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Post Reply Other stories ( Share your own, be opened with your ideas)
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Edited Story 3 Grammar. You never notice how bad it is until you post it, dam proof reading.

Alright, aside form my main story I have like 8 other stories I have pretty much created, and the idea for all of them are actually very interesting and unique to work with.

So I want to actually stay active, because as of late I have been relaxing too much...... I know we all need a little break, but right now I think its such a huge excuse that it is effecting my drive.

So enough bullshit, lets start off with one of my other stories, because this mind has too much bottled up that it needs to purge

Winters Morrow. A story that slowly builds up to the world being frozen over. Focused on a man and his trusty loyal dog Lilly who have secluded themselves from society to live a life of survival, enjoying nature at its core, but always keeping in contact with the real world through means of radio or signal, and a woman who has been working within the world, feeling like she still needs to prove something through her work, but feeling the mundane repetitive actions of her every day life, wanting something more. She is a very strong individual, and throughout the story these two will eventually meet. Showing what survival really means, what being human is really all about.

Meet Susan. A very innocent Woman that tries her hardest. Being single her entire life she has focused on her work, but she always feels this empty space in her life that hasn't been fulfilled. Living in the city has left her feeling down in the dumps, realizing just what kind of world she is dealing with. Our main female role for the story

Chapter 1 - A day of warmth is but a dream now



Alright here's #2

Game and Pleasure- To all the Gamers out there this one is probably one of my funniest and raunchiest stories I have written, and I totally had such a blast writing it, I literally had myself a good laugh while writing.

So the whole story is based on a group of guys trying to search for their fifth team member as they continue to play the game they love. The story focuses on Chris, Sap, Kevin, and Josh, and they all have different personalities that ultimately matches the characters they play in game. One day they encounter a delivery girl who shows up at their door, and what follows is less than ordinary, but to their surprise she has a little more bang for her buck ;). Aside from the gaming aspect of the story, where I actually immerse the reader into the battle field, there is another life outside of the game, and it has some hard hitting messages and interaction between characters, and it sends a really important message later on during the story, exposing weaknesses, finding strength, enduring sorrow, and finding friendship, this story will surely bring you to tears in both laughter and sorrow.

Ill, totally draw up a character for this ASAP, after my other WIP of course.

Warning, there is a lot of explicit language and suggestive scenes

Chap 1- An unexpected visitor
http://www.crunchyroll.com/forumtopic-955347/other-stories-share-your-own-be-opened-with-your-ideas?pg=2#54371089


#3

The Riposte of Darkness and light

First off, probably one of my favorite titles for any of my stories, it just tells you soo much

So back in the day I did have a huge fascination with a little Online game called DARK EDEN, just the concept of Vampires Verses Slayers, So I wanted to just take that concept and make it my own. I Can definitely switch the Slayer part, but that is the Title the vampires have given them. The slayers in this story are more like paladins/ Alchemists, using these holy powers of light to battle vampires, Seals of power to alter weapons and strength.

It takes place in a very medieval era, I want the outfits and weapons to really have a lot of design behind them to sort of combine new aged concepts while keeping that old fashioned look. I always loved the over the top designs as far as combining magic and style, What can I say; I love rustic design and I love the theme behind these crazy detailed symbols and Seals having a huge presence within a story. You know you look at a lot of anime, but going from Full metal alchemist is where I really connect with such a level The most intense moments come from such precision and dedication, and that is what I wish to capture as well.

Both Vampires and slayers have studied and created new methods of using their own powers and skills, now a new generation is slowly emerging. The daughter of the progenitor of vampires has acquired a unique skill that will change the face of battle between both races. A lone wolf Slayer has taken it upon himself to warn his people of the seriousness of this power, but none would listen as they believe that vampires cannot reach a higher power above immortality.

So here is Chapter one. Just a short introduction as it is not finished yet.

Chapter 1 - There is more to them than just fangs and blood



Centuries have bread capable fighters throughout the land. The fight between darkness and light wages on, we have only our knowledge and skill to overcome such trials. A battle that has been going on since the dawn of time between Vampires and Slayers; It has been the pinnacle of power since they have made themselves known.

Vampires, immortals, able to stand the test of time, able to live for thousands of years. They have since tapped into a greater power that allows them to enhance their powers further, bringing bloodshed to the rest of the world so they can gain the blood of every mortal they can get their hands on, and ultimately turning those mortals into ghouls that will one day evolve into vampires to help their path of destruction.

Slayers, better known as holy knights, or paladins. Throughout the years these slayers have studied their entire lives to gain the knowledge and truth behind their power. From Alchemy to magic these holy warriors are born for battle, and swear an oath to serve their leader and everything they stand by. Both loyal to their cause, and unbreakable will, these slayers fight against the vampires to hopefully one day bring peace to the land once again…………

Fade in……As we zoom into scene of a Man running down a stone hallway as he passes by torches that are lined up along the walls as the sound of rushing flames are heard. He also passes by pictures that are hung on the wall, all resembling vampiric figures, the hallway resembles an old castle as the only lighting comes from the torches the man passes by. The man runs out of view, suddenly two hooded figures begin to chase him.

“Tck.. “

The man stops and slides across the ground as he spins towards the hooded figures. Wearing an old fashioned cavalier hat and dressed in fine tailored clothing with silk, accompanied with a cape.

“ The pleasure is all mine” as the man generously tips his hat with a cocky grin

“ Silence Slayer! Your kind are filth!”

The two hooded men reveal their faces as they show their fangs directed at the man

The man taps the ground with his shoe as a seal appears bellow his foot.

“ Come!”

As he takes a stance and materializes 2 cards that he swiftly grabs with his fingers.

“ Repent!”

The man throws the card at the hooded figures feet as it creates a wall of sun light in the hallway as they run throw it and begin to turn to ash as their skeleton slowly decays. The man quickly runs in the other direction as he reaches a room, and slows his pace down to a stride as he begins to scan the room very carefully.

“ This is the room is it not?” The man says to himself

He pulls his sleeves up to expose his forearm, it glows vibrant purple and begins to reveal a small map of the room

“ There’s no mistaking it, so where is she?”

A sheath from a saber sword is seen rushing through the scene as the man dodges it.

*Clunk* The sheath collides with a wall with a considerable amount of force.

“ Alright now we’re getting somewhere. You are the daughter of Alumar are you not?”

“ Who asks of me!” She is seen quickly approaching the man as she strikes for his neck, but the man is quick to dodge it. The woman in sight, having blood red hair that shines in the dimly lit room while outfitted in a kind of corset with tight fitting leather pants as her red vibrant eyes stare back at the Slayer as they begin to glow red. The man begins to circle the woman as she holds her Saber out to the man in a defensive position.

“ A saber? Do You vampires always use such unorthodox methods?

“ It is a trait that only I would uphold Slayer, I am of a different decent from such Trivial means of offense”

“ Blood is your trademark, What does steel prove?”

The woman laughs. She begins to cut into her arm with the saber, and her blood begins to drip onto the sword.

“ Asyull!”

Her sword begins to glow red with her blood as it emits a strong energy.

“ So my Suspicions were correct”

As the woman spins to the man with a strike, the blade is deflected by a seal that created a shield around the slayers arm, as a saber begins to rise up from the ground into the slayers other hand as he returns with a swing that forces her back.

“ Why not have a little bit of fun”

“ Stop toying with me!”

“ You claim to use a Saber quite well correct?”

“ That’s right, what are you getting at?”

“Then show me “

As he positions himself into a dueling stance. She runs at the Slayer with a swing as they both collide swords, The Slayer strikes for her mid section with a lunge as the Woman Parries out and returns with a slash to the head, the Slayer quickly follows up with a parry where their swords meet and they collide for a moment, the slayer quickly cuts the womans right shoulder as it drops her outfit almost exposing part of her right breast.

“ Well now, what a fantastic Figure you have” The man responds with a smooth tone

“ You filth! How dare you expose me!”

She ruthlessly charges in with a vicious slash that forces the slayer to take a knee and block it.

“ You know from down here I get a better view”

The woman now filled with anger as she cannot hold back her blushed red cheeks. She continues to strike the Slayer with multiple strikes that forces the Slayer to stand back up and forces him back.

“ I do enjoy a dominant relationship”

One final slash as her Saber collides with his. They hold for a second as The mans saber begins to shape into a staff upon collision. The man then spins quickly to his right as his staff follows through with a compact swing knocking the woman across the room as she quickly blocks the staff with her saber, almost colliding with the wall; she gently stops herself by coming to a sliding stop letting out an angered reaction.

“ My thanks to you. Any normal weapon would have been shattered to pieces”

“ Enough Games!”

Suddenly a pool of blood appears in between the two as it begins to create a symbol and seal of blood on the floor, and from it; reveals another woman in a flash of blood.

“ My lady, this Fight is not in your favor. I cannot allow you to proceed”

“ Izzabel, Get out of my way. I have a score to settle”

The man quickly dashes forward with assistance from a small seal located by his foot as he comes in swinging his staff overhead creating an additional seal on top of his weapon giving his strike greater force.

Izzabel blocks his staff with a stone claw that has now become her arm, slowly cracking from the force of the impact, but staying strong and grounded .

“ My lady You have already shown this Slayer more than enough information” She violently smashes the man with short combos, breaking away for a moment.

“ Our work will have been for not if he escapes”

Then man swiftly lunges at Izzabel with the tip end of the staff as it creates an inscription of vibrant purple symbols. Izzabel transforms her other arm into stone as she grabs hold of the weapon. The impact was strong, and it forced Izzabel back from the sheer power, stone begins to form around her face partially. The man chuckles as the staff begins to emit light. The woman Simply closes her eyes from the brightness.

The man then quickly pulls out A unique dagger as he thrusts it into the heart of Izzabel. The sound of metal hitting stone is heard. Izzable has become solid stone with the Dagger now stuck. A moment passes.

The man still in the same striking position holding the dagger, he trys to pull it out.

“Umm…”

The intensity is dropped.

The other Woman begins to burst out laughing.

The man replies” Well this is embarrassing”

The woman slowly giggling back to saying something to the man.

“ Does that toy mean so much to you?

“ For your information, this isn’t a toy”

“Then I would hope that you wouldn’t mind leaving it behind. You do realize that once fully in stone you cannot alter the state they are in.”

“I know what happens, thank you for the senseless reminder….. Come on you!” As he begins to pull harder on it.

“ You are a strange one, what is your name?”

“ A vampire asking a Slayer for his name. Have I won you over already?”

She just looks at the man puzzled as he still tries to force the dagger out of Izzabels incased body. Suddenly voices are heard in the corridors.

“dammit all!”

The man looks at his dagger with slight disappointment.

“ I’ll be back for you”

The man takes his staff back and begins to summon a portal to teleport out of the room. He looks back at the Woman.

“ For a vampire, you never did once assume you were in danger”

“The Daughter of Alumar has no fear ” She responds with a commanding tone.

“ Don’t disappoint me my dear”

He gives her a rather playful grin giving her a bow which slightly annoys the Woman to the point where she begins to blush. The man makes his exit.

Three Vampires make their way into the room.

“ Stop the process!”

“ Don’t bother” The woman replies

The three men Baffled by her words.

“ but you have the capability to do so!”

“ He has placed a trap within the room”

She walks to the place where the man created a seal to assist his attack and digs into her hand with her nails to draw blood. She then places her palm over the area as it destroys the trap.

“ Impossible! How have they learned to use seals in such a way !?”

Izzabel returns back to normal running up to the daughter, the sound of the dagger hitting the floor is heard.

“You fool! You had an opening to take your attack! Alumar will not be pleased with your actions”

The woman looks at Izzabel with a defiant look.

“ Good! Let my father deal with his own battles! I am tired of taking orders!

“ My lady do not speak with such defiance against your master”

“ Leave my presence now! All of you!”

“ Just leave her be” Izzabel directs her response to the 3 men.

They all leave as the woman is left alone. She walk towards the Dagger and picks it up. Holding the tip of the blade on her index finger as she balances it. She drops it and holds it by the handle, and begins to look at it with a smile.

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The story I'm working on is about a teenage prince getting caught in a series of events that involves war, greed, corruption, status, power, and romance.
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qualeshia3 wrote:

The story I'm working on is about a teenage prince getting caught in a series of events that involves war, greed, corruption, status, power, and romance.


Open up a little more, maybe show a little bit of what you have
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Humms wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:

The story I'm working on is about a teenage prince getting caught in a series of events that involves war, greed, corruption, status, power, and romance.


Open up a little more, maybe show a little bit of what you have


You want me story? I have a story that I'll show you.
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"Where am I?"

"Oh, good, you are awake. Now, it's your time to start."

"Time to start what?"

"Time to start searching for your true self."

"My true self?"

"That is correct. Well, don't just lay there, get up."

"Ok! But where am I exactly?"

"All you need to know is that it's a labyrinth."

"A labyrinth? I'm in a labyrinth?"

"You are correct. It's Melancholia's Labyrinth."

"Ok! Why am I here?"

"That I can not tell you. Oh, well, looks like time is running out."

"Time is running out?"

"Enjoy your journey, stay true to yourself, watch out for the Liars and the Plagues."

"Umm...sure."

"Good luck, friend."

"Wait a minute! Who are you? Hello? Hello?"

She opened her eyes to see nothing but white surrounding her. The brightness of the white hurt her eyes the longer she looks away trying to figure out where she might be. There wasn't a single cloud in the sky or sunlight either but it's so bright. Katherina rubbed her eyes as she get up off the floor. After rubbing her eyes, her eyes were able to adjust to the bright white. She placed her hand on her hips then looked around once more to see where she might be. Katherina does not know where she is but she does know that she is all alone in this place. Looking back then looking forward, she can see a narrow path in both directions. She turned around then walked forward. As she gets closer, she then looks down to see a black void below. She was a bit nervous then turned back around and walked forward. Katherina kept on walking straight and making turns as she goes but she had no idea where she was going. It felt like hours passed by
and she has not seen a single person in sight. "HELLO?! IS THERE ANYBODY THERE?!" she called out hoping for some sort of answer but one did not come. So Katherina continued on walking hoping to spot a person. Eventually, she grew tired of walking and decided to take a break. Katherina stood in one spot not moving trying to relax and take it easy. But in the distance, behind her, she can hear thuds that are growing louder. Katherina turned around to see but there was nothing going on yet the thuds were growing louder. Katherina started walking slowly then a little faster as the sounds gotten louder. She looked back and saw the walls closing in and fast. Katherina ran as fast as she could away from the walls.The faster she ran the faster the walls closed in. The running turned into sprinting and she didn't even bother to look back. "Oh shit! I'm going to die!" she cried as the walls were closing in on her. She had to hurry before she get smashed to death.
Katherina kept on sprinting straight and making turns as she goes but the walls would not stop closing in behind her. As she ran, she eventually came across a door that appeared out of nowhere. Katherina stopped to open the door but it would
not budge. She twisted and pulled at the door knob then started pounding at the door. The walls were closing in fast. "Come on and open stupid door!" The more she bang on the door and the more she twist the knob nothing happened. The walls were coming closer and she can feel her death drawing near. The harder she pushed the door, she can hear a small creak coming from the door. She pushed it harder and it begins to open all the way. The door opened into darkness but Katherina did not care. She raced into the darkness and ended falling down. Katherina couldn't see anything in the darkness but she could hear her loud screams against the dark. As she kept falling, she could see a light below her in the distance. It was the same white light that she escaped from. Katherina reached the light and saw a figure standing there. She screamed out then the figure looked up and saw Katherina falling towards it. The figure moved and Katherina stopped falling in midair just few inches from the floor then she fell down. The figure just looked at Katherina then looked up and could see nothing. Katherina got up from the floor and dust herself off. She then turned to the figure to see that it was another person like her. The person just looked at her with disbelief. Katherina walked up to the person who was still surprised to see another living person. Katherina looked behind the person and saw more people standing there looking at her. In total that makes five of them all standing in the same spot. Katherina was happy to see other people yet still scared a little bit. She had no idea where she was now but she knows that she is with people this time. The other people walked over towards her and stared at her like as if she was strange or something.

"Um, excuse me," Katherina asked the person in front of her, "do you know where I am?"

"How did you even get here?" the person asked back then looked up again

"What do you mean exactly?" she answered with a question, "how the hell should I know that?"

"You just fell from the sky out of nowhere which is strange," the person said as he looks right at me.

"I'm sure it is now can you tell me where the hell am I," Katherina say getting angry at the fact that he was not answering her.

"You're in a labyrinth, my friend," the person told her, "my name is Adam. These people behind me are Glenda, Dinwalt, and Florence."

"Is this Labyrinth by any chance called "Melancholia's Labyrinth"?" Katherina asked Adam.

"Yes, that is the name of the place," Adam repiled

Katherina thought back to when she met that person before she even got here. She wonders where that person might who and who that person is. Adam stared hard at Katherina who was lost in thought but stopped when he heard something. Katherina stopped
thinking when she heard the same thing. Could it be another closing of the walls? She looked back and the walls were perfectly still. Nothing happened. Katherina looked at the others who were all wondering what the sound was. Their was trembling in their hearts
as they all stood there looking around.

"Guys, I think we should move and fast," Adam said out loud.

"Where is that sound coming from?" Glenda asked him but got no answer.

"Who knows and who cares?" Florence shouted as he ran ahead of everyone, "I'm getting the fuck out of here!"

Soon fast walking from the other turned into running then sprinting. They could not see what was going on but they knew something was coming. Katherina was behind everyone running as fast as she could until she tripped. Adam turned back and saw her on the ground
struggling to get up. He was hesitant as he looked at the others and then back at Katherina. Katherina was slowly getting up but her body was out of wack from earlier. Adam lend out his hand to her and she immediately grabbed it then started running. They all ran their
hardest trying to dodge an unknown danger that they could not see. Florence and Dinwalt were seen pushing against a door trying to force it open. The two of them pushed, pulled, and twist the door knob but the door will not budge an inch. Katherina came up to the
door and kicked it down hard. It opened and she fell inside the darkness once again. Florence, Dinwalt, and the others hurried inside the dark room. The door closed and it was dark. The sounds of heavy breathing filled the darkness along with screams from Glenda. In
the distance, there was once again light. The five of them walked to the light. When they got there, they saw an open area shaped in a square. And in the area was five more people standing there in confusion. The other five people looked at Katherina and the others in
shock. They quickly hurried to them staring and talking among themselves. Katherina was surprised to see that there were even more people here. Adam exited out the darkness to see the other people coming up to him asking questions. Glenda, Florence, and Dinwalt
made weird faces at the other people and wonder if there were more. As they all got out of the darkness, they looked around to see open passage ways. The other five calmed down and one of them walked forward towards Katherina and her group. He was tall and had
dark brown hair that was long. He also had long bang that covered his eyes a little.

"Nice to see other people here," he said with a bright smile, "My name is Christopher. These people behind me are Vivianna, Tabitha, and Kendrick. What are your names?"

"My name is Katherina," She said first, "I didn't think I was ever going to see another human being."

"I'm Adam," he told them, "nice to meet you all."

"Glenda is my name," she said after Adam.

"My name is Florence."

"Dinwalt."

They all started talking to each other. Asking questions that they probably do not know the answer to. Katherina left the group of people and looked around at the passage ways. She counted them. There were ten in front, ten on the right, left, and back, there forty passage
ways in total. She wondered why that is. Christopher looked at Katherina as she stares into space. He walked up to her then placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry we will find a way out of this labyrinth," Christopher assured her even though she was no long scared just annoyed and a bit curious.

"So this is a labyrinth, huh?" Katherina asked him, "why are we even here?"

"If we knew that, then we wouldn't be trying to figure out why the hell are we here in the first place," Vivianna said.

"Hey, did any of you meet a person before getting here?" Katherina questioned everyone loudly, "well meet the person isn't quite the answer since the person was a shadowy figure. But have any one of you met the person. This person sounds like a man and tells you that the
place your going to is called Melancholia's Labyrinth-"

Yes!" Adam said in agreement, "I mean I didn't see the person but I know where you're getting at."

"Yeah, I did," Vivianna mentioned to her, "why what is wrong?"

"Maybe if we find that person then we can possibly get answers to all the questions we've been asking," Katherina answered her, "that person has to know something."

Everyone looked each other questioning Katherina's methods. They wanted to meet this person again but did not know how to even find the person. Katherina stared at them thinking about it and wondered herself. Maybe finding that person won't be easy since she has no
idea what he even looks at. She stopped thinking about and just focused on trying her hardest to finding him. Katherina has to know how she got here in this labyrinth. What was she doing before she even all this happened? What type of person was she before all this craziness
started?

"But how do we find him when we don't even know what he looks like?" Kendrick asked her, "we don't even know his name."

"Yeah that is true," Tabitha said in agreement, "the only thing that man told us was to find our true selves, stay away from the Liars, and the Plagues. Whatever that means?"

"What the fuck is a Liar and a Plague supposed to be?" Dinwalt questioned Florence

"How the hell should I know, dude?!" Florence said to him

"So we all know nothing about this place or what that man means right?" Katherina asked everyone.

"What are you trying to get at exactly?" Glenda stated getting a little annoyed, "I'm sick of this."

"Well, we won't find the answers just standing around here," Christopher said, "let's move out and find the person."

They all walked towards one of the passage ways. They entered inside and from there they started walking down the narrow path talking and trying to get to know each other. Katherina was in the front ignoring everyone and focusing on finding this person she met. Adam walked towards her and places his hand on her shoulder. He can tell that something is wrong with her but nothing was really wrong. She is just focused on getting answers so she can leave this place. Katherina felt like she was forgetting something but wasn't sure what that was. Thinking about was driving her a little crazy. She turned to Adam who placed a smile on his freckled face that shown his dimples. Katherina gave him half a smile. They all contiuned walking through the narrow path in a straight line. Katherina is in front of everyone leading the way but she had no idea where she was leading them all. Hours passed by and everyone was getting tired of walking around getting nowhere. So they all stopped for a break. Surprisingly, they weren't hungry or thirsty which even more strange. There were also no bathroom breaks happening anytime soon since they didn't have to pee or poop. Yet strange enough they were able to feel tired from walking. Something was not right. In fact something is wrong with this whole thing. Katherina was determined to find the answers to this whole thing. As they were relaxing, in the distance,even though it was feint there was a growl. It sounded like a wild animal coming towards them from a distance. Katherina perked up her ears listening to the growl as it comes closer to where they were. Adam was on alert as he hears the growl that sounds like more than one animal. Soon the others heard it and got up from the floor. They looked behind them and can nothing at first.
Then two hideous and large looking creatures appeared before them and growled loudly. They all looked at the creature with fear in their eyes. Katherina ran from the other telling them to come on and soon the other ran after her. The creatures followed after them. The path was too narrow for them to run as fast as they could. But the tried their hardest to get away from the creatures. The path was slowly starting to widen and soon they were able to run better. The two creatures were coming towards them in fast. Katherina turned the corner
and there was another door but it was opened. It was dark inside but Katherina did not care about that. They all race inside the darkness with the creatures coming to a halt. The creatures quickly turned around and ran away. The creatures were gone. The ten people were trapped in the darkness with no light in the distance. They walked forward where ever forward was to them. They were in that dark room walking for thirty minutes. One of them accidentally hit something and soon lights came on. They were all in a large room with books all over the place. Adam made sure everyone was alright but everyone was still shaken up from seeing those creatures. Katherina grabbed
a book from the shelf and looked inside it. The pages were blank and so is the front cover. Christopher and the others looked at all the books wondering where they are this time. The room was a library full of books with blank pages. Katherina searched through all the book to see not a single word written in them. This was strange to her. Why were they so many books with blank pages. Christopher and Adam walked up the Katherina to see what she was up to.
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Posted 6/12/16

qualeshia3 wrote:

.



Interesting, I like how you just drop in to the story. I haven't really read many stories about labyrinths, but the concept is fun. always moving forward, changing the landscape, creating scenarios that forces people to move in a certain direction, puzzles maybe. I liked how she literally dropped in to find new people. you're pretty good at creating tension and suspense, maybe just refine some of those in between scenes, but overall a pretty solid start, it's pretty fast pace
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Humms wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:

.



Interesting, I like how you just drop in to the story. I haven't really read many stories about labyrinths, but the concept is fun. always moving forward, changing the landscape, creating scenarios that forces people to move in a certain direction, puzzles maybe. I liked how she literally dropped in to find new people. you're pretty good at creating tension and suspense, maybe just refine some of those in between scenes, but overall a pretty solid start, it's pretty fast pace


Thank you. I'm glad you find it interesting.
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The Forgotten Ark

There was once a ship called The Ark. It was a super-massive colony ship, containing an entire ecosystem within. Its mission was to reach a planet capable of harboring human life. Details of the tale of its journey were lost to time, but it is known that some ominous event occurred leading to the disintegration and crash-landing of The Ark on its destination. Fragments of the titanic vessel scattered through the land. Those who survived, formed numerous groups throughout the planet and were forced to start a new humanity. Many centuries have passed and the new civilizations have progressed, forming powerful nations. This world is reminiscent of the medieval era of the old Earth. However in this alien land, humans have forever faced the threat of the monstrous creatures native of this world.

The story revolves around a young man, who is rather weak and clumsy but sharp witted. The MC wishes to become a mage, but his father does not accept this, arguing no soft boy can be a son of his. The MC is forced to join the Legions of his nation but soon after he becomes a deserter and embarks on the journey of his life; to learn of the past. The Forgotten Ark is a tale of survival in a hostile world , were deadly predators lurk and bloody warmongers thread upon. It is a world were magic is but forgotten technological prowess, were dragons are mechanical and were the forgotten history hold a tragic past.





P.S.
My idea of a mechanical dragon.
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Here is a nearly four page draft of the story.

The Forgotten Ark

Events Draft



Fortunate Son

MC reads a book. Exposition takes place.

MC wonders what happened before. The Father appears, nags at MC for always being indoors, calls him a woman.
MC is called out by his father to do some though chores outside. Meanwhile from a distance, his father and another man observe him as they talk. The two men witness the MC’s physical incompetence. His father asks to the other man. “Can you make a man out of him?”.
At the time of supper, the family is sitting at the table and the father informs the MC that he will be joining the Legions soon. The MC is angered; he wished to enter the academy. His father reminds him that their family is poor; furthermore, he states that no soft boy will ever be a son of his. “The Legion will make you a man.”

Some days later, the MC finds himself on the Legion’s headquarters. He is along many other Initiates; they will be tested on that day. The MC witnesses the other guys demonstrate their skill by fighting each other on the pit. He is called forth, he hesitates. On the pit, he tries to stand a chance against his opponent. He starts by trying to dodge but he is too clumsy and after a few dodges, he trips and falls. Upon getting back up he tries to go for a swing, but he demonstrates his absolute lack of experience by over-swinging his sword, getting parried and having his nose broken. The other men ridicule him.

Considered unfit for the frontlines, the MC is assigned to the ranged units. He proves fairly decent with a bow and crossbow. The MC is turns out to be a possible marksman

After some weeks in training, the MC is approached by an old legionary who has been keeping an eye on him. The old man knows the MC is not happy even though he has been slowly improving. The aged man talks to the MC about his youth. The man’s past is similar to the MC’s story. He tells the MC that he regrets forfeiting his desires and wasting his life trying to prove his worth in something he did not enjoy. Both men agree that perhaps it’s never too late to correct ones path. Few days later they both desert the Legion and head for another city.




On His Way Out

The MC and the old man travel through the dead and cold winter forest on their way to the east. The old man teaches the MC about some basic survival techniques every day. He takes every opportunity to tag the teachings with tales of his early day in the Legion and how he escaped death in many occasions. The MC and the veteran get along really well. On one night dug in a cave, the two men talk about their dreams while warming by the fire. The MC talks about his interest in the forgotten technology and tales of the past. To that the other man replies that when he was young he was also fascinated by the same thing. The veteran had wanted to leave his boring farm life and go on to find adventures. He joined the Legion in hopes to fulfill his thirst for thrill but too late he realized that war wasn’t any fun. Legionaries take their arms for life so he was forever bound to the service.

The next day while moving towards the city outskirts they are ambushed by a hungry and giant predator. The MC is frightened and urges his friend to run for their lives but the old veteran stops him. “That would be a mistake boy. Stand back and take a good look”. The man draws his service sword and steps forward, undaunted by the imposing beast. The monster charges with fury, but the man moves with grace. He manages to avoid getting hit without breaking a sweat, the encounter was near a dance. When the beast struck left he dodged right and vice-versa; with each impassive move, the man landed small cuts into the attacker. Soon the beast found itself crippled and unable to move, all its legs were severed and so it collapsed on the red snow. The veteran walked in front of the tired beast, looked it in the eyes and then plunged the sword through one of them, ending the action.

The MC stands fascinated by the display of finesse. He praises his friend’s agility and excellent swordsmanship. The man cleans the blood from his sword by brushing it against the corpse’s pelt. He claims that he is no great fighter and that he is definitely nothing but old. The MC replies that he is no ordinary old man. The veteran insists that he IS a very ordinary old man. “Old foes become predictable. I’ve been fighting such beasts my whole life… and believe me I’ve been around for quite some time now. I did not prevail on skill but rather on experience… and knowledge. Knowledge comes mostly from experience and experience comes with age boy.” “Anyways, we now have a handful of meat to eat.” He then proceeds to sheath his sword.

The deserters reach the city they had been traveling towards for nearly a week. However their stance in the place was very short lived. They had rented beds in a tavern with money the old man acquired by selling some of the meat they had chopped off the beast. However on the second day in the city the men woke up to the screams of people. The place was being razed by a Legion that was sent to search for them. It was still dark in the morning when the two men had to make a run through the burning city to get out. In one instance they were almost caught by the soldiers and were forced to hide for some moments. Then they heard an officer’s voice through an analog megaphone. “We know you are hiding, we know you are here! Turn in now to accept your fate deserters! Surrender now or we will continue to make examples of these innocent peoples! WE CAN JUST THE WHOLE CITY TOO!”

The old man tells the MC to run away while he takes care of the soldiers. The MC refuses but is easily persuaded when the veteran says: “Boy, pay attention! What am I?” The MC replies: “A deserter.” The other man clarifies: “I am an old deserter, which means I used to be a soldier my whole life, which then means I’ve fought men my whole life… and you know what that means.” Both men laugh briefly and quietly, the MC then tells his friend to meet him on the cave later. The old man walks out into the street and faces the officer, who is on horseback, and quickly every soldier in the vicinity surrounds him. “So, you have come to surrender. And your dumb friend?” The old man draws his sword. “You’ll have to force that information out of me.” The old man spits on the ground.

The officer gives the order and five men charged the veteran at once. The man, as always, remained collected and emotionless as he danced with the soldiers. Within merely a minute none of the attacker stood. A blast was heard and the man groaned in pain as his knees failed him. The officer had shot him in the back. The faced each other, one lying on the ground mortally wounded. “Why did you buy that useless fool time to escape? This was a stupid idea too; you had no chance of truly winning.” The dying man replied: “He is a young man. Lot of potential… things to live for. Im just old; I’m on my way out. I’ll remember your face… to greet you… in the depths of hell. Coward!” Another blast is heard.




A Huntress of Sorts

The MC barely makes it out of the city. He ran to the wilderness along with a horde of citizens who were fleeing from the slaughter. They didn’t make it too far, behind them horsemen close in for the kills. He saw as many were sliced around him. He was lucky enough to hide from sight using tree barks. Very resourcefully he pulled out a knife, approached a corpse and stabbed her a few times. He rubbed his body against the corpse, covering himself in blood and then dropped next to her. He grabbed her hand played dead with his face to the ground, mouth in the snow to hide his breath. He waited. After some time the butchers came back and rode just next to him. He played them well, no one suspected.

Once in the clear he stood, he could hardly withstand the burn of the icy snow. He apologized to the dead staring corpse and ran off. His shape disappeared in the fog of the cold morning. He ran for about half a day and reached the cave were he had been before. He waited for the old man’s arrival, but none showed up throughout the night. He came to the conclusion his friend had really died. The next morning he headed out to hunt some food but a blizzard caught him and he lost sense of direction. Lost in the snow, he felt a stalking presence. He pulled out his knife and stood in guard while trying to figure from where the strike would come. He saw shades everywhere and nowhere, suddenly he came to the realization he was just paranoid. There was nothing there just the howling of the wind, the crackling of the branches. He sheaths his weapon and is then struck bluntly on the head, blacking out completely.

The man finally regains consciousness. He finds himself lying down on a chilling metallic floor; a nearby bonfire is the only source of light. He hears the whimpering of a dog to his left, it was wolf staring at him. Suddenly a female voice strikes him from the darkness: “You got my wolf upset. I’m very hungry too… and this bliss won’t let up.” The man, still confused, asks what has happened. “I was starting to think you wouldn’t make it. You’ve been out for a whole day. The mutt here had hopes to get some meat out of you. I brought you all the way here in the sled.” The man asks exactly where. The woman walks up to him, finally revealing herself in the scarce light of the fire. “This is a fragment of the ark ship” she said.



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Posted 6/14/16 , edited 6/14/16

DViper15 wrote:

.






I like it. Good amount of pacing to really get you through to the main point. Really just giving you a lot of lessons in order to fully develope your character, it is not the skill you have, but the knowledge and experience you will gain through diving into the challenge head on. Not being anything but ordinary he finds his own way to show his determination.

I like how you took it to another encounter, maybe one where both can truly expand on.
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Can I post another story?
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Posted 6/14/16

qualeshia3 wrote:

Can I post another story?


That's why it's here lol. Are you kidding, I'm gonna post like the 7 other stories I have on here. Go nuts, whatever you got maybe when your group starts to liven up we can start getting more people involved.
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Humms wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:

Can I post another story?


That's why it's here lol. Are you kidding, I'm gonna post like the 7 other stories I have on here. Go nuts, whatever you got maybe when your group starts to liven up we can start getting more people involved.


Thanks.
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Featherwood
By Qualeshia Marshall
Prologue: Acceptance

My name is Asher and I guess you can say that I'm the hero in this story.

To be honest, my life was completely ordinary. I went to school, helped my parents around the bookstore, and hanged out with my friends. Yup, it's a pretty ordinary life. But that all changed once I met him. You're probably wondering who "him" is. Well, "him" is name Lloyd Featherwood and he saved me from a twisted fate. What twisted fate was that? Honestly, I thought it would be cool to play the hero and save the damsel from distress. I had encounter some serious thugs who were harassing this girl who is extremely beautiful. Little did I know this girl would be the one to get me out of some serious shit. Her name is Cassanra Autumnsong and she works with Lloyd. I didn't know it but the girl could handle herself in any situation unlike me. So anyway, I was foolish and got in trouble with the thugs who were harassing Cassanra. If I remember correctly, I was heading home from school on a Tuesday when I decided to take the long way home. I wanted to clear my mind after failing the math test that I studied for but didn't study hard enough. I was so mad that I just wanted to take the long way home. I wasn't in a rush to go home for my parents were probably working in the bookstore. I didn't want to be bothered by them. Moving on, I continued my way down the long narrow path before me. Then I spotted a large group of people that drew me in with curiosity. I walked closer towards them only to see it was a group of misfits and one girl. The girl as I mentioned earlier who was standing there in the middle of them. The misfit or thugs were talking to her but she didn't say a single word back. She just stood there annoyed. For some strange reason, I didn't see it that way and only saw a girl who was in serious need of help. I dropped my bag on the ground then ran towards the group of thugs. I worked my way through the group until I ended in the middle standing next to the girl. The thugs glared at me and snarled while the girl just stood there looking at me. I didn't know what I was doing and to be frank I was a fool for doing what I did. So now that I'm in this situation and didn't know how to get myself out, I just improvise.

"Oh, thank goodness," I say with a nervous smile, "thanks for waiting for me and stuff."

"Hey, who the fuck are you?" One thug said to me with an intense stare, "what's your business here, dumbass?"

"Who me?" I responded to the thug frightened as all hell, "I'm just a guy here to come get my friend who is this girl."

"Do I know you?" she asked with a serious face.

"Oh, you're such a kidder," I laughed nervously, "you know me, silly girl."

"I'll ask your stupid ass again," replied the thug, "who the fuck are you?"

The situation was not looking good and I was running out of ideas on what to do. But I held my ground and stood up to the thug. He was scary but I wasn't going to let him get the best of me. The girl or Cassanra was still standing there looking bored out of her mind. But I knew that she was in danger...sorta. Call me chivalrous but I couldn't just leave her all alone with these thugs. Since it looks that the pretending is over I came clean for the thugs and things got serious.

"Alright fine you got me," I told them all, "to be honest, I don't know this girl but I'm not going to let you harass her. You bastards leave her alone!"

"What are you some knight in shinning armor ?" a second thug says.

"Yes, in a way I am," I answered him back, "I refuse to have you cause harm to this girl, you jerks."

"First of all, I never asked to be saved by anyone including you," she responded negatively, "get lost I can handle these assholes."

"See shows what you know, retard," the first thug tells me, "she doesn't need you."

It wasn't long until I felt a sharp pain in my face that literally caught me off guard. I hit the ground hard then looked up to see one of thugs looking down on me. I looked towards Cassanra but she was looking in another direction. Soon I was kicked at, punched, and even stepped on by the thugs and the girl does nothing...at first. It happened so damn fast that I couldn't believe it. Those kicks and the punches flashed like lightning. She was so swift with her hits that I could do nothing but try to catch a glimpse. The thugs fought with all their might but it wasn't enough and soon he appeared. Lloyd came to help the girl who was already kicking so much ass. One of the thugs pointed a knife at me then began to charge. But Lloyd intercepted it while quick on his feet. I fell to the ground feeling the fear enter my entire being as I watched both Lloyd and Cassanra beat the crap out of the thugs. It wasn't long until they ran away crying like little girls. Cassanra and Lloyd defeated the thugs and save my life.

The both of them eventually left without saying a word to me but I really didn't mind it. And that is a little of the story on how I met Cassanra and Lloyd. But how did I ended up working with them? Well after losing my family and home to a horrendous fire cause by reasons unknown, I had no where else to go to. I stumbled upon an agency call Featherwood and started to look for work. It was there I met Cassanra and Lloyd once again. They immediately let me join the agency and help them take on various paid jobs.

And that's how I became a member of the Featherwood Agency. It's not much to go on but it works. My adventures with the Featherwood Agency is full of ups and downs. This is my story.
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Posted 6/14/16

qualeshia3 wrote:

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Pretty basic opener. It seems you want to skip over the personal info and get right to the point. In all honesty you should actually start off with these three characters already together. For example at the end you bring up how they are part of a little click/ group doing various jobs, you should actually start off the story this way. Make them all contribute as they would normally, with your hero still proving to be the typical third wheel so to speak, but still having importance. Make them start off doing a job, sort of showing you a glimpse of what to expect, then you can transition into the thug scene so it can allow your hero to bring the story full circle. Claiming to be your typical hero saving the day so to speak, and how he came to be from these people he met, and not keeping readers in the dark for no particular reason.
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