Preview "Angel By the River Part One" Planning phanses
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Posted 4/25/16
"Angel by the river part one" so far is about a man who is a loyal warrior to an empire, who hears his sister has fallen sick and had gone to visit her and seeing her, he desires to find a cure.
He later hears that men saw a Fairy like woman by the Secret River Cave, and he seeks out what was described to him, but later he meets this mysterious person and it turns out is a Male Angel waiting for him.

This is still in the Planning phases so it'll be some time xD
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Posted 4/25/16 , edited 4/25/16
Hmm, cant really say much about the plot. However here's a friendly heads up: you need to improve the way you write. If you read that paragraph above, it sounds like your explanation written ad verbatim. For example: the sentences have too much information each; you could make at least double the amount of sentences.

How you like this version?

The story of "Angel by the River: Part One", so far, centers around a warrior, loyal to his empire. This man comes to hear the news of his sickened sister, which prompts him to immediately start the search for a cure. Soon after, the warrior overhear some men, talking about a fair-like woman that has been sighted by the Secret River Cave. The protagonist seeks out this fabled figure, only to find a mysterious male angel awaiting him.
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Posted 4/25/16

DViper15 wrote:

Hmm, cant really say much about the plot. However here's a friendly heads up: you need to improve the way you write. If you read that paragraph above, it sounds like your explanation written ad verbatim. For example: the sentences have too much information each; you could make at least double the amount of sentences.

How you like this version?

The story of "Angel by the River: Part One", so far, centers around a warrior, loyal to his empire. This man comes to hear the news of his sickened sister, which prompts him to immediately start the search for a cure. Soon after, the warrior overhear some men, talking about a fair-like woman that has been sighted by the Secret River Cave. The protagonist seeks out this fabled figure, only to find a mysterious male angel awaiting him.


I actually couldn't say the whole thing because whatever I was saying the Website blocked me from saying it... I'm not joking plus I'm getting sleepy so I'll fix it later xD
Dragon
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Posted 4/26/16

AzuroHeart wrote:


DViper15 wrote:

Hmm, cant really say much about the plot. However here's a friendly heads up: you need to improve the way you write. If you read that paragraph above, it sounds like your explanation written ad verbatim. For example: the sentences have too much information each; you could make at least double the amount of sentences.

How you like this version?

The story of "Angel by the River: Part One", so far, centers around a warrior, loyal to his empire. This man comes to hear the news of his sickened sister, which prompts him to immediately start the search for a cure. Soon after, the warrior overhear some men, talking about a fair-like woman that has been sighted by the Secret River Cave. The protagonist seeks out this fabled figure, only to find a mysterious male angel awaiting him.


I actually couldn't say the whole thing because whatever I was saying the Website blocked me from saying it... I'm not joking plus I'm getting sleepy so I'll fix it later xD


Just saw your report about this, and closed it for you. Feel free to post again! You heard how to fix it, right? If not, please PM me, I'm pretty sure beardfist had a solution (or at least an avoidance of the problem).
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