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Post Reply Anyone secretly hope they will die soon?
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Posted 6/19/16

DazaiShinju wrote:


TheOriginalStraynge wrote:
I was kicking myself for wasting so many years searching for what had been in front of me the whole time. I know it sounds cheesy but trust me it's actually pretty important. Learning to love yourself is the first step towards learning to interact with and love others. It makes everything else possible. Good luck to you. I hope whatever circumstances are contributing to you feeling this way will change. If they don't change then try to change them yourself. Don't be afraid to grab life by the horns and give it everything you've got. You owe yourself the chance at happiness. We all deserve to be happy.


Ryu ^ This is bloody good advice.

Now, let me level with you. For around half my life, on and off I've struggled with depression, anxiety, eating disorders and at one stage even drug abuse. I couldn't possibly tell you why - I have a nice life, and always have done really. There are problems - but who doesn't have those? My self esteem varies wildly day to day. Crucially, I have never felt I can really talk about things, or how I feel... partly because I'm convinced people will tell me I'm being dramatic (The curse of the actor).

Last August, I hit what I thought was rock bottom. I'd been having suicidal thoughts and for the first time ever, wasn't sure whether or not they were just thoughts. It sounds like a contradiction - but I didn't want to die... so finally went to speak to my doctor to ask for some help (I refuse to take pills). I waited for help, and tried to keep my head above water. Then, in November my partner left me - he'd never told me he loved me, and had decided he never would. He'd had enough of me hating myself. You don't need the details - but it was hard, and I was in an extremely bad place. I've distracted myself with work for months. Finally, around 6 weeks ago, I was referred to a therapist - CBT. I'm 6 sessions in, and whilst it's hard to know how things will be when I have another dip (and there will be one), I am already feeling more positive about myself. Like mentioned above, it's about redefining your rules, and perceptions of things. It's about listening to the good and not just focusing on the bad. Now, you obviously don't seem to have an issue talking about this stuff - you're very vocal. That's a start. Don't do what so many of us do, and wait 10+ years to deal with how you feel - Please please see a professional about this - you do not have to feel this way.


How does one love themselves when they are inferior to their past self ...o.o
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Posted 6/19/16

Ryulightorb wrote:


DazaiShinju wrote:


TheOriginalStraynge wrote:
I was kicking myself for wasting so many years searching for what had been in front of me the whole time. I know it sounds cheesy but trust me it's actually pretty important. Learning to love yourself is the first step towards learning to interact with and love others. It makes everything else possible. Good luck to you. I hope whatever circumstances are contributing to you feeling this way will change. If they don't change then try to change them yourself. Don't be afraid to grab life by the horns and give it everything you've got. You owe yourself the chance at happiness. We all deserve to be happy.


Ryu ^ This is bloody good advice.

Now, let me level with you. For around half my life, on and off I've struggled with depression, anxiety, eating disorders and at one stage even drug abuse. I couldn't possibly tell you why - I have a nice life, and always have done really. There are problems - but who doesn't have those? My self esteem varies wildly day to day. Crucially, I have never felt I can really talk about things, or how I feel... partly because I'm convinced people will tell me I'm being dramatic (The curse of the actor).

Last August, I hit what I thought was rock bottom. I'd been having suicidal thoughts and for the first time ever, wasn't sure whether or not they were just thoughts. It sounds like a contradiction - but I didn't want to die... so finally went to speak to my doctor to ask for some help (I refuse to take pills). I waited for help, and tried to keep my head above water. Then, in November my partner left me - he'd never told me he loved me, and had decided he never would. He'd had enough of me hating myself. You don't need the details - but it was hard, and I was in an extremely bad place. I've distracted myself with work for months. Finally, around 6 weeks ago, I was referred to a therapist - CBT. I'm 6 sessions in, and whilst it's hard to know how things will be when I have another dip (and there will be one), I am already feeling more positive about myself. Like mentioned above, it's about redefining your rules, and perceptions of things. It's about listening to the good and not just focusing on the bad. Now, you obviously don't seem to have an issue talking about this stuff - you're very vocal. That's a start. Don't do what so many of us do, and wait 10+ years to deal with how you feel - Please please see a professional about this - you do not have to feel this way.


How does one love themselves when they are inferior to their past self ...o.o


That's an easy one to answer but a hard one to do. Stop focusing on what you were, and find the positives in what you are. I starved myself for years, and every time I look back at an old photograph I feel a pang of longing to look like that again. I'm 4st heavier now, and if anything a little overweight. It bothers me hugely. I'm not comfortable, per say - but comparing myself to a miserably thin 18 year old won't make me thinner, it won't make me younger and it doesn't make me happier. So I try to think about how I can move forward and make the most of what I have. Rather than looking at yourself as the inferior version of the past, look at it as the future you can be an improvement on your current self - focus on that.

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20 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
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Posted 6/19/16

DazaiShinju wrote:


Ryulightorb wrote:


DazaiShinju wrote:


TheOriginalStraynge wrote:
I was kicking myself for wasting so many years searching for what had been in front of me the whole time. I know it sounds cheesy but trust me it's actually pretty important. Learning to love yourself is the first step towards learning to interact with and love others. It makes everything else possible. Good luck to you. I hope whatever circumstances are contributing to you feeling this way will change. If they don't change then try to change them yourself. Don't be afraid to grab life by the horns and give it everything you've got. You owe yourself the chance at happiness. We all deserve to be happy.


Ryu ^ This is bloody good advice.

Now, let me level with you. For around half my life, on and off I've struggled with depression, anxiety, eating disorders and at one stage even drug abuse. I couldn't possibly tell you why - I have a nice life, and always have done really. There are problems - but who doesn't have those? My self esteem varies wildly day to day. Crucially, I have never felt I can really talk about things, or how I feel... partly because I'm convinced people will tell me I'm being dramatic (The curse of the actor).

Last August, I hit what I thought was rock bottom. I'd been having suicidal thoughts and for the first time ever, wasn't sure whether or not they were just thoughts. It sounds like a contradiction - but I didn't want to die... so finally went to speak to my doctor to ask for some help (I refuse to take pills). I waited for help, and tried to keep my head above water. Then, in November my partner left me - he'd never told me he loved me, and had decided he never would. He'd had enough of me hating myself. You don't need the details - but it was hard, and I was in an extremely bad place. I've distracted myself with work for months. Finally, around 6 weeks ago, I was referred to a therapist - CBT. I'm 6 sessions in, and whilst it's hard to know how things will be when I have another dip (and there will be one), I am already feeling more positive about myself. Like mentioned above, it's about redefining your rules, and perceptions of things. It's about listening to the good and not just focusing on the bad. Now, you obviously don't seem to have an issue talking about this stuff - you're very vocal. That's a start. Don't do what so many of us do, and wait 10+ years to deal with how you feel - Please please see a professional about this - you do not have to feel this way.


How does one love themselves when they are inferior to their past self ...o.o


That's an easy one to answer but a hard one to do. Stop focusing on what you were, and find the positives in what you are. I starved myself for years, and every time I look back at an old photograph I feel a pang of longing to look like that again. I'm 4st heavier now, and if anything a little overweight. It bothers me hugely. I'm not comfortable, per say - but comparing myself to a miserably thin 18 year old won't make me thinner, it won't make me younger and it doesn't make me happier. So I try to think about how I can move forward and make the most of what I have. Rather than looking at yourself as the inferior version of the past, look at it as the future you can be an improvement on your current self - focus on that.



Tried doing that I can't fix my head or gain more intelligence so my dream is forever out of reach.

The positives are I can get a job and live but I won't get my reason for living because I can't do high end math anymore like calculus and trig.

Not really interested in living a life where I my intelligence is impaired and I make less then 80k a year.

If I could find a way to uncap my intelligence then I would happily live.
Posted 6/19/16
Nope. I have a bunch of stuff to live for.
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Posted 6/19/16

Ryulightorb wrote:

Tried doing that I can't fix my head or gain more intelligence so my dream is forever out of reach.

The positives are I can get a job and live but I won't get my reason for living because I can't do high end math anymore like calculus and trig.

Not really interested in living a life where I my intelligence is impaired and I make less then 80k a year.

If I could find a way to uncap my intelligence then I would happily live.


With respect Ryu, I know what it's like to have a dream. I'm following mine right now, but there's no telling when it might become impossible for me to continue acting. I know my heart would break - but I think I'd be able to find another reason to live.
Acting is what I love most - it isn't the only thing I love. You love other things too. If you always look at yourself as a failure, that's how you'll feel.

I'm an intelligent person - There's no way I could do calculus and trig. If I based my entire perception of my self worth around my ability to do those things, I'd always feel stupid.

I'm a great actor - It's unlikely I'll ever win an Oscar. If I base my entire perception of myself around my ability to win an Oscar, I'll always feel like I'm terrible.

I hope this is making sense?
Besides, you hardly seem unintelligent to me. You may be different from how you were before - but you're not stupid.
Posted 6/19/16
Hmm.. we got threads on dying threads on suicide I choose to live
longer and enjoy my family and friends so much more I got to do before death!
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Posted 6/19/16
Whenever my heart is broken
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Posted 6/19/16
If i die, i die, as long as it aint painful or longwinded, just quick and painless.
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24 / M / Every desk drawer...
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Posted 6/19/16
I hope to die before the food shortage gets to the point where there is a widespread turn towards cannibalism.
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34 / M / Off the map.
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Posted 6/19/16
No, there are things I need to do.
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Posted 6/19/16
I came to revisit this topic because I woke up thinking about someone I knew a few years ago. She was nice, beautiful (too beautiful for her age) and overall decent person. Once I had a conversation about something akin to this by pure accident. By joking about her having grandchildren it triggered her and put a rather dark tone on the conversation. She revealed that she intended on not living past age 40, and was head strong about it. When I questioned why, all the reasons were vanity related (which I should have seen coming then). This taught me that anyone can rationalize anything to themselves, and it only matters if it makes sense to them selves, not anyone else.
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Posted 6/19/16
Who really wants to be in a hospital with serious pain and suffering from old age anyway. 50 is as old as I wanna be. Motorcycle no helmet cuz we got a population problem
Humms 
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Posted 6/19/16 , edited 6/19/16
Wanting to die early means you have given up on life itself.

Not wanting to live for something means you can never live for yourself.

You do not wish for death, because nobody said that your death would be peaceful, maybe it will be painful, then maybe death wouldn't be so simple to accept.

You must accept death at any corner in your life, expected, or unexpected, but you must never wish for death when you yourself have never accomplished life itself. To make yourself weak in the presence of others, you were better off never being born in the first place.

only the strong can live a life of meaning, even ones who follow another will become strong. What makes any of our lives meaningless enough to want to end it?

Become consumed, live in this dark hole the rest of your life. There are no ropes or hands to help pull you out now. Only a voice to tell you to climb out yourself. Die, or strive to live by climbing out that dark hole.

If you can't climb out, then die. There are no more kind words to help contribute to your own thoughts.
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Posted 6/19/16
I'm pretty scared of dying, so no. I'd like to live as long as possible. By "live" I mean still be able to be in control and still be myself. Once I get old and senile, someone should consider putting me down.

I do have those days of wondering what it'd be like just to not exist for a while. Just exist in a place without anything happening. That's as close as it gets to wanting to die.
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Posted 6/19/16 , edited 6/19/16
I hate talking to people too, that I gotta agree with. In fact this interaction right now, and the fact you made a forum post is more interaction than I ever would intend for myself. I just like life apart from the fact we're just animals in a pit, nature as a whole is dangerous and literally full of destruction but what we can do with it is awesome and experiencing that final outcome of intelligence molding nature to its best abilities intrigues me like no other. I like seeing people find ways out of their problems, or finding cures to other diseases; Even if we all die by a meteor tomorrow. I enjoy every subtle struggle and the feeling of accomplishment following it that I possibly can. It's a treasure to me because it's the only thing that ever gave me chance, the only thing that gave me existence and the only thing that allows me to fight for my continued existence. I treasure my life and this universe's vast network that forces matter into such a concise algorithm that we've came to be. That is wondrous to think about to me and until we find the answer to everything, which we never will, I would only then be content with my demise. So as you can see I plan to be immortal . Really if you were offered immortality you would decline? I wouldn't but maybe that's because I can't stop myself from thinking about literally anything and everything as I never make time to ponder on "wanting to die", thus as I said- it's just a waste of time for me.
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