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Post Reply "I’m tired of suppressing myself to get along with white people"
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Posted 4/24/16 , edited 4/24/16

D4nc3Style wrote:


Then it happened. The nightmarish response.

“What’s happening in Ferguson?” one of my white roommates asked. “I heard some kid got shot or something like that.”

The words clamored in my ears. How could he not know? Weren’t his Twitter, Instagram and Facebook feeds flooded with opinions and hashtags?


Because people should always get their information from twitter, instagram, facebook and hastags... Her whole reasoning behind all this is completely insane.


You read a thoughtful personal essay that reveals some of the complexities of race relations, and that's what you take away from it?

As is too often the case I feel I don't have the time to try to explain something that so many users here seem to have no interest in even trying to understand. And I feel a bit guilty about that. So for now I'm just going to say that I don't understand why when it comes to issues of race and other social justice issues there seems to be so much shallow reading, and so little willingness to listen to and try to understand points of view and experiences that are different from one's own.
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Posted 4/24/16
To be honest, I do not give a damn if I get along with anybody of any race. I am who I am and you can accept me "warts and all" or do not associate me. It is just that damn simple. I am not going to change myself for people to like me or to get along better with anyone, in my opinion that is shallow and relationships built like that are fake.
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Posted 4/24/16
People worry way too much about what other people think about them. If you're always angry and/or complaining about some hardship or drama in your life, other people will naturally try to avoid you. These days it has far more to do with the quality of your character than the color of your skin, when it comes to how others interact with you. Blaming the color of your skin is just an easy excuse.

America is full of many successful people of all races, religions and creed. Maybe someone had help from their family or friends getting where they are. Maybe it doesn't seem fair... nobody said life was going to be fair though. Most people get what they have from working hard and being smart and risking failure.

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Posted 4/24/16 , edited 4/24/16
I'm actually a bit perplexed with this post for a reason. When she speaks about the case to her roommate she sees it as a black crime white people just don't understand, If I were to speak to her on Jeffrey Dahmer or even John Wayne Gacy I wouldn't think of it as a "white case" no black person would understand. A crime is a crime and a criminal is a criminal no matter what race, religion, sex or nationality he/she is. Even when seeing it as a fault in herself she still continues to look down on that roommate with a chip on her shoulder. She's right in taking a look into herself but to continue to bring a color barrier into the equation will never grant her the correct answer. I tend to doubt her Chinese roommate brought up Tiananmen Square at this meet and greet.
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Posted 4/24/16 , edited 4/24/16
Okay, D4nce, what new threat of political correctness must we all be aware of today?....Tell us, O guardian of the watchtower!

Basically, she spent eight paragraphs saying "Why should I have to act differently for other people? They should care about the issues I care about, but they can't, because race!"

It's actually more likely you'd get that sentiment from a newly-independent college student than a 4-yo.


I was tired of catering to everyone else’s comforts. How much of my day-to-day experiences as a black woman do I have to filter?
...
I guess some white people do act “real vanilla” and only understand the realities of their own universe.


(Y'know, puns about "pots" and "kettles" would just be SO easy, right now, inappropriate or not...)
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27 / M / Louisville, KY
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Posted 4/24/16 , edited 4/24/16
So someone went off on a long tangent because their roommate didn't know what exactly happened in Ferguson? Not everyone uses Facebook, Twitter, etc. The only sites I use are Crunchyroll and YouTube. I joined Facebook because someone I know wanted me to but it only lasted a day and I never returned. When Facebook banned fake profiles I deleted the account altogether but I still get spam from Facebook asking if I want to return (no you disabled my account because of the name you morons!). I'm probably an uncommon internet user though, I'm not sure how many are like me who don't use any social media. I actually on this site got tired of all the social media crap around here that I use Ad Block to hide the social media sections because I don't like that stuff. I actively avoid that type of thing.
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Posted 4/24/16

Metazoxan wrote:


Nogara-san wrote:

the only problem I have is that she assumes everyone gets news from social media. Otherwise....*shrugs* So? There's nothing wrong with wanting to express herself. If it offends people...*shrugs* that's on them.

Though I dont buy the fact that her roommate didn't know about Ferguson/Michael Brown....come on now, that shit was all over the place: news, papers, internet....


Some people don't care or don't have time to pay attention to the news. And her roomate did know SOMETHING happened he/she just hadn't really looked into the details.

Like me I don't know much about that case because.... well I don't care. It has nothing to do with me and there is already so much hype my voice won't count for shit.

On the other hand I'm a collage student and have other things to do than get wrapped up in a news story I have zero control over.



Also it sound like it's less about her supressing her "blackness" and more about her just conforming herself to majority standards in general like pretending to care about actors and pop stars.

There is a difference between the two and it would help her if she realized that a bit more. For example I'm white and I couldn't give less of a damn about whatever celeb couple is breaking up.... again (seriously last time I went to Wallmart I clanced at the magazine rack at the check out and litterally every magazine had some divorce as the cover page... ALL OF THEM!!!) and if you ask me what I think about a pop star I'll say "meh!" and best and at worst I'll hate them because I'm so sick of people mindlessly gushing over them when they aren't even good (aka Justin Beiber).

Or saying hello instead of "hey girl"... I'm pretty sure no one would even care if she did the latter but she chose to force herself to do the former since it's what everyone else did. But again that's less about suppressing blackness and more just conforming to standards. The reason this distinction is important is if you over emphasize race then you make the issue worse than it is.

While it's true there are some behavior or habits that certain groups tend to follow. But they don't define the group they are merely a part of it.

The other problem with the way she's looking at this is she'll never be able to get along with white people if she keeps acting like she has to surpess her "blackness" in order to do so. It makes it sound like white people are some alien group that you need to adapt to instead of just another group of people who maybe have different habits and interests from you.



Even if you didn't really invest any time into the Ferguson story....I mean, it was all over the newspapers and magazines. That's what I meant...
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Posted 4/24/16 , edited 4/24/16
What a faggot she is such a raging racist and a moron. While she is being stupid the Chinese student is in a foreign land with completely different customs, laws, and ways of thinking.
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Posted 4/24/16
"I started to worry about all the other things I might have to explain: My hair, the food I eat, why I like Miles Davis, Nina Simone and Marvin Gaye."

This part just floored me. White people have different types of hair, and they eat all kinds of food. Are other races not allowed to like Miles Davis, Nina Simone, and Marvin Gaye? This literally just doesn't even make sense. I bet she doesn't even listen to Ella Fitzgerald or Billie Holiday.
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Posted 4/24/16

Rujikin wrote:

What a faggot she is such a raging racist and a moron. While she is being stupid the Chinese student is in a foreign land with completely different customs, laws, and ways of thinking.


I didn't even think about that LOL, he may not want to come back depending on how the year goes
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Posted 4/24/16
Come now; the average white person is not going to understand the experience of the average black person in our culture. White privilege is a real thing. What's more, the author of this realizes that it's not something all white people are out to "get" her for; she says our ignorance is unintentional.

I hope she's able to engage her friends with this aspect of herself. Also, this is correct:


PrinceJudar wrote:

I know a lot of people that have irrational fears that make them not want to potentially discomfort others in conversation. You could pretty much ask anyone that's experienced social anxiety.

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Posted 4/24/16 , edited 4/24/16

auroraloose wrote:

Come now; the average white person is not going to understand the experience of the average black person in our culture. White privilege is a real thing. What's more, the author of this realizes that it's not something all white people are out to "get" her for; she says our ignorance is unintentional.

I hope she's able to engage her friends with this aspect of herself. Also, this is correct:





Yeap, totally different school systems and everything.
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Posted 4/24/16

VZ68 wrote:


auroraloose wrote:

Come now; the average white person is not going to understand the experience of the average black person in our culture. White privilege is a real thing. What's more, the author of this realizes that it's not something all white people are out to "get" her for; she says our ignorance is unintentional.

I hope she's able to engage her friends with this aspect of herself. Also, this is correct:





Yeap, totally different school systems and everything.


did you have a V8 today,VZ68?
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Posted 4/24/16 , edited 4/24/16
Let the hypocrisy continue:

I met my new roommates on Craigslist. Two white, one Chinese. Together we represented Portland, Florida, China and (with me) D.C., and as we moved into our apartment in Bed-Stuy last fall, I was excited for the potential of cross-cultural exchange.


Yes: Her curiosity about other races, cultures and ethnicities exudes from every paragraph, and her excitement about cultural exploration is an inspiration to all.
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Posted 4/24/16 , edited 4/24/16

lorreen wrote:


D4nc3Style wrote:


Then it happened. The nightmarish response.

“What’s happening in Ferguson?” one of my white roommates asked. “I heard some kid got shot or something like that.”

The words clamored in my ears. How could he not know? Weren’t his Twitter, Instagram and Facebook feeds flooded with opinions and hashtags?


Because people should always get their information from twitter, instagram, facebook and hastags... Her whole reasoning behind all this is completely insane.


You read a thoughtful personal essay that reveals some of the complexities of race relations, and that's what you take away from it?

As is too often the case I feel I don't have the time to try to explain something that so many users here seem to have no interest in even trying to understand. And I feel a bit guilty about that. So for now I'm just going to say that I don't understand why when it comes to issues of race and other social justice issues there seems to be so much shallow reading, and so little willingness to listen to and try to understand points of view and experiences that are different from one's own.


I don't think the specific matters appearing in the essay are very complex.

There's the "not knowing or dealing with something unless it hits close to home". Such is human nature. I am not trivializing the reaction/non-reaction, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

There were several unprovoked killings of Chinese people (some are elderly, who had no chance of defending themselves by running away) by blacks in a nearby city. For someone who isn't Chinese, this wouldn't really hit all that close to home- It would be forgotten perhaps minutes after the "oh man, it's too bad what happened."

If me being scared of even going to that town makes me racist, then so be it.

The author is surrounded by people who she couldn't relate with. She could try finding more people she could relate with, and she did. I'm not sure just how much expectations she or anyone carries in terms of others being able to relate to her isolation. To me, what the author needs is a bigger support group. Anymore than that is expecting a bit much. That's the harsh reality.

Edit: Kung Fooled https://youtu.be/pN8E8L5c9WI
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Posted 4/24/16

neugenx wrote:

I'm actually a bit perplexed with this post for a reason. When she speaks about the case to her roommate she sees it as a black crime white people just don't understand, If I were to speak to her on Jeffrey Dahmer or even John Wayne Gacy I wouldn't think of it as a "white case" no black person would understand. A crime is a crime and a criminal is a criminal no matter what race, religion, sex or nationality he/she is. Even when seeing it as a fault in herself she still continues to look down on that roommate with a chip on her shoulder. She's right in taking a look into herself but to continue to bring a color barrier into the equation will never grant her the correct answer. I tend to doubt her Chinese roommate brought up Tiananmen Square at this meet and greet.

Exactly. It's good she's self analyzing herself and sees a problem but she's missing the real problem with her whole outlook. The reason she gets so upset and "represses" herself is she's putting color barriers up where they don't need to be. What does color have to do with liking certain foods? Name one food that ONLY black people eat or at least where like 80% of people who eat it are black. Name one actor or pop singer only black people like. None of this has ANYTHING to do with race and the fact she thinks it does is her real problem.


auroraloose wrote:

Come now; the average white person is not going to understand the experience of the average black person in our culture. White privilege is a real thing. What's more, the author of this realizes that it's not something all white people are out to "get" her for; she says our ignorance is unintentional.

I hope she's able to engage her friends with this aspect of herself. Also, this is correct:


PrinceJudar wrote:

I know a lot of people that have irrational fears that make them not want to potentially discomfort others in conversation. You could pretty much ask anyone that's experienced social anxiety.



two things

1. White privilage has never really helped me with squat. Yeah no one pushes me around for being white really but no one really helps me either. People shove this "White Privilage" in our faces like we have so many benefits and we owe other ethnic groups something. But we don't really. Are these still racist assholes out there? yes of course. But when people mention "white Privilage" they aren't talking about not dealing with those people occasionally. They are talking like we get all the benefits and we want for nothing in life.

Statistically we may deal with a bit less crap due to people here and there being at least a little racist. But that's about it at least from my experience. Never has anyone given me much of anything just for being white.

Now I'm not pretending we don't ever have advantages but it's not as big of a gap as some people act like and it's definitely not such a big gap that it's like we're incapable of understanding them at all. The biggest problem is people keep forcing race into issues that aren't related to it at all.

2.It's not about us not understanding her experiences. She's talking like we're practically different species who have nothing is common. Like we eat completely different good or like completely different actors with absolutely no overlap and she's talking like something would happen if she revealed she is into "black people things".

But while a lot of black people may tend to have slightly different interests and ways of thinking due to how they were raised it's not more different than a japanese, chinese, or british person compared to the average white American.

People from different cultures will have different likes, eating habits, and ways of thinking. There is no need to bring "blackness" into it as if being black is especially different from being from ANY culture or race.
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