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Post Reply What weight do you carry, what burdens do you bear?
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18 / F / Croatia
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Posted 6/27/16

imastew wrote:

It isn't about deserving or not; I'm transgender. As I said, I don't get to be happy.


That's true.
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20 / M / Hendersonville Te...
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Posted 6/27/16

Ryulightorb wrote:


Riker221 wrote:


Ryulightorb wrote:


Riker221 wrote:


Ryulightorb wrote:

enough to be suicidal ?


What exactly makes you suicidal? Experiencing any long term depression?


Long term depression.

Memory loss
Intellect loss
Enough disorders and mental problems that i take 13 pills a day

Overactive empathy to the point i feel everyones pain so now i just turn my empathy off and get comments like "Psycopath or Sociopath"
No job struggling to stay alive if it wasn't for my parents i would be dead.
Friends struggling with problems that make them sad and i want to help but can't do anything.

I can't just sit back and watch others suffer that goes against my personality and because of the world we live in that means i feel constant pain and hate myself for not being able to do a thing.

i could go on for hours and hours...


My dear friend...i know what it feels like to be an empath. It's not a fun road to be put on. I get it. But don't look at yourself as having all of the mental problems. Look at yourself as a living human first. Are humans perfect? No, far from. Accept yourself for being imperfect, love yourself for it. Because if you do, you can love others for being imperfect. I hate watching others suffer from the sidelines, but in order to help we have to make sure we can function at our best first, so you can help them at their worst. You have people that love you, and you are no waste of oxygen.

Do not view yourself as depressed. Look at it this way. You are the sky, and depression is a cloud. What happens to clouds in the sky? Well they come and they go. But because it's very cloudy outside does it mean that the sky is dark? No it means there are just big dark clouds in the sky. They will pass.



I dislike being human and i don't believe in perfection well i do but i hate it. XD


Well perfection is something completely unattainable to us. I don't even know why we have a word for something that cannot exist in this world until humans go extinct lol.
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Hoosierville
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Posted 6/27/16
About 180 of your Earth pounds.
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20 / M / Hendersonville Te...
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Posted 6/27/16

imastew wrote:

It isn't about deserving or not; I'm transgender. As I said, I don't get to be happy.


I'm.sorry but I completely disagree. Just because you transitioned does not mean you don't et to be happy. Idk what caused you to think that, but it's wrong. Nothing should stop you from achieving happiness. And don't listen to what others think. If you got people bothering you about being trans, then remove them from your life, if you can't, then don't listen to them. You do what YOU want to do. Who cares about everyone else?
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AKR
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Posted 6/27/16 , edited 6/27/16
Wont tell. Its cruel.



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20 / M / Hendersonville Te...
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Posted 6/27/16

animegirl2222 wrote:

just being me
an unstable kook who can't keep any relationship for the most part without screwing it up royally to the point where it causes everyone to either dismiss, reprimand, or lose all hope in me
and they all wonder why i don't trust anyone anymore

there are so many phantoms just situated above me that no one can see, that are so often misunderstood, and i'm so often disallowed to be a human being with a flawed personality or even a bit of a messy psyche without having my heart shattered again over it, because i invest such faith in the fact that every next eventual relationship will work, only to have it backfire as quickly as it begins

and nobody comprehends it fully, nor do i expect them to, but the pain of a past of being told you're amounting to nothing on account of a few mistakes or even simple misconceptions weighs heavily upon a heart, and sometimes the fragility of that heart breaks under the weight of it. because the hurt person will always feel as if every single sort of abandonment is their fault and never anyone else's, or vice versa, they ache so much with physical pain over being hung out to dry that it makes them want to spite humanity in its entirety because of a few shitty people, those few that were all, i guess.

everything just inevitavly ends in heartbreak and i feel like the more humanity i show and the more rawness i display, the more prone i will be to just have someone else i know hand in their resignation as even an interaction, forget about friendliness or anything closer. because nobody can handle me at my worst, not even i can.

so what's the use?

to quote some shit i wrote a few days ago after imbibing too much again out of my own anger

you wish you could just move on, but there's someone always scratching at the door begging for regression. you wish you could just stop being issued altogether to avoid evver being treated like someone's waste again, you wish you could stop downing medication prescribed by doctors who just keep finding more deficiency arise, but you never do, and it's always there.

part of me is still weakened, and it's not ideal. i'm not ideal by any stretch. i can pride myself in some of my accomplishment, but at the end of the day, a part of me is always going to linger in a stance that says "you can't, you're incapable, you're unforgivable". you'll never amount to anything. after all, that's what they've eventually said…

everyone leaves. there is nothing ideal, there is no one perfect who'll unconditionally adore you for who you are, and people are gonna be more prone to leave if you're the farthest from perfection, even if they themselves refuse to acknowledge their own flaws in the hypocrisy of leaving you for your own…

… never befriend anyone outside yourself, never fully trust anyone wholeheartedly, never give yourself to anyone or anything else. simply live in an eternal caution where nothing and no one can hurt you, and you'll never have the shards of the past occasionally streak across the bare skin of your back. then you're fuckin' invincible. living in the least humanly way possible.



Let me say this. From here on out, I don't want to hear you say "I quit" or "I give up." Look I know what it's like to be called a failure so much that it's hard not to believe it. But the wonderful thing about it, is the universe gives you endless chances. I don't know you, you may be a failure, you may not be a failure but I tell you one thing, from failure, comes the best learning experiences. The more you fail, the more you learn, the more you learn, the less you fail, eventually. I'm going to ask you to take a look at things from a different perspective. Do not worry about others, build your individuality, your independence. Learn to love yourself and not listen to what others say. Your life is precious whether you believe it or not. Don't give up, I've failed more than any man, woman, and child, and I'm still failing today. But you know what? I've got until I die, idk when that is, but I'm gonna keep failing, because that's how I learn.

I destroyed a 4 1/2 year relationship because I failed. Lost the love of my life because of me. Am I over it? Yes, because you move on. The thing is, I learned how to really love and appreciate more because of it. Even though it hurt so much, more than I could imagine, it carved a hole in my heart, now I can fill that space with more love, and compassion. Being a failure isn't all that bad :)
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20 / M / Hendersonville Te...
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Posted 6/27/16

Jophar_Vorin wrote:

Wont tell. Its cruel.





But are you a sadist? I haven't met one before, sounds interesting.
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AKR
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Posted 6/27/16

Riker221 wrote:


Jophar_Vorin wrote:

Wont tell. Its cruel.





But are you a sadist? I haven't met one before, sounds interesting.


Lesser sadist.

I love seeing others get hurt(Unless its someone really close to me).
I also like blood.

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20 / M / Hendersonville Te...
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Posted 6/27/16

Jophar_Vorin wrote:


Riker221 wrote:


Jophar_Vorin wrote:

Wont tell. Its cruel.





But are you a sadist? I haven't met one before, sounds interesting.


Lesser sadist.

I love seeing others get hurt(Unless its someone really close to me).
I also like blood.



Well everyone comes in different shapes and sizes. Sounds like you're a kid my type like me. Nothing to be not proud about. Be proud, because it's who you are :)
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AKR
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Posted 6/27/16

Riker221 wrote:


Jophar_Vorin wrote:


Riker221 wrote:


Jophar_Vorin wrote:

Wont tell. Its cruel.





But are you a sadist? I haven't met one before, sounds interesting.


Lesser sadist.

I love seeing others get hurt(Unless its someone really close to me).
I also like blood.



Well everyone comes in different shapes and sizes. Sounds like you're a kid my type like me. Nothing to be not proud about. Be proud, because it's who you are :)


Kid? Kid? KID? Im no kid. I am a fruit.
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20 / M / Hendersonville Te...
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Posted 6/27/16
Kind*
Posted 6/27/16
Harbor my deep secret
Idk, that I've tried to end my life but the only people that know I never met before?
I don't honestly know, I try to be as open as possible but I don't like telling my irl friends because they start to bother me asking if I'm ok and checking up on me, the gesture is nice but it get's annoying really fast
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Posted 6/27/16 , edited 6/27/16
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20 / M / Hendersonville Te...
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Posted 6/27/16 , edited 6/27/16

Velvet_Crowe wrote:

Harbor my deep secret
Idk, that I've tried to end my life but the only people that know I never met before?
I don't honestly know, I try to be as open as possible but I don't like telling my irl friends because they start to bother me asking if I'm ok and checking up on me, the gesture is nice but it get's annoying really fast


I can understand, was the same way at one point. Try to kill yourself once THEN everyone gets worried. Like "oh now you care?" I feel that. But, it isn't healthy to stay in that state of mind, negative energy attracts more negative energy. So by choosing to not be positive, you keep positive energies away. It's difficult at first but it gets easier with time, I promise.
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20 / M / Hendersonville Te...
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Posted 6/27/16

LubbockNR wrote:



Reps are overrated. I don't care about a reputation. Why? Because who I was, even 5 seconds ago, is not the me that is right now. As long as you give it your best, even if they hate you for it, it will turn out good for you.
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