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Post Reply The Friend zone Argumentative Discussion
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Posted 4/13/16

Hail_King_Kakao wrote:

and another friend zone thread/.


Yup
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Posted 4/14/16

Awaken_Riceball_ wrote:

A guy confesses his romantic interest towards a female, and she rejects and wants to remain friends. The guy may decide to disappear from her life or need space away from her before accepting being just friends; on the other hand, the female, depending on the guy's reaction, may think he was "never" a friend to begin with due to being just a friend for an opportunity to date or accepts the guy's need for time way before continuing the friend on a comfortable level. In this basic scenario, if a female has the choice to reject a guy's romantic interest, then the guy has the choice to reject the female's continuing friendship interest; vice versa.

A step further into a deeper discussion. Once the rejection occurs, emotion stirs up for both whereas the guy feels uncomfortable being around her after the rejection. The female feels angry and mad about throwing away friendship because of rejection which eventually leads to the thought he or she was never a friend.



I'll give my two cents. I will preface that this is a personal anecdote and it involves a best friend. So this may not be the answer you're looking for. Last summer I confessed to a bestfriend of 8 years. I did it more-so for me because the pent-up feelings were getting out of control. I would avoid her constantly. We belonged to the same tight knit group of friends so friends got red flags when I would purposely avoid group outings. The out of sight out of mind mentality helped to cope amazingly, but it was having negative effects on my friendships.

When I told her how I felt I wasn't expecting anything. I knew what she saw me as. She struggled to put the words together to that she wasn't interested. She thought I had avoided her because she had done something wrong. As she began to cry I told her it would be okay, and that nothing was going to change. A year later and I can happily report our friendship is as solid as ever. We're in a good enough place that I can make jokes about it. Anyway, the confession part taught me that communication was key. We talked for hours during that whole situation.

If you're in the friendzone, you try. And if it doesn't pan out, move on. Weigh the value of the friendship and question if it really inspires you to be the best version of yourself you could possibly be, then apply the dynamics and what you learned on to the next girl/guy. Do not get caught up in the romanticized ideals. Life is too short to get frustrated about these things, while I don't condone substance abuse, a couple shots of whiskey amongst some brothers has always helped alleviate some of those lingering pains and sadness, it clears the sinuses too! Haha.

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Posted 4/14/16

Awaken_Riceball_ wrote:

The friend zone, the battle between both parties desires that leads to questionable emotions. I understand both sides, and I am looking towards to constructive opinionated feedback.

A guy confesses his romantic interest towards a female, and she rejects and wants to remain friends. The guy may decide to disappear from her life or need space away from her before accepting being just friends; on the other hand, the female, depending on the guy's reaction, may think he was "never" a friend to begin with due to being just a friend for an opportunity to date or accepts the guy's need for time way before continuing the friend on a comfortable level. In this basic scenario, if a female has the choice to reject a guy's romantic interest, then the guy has the choice to reject the female's continuing friendship interest; vice versa.

A step further into a deeper discussion. Once the rejection occurs, emotion stirs up for both whereas the guy feels uncomfortable being around her after the rejection. The female feels angry and mad about throwing away friendship because of rejection which eventually leads to the thought he or she was never a friend.

Let's take a moment to a discuss a friendship. A friendship is a mutual bond of similar interest , history (like childhood friends), common values, etc. In addition, there are various types of friendship such as the friend who you call to have a good time, the friend that shares your inner most thoughts (a best friend), the self-esteem friend that provides emotional support, the casual friend just someone to talk, hang out casually, and friends with benefits, etc. A friendship is similar to like a job that qualifies to meet a certain criteria. What codons a true friendship? Is it easier to think of a true friend of the same sex versus applying that same concept to the opposite sex?

Face it, rejection hurts emotionally; period either through romantic interest or lead on to believe was a friend, then disappears.

Discuss your thoughts.

---------------------------Extra---------------------------

I wrote this because I get friend zone a lot because I have the nice guy persona; keep it simple. I also provide the self-esteem and have fun friendship roles. I have been rejected, and I simply disappear or fade out. They get mad about why I would throw away friendship because of rejection? It is simply due to there are other friends to fulfill those roles, and I do not feel like providing all of her desires while I am left to suffer in an emotional way. Lastly, I have friends on understandable terms like we will never be romantically involved because of different religious beliefs, complete opposite personality, etc.



^ Sounds like your anti-social from my point of view ^
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Posted 4/14/16
I had the awesome friend for over a year that I was gaming with. One day I referred to him as my "best friend" and he put the kibosh on that immediately haha. Ever since, we been living together happily for over 5 years as a couple and now he is also my best friend :)

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Posted 4/14/16 , edited 4/14/16

sah36ila wrote:
^ Sounds like your anti-social from my point of view ^


I respect your opinion, but I am not anti-social at all. My communication skills is highly praised at work. I simply choose to not remain friends and go our separate ways regardless of their feelings. A true friend is worth more than 100 friends, and it is rare to find. Luckily, I have true friends.


gnxgen1 wrote:

I'll give my two cents. I will preface that this is a personal anecdote and it involves a best friend. So this may not be the answer you're looking for. Last summer I confessed to a bestfriend of 8 years. I did it more-so for me because the pent-up feelings were getting out of control. I would avoid her constantly. We belonged to the same tight knit group of friends so friends got red flags when I would purposely avoid group outings. The out of sight out of mind mentality helped to cope amazingly, but it was having negative effects on my friendships.

When I told her how I felt I wasn't expecting anything. I knew what she saw me as. She struggled to put the words together to that she wasn't interested. She thought I had avoided her because she had done something wrong. As she began to cry I told her it would be okay, and that nothing was going to change. A year later and I can happily report our friendship is as solid as ever. We're in a good enough place that I can make jokes about it. Anyway, the confession part taught me that communication was key. We talked for hours during that whole situation.

If you're in the friendzone, you try. And if it doesn't pan out, move on. Weigh the value of the friendship and question if it really inspires you to be the best version of yourself you could possibly be, then apply the dynamics and what you learned on to the next girl/guy. Do not get caught up in the romanticized ideals. Life is too short to get frustrated about these things, while I don't condone substance abuse, a couple shots of whiskey amongst some brothers has always helped alleviate some of those lingering pains and sadness, it clears the sinuses too! Haha.



Thank you for sharing your experiences, and it was well written and enjoyable to read. I never applied the best friend scenario because I know I will never be put in that situation; for example, I have a Chilean best friend, going 6 years now, we always get teased about we act like BF/GF, but due to different religious reasons, we will never take it to the relationship level. We discussed it as well. It sucks to be rejected as you have expressed, but I understand weighing the cost or value of the friendship over relationship in which you saw value in your friendship.

Lastly, life is short, and I do not get frustrated or stressed out because I do not want to age faster hahaha. I take a different approach than you. :)


dramamama79 wrote:

I had the awesome friend for over a year that I was gaming with. One day I referred to him as my "best friend" and he put the kibosh on that immediately haha. Ever since, we been living together happily for over 5 years as a couple and now he is also my best friend


Amazing! It is said that best friends make the best relationship, and I get the feeling that it is one of the best things that ever happened to you. Congratulations, and I wish you both the best
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Posted 4/14/16 , edited 4/14/16
Ummm - my thoughts:

1. I remained very good friends with several women after confessing to them and being rejected. One of them introduced me to my wife and helped my wife plot ways to get me to regard her as more than friend. Silly girl never thought to just tell me. I am far too dense to figure these things out on my own.

2. I am still best friends with my wife after 20 years.


Personally: I cannot imagine a long term relationship with a girl I was not already friends with.
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Posted 4/14/16
Also friend zoned.

However having kept her contact she contacts me when she needs a professional opinion. Feel used in a way. The more I think about it the more I do not want to continue any relations with the other party.

I mean... in honest, you (I) am a nice person and if you want the other side to at least like you friend or beyond you cannot be borish and expect a good encounter.

The question rises. Why do I want to maintain relations after the reject if the prospects, not to get laid aside, but to have a relationship.

Could I not put that time in pursuit of someone new?
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Posted 4/14/16
Dis gonna B gud
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Posted 4/14/16

Awaken_Riceball_ wrote:

I wrote this because I get friend zone a lot because I have the nice guy persona; keep it simple.



No you don't.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DCdlpTSrLc
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Posted 4/14/16

gnxgen1 wrote:

If you're in the friendzone, you try. And if it doesn't pan out, move on. Weigh the value of the friendship and question if it really inspires you to be the best version of yourself you could possibly be, then apply the dynamics and what you learned on to the next girl/guy. Do not get caught up in the romanticized ideals. Life is too short to get frustrated about these things, while I don't condone substance abuse, a couple shots of whiskey amongst some brothers has always helped alleviate some of those lingering pains and sadness, it clears the sinuses too! Haha.



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Posted 4/14/16

Awaken_Riceball_ wrote:

The friend zone, the battle between both parties desires that leads to questionable emotions. I understand both sides, and I am looking towards to constructive opinionated feedback.

A guy confesses his romantic interest towards a female, and she rejects and wants to remain friends. The guy may decide to disappear from her life or need space away from her before accepting being just friends; on the other hand, the female, depending on the guy's reaction, may think he was "never" a friend to begin with due to being just a friend for an opportunity to date or accepts the guy's need for time way before continuing the friend on a comfortable level. In this basic scenario, if a female has the choice to reject a guy's romantic interest, then the guy has the choice to reject the female's continuing friendship interest; vice versa.

A step further into a deeper discussion. Once the rejection occurs, emotion stirs up for both whereas the guy feels uncomfortable being around her after the rejection. The female feels angry and mad about throwing away friendship because of rejection which eventually leads to the thought he or she was never a friend.

Let's take a moment to a discuss a friendship. A friendship is a mutual bond of similar interest , history (like childhood friends), common values, etc. In addition, there are various types of friendship such as the friend who you call to have a good time, the friend that shares your inner most thoughts (a best friend), the self-esteem friend that provides emotional support, the casual friend just someone to talk, hang out casually, and friends with benefits, etc. A friendship is similar to like a job that qualifies to meet a certain criteria. What codons a true friendship? Is it easier to think of a true friend of the same sex versus applying that same concept to the opposite sex?

Face it, rejection hurts emotionally; period either through romantic interest or lead on to believe was a friend, then disappears.

Discuss your thoughts.

---------------------------Extra---------------------------

I wrote this because I get friend zone a lot because I have the nice guy persona; keep it simple. I also provide the self-esteem and have fun friendship roles. I have been rejected, and I simply disappear or fade out. They get mad about why I would throw away friendship because of rejection? It is simply due to there are other friends to fulfill those roles, and I do not feel like providing all of her desires while I am left to suffer in an emotional way. Lastly, I have friends on understandable terms like we will never be romantically involved because of different religious beliefs, complete opposite personality, etc.



Bro, I feel for ya, and I desire to sit down one day and explain to a lot of people- "I've used be think we need to love and respect women as equals when I was 17, and within years of events of dealing with girls and trying to get them to like or love me pretty much kissing their ass for years and being highly mistreated and emotionally hurt , to the point one day, I said 'You know what? They're f*cking stupid and I don't see them as my equal anymore!"

And to this day girls have not changed, women still treat me with contempt now even when I tried to see them as my equal.

So whenever a girl is like "I'm not interested in you even though I flirted with you and maybe showed signs of liking you"
I respond "Yelp, oh well! Better results than to be with that girl right?"
Because If a girl is not willing to commit, then she don't care about you, your f*cking dead weight to her, so ignore her, make out as if she never existed.

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Posted 4/14/16 , edited 4/14/16


That is BS and after reading the comment section, it is proven that nice guys are stigmatized as being two face which greatly overshadows legitimate nice guys. When I mentioned in my original post that I have true friends that are completely opposite personality, it is because I acknowledge that beauty is not everything. I know myself worth simply by when I get that phone call about them being mad, and I ask, "What does my friendship mean to you?" I hang up when they struggle to find the words or go into complete silence trying to think. I rarely get a 2nd phone call afterwards.


AnimeKami wrote:

Also friend zoned.

However having kept her contact she contacts me when she needs a professional opinion. Feel used in a way. The more I think about it the more I do not want to continue any relations with the other party.

I mean... in honest, you (I) am a nice person and if you want the other side to at least like you friend or beyond you cannot be borish and expect a good encounter.

The question rises. Why do I want to maintain relations after the reject if the prospects, not to get laid aside, but to have a relationship.

Could I not put that time in pursuit of someone new?


Correct about feeling used in a way because I feel the same, and I will put an end to it because they see me as a tool with a special cover up known as "friends." Indeed, to counter act boredom, then need to find something in common to build upon before venturing into different likes for them to open up the door to explore. The answer to your question is what value do you see in the friendship that is worth keeping? It is a choice to stay or leave.

Think of it like a job opportunity. You qualify for the job, but you have no chance of climbing the ladder; therefore, do you want to stay in your current position or seek other opportunity where you qualify for the job, but they see something else in you known as potential to possibly exceed all their expectations? Again, it is a choice.


AzuroHeart wrote:

Bro, I feel for ya, and I desire to sit down one day and explain to a lot of people- "I've used be think we need to love and respect women as equals when I was 17, and within years of events of dealing with girls and trying to get them to like or love me pretty much kissing their ass for years and being highly mistreated and emotionally hurt , to the point one day, I said 'You know what? They're f*cking stupid and I don't see them as my equal anymore!"

And to this day girls have not changed, women still treat me with contempt now even when I tried to see them as my equal.

So whenever a girl is like "I'm not interested in you even though I flirted with you and maybe showed signs of liking you"
I respond "Yelp, oh well! Better results than to be with that girl right?"
Because If a girl is not willing to commit, then she don't care about you, your f*cking dead weight to her, so ignore her, make out as if she never existed.



Ah, you understand me pretty well; although, I did not say it in this context. I had females do the same thing that happened to you, and it took me several years to realize what category of friend zone I mean to her. Females would flirt, give signs, speak of romantic interest, give just a little bit, just enough to keep me around, then pull a plot twist to friend zone me. In other words, it is okay for them to treat me in that manner, then I return the favor, my interest are simply acknowledge, but ignored. When I completely disappear, then I am seen as the evil one who was never a friend.
Simply, I do not care for mind games but as you stated about being dead weight to her is the reason I remove the burden off of me. If I receive a phone call, then I will answer their questions honestly, but with simple answers to avoid exceptions which lead on a tangent. Lastly, the way I think, she existed in the past but no longer part of this present time.

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Posted 4/14/16 , edited 4/14/16
OP you aren't actually a 'nice guy', despite how often you say it. You clearly don't give nearly enough respect to the wishes of the women you associate with. Be happy being a friend. Respect that they don't find you date-able/fuck-able. Move on.

Now, go to the gym, read mind expanding literature, watch deep animu, buy some nice clothes and get used to wearing them. Get the hell out of the house and go meet girls. Buy into a dating service. Sign up on a dating website; spend time on that dating website. Read How to Date for Dummies (google it).

*edit, buy some product, put it on your face/hair, get a hair cut, shave/trim, put some care into your appearance.
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Posted 4/14/16

wingsofinsanity wrote:

OP you aren't actually a 'nice guy', despite how often you say it. You clearly don't give nearly enough respect to the wishes of the women you associate with. Be happy being a friend. Respect that they don't find you date-able/fuck-able. Move on.

Now, go to the gym, read mind expanding literature, watch deep animu, buy some nice clothes and get used to wearing them. Get the hell out of the house and go meet girls. Buy into a dating service. Sign up on a dating website; spend time on that dating website. Read How to Date for Dummies (google it).

*edit, buy some product, put it on your face/hair, get a hair cut, shave/trim, put some care into your appearance.


I respect your opinion, and I respect their wishes; however, I do "not" respect being mistreated because if I ask the question, "What does my friendship mean to you?" then I usually get silence, stutter, rage or simple answers. I have yet to get any answers that qualifies as "You can write a book about me," which my true friends are very capable of accomplishing. Furthermore, I am under no obligation to respect their wishes to continue being friends with them after rejection.

If more females took the initiative to confess their romantic interest to a guy that they find appealing to date and rejection occurs, then would we have a lot less friend zoning? A step further, a guy takes advantage of her to fulfill sexual desires, then plot twist to maintaining friends with benefit. Just a thought.

Lastly, the advice you gave me is something I already do, and how can one date if not given the opportunity?
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Posted 4/14/16

Awaken_Riceball_ wrote:



That is BS and after reading the comment section, it is proven that nice guys are stigmatized as being two face which greatly overshadows legitimate nice guys. When I mentioned in my original post that I have true friends that are completely opposite personality, it is because I acknowledge that beauty is not everything. I know myself worth simply by when I get that phone call about them being mad, and I ask, "What does my friendship mean to you?" I hang up when they struggle to find the words or go into complete silence trying to think. I rarely get a 2nd phone call afterwards.


AnimeKami wrote:

Also friend zoned.

However having kept her contact she contacts me when she needs a professional opinion. Feel used in a way. The more I think about it the more I do not want to continue any relations with the other party.

I mean... in honest, you (I) am a nice person and if you want the other side to at least like you friend or beyond you cannot be borish and expect a good encounter.

The question rises. Why do I want to maintain relations after the reject if the prospects, not to get laid aside, but to have a relationship.

Could I not put that time in pursuit of someone new?


Correct about feeling used in a way because I feel the same, and I will put an end to it because they see me as a tool with a special cover up known as "friends." Indeed, to counter act boredom, then need to find something in common to build upon before venturing into different likes for them to open up the door to explore. The answer to your question is what value do you see in the friendship that is worth keeping? It is a choice to stay or leave.

Think of it like a job opportunity. You qualify for the job, but you have no chance of climbing the ladder; therefore, do you want to stay in your current position or seek other opportunity where you qualify for the job, but they see something else in you known as potential to possibly exceed all their expectations? Again, it is a choice.


AzuroHeart wrote:

Bro, I feel for ya, and I desire to sit down one day and explain to a lot of people- "I've used be think we need to love and respect women as equals when I was 17, and within years of events of dealing with girls and trying to get them to like or love me pretty much kissing their ass for years and being highly mistreated and emotionally hurt , to the point one day, I said 'You know what? They're f*cking stupid and I don't see them as my equal anymore!"

And to this day girls have not changed, women still treat me with contempt now even when I tried to see them as my equal.

So whenever a girl is like "I'm not interested in you even though I flirted with you and maybe showed signs of liking you"
I respond "Yelp, oh well! Better results than to be with that girl right?"
Because If a girl is not willing to commit, then she don't care about you, your f*cking dead weight to her, so ignore her, make out as if she never existed.



Ah, you understand me pretty well; although, I did not say it in this context. I had females do the same thing that happened to you, and it took me several years to realize what category of friend zone I mean to her. Females would flirt, give signs, speak of romantic interest, give just a little bit, just enough to keep me around, then pull a plot twist to friend zone me. In other words, it is okay for them to treat me in that manner, then I return the favor, my interest are simply acknowledge, but ignored. When I completely disappear, then I am seen as the evil one who was never a friend.
Simply, I do not care for mind games but as you stated about being dead weight to her is the reason I remove the burden off of me. If I receive a phone call, then I will answer their questions honestly, but with simple answers to avoid exceptions which lead on a tangent. Lastly, the way I think, she existed in the past but no longer part of this present time.



I wonder how long will it take people to realize that females are not responsible nor respectful human beings.

Took me years.

Make your life easier, don't play their games, tell her if she's going to talk to you or eject her out of your life, you don't need that kind of poison.
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