Post Reply Unrequited Love
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31 / M / england
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Posted 4/23/16
So I recently started talking to this girl and I fell for her but she had a boyfriend. Her boyfriend cheated on her and she broke up with him. She was in a bad way emotionally. Now one of the top rules in trying to get a girl interested in you romantically is "do not be a shoulder to cry on" so I had to make a choice whether to help her emotionally or don't so I could potentially be with her. I chose to help her and sure enough she isn't interested in me romantically when it definitely felt like she would have been.
Did I do the right thing? because I feel I could have made her happier in the long run had I played it differently and obviously I don't feel great now.
Anyone else ever faced a similar situation?
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19 / M / east coast. Let t...
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Posted 4/23/16

quaser666 wrote:

So I recently started talking to this girl and I fell for her but she had a boyfriend. Her boyfriend cheated on her and she broke up with him. She was in a bad way emotionally. Now one of the top rules in trying to get a girl interested in you romantically is "do not be a shoulder to cry on" so I had to make a choice whether to help her emotionally or don't so I could potentially be with her. I chose to help her and sure enough she isn't interested in me romantically when it definitely felt like she would have been.
Did I do the right thing? because I feel I could have made her happier in the long run had I played it differently and obviously I don't feel great now.
Anyone else ever faced a similar situation?


I think you're overthinking it. You did what you thought was right. That's what's matters. You did fine. Who can really know if she would have been interested in you. If she was, you could have just been a rebound and you would've gotten hurt. Who can know really?
Someone else could be out there for you just waiting.
Posted 4/23/16
You're either a prospect to be romantically involved with or not from the very first day you met her. Looks like it was a not this time.
Posted 4/23/16

Hail_King_Kakao wrote:

You're either a prospect to be romantically involved with or not from the very first day you met her. Looks like it was a not this time.


here here
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Posted 4/23/16
Ok,you gave it a shot as a nice guy. So put a bit of distance between you,(without being a jerk [though that does work occasionally] and see if she comes to you), if not move on.
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8500 / F / Apollo...
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Posted 4/23/16
She probably wasn't interested in you romantically in the first place. Either you are going to have to be a bit more persistent and Frank about it, or let it go. But, if she's uncomfortable with your advances, don't push it. Also, don't end up being a doormat. Don't comfort her all the time, because she won't see that as a romantically-intended gesture or, if she does, she knows she can cry to you all the time. You don't want to start a relationship with someone based on crying, whining, and negative thoughts.
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Posted 4/23/16 , edited 4/23/16
Many, many, many years ago I was in your situation. Girl was treated poorly, and cheated on. I really liked her and the same scenario played out. I comforted her thinking that I would win her heart. She was emotionally unstable at the time due to her previous relationship. I don't want to bore you with the specifies but here is some advice which worked in my favor.

If you are truly her friend you will continue to support her. Put the other feelings aside for now. Give her space to get over her current relationship. If she notices that you are only supporting her to be with her romantically, there is a possibility she will not allow you into her heart.

Women "usually" are more emotionally invested into a relationship.

In time she will eventually come to a point that she is willing to move on "hopefully" and that is when you should step forward and attempt to win her heart over. If she likes you, she will advance. Some women also take time, work and effort to build up a emotional connection.

If things aren't moving in the pace that you want over time, keep cool and just let her be for a while. Find other friends, potential prospects. If she values you as a person, friend, etc... She will come back. Women are like that.

Good luck mate.
Posted 4/23/16

VividDreamZ wrote:

Many, many, many years ago I was in your situation. Girl was treated poorly, and cheated on. I really liked her and the same scenario played out. I comforted her thinking that I would win her heart. She was emotionally unstable at the time due to her previous relationship. I don't want to bore you with the specifies but here is some advice which worked in my favor.

If you are truly her friend you will continue to support her. Put the other feelings aside for now. Give her space to get over her current relationship. If she notices that you are only supporting her to be with her romantically, there is a possibility she will not allow you into her heart.

Women "usually" are more emotionally invested into a relationship.

In time she will eventually come to a point that she is willing to move on "hopefully" and that is when you should step forward and attempt to win her heart over. If she likes you, she will advance. Some women also take time, work and effort to build up a emotional connection.

If things aren't moving in the pace that you want over time, keep cool and just let her be for a while. Find other friends, potential prospects. If she values you as a person, friend, etc... She will come back. Women are like that.

Good luck mate.


here here
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21 / F / Southern US
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Posted 4/23/16
As people have said, usually a romantic possibility is determined right from the beginning. Some things can change a mind and make someone interested later, but that isn't quite as common, from my experiences. Her being uninterested you in that way most likely isn't determined by such singular decisions you've made, and at the same time it isn't necessarily a failing on your part.

I've been the shoulder to cry on for many people, and many of those people went on to be girlfriends of mine. I don't think being emotionally supportive in any way prohibits a romantic relationship later on, and more over I think that is a scapegoat for people to pin their romantic failings on. Sometimes you get the girl, sometimes you don't - that's just how it is. These things are complex, and any solid rules you hear about it are often fairly wrong.

You supported her emotionally, and that is a wonderful thing to do. You don't know what may have happened had things gone differently, had she been interested in you - it sucks, I know, but the best thing to do is to just find satisfaction in being in her life and being someone she can count on.
Posted 4/23/16

Schmooples wrote:

As people have said, usually a romantic possibility is determined right from the beginning. Some things can change a mind and make someone interested later, but that isn't quite as common, from my experiences. Her being uninterested you in that way most likely isn't determined by such singular decisions you've made, and at the same time it isn't necessarily a failing on your part.

I've been the shoulder to cry on for many people, and many of those people went on to be girlfriends of mine. I don't think being emotionally supportive in any way prohibits a romantic relationship later on, and more over I think that is a scapegoat for people to pin their romantic failings on. Sometimes you get the girl, sometimes you don't - that's just how it is. These things are complex, and any solid rules you hear about it are often fairly wrong.

You supported her emotionally, and that is a wonderful thing to do. You don't know what may have happened had things gone differently, had she been interested in you - it sucks, I know, but the best thing to do is to just find satisfaction in being in her life and being someone she can count on.


here here
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21 / Australia
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Posted 4/23/16
Sounds complicated.
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24 / F / Daly City, Califo...
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Posted 4/23/16
its hard to have unrequited love though for me coz you don't have the right for him you love him secretly he didn't love you back and you hurt when you got jealous
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23 / M / Ohio
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Posted 4/24/16
So you want love advice from an online forum dedicated to people who are mostly... not so great at relationships? Get better at being aggressive and manipulative, I hear women like that in men.
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