I know a thread like this one exist but it's in the wrong section. Please close that one and leave this one open.
Thanks a bunches.
Simply post a short story or excerpt from a novel that you're working on and receive helpful feedback. It's that simple. If you're looking for someone to tell you about your writing skills, come here. If you want to test your skills as a writer then, by all means come here.
I'll go first. Tell me what you think of it.
By Qualeshia Marshall
My name is Asher and I guess you can say that I'm the hero in this story.
To be honest, my life was completely ordinary. I went to school, helped my parents around the bookstore, and hanged out with my friends. Yup, it's a pretty ordinary life. But that all changed once I met him. You're probably wondering who "him" is. Well, "him" is name Lloyd Featherwood and he saved me from a twisted fate. What twisted fate was that? Honestly, I thought it would be cool to play the hero and save the damsel from distress. I had encounter some serious thugs who were harassing this girl who is extremely beautiful. Little did I know this girl would be the one to get me out of some serious shit. Her name is Cassanra Autumnsong and she works with Lloyd. I didn't know it but the girl could handle herself in any situation unlike me. So anyway, I was foolish and got in trouble with the thugs who were harassing Cassanra. If I remember correctly, I was heading home from school on a Tuesday when I decided to take the long way home. I wanted to clear my mind after failing the math test that I studied for but didn't study hard enough. I was so mad that I just wanted to take the long way home. I wasn't in a rush to go home for my parents were probably working in the bookstore. I didn't want to be bothered by them. Moving on, I continued my way down the long narrow path before me. Then I spotted a large group of people that drew me in with curiosity. I walked closer towards them only to see it was a group of misfits and one girl. The girl as I mentioned earlier who was standing there in the middle of them. The misfit or thugs were talking to her but she didn't say a single word back. She just stood there annoyed. For some strange reason, I didn't see it that way and only saw a girl who was in serious need of help. I dropped my bag on the ground then ran towards the group of thugs. I worked my way through the group until I ended in the middle standing next to the girl. The thugs glared at me and snarled while the girl just stood there looking at me. I didn't know what I was doing and to be frank I was a fool for doing what I did. So now that I'm in this situation and didn't know how to get myself out, I just improvise.
"Oh, thank goodness," I say with a nervous smile, "thanks for waiting for me and stuff."
"Hey, who the fuck are you?" One thug said to me with an intense stare, "what's your business here, dumbass?"
"Who me?" I responded to the thug frightened as all hell, "I'm just a guy here to come get my friend who is this girl."
"Do I know you?" she asked with a serious face.
"Oh, you're such a kidder," I laughed nervously, "you know me, silly girl."
"I'll ask your stupid ass again," replied the thug, "who the fuck are you?"
The situation was not looking good and I was running out of ideas on what to do. But I held my ground and stood up to the thug. He was scary but I wasn't going to let him get the best of me. The girl or Cassanra was still standing there looking bored out of her mind. But I knew that she was in danger...sorta. Call me chivalrous but I couldn't just leave her all alone with these thugs. Since it looks that the pretending is over I came clean for the thugs and things got serious.
"Alright fine you got me," I told them all, "to be honest, I don't know this girl but I'm not going to let you harass her. You bastards leave her alone!"
"What are you some knight in shinning armor ?" a second thug says.
"Yes, in a way I am," I answered him back, "I refuse to have you cause harm to this girl, you jerks."
"First of all, I never asked to be saved by anyone including you," she responded negatively, "get lost I can handle these assholes."
"See shows what you know, retard," the first thug tells me, "she doesn't need you."
It wasn't long until I felt a sharp pain in my face that literally caught me off guard. I hit the ground hard then looked up to see one of thugs looking down on me. I looked towards Cassanra but she was looking in another direction. Soon I was kicked at, punched, and even stepped on by the thugs and the girl does nothing...at first. It happened so damn fast that I couldn't believe it. Those kicks and the punches flashed like lightning. She was so swift with her hits that I could do nothing but try to catch a glimpse. The thugs fought with all their might but it wasn't enough and soon he appeared. Lloyd came to help the girl who was already kicking so much ass. One of the thugs pointed a knife at me then began to charge. But Lloyd intercepted it while quick on his feet. I fell to the ground feeling the fear enter my entire being as I watched both Lloyd and Cassanra beat the crap out of the thugs. It wasn't long until they ran away crying like little girls. Cassanra and Lloyd defeated the thugs and save my life.
The both of them eventually left without saying a word to me but I really didn't mind it. And that is a little of the story on how I met Cassanra and Lloyd. But how did I ended up working with them? Well after losing my family and home to a horrendous fire cause by reasons unknown, I had no where else to go to. I stumbled upon an agency call Featherwood and started to look for work. It was there I met Cassanra and Lloyd once again. They immediately let me join the agency and help them take on various paid jobs.
And that's how I became a member of the Featherwood Agency. It's not much to go on but it works. My adventures with the Featherwood Agency is full of ups and downs. This is my story.
Kamui: I'll kill you!