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Post Reply Why are people with high self esteem so hated?
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37 / F / Portland, Oregon
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Posted 4/27/16 , edited 4/28/16

qualeshia3 wrote:


dramamama79 wrote:

I have never really known of people with high self-esteem to be hated. Maybe they are envied to some degree. Narcissism and self-absorption will definitely not win you any friends, but I personally find high self-esteem to be a good quality in others. I consider high self-esteem to be healthy and beneficial. We all deserve to feel secure with ourselves


It can happen but it's possibly jealousy.


Yes I think that sometimes a person who is struggling to feel comfortable in their own skin can become overly jealous or envious of those who seem to naturally accept themselves and have higher self-esteem. It is hard to understand how someone can be so self accepting and comfortable if we are still unable to do so, but everyone grows and learns at their own pace. It was not until I turned 30 that I finally accepted who I was and learned to love what I was given. My 30s have been the hardest, but best years for me so far
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25 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 4/27/16 , edited 4/28/16

dramamama79 wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:


dramamama79 wrote:

I have never really known of people with high self-esteem to be hated. Maybe they are envied to some degree. Narcissism and self-absorption will definitely not win you any friends, but I personally find high self-esteem to be a good quality in others. I consider high self-esteem to be healthy and beneficial. We all deserve to feel secure with ourselves


It can happen but it's possibly jealousy.


Yes I think that sometimes a person who is struggling to feel comfortable in their own skin can become overly jealous or envious of those who seem to naturally accept themselves and have higher self-esteem. It is hard to understand how someone can be so self accepting and comfortable if we are still unable to do so, but everyone grows and learns at their own pace. It was not until I turned 30 that I finally accepted who I was and learned to love what I was given. My 30s have been the hardest, but best years for me so far :)


Glad to hear it.
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37 / F / Portland, Oregon
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Posted 4/27/16 , edited 4/28/16

qualeshia3 wrote:


dramamama79 wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:


dramamama79 wrote:

I have never really known of people with high self-esteem to be hated. Maybe they are envied to some degree. Narcissism and self-absorption will definitely not win you any friends, but I personally find high self-esteem to be a good quality in others. I consider high self-esteem to be healthy and beneficial. We all deserve to feel secure with ourselves


It can happen but it's possibly jealousy.


Yes I think that sometimes a person who is struggling to feel comfortable in their own skin can become overly jealous or envious of those who seem to naturally accept themselves and have higher self-esteem. It is hard to understand how someone can be so self accepting and comfortable if we are still unable to do so, but everyone grows and learns at their own pace. It was not until I turned 30 that I finally accepted who I was and learned to love what I was given. My 30s have been the hardest, but best years for me so far :)


Glad to hear it.


I would imagine you have more self confidence and acceptance than you realize as well You are always sharing your work and character creations with us. That takes a lot to put yourself out there like that. I admire your ability to do this. I have not even worked up the nerve to post any of my art haha.
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47 / M / Auburn, Washington
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Posted 4/27/16 , edited 4/28/16
Fundamental attribution error.

Human beings believe that they achieve good things themselves through good judgment and proper behaviour, while bad things are caused by an unjust universe, a rigged system, or other people's sabotage.

But they believe other people achieve good things through luck and exploitation, while bad things are caused by their own bad judgment and improper behaviour.

If you have high self-esteem, it means you place more importance on your own beliefs - that your judgment is good and your behaviour is proper and this causes good things for you - than you do on other people's beliefs, that you just got lucky because the system is rigged in your favour and you're probably cheating anyway.

People don't hate you for having high self-esteem. They hate you for not believing what they believe about you, which is kind of like calling them stupid and wrong. So you can solve the problem through simple self-deprecation: claim that your successes are just luck, while accepting responsibility for failures as being your own fault.

Of course, you can still believe that you succeed through hard work and fail because of circumstances outside your control. You're going to believe that anyway. You just don't say it out loud.
Posted 4/27/16 , edited 4/28/16
They're not. Confidence is attractive.

Most people are the opposite. They hate people with low self esteem for being depressing and crap
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Posted 4/27/16 , edited 4/28/16
I believe they say that confidence and arrogance are two sides of the same coin. And there is an even finer line between being confident and cocky.

You're never going to please everybody, but I guess it is important to know what people think of you in general.
Posted 4/27/16 , edited 4/28/16

TotalQuirk wrote:

They're not. Confidence is attractive.

Most people are the opposite. They hate people with low self esteem for being depressing and crap


Confidence in excess is not attractive, its disgusting. If you can't handle someone having a hard time then you don't deserve them. :/

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25 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 4/28/16 , edited 4/28/16

TotalQuirk wrote:

They're not. Confidence is attractive.

Most people are the opposite. They hate people with low self esteem for being depressing and crap


Then you must hate me for I have low self esteem.
Posted 4/28/16 , edited 4/28/16

Yume_Mirai wrote:


TotalQuirk wrote:

They're not. Confidence is attractive.

Most people are the opposite. They hate people with low self esteem for being depressing and crap


Confidence in excess is not attractive, its disgusting. If you can't handle someone having a hard time then you don't deserve them. :/



Oh, I know that too much confidence is bad, in some cases. Look at Donald Trump.

Personally I don't hate people with low self-esteem. I've been there. But a lot of people seem to have that opinion.
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Posted 5/1/16
My descriptive powers aren't the best but here goes...


You don't hate them you hate the fact that you can't be like them. More to the point you hate your own inability to do something someone else can...blah blah blah people are so damb stupid the way the brain works it's just eh so much fun messing with them.
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37 / M / So. Cal
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Posted 5/1/16
serial killers and other sociopaths tend to have high self esteem. Everything is a double edged sword
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20 / M
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Posted 5/1/16
Various reasons. Some people hate those with high self- esteem because of envy, but high self-esteems tends to come with surprisingly dangerous flaws like ignorance, irresponsibility, too much noise, etc.
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31 / M / Whale Island
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Posted 5/2/16

dramamama79 wrote:

I have never really known of people with high self-esteem to be hated. Maybe they are envied to some degree. Narcissism and self-absorption will definitely not win you any friends, but I personally find high self-esteem to be a good quality in others. I consider high self-esteem to be healthy and beneficial. We all deserve to feel secure with ourselves


You made this easy for me because i totally agree with you.
We all have good and bad days and when someone is having a good day sometimes it can rub off on someone who isn't and give them a little lift. For example one well placed smile or compliment can make someones day.
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27 / F / Nirn
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Posted 5/2/16
I had a personal experience with something similar to the question.

I'm a cheerful, happy person and it's rare for me to be the opposite of that. I also do some volunteer work and I have a lot of confidence in myself to go out and do the things that make me happy. There was a blog that I had and got harassed by this young woman constantly, who assumed I was such a fake person for my attitude, positive outlook on life, and my optimism. She trolled me for months, stole some of the content on my blog, and would tell people to go out of their way to ruin my page.

Eventually I sent her a message. It wasn't filled with hatred, and was written rather professionally. I wanted to know why she took that much time out of her life to put me down in the degree that she did. She replied with an apology and I was stunned to find out that she was envious of the things I did. Apparently her boyfriend found my blog first and he said that my content was "cool" which made her feel envious about where she was at with her own life. She did offer to be friends after.
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37 / F / Portland, Oregon
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Posted 5/2/16

Cute_Joshy wrote:


dramamama79 wrote:

I have never really known of people with high self-esteem to be hated. Maybe they are envied to some degree. Narcissism and self-absorption will definitely not win you any friends, but I personally find high self-esteem to be a good quality in others. I consider high self-esteem to be healthy and beneficial. We all deserve to feel secure with ourselves


You made this easy for me because i totally agree with you.
We all have good and bad days and when someone is having a good day sometimes it can rub off on someone who isn't and give them a little lift. For example one well placed smile or compliment can make someones day.


I knew there was a reason we get a long so well :)

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