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Girlfriend doesn't want me to have manga collection
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Posted 6/15/16

DazaiShinju wrote:

Being a neat freak, I agree with her on the clutter issue - I have a collection of plays which can't be avoided as you need a physical script in rehearsal, Murakami and a few manga. The rest is all stored online or on my Kindle. I don't like the way the spines of the Manga look on my bookshelf as they're rather colourful, so I store them in an under-bed storage solution. Simply roll it out, lift the lid and pick a book (They're still stored spine up, so I can easily pick what I want). Voila - beautiful living space, without giving up my manga. There are multiple easy ways to neaten up your collection, and she shouldn't be telling you to give up something you clearly love.

Perhaps storing them in a closed unit, or as you say in your office is a solution. You get to keep your Manga, she gets to live in a clutter free space. If she isn't happy with a neat storage solution or keeping them in your own private space, then she's being incredibly selfish.



Thank you for your input, DazaiShinju.

Yes, her issue isn't about making me give up my interests at all. It is definitely more about the tidyness and atmosphere of a living space-- and I also enjoy a clean living space. A well-kept home brings me peace and tranquility, something I love coming home to after a day of work.

The implementation a neat storage solution like you suggest might be the perfect compromise.

glad to see a self proclaimed "neat freak" who sees value in keeping physical copies of Murakami.
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Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16

cavempt wrote:
glad to see a self proclaimed "neat freak" who sees value in keeping physical copies of Murakami.
yeah physical copies can be fun/better to have.
But just create a secret room of stash, so she won't need to feel that they are there.
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Posted 6/15/16

mdmrn wrote:

^ This was a well reasoned response.

And yea, relationships are give and take. If it's an ultimatum: You can't have physical media - then there's a conversation that needs to be had.

If it's an anti-clutter thing, what iriomote said makes sense. My wife doesn't own a lot of physical media and when we got married I did. I also had a lot of books. She is of the mindset that if you don't plan on reading it again ever, then there's no point in keeping it unless you have a sentimental attachment. We've compromised on a number of things. I have a lot of physical movie/CD media, but instead of storing them in their cases, I store them in binders which saves space. New manga instead of buying it (which does cost quite a bit of money), I borrow it from the library. She does the same with books she wants to read. All my video games (except for DS games), I've kept the cases and store them near the console. Again, there's compromise there. She also cut back on the clutter of the many, many cook book she owned down to the bare essentials she uses on a regular basis.


thank you for sharing. your wife's mindset sounds pretty similar to my girlfriend's. i will consider getting rid of some older stuff if i want to add anything new, and making sure it can be stored neatly.
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Posted 6/15/16

cavempt wrote:and she doesnt see why we should own dvd's when movies could be streamed. i've told her i dont want to always rely on internet access to watch the things i love but she just finds physical dvd's wasteful.


Streaming licenses come and go, so if one day you want to re-watch your favorite series (or watch it with a friend), and Netflix (or whoever) lost the license, you're SoL. You're also supporting the industries you love by buying physical copies. And the smell of new books is amazing.

Seriously, if she's so uptight and controlling about small things that make you happy, leave her. It's your house, and if she's not paying 50% of the mortgage, she doesn't have the right to tell you what you can and can't have in your house.
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Posted 6/15/16

Kavalion wrote:

It's very important to have a clean and organized living space. That doesn't mean you can't keep comic books in an old shoe box, or on a bookshelf, though. If they're in a box, she doesn't have to look at them.

I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with her saying she wants everything tidy, if that's all it is.


yeah, i know there is nothing wrong with her wanting everything to be tidy. i mean, i like a tidy home too so I definitely can see where she is coming from. i guess i just took it a little personal (or got fearful) when it started to encroach on my personal interests. i think making sure the items are stored neatly somewhere where she doesnt have to look at it daily is the fairest compromise.
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Posted 6/15/16

cavempt wrote:

Yes, her issue isn't about making me give up my interests at all. It is definitely more about the tidyness and atmosphere of a living space-- and I also enjoy a clean living space. A well-kept home brings me peace and tranquility, something I love coming home to after a day of work.

The implementation a neat storage solution like you suggest might be the perfect compromise.

glad to see a self proclaimed "neat freak" who sees value in keeping physical copies of Murakami.


I totally agree on the tranquillity, hence why I don't like the 'noise' of the Manga spines, if that makes sense.
Murakami is my favourite author so I give myself a break on that one, and his books are all beautiful to look at anyway! Since they're all White/Grey, I'm happy to display them. I hope you guys find a storage thing - Ikea is great for under bed storage and also does nice dvd boxes (Where I keep the Ghibli collection!!!)


Freddy96NO wrote:

yeah physical copies can be fun/better to have.


You're totally right - for a novel it doesn't matter to me, but for a play script where you're constantly flicking back and forth in rehearsal and highlighting, physical is better. Physical is especially good for Manga, there's something about having it in your hands, and obviously there's the whole reading backwards part. I feel like when you're not flicking backwards through a manga, it disturbs the flow of the panels.

qwueri 
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Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16
I'm going to echo the suggestion: keep your collections relegated to your own personal space. Sounds mostly like an issue of what to do with common space, which is something both of you just need to find an acceptable compromise for.

If she's trying to get you to stop buying physical copies altogether, that does cross over into control issues. If she can't respect your personal hobbies and preferences, her trying to change you isn't going to make for a healthy relationship.
Banned
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29 / M / B.C, Canada
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Posted 6/15/16
And this why I live in my own apartment. Ya don't like the swords, guns, and books I have on display throughout the place that's you're problem. This is my space, my money and time is spent decorating it the way I like. Just because we are dating doesn't give you the right to be my interior decorator end of story. And if you don't like it the door is right over there.
tyrjal 
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Posted 6/15/16
Its about compromise, do you have a lot you're not going to read anymore you could resell or give away? If not is there a space that is out of the way that she would be okay with you storing them? I mean if you live in a small space together with limited room thats one thing and I can see her side a bit, but if theres plenty of space and shes just overextending her minimalist personality(?) thats another. I would talk to her about a compromise as well.
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Posted 6/15/16
Sheesh, some of the responses here. >.>

This isn't a job for therapy, its a job for Ikea.

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Posted 6/15/16

runec wrote:

Sheesh, some of the responses here. >.>

This isn't a job for therapy, its a job for Ikea.



I like how you've essentially condensed my responses. You continue to be my hero.

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Posted 6/15/16
Just keep them in some sort of room where you can show off your collection, like a mancave or something. Maybe your girl will let you have that...that way, you get some space, and she gets to have her minimalist house.

(though I can relate to wanting minimal space. I try to limit what books I get because if Ilet it go, I'll be a book hoarder.)
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Posted 6/15/16 , edited 6/15/16

jaykirbydudee wrote:

Screw her. That's so controlling! You should do what makes you happy you dummy.


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Posted 6/15/16

cavempt wrote:

What do you do when your significant other (who lives with you) does not want you to have a manga collection? or any type of collection that would bring you happiness.

her reason is it takes up space, and she doesnt want to "have to look at it."
this bothers me a bit because it's telling me she thinks about that before she even thinks about the enjoyment I'd get from it, or my happiness.

true, it takes up space, but if stored neatly on a shelf (in my own office), is that so wrong? not to mention, we're talking about a home i paid for entirely

i dont own any manga right now, but i've always wanted to find a favorite manga and have a collection.

EDIT: it's not that she wants me to give up my interests. not at all. she just doesnt want the physical media to be around our home, since she dislikes clutter and has a minimalist mentality (she doesnt own many belongings, and prefers a tidy living space). i also like a well kept home so i can see where she is coming from. i guess i just took it a little personal (or got fearful) when it started to encroach on my personal interests.

EDIT #2: thank you for those who chimed in with advice. i think making sure the items are stored neatly somewhere where she doesnt have to look at it daily is the fairest compromise. also, i could routinely get rid of old unwanted things to prevent it from becoming an issue of accumulating too many belongings.


So my ex-fiance and I lived together in a house that I too bought. And though she wasn't that extreme, she didn't want me to have all my stuff out (Lots of DvD's/manga). I took my study closet and built some extra shelves into it and made it into a mini library. It has enough space for all my manga.

At first I was very aggravated about it because she knew what I enjoyed so why was she trying to make me hide it. But like you said it was for space reasons. And once it was all said and done I actually like it in the closet. When you have a bunch of shelves out in the open sometimes they can seem looming.


Posted 6/15/16
One of the dumbest thing I've ever heard no offence
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