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Girlfriend doesn't want me to have manga collection
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Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16
What do you do when your significant other (who lives with you) does not want you to have a manga collection? or any type of collection that involves physical objects (books, DVDs, toys, etc)

it's NOT like she wants me to stop watching anime, she's happy i have my own interests. Her reason for being against having a manga collection is the fact that it takes up space, and she doesnt want to "have to look at it." she just values having a neat, clean living space without "messy" looking things. think a Zen'ed out home.

true, it takes up space, but if stored neatly on a shelf, is that so wrong?

Yes, I am the one who bought the house, but it is our home. in an adult relationship, it would be immature of me to say "my house my rules" when we both live there together.

i dont own any manga right now, but i've always wanted to find a favorite manga and have a small collection. so, how do i do this while keeping the house looking neat and clean?

EDIT: it's not that she wants me to give up my interests. not at all. she just doesnt want the physical media to be around our home, since she dislikes clutter and has a minimalist mentality (she doesnt own many belongings, and prefers a tidy living space). i also like a well kept home so i can see where she is coming from. i guess i just took it a little personal (or got fearful) when it started to encroach on my personal interests.

EDIT #2: thank you for those who chimed in with advice. i think making sure the items are stored neatly somewhere (like my home office) where she doesnt have to look at it daily is the fairest compromise. also, i could routinely get rid of old unwanted things to prevent it from becoming an issue of accumulating too many belongings.

many people are saying this is a doomed relationship. i would like to remind everyone that there is much more that goes into a happy relationship than just each person being able to preserve their personal interests.

i'm here trying to find a solution while keeping both our egos in check. her preferences are not any more or any less important than mine. even if i bought the house, and even if she takes more care of the house-- it is our home.
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25 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 6/15/16
Leave her.
Posted 6/15/16
Leave her
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Posted 6/15/16
You wish you're this guy:

UFC: Bobby vs. Khalyla - YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mG4ZpesfL08
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Posted 6/15/16

cavempt wrote:
her reason is it takes up space, and she doesnt want to "have to look at it."

true, it takes up space, but if stored neatly on a shelf (in my own office), is that so wrong? not to mention, we're talking about in a house that I paid for entirely.
yeah so what was the reason again?
So long it doesn't waste a lot of money and such I guess one could be fine with it (addiction problems)

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Posted 6/15/16
Is she like this with other things, or just manga and/or anime-related items? It's possible she sees such things as some kind of threat, if she considers it all to be borderline (or outright) pornography.

In any case, if it's your private office in your home, it sounds like she's rather controlling, which generally isn't considered a healthy thing in a relationship. If this sort of thing isn't limited to just manga I'd definitely say that couple's therapy or getting out of the relationship is your best bet.
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Posted 6/15/16
Well, what does your waifu say?
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20 / M / Norway
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Posted 6/15/16
These controlling bitches, I don't like them one bit. (I am sorry for calling her a bitch, just a bit upset is all)
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Posted 6/15/16
kick her to the curb
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26 / M / UK
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Posted 6/15/16
She sounds controlling
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California
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Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16

iriomote wrote:

Is she like this with other things, or just manga and/or anime-related items? It's possible she sees such things as some kind of threat, if she considers it all to be borderline (or outright) pornography.

In any case, if it's your private office in your home, it sounds like she's rather controlling, which generally isn't considered a healthy thing in a relationship. If this sort of thing isn't limited to just manga I'd definitely say that couple's therapy or getting out of the relationship is your best bet.


she is also like this when it comes to books and dvds. she just likes living spaces to be very anti-clutter. i love to read, but ever since dating her i've mostly just bought kindle ebooks because she's expressed her dislike for physical books to me several times. and she doesnt see why we should own dvd's when movies could be streamed. i've told her i dont want to always rely on internet access to watch the things i love but she just finds physical dvd's wasteful.

thank you for your response.
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27 / M / NY
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Posted 6/15/16
Turn it around and accuse her of how much space all her crap takes up.
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Posted 6/15/16

TRKitsune wrote:

Turn it around and accuse her of how much space all her crap takes up.


haha i would but she doesnt really like to own many things. she likes to be minimal. she takes up very little space in the closet and doesnt own many belongings.
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31 / M / Bristol, UK
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Posted 6/15/16
I'm afraid I don't think the relationship will work in the long run. It's one thing if a person is indifferent to your interests but to actually dislike them or forbid you from enjoying them shows they don't understand you or like that part of you.
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30 / M
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Posted 6/15/16

cavempt wrote:

she is also like this when it comes to books and dvds. she just likes living spaces to be very anti-clutter. i love to read, but ever since dating her i've mostly just bought kindle ebooks because she's expressed her dislike for physical books to me several times. and she doesnt see why we should own dvd's when movies could be streamed. i've told her i dont want to always rely on internet access to watch the things i love but she just finds physical dvd's wasteful.

thank you for your response.

If you're interested in continuing the relationship I would definitely suggest trying to have a calm conversation with her about it or attempting counseling - as there are definitely reasonable compromises the two of you could reach regarding these sorts of things.

If it's general clutter or wasted space that's upsetting her, then agreeing to a limit of say, a bookcase or two in your personal office is not asking a whole lot, especially if you agree to be the one to clean and dust in there (and do it). When the bookcase is full then you could put older / unwanted items on ebay or craigslist to make space, which would avoid any kind of "clutter creep" into the rest of the house.
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