First  Prev  1  2  3  4  Next  Last
Post Reply Are people with low self esteem a little bit selfish?
Posted 6/20/16

Hail_King_Kakao wrote:

Having low self esteem and having a need for validation are different things. People with low self esteem can be annoying (COUGH ME cough COUGH), but the constant need for validation and acceptance is a bit unbearable.


Depends on the person. Some people are into that. (COUGH ME cough COUGH)
195 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M
Offline
Posted 6/20/16 , edited 6/20/16

qualeshia3 wrote:


So, are people with low self esteem a little bit selfish? Is there a difference between low self esteem and selfishness?


My Turn:

I have low self esteem and I can't stand being hated by anyone. The thought of being hated by someone is like being killed. I can't stand it. I have to be liked or on someone's good side because if I'm not I'm practically dead. But I hate feeling like this and I don't want to have low self esteem. But it's hard to get rid of. I can see a therapist and talk about my problems but is that enough. I feel like I'm selfish too because of my low self esteem. Does anyone else feel like this? Do you know someone who is like this? How does one slowly get over their low self esteem?




You sound as if you have issues with how others percieve you. If someone hates you then they hate you. You can't really control it that much and to be honest you really shouldn't bother. Or you'll spend your life:

A) Being maniulated by people. People can manipulate you because you're afraid to be hated/rejected by others and they can make you feel like a bad person when you don't satisfy them. (They can fill this particular psychological need)

B) Manipulating others: i.e trying to be something you're not in order to control other's perception of yourself in order not to be hated/rejected.


"I have to be liked or on someone's good side because if I'm not I'm practically dead."

No you don't have to be liked.

You are your own individual with likes, dislikes, passions, goals and dreams. As long as you realise this it doesn't matter if someone dislikes you because they can't take these things away from you. Maybe you should be more selfish, focus on yourself, be honest with yourself and what you really want to achieve and do in life. Then you'll realise who truly likes you for you no matter what.



13577 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
21 / Australia
Offline
Posted 6/20/16
I think we're all a little bit selfish.
8603 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
17 / F
Offline
Posted 6/20/16
welp I have very very bad self esteem issues and I'm pretty selfish but I don't think they have anything to do with each other, at least not for me

I don't think people with low self esteem are selfish, they just have issues they gotta work with, which isn't a bad thing
4492 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
UK
Online
Posted 6/20/16
Everyone needs to do a bit of self care to be healthy. Now constantly imposing on others who don't have the capability and or are unwilling to accommodate you is being high maintenance. Also how you go about boosting your self esteem will determine what's being selfish or not. Doing so at the expense of another is selfish.
2271 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
42 / M
Offline
Posted 6/20/16 , edited 7/9/16

qualeshia3 wrote:

Let me know if a thread like this one exist or not.
Thanks a bunches.


So, are people with low self esteem a little bit selfish? Is there a difference between low self esteem and selfishness?


My Turn:

I have low self esteem and I can't stand being hated by anyone. The thought of being hated by someone is like being killed. I can't stand it. I have to be liked or on someone's good side because if I'm not I'm practically dead. But I hate feeling like this and I don't want to have low self esteem. But it's hard to get rid of. I can see a therapist and talk about my problems but is that enough. I feel like I'm selfish too because of my low self esteem. Does anyone else feel like this? Do you know someone who is like this? How does one slowly get over their low self esteem?


Enjoy!!!!


You're describing two different things here and there's a big difference between low self esteem and requiring acceptance by others. They're two completely different things but may have the same root problem(s). There's nothing selfish about having low self esteem. Low self esteem just means you lack confidence in yourself. Needing other people to like you and validation of that acceptance can seem selfish though.

I see a lot of comments from people saying to put yourself first and that's not a bad idea. Now when people tell you that you should always put yourself first they don't necessarily mean "screw everyone else". A good example of putting yourself first would be if you don't learn to love yourself then how can you ever learn to love someone else? Or if an addict/alcoholic doesn't put their own sobriety first then how can they be expected to be there for their family and take care of them? People are rarely extremely selfish. Most people no matter how selfish they are would still jump into danger in a heartbeat to help a child out or rescue a baby I think we can all be selfish at times and at other times it's absolutely necessary to be selfish. You can't be a doormat and constantly do what others want. No is a very good word.

And yes seeing a therapist would be the first step and would be more than enough if you're willing to work at it. They can help you get to the root of your problems and help develop a plan on how to deal with those problems. When you seek help like that it's more than just talking to someone. Think of it like a retirement plan, it's an investment in yourself, your future and your happiness and if you find a good one it can make a world of difference. Just don't settle. Find someone you're comfortable with, that understands your problems and is empathetic and is willing to find ways to help you that will work for you. There's no one size fits all solution to these types of issues.

Low self esteem is a pain and is very hard to deal with especially if it's coupled with things like depression which is bad enough with it's cycle of guilt and shame. It's a vicious cycle that is very hard to break without a lot of work and/or professional help. If you can't get the confidence to seek help right away then just start faking it. Pretend you have confidence. Hold your head high, look at people in the eye and talk to them.....even if you don't want to, especially if you don't want to. Like all things in life it takes practice and it won't hurt to force yourself to do things that scare or bother you. It's what I finally did until social situations no longer bothered me. Now saying hello and looking at people in the eyes is just second nature....at least until I'm one on one and then it gets a bit uncomfortable but I keep forcing myself to do it. I guarantee that the most outgoing person you've seen feels uncomfortable at times too, especially in new situations and around new people. The ONLY difference between them and you is the fact that they don't let it stand in their way or stop them from living life how they want to. They don't have a special gift or anything that you don't and anyone can learn to be more sociable or have confidence in themselves. You just may have to work harder at it than others, that's all.
42339 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / F / New Jersey, USA
Offline
Posted 6/20/16


Thank you and I shall do my best.
42339 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / F / New Jersey, USA
Offline
Posted 6/20/16

GloriousHawk wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:


So, are people with low self esteem a little bit selfish? Is there a difference between low self esteem and selfishness?


My Turn:

I have low self esteem and I can't stand being hated by anyone. The thought of being hated by someone is like being killed. I can't stand it. I have to be liked or on someone's good side because if I'm not I'm practically dead. But I hate feeling like this and I don't want to have low self esteem. But it's hard to get rid of. I can see a therapist and talk about my problems but is that enough. I feel like I'm selfish too because of my low self esteem. Does anyone else feel like this? Do you know someone who is like this? How does one slowly get over their low self esteem?




You sound as if you have issues with how others percieve you. If someone hates you then they hate you. You can't really control it that much and to be honest you really shouldn't bother. Or you'll spend your life:

A) Being maniulated by people. People can manipulate you because you're afraid to be hated/rejected by others and they can make you feel like a bad person when you don't satisfy them. (They can fill this particular psychological need)

B) Manipulating others: i.e trying to be something you're not in order to control other's perception of yourself in order not to be hated/rejected.


"I have to be liked or on someone's good side because if I'm not I'm practically dead."

No you don't have to be liked.

You are your own individual with likes, dislikes, passions, goals and dreams. As long as you realise this it doesn't matter if someone dislikes you because they can't take these things away from you. Maybe you should be more selfish, focus on yourself, be honest with yourself and what you really want to achieve and do in life. Then you'll realise who truly likes you for you no matter what.


How do I accept that not everyone on this planet has to like me?
2904 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26
Offline
Posted 6/20/16

qualeshia3 wrote:


How do I accept that not everyone on this planet has to like me?


It's a bit infeasible to please everyone on this planet though, isn't it? That concept sounds way too ideal to me. Even great people from history had those who didn't agree with them.

Honestly, I still have low self esteem after all these years (just like you) but I have also overcome my need to make people like me. If I think about it, probably at least 80% of the people that I meet probably doesn't like me but I stopped caring a long time ago.

One day you'll just realize why do I care so much about other people's opinions? Just because one person doesn't like you, doesn't mean you lose any of your intrinsic worth as a person. No matter how many or how few people like you, you still have those that still care about you and value your existence like your family and friends. They're the ones who make your life more wholesome, not some random stranger who you may not ever see again. Focus on quality more than quantity.

Personally, I'd rather have one friend who accepts me despite my flaws and idiosyncratic behaviors than a hundred friends who require me to put up a front just to be accepted by them.

You can think of it this way. As you make your way through life, you have to sift through all of the people who don't like you or don't click with you before you can meet those who do. When you meet those people, it will be even more amazing to discover that you can share a strong connection with them and they'll be the best friends you'll ever meet in your life.

Does this help at all or am I just rambling? Oh well, if it doesn't then I guess it's just something that you have to come to terms with at your own pace. I understand that improving your self-esteem isn't easy.
4721 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Offline
Posted 6/21/16
I'd like to point out that the fact that most of the posts here say "I have low self esteem" shows that you have some notion of self worth because you're realizing something of yourself. Most people who have major low self esteem can't even think for themselves (look at abuse victims.) I judge that the majority here don't have confidence in themselves which is particularly normal. Not to sound like I'm boasting or something, but most intellectual people feel like they are no different than anyone else thus feeling that they are less than the common person or just a common person. Self esteem and sensitivity to opinions are different as well, but they "could" be tied as a common problem.

TL; DR there are lots of stupid ppl out there and you're smarter than you think so have some confidence
18704 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
24 / M / Northwest
Offline
Posted 6/21/16
I never thought of low self esteem being selfish. I usually think of it as someone who has no confidence or can't stand up against for themselves. Someone who already thinks lowly of themselves no matter what other people think.
521 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
18 / M / Denmark Boy
Offline
Posted 6/21/16
but theres a cure to low selfesteem! With these 3 tricks you will be rolling with the cool kids!

1. Get a fucking dank ass picture of yourself
2. Put it on social media with the phrase "ugh i can't believe i look so fugly xoxoxoxo <33"
3. Wait and watch the comments of "kill yourself" roll in!!!!


Works everytime!!!
7878 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
8500 / F / Apollo...
Offline
Posted 6/22/16
I wouldn't think someone with a low self-esteem would have enough ego to be selfish, unless this selfishness is under the premise of low self-esteem.

It's not possible to please everyone. But it is wise to make those who MATTER TO YOU happy.
42339 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / F / New Jersey, USA
Offline
Posted 6/22/16
Thanks guys.
24932 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
29 / M / Atlanta, GA, USA
Offline
Posted 6/22/16
Well, I suppose enduring things without complaining is part of being selfless, right? So, I guess your low self-esteem is only selfish if you bother others with it.

Of course, nothing's wrong with being a little selfish if it's within reason.
First  Prev  1  2  3  4  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.