Getting over him?
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21 / F / Canada
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Posted 4/28/16 , edited 4/28/16
This a bit touche but I ended 4 year relationship. I feel extremely bad about it. As cliche as this sounds, I didn't realized how much I missed it until I ended it.

Also, when I recently, I've talked over things about our relationship. There were some little things in my personality that got on his nerves and he didn't perceive it as cute anymore. He think it's unfair that I should change myself to make it work. So, it's impossible to get back together since he grew apart from me. Hence, he fell out of love.

Lately, I've been feeling miserably and I can't stop thinking about it. I randomly start crying and feeling remorse at the weirdest time intervals.

I don't regret the time I've spent with this person but at same time I want to forget it all since it fkin hurts so much.

I don't know how to get over it and I feel like I don't think I ever will cause he was legitimately a good guy.

Any advice dealing with this would help? Thanks a bunch, guys.
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Posted 4/28/16
Given my dating history I'm definitely not the sort of person who should give advice, but what the hell, here goes...

Remember that you're still quite young, so while this relationship may not have worked out, there may be better opportunities around the corner. Positive thinking and all that.

Even if things are amicable and you're still friends, try to avoid him for a bit. By that I mean don't seek to hang out or call, text him, etc. for a while. Time heals all wounds, as they say, and some time off should help you distance yourself emotionally from the breakup. Also try to avoid things that trigger strong memories - i.e. movies or songs you both listened to, restaurants you'd go to together, that kind of thing.

In the interim, try to still get out and do things. Spending time with your friends is good, but it doesn't have to involve other people. You could take up hiking, go to a salon, or go window shopping or whatever. Just try to keep yourself from sitting around feeling miserable. Ideally things that are enjoyable and will also help make sure you keep taking care of yourself (i.e. maintaining a proper diet, hygiene, etc.) so you don't fall into a spiral of depression.
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19 / M / Hamilton, ON, Canada
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Posted 4/28/16 , edited 4/28/16
Writing helps. You already took the first step and wrote about what the issue is.

I found what helped me out is writing poems for example. Take all your emotions and put it into something poetic. Also a lot of musicians write music based on their experiences and what they've felt.
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52 / M / Bay Area
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Posted 4/28/16
Don't listen to music for awhile. I was in a long relationship 15 years and she fell out of love. What helped me was joining a gym and started Mountain biking. The physical grind just forced my body to feel better and being outside really helps as well sun produces vitamins you need and cant get staying in bed or online all day. I still get emotional seeing couples holding hands or doing public displays of affection but I am stronger and feel healthy plus you need to get back out there so make him feel remorse by looking good physically
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Posted 4/28/16
I once got depressed (not for the same reason, I lost a very very close family member) and thought it was my fault for a very long time. All I wanted was to be left alone, I didn't want to talk to anyone, and I was like that for like a month. Music helped my a lot but also what made me overcome the situation was a friend.

Trying get over it yourself is impossible because you're not thinking straight. You need someone who has been watching the situation from the outside. For me it was my bro, without him god know what would've happen to me. And the only way I got over it was by changing. I couldn't have keep being the same person because he was always depressed so I changed, decided to become a new person, that wouldn't cry, that going to be better than the other guy, that would stay strong for his family.

I've never been on a relationship that long and you should probably not take this advice, but I hope it helps.
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48 / M / New England, USA
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Posted 4/28/16
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It honestly can be just as painful as someone dying at times (due to the relationship itself taking life over the years as a shared creation). You'll hear friends telling you to "jump right back on the horse you fell off of and "find a new boyfriend as quickly as possible" or even "just get yourself laid and you'll be over him". For the record, all three are bad pieces of advice. Rebounds can be just as painful and hurtful to both parties involved or in the worst case just to you. Go at your own pace. Grieve at your own pace. Heal at your own pace. Then when you're strong enough, try again. It's easy to find "the one" but unfortunately if both parties are growing up and changing they just may not be "the one" in the end. There will be another "the one" out there for you, just take your time looking and either you'll find him or he'll find you.

For now do what others here suggest, find things you enjoy, friends to enjoy them with, maybe even a new hobby you've been interested in trying out. I agree with the music suggestion above as well but for the time being invest in fun, upbeat music that's sure not to bring back memories of the relationship (for me it was Dr, Demento, Weird Al and Bob Rivers ).
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Posted 4/28/16

Daisuki-Suki wrote:

This a bit touche but I ended 4 year relationship. I feel extremely bad about it. As cliche as this sounds, I didn't realized how much I missed it until I ended it.

Also, when I recently, I've talked over things about our relationship. There were some little things in my personality that got on his nerves and he didn't perceive it as cute anymore. He think it's unfair that I should change myself to make it work. So, it's impossible to get back together since he grew apart from me. Hence, he fell out of love.

Lately, I've been feeling miserably and I can't stop thinking about it. I randomly start crying and feeling remorse at the weirdest time intervals.

I don't regret the time I've spent with this person but at same time I want to forget it all since it fkin hurts so much.

I don't know how to get over it and I feel like I don't think I ever will cause he was legitimately a good guy.

Any advice dealing with this would help? Thanks a bunch, guys.


Anime.. Lots of anime talking with somebody maybe once a week about it would help
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21 / F / Canada
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Posted 4/28/16 , edited 4/28/16

iriomote wrote:

Given my dating history I'm definitely not the sort of person who should give advice, but what the hell, here goes...

Remember that you're still quite young, so while this relationship may not have worked out, there may be better opportunities around the corner. Positive thinking and all that.

Even if things are amicable and you're still friends, try to avoid him for a bit. By that I mean don't seek to hang out or call, text him, etc. for a while. Time heals all wounds, as they say, and some time off should help you distance yourself emotionally from the breakup. Also try to avoid things that trigger strong memories - i.e. movies or songs you both listened to, restaurants you'd go to together, that kind of thing.

In the interim, try to still get out and do things. Spending time with your friends is good, but it doesn't have to involve other people. You could take up hiking, go to a salon, or go window shopping or whatever. Just try to keep yourself from sitting around feeling miserable. Ideally things that are enjoyable and will also help make sure you keep taking care of yourself (i.e. maintaining a proper diet, hygiene, etc.) so you don't fall into a spiral of depression.


Thank you, this was wonderful advice. He's my best friend so it's been quite hard cutting off ties straightaway. I don't want to lose a good friend though since he's the only reliable person in my life where I can console my problems with. However, I can always strengthen my other friendships ^^,


xX_Dave_Xx wrote:

Writing helps. You already took the first step and wrote about what the issue is.

I found what helped me out is writing poems for example. Take all your emotions and put it into something poetic. Also a lot of musicians write music based on their experiences and what they've felt.


Thank you, I'm not the most poetic person but I'll give it try ^^.


scoobydew wrote:

Don't listen to music for awhile. I was in a long relationship 15 years and she fell out of love. What helped me was joining a gym and started Mountain biking. The physical grind just forced my body to feel better and being outside really helps as well sun produces vitamins you need and cant get staying in bed or online all day. I still get emotional seeing couples holding hands or doing public displays of affection but I am stronger and feel healthy plus you need to get back out there so make him feel remorse by looking good physically


LOL, I don't think it's possible for me to get more physically good looking since I'm already in shape But that's a wonderful idea.


LubbockNR wrote:

I once got depressed (not for the same reason, I lost a very very close family member) and thought it was my fault for a very long time. All I wanted was to be left alone, I didn't want to talk to anyone, and I was like that for like a month. Music helped my a lot but also what made me overcome the situation was a friend.

Trying get over it yourself is impossible because you're not thinking straight. You need someone who has been watching the situation from the outside. For me it was my bro, without him god know what would've happen to me. And the only way I got over it was by changing. I couldn't have keep being the same person because he was always depressed so I changed, decided to become a new person, that wouldn't cry, that going to be better than the other guy, that would stay strong for his family.

I've never been on a relationship that long and you should probably not take this advice, but I hope it helps.


I have no idea, who I would console in. I'm not super close to anyone but him. I kinda dropped a lot of friends when I started dating him :/ Got caught in the relationship. How did you motivate yourself to be strong and sorry about your lost :/
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21 / F / Canada
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Posted 4/28/16
Thank you to everyone who replied. I think I've gathered enough advice ^^
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8500 / F / Apollo...
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Posted 4/28/16
You're young, don't let yourself feel like it's the end of the world.

People will betray you, leave you, and take you out of their lives, but you still have to keep going. Build your self-esteem and confidence up, keep yourself busy, do the things that make you happy.

When you are perceived as a happy and content person, and you're free to do what you love, it's likely that someone new and amazing will come into your life.

It's ok to grieve for a certain amount of time. Let it all out, don't hold back your feelings. Then, you can let it go and move on. Treat this last relationship as a lovely, but distant memory.
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