First  Prev  1  2  3  4  5  Next  Last
Girlfriend doesn't want me to have manga collection
6394 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
The Wired
Online
Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16

iriomote wrote:

If you're interested in continuing the relationship I would definitely suggest trying to have a calm conversation with her about it or attempting counseling - as there are definitely reasonable compromises the two of you could reach regarding these sorts of things.

If it's general clutter or wasted space that's upsetting her, then agreeing to a limit of say, a bookcase or two in your personal office is not asking a whole lot, especially if you agree to be the one to clean and dust in there (and do it). When the bookcase is full then you could put older / unwanted items on ebay or craigslist to make space, which would avoid any kind of "clutter creep" into the rest of the house.


thank you iriomote.
19947 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
29 / M
Offline
Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16
That relationship is over. She is now upping her demands infinitly until you can't comply anymore. If you keep on working meeting her demands you'll end up not fullfilling them and she will need to leave you because you are a failure, if you refuse to give into the demands you are an asshole and where abusive anyways and she will tell every other boyfriend after you how she was the poor damsel who escaped a horrible relationship. She wants to break up with you but she doesn't want to be the bad guy, so she pushes you into that role by invading your space.
Only thing you can do is tell her it's none of her business how you use your space, time and money and not discuss it any further. Either she respects you enough and the relationship will go on or she's out. My money is on it's being over, if she respected you enough to begin with you wouldn't have that problem, sorry dude.
Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16
I think the issue is her [seemingly] controlling attitude. You need to have a talk to her about this issue she has about your stuff. From what you described, she has control issues although we can't really say for sure as we've never met her. Come to a compromise with her as iriomote wisely suggested. If she is unwilling to make allowances then I think you should reconsider your relationship as it is very unhealthy to be in such a one-sided partnership.
2652 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
28 / F / England
Offline
Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16

cavempt wrote:


iriomote wrote:

Is she like this with other things, or just manga and/or anime-related items? It's possible she sees such things as some kind of threat, if she considers it all to be borderline (or outright) pornography.

In any case, if it's your private office in your home, it sounds like she's rather controlling, which generally isn't considered a healthy thing in a relationship. If this sort of thing isn't limited to just manga I'd definitely say that couple's therapy or getting out of the relationship is your best bet.


she is also like this when it comes to books and dvds. she just likes living spaces to be very anti-clutter. i love to read, but ever since dating her i've mostly just bought kindle ebooks because she's expressed her dislike for physical books to me several times. and she doesnt see why we should own dvd's when movies could be streamed. i've told her i dont want to always rely on internet access to watch the things i love but she just finds physical dvd's wasteful.

thank you for your response.


Being a neat freak, I agree with her on the clutter issue - I have a collection of plays which can't be avoided as you need a physical script in rehearsal, Murakami and a few manga. The rest is all stored online or on my Kindle. I don't like the way the spines of the Manga look on my bookshelf as they're rather colourful, so I store them in an under-bed storage solution. Simply roll it out, lift the lid and pick a book (They're still stored spine up, so I can easily pick what I want). Voila - beautiful living space, without giving up my manga. There are multiple easy ways to neaten up your collection, and she shouldn't be telling you to give up something you clearly love.

Perhaps storing them in a closed unit, or as you say in your office is a solution. You get to keep your Manga, she gets to live in a clutter free space. If she isn't happy with a neat storage solution or keeping them in your own private space, then she's being incredibly selfish.

1152 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
M / England
Offline
Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16
just make sure you give her enough attention to make her happy
27158 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
22 / M / Prison
Offline
Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16
It could also be that she is an overly neat freak. It is a constant war between my sisters and I over where do I put my relatively few possessions and how much.
mdmrn 
25615 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
35 / M / Baltimore, MD
Offline
Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16

iriomote wrote:


cavempt wrote:

she is also like this when it comes to books and dvds. she just likes living spaces to be very anti-clutter. i love to read, but ever since dating her i've mostly just bought kindle ebooks because she's expressed her dislike for physical books to me several times. and she doesnt see why we should own dvd's when movies could be streamed. i've told her i dont want to always rely on internet access to watch the things i love but she just finds physical dvd's wasteful.

thank you for your response.

If you're interested in continuing the relationship I would definitely suggest trying to have a calm conversation with her about it or attempting counseling - as there are definitely reasonable compromises the two of you could reach regarding these sorts of things.

If it's general clutter or wasted space that's upsetting her, then agreeing to a limit of say, a bookcase or two in your personal office is not asking a whole lot, especially if you agree to be the one to clean and dust in there (and do it). When the bookcase is full then you could put older / unwanted items on ebay or craigslist to make space, which would avoid any kind of "clutter creep" into the rest of the house.

^ This was a well reasoned response.

And yea, relationships are give and take. If it's an ultimatum: You can't have physical media - then there's a conversation that needs to be had.

If it's an anti-clutter thing, what iriomote said makes sense. My wife doesn't own a lot of physical media and when we got married I did. I also had a lot of books. She is of the mindset that if you don't plan on reading it again ever, then there's no point in keeping it unless you have a sentimental attachment. We've compromised on a number of things. I have a lot of physical movie/CD media, but instead of storing them in their cases, I store them in binders which saves space. New manga instead of buying it (which does cost quite a bit of money), I borrow it from the library. She does the same with books she wants to read. All my video games (except for DS games), I've kept the cases and store them near the console. Again, there's compromise there. She also cut back on the clutter of the many, many cook book she owned down to the bare essentials she uses on a regular basis.
25798 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
30 / M / Atlanta, GA, USA
Offline
Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16
It's very important to have a clean and organized living space. That doesn't mean you can't keep comic books in an old shoe box, or on a bookshelf, though. If they're in a box, she doesn't have to look at them.

I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with her saying she wants everything tidy, if that's all it is.
3258 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Bent Reality
Offline
Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16
Screw her. That's so controlling! You should do what makes you happy you dummy.
2652 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
28 / F / England
Offline
Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16

PeripheralVisionary wrote:

It could also be that she is an overly neat freak. It is a constant war between my sisters and I over where do I put my relatively few possessions and how much.


This is exactly why I decided to buy a one-bed place rather than a bigger two bed, where I could rent out the second room.
I can't be dealing with peoples stuff - but at least I see that.

21780 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
47 / M / Between yesterday...
Online
Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16

cavempt wrote:


iriomote wrote:

Is she like this with other things, or just manga and/or anime-related items? It's possible she sees such things as some kind of threat, if she considers it all to be borderline (or outright) pornography.

In any case, if it's your private office in your home, it sounds like she's rather controlling, which generally isn't considered a healthy thing in a relationship. If this sort of thing isn't limited to just manga I'd definitely say that couple's therapy or getting out of the relationship is your best bet.


she is also like this when it comes to books and dvds. she just likes living spaces to be very anti-clutter. i love to read, but ever since dating her i've mostly just bought kindle ebooks because she's expressed her dislike for physical books to me several times. and she doesnt see why we should own dvd's when movies could be streamed. i've told her i dont want to always rely on internet access to watch the things i love but she just finds physical dvd's wasteful.

thank you for your response.


Books are to be cherished as for DVD and the streaming argument yank the router and hide it for a weekend. That tends to nip that argument in the butt. As for books and such the same goes for those as well there is a need to have an offline backup. Plus while digital is cool and all folks still like to thumb a book and they make great talking matter for parties. So tell her the router is out and it can't be replaced until Monday this Friday and enjoy her cabin fever and when she tells you she is bored and wants to go out toss a good book at her. People that don't read or enjoy books I don't get a good book is something to be shared and enjoyed.
3672 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
31 / F / Chicagoland ~
Offline
Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16
I had that issue with a couple ex-boyfriends. That's why they're ex's. If a person isn't content with the things I collect then I can always find another person. One of them was absolutely ridiculous though - he had a literal wall full of anime boxsets, but had an issue when I hardly had a dozen anime figures. 500+ and years later, I'm really glad I got rid of him instead of the other way around.
Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16
I don't collect comics so I'm amused either way. Do whatever you want.
1725 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
23 / M / Texas
Offline
Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16
Sit down and talk with her calmly about it first. Let her know exactly how you feel and maybe come up with a solution that makes you both happy. If that fails then by all means get the last word in, then dump her!
47498 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
21 / M / Sweden
Online
Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16


Tell her to throw away all her makeup and fashion cloths if you have to throw your stuff away in the dumpster.

Another solution would be to maybe buy a storage room or something somewhere and keep them there
First  Prev  1  2  3  4  5  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.