Posted 4/12/16
Just pretend you're the protagonist from an anime
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Posted 4/12/16


Why did you have to make all the decisions, even with your friends?
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Posted 4/12/16

gornotck wrote:



Why did you have to make all the decisions, even with your friends?

because no one seems to be able to make a decision on their own

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Posted 4/12/16

redokami wrote:


gornotck wrote:



Why did you have to make all the decisions, even with your friends?

because no one seems to be able to make a decision on their own



Ah, the curse of being dependable. You say, 'What do you want to do?', they say, 'I don't know. What do you want to do?' and suddenly you're playing mini golf on an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Indian Ocean while missiles take out your defensive battleships and destroyers.
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Posted 4/12/16

gornotck wrote:


redokami wrote:


gornotck wrote:



Why did you have to make all the decisions, even with your friends?

because no one seems to be able to make a decision on their own



Ah, the curse of being dependable. You say, 'What do you want to do?', they say, 'I don't know. What do you want to do?' and suddenly you're playing mini golf on an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Indian Ocean while missiles take out your defensive battleships and destroyers.


yes, its always I don't knooow, what do you want to do


I don't understand that last part though...
Actually, thinking back on it, I had noticed this trend that girls think they need to take a highly active role while at the same time feeling bad about it. It was around the 90s, I think, when it started becoming painfully obvious especially to someone as oblivious to others as I am. People really stopped thinking and making real decisions around when President Bush left office for Clinton, as a general timestamp.
I don't know about you, but when I have to choose the course of action for an activity, there's always the concern that the other parties involved are going to blame me for it going badly, as so often happens. An attitude of, 'you chose this, so it's entirely your fault'. People have been bullied and pressured so much that they flinch away from responsibility for their actions
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Posted 4/12/16
[...]

yes, its always I don't knooow, what do you want to do


I don't understand that last part though...
[...]

Setting that last part aside, and without irony, what would you want to do about it?
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Posted 4/12/16
Have you tried church socials?
Sogno- 
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Posted 4/12/16

redokami wrote:


gornotck wrote:

Would it be better if we were still in the mode of arranged marriages?


sometimes I think that


i asked my mom one time if she'd arrange a marriage for me

her response was something like "no way in hell" but in a nicer way lolol

and now that im an old maid she thinks there is something wrong with me nah mah i'm just lazy
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Posted 4/12/16 , edited 4/12/16
Depends on the person? How often rejected maybe. If they were attentive before was it made to be a problem? Personality. Many other factors...

Communication is communication regardless of who initiates, but it takes two to converse. If they are not interested then don't waste time.

Also, no a female doesn't HAVE TO make the first move, but if you choose to go for it.
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Posted 4/12/16
The female doesn't have to, Its just a matter of perspective and situation. Theres a lot that determines when to put forth the effort to make the first move, you just kinda have to risk it in most scenarios. Exactly what the girl above me said communication is key. If someones not putting in the effort, screw it, there's too many people out there to care about someone who doesn't even try.
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Posted 4/12/16
No? o.O

Do I think it should matter who makes the first move? Also no.

But it is still way more common for the guy to make the first move.
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Posted 4/13/16 , edited 4/13/16
Sounds like a glorious time be alive, to bad it doesn't seem to affect me in the slightest. As quite the shy boy I am I don't initiate conversation nor look at chicks as I have a fear of coming off as a pervert. True story. To answer your question; where I'm from, men are expected to ask the sheila out, I don't like it but it's how it appears to work, at least from my perspective.
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Posted 4/13/16 , edited 4/14/16
Must admit, girls have made the first move on me more than i have on them. I was a shy fuck when i was youngh though.
But girls were always the ones getting their friends to ask a guy out for them or give a love letter or want to play kiss chasey or wanting to hug guys or touch them, etc
I mean i've had my arse groped before at a bar or had a girl approach me at a bar.
It goes both ways really.
But yeah with everything being sexist and sexual harassment now a days, some men probably do hold back a little?

As far as making plans? well i dont really know. I think guys will ask a girl to he movies or to dinner or something. But guys are happy to hang with their mates or play video games or watch sports so sometimes the girl might be the one who cant go a whole day without needing to make a "move" and call or text the guy to talk or make plans.
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