Post Reply A Slice of Life and war novel
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25 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 6/28/16 , edited 6/29/16
Let me know if a thread like this one exist or not
Thanks a bunches.

Please ignore the thread's title for I've made changes. This is not a slice of life story. It's just a war story.

Tell me does this plot sound okay to you or not. What changes should be made? Someone needs to stop me from not sticking to one story pronto!


Title
The Aekhera Chronicles: Demetrius the Revolution

Settting:
Illfreycombe, Kenorland

Genres:
Drama, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Mecha, Military, War, Tragedy, Mystery, Science-fiction, Action, and Adventure

POV:
Third-Person

Premise:
A grand-prince wants to stop his father's plot for destroying the world and make the world a better place.

Plot:
Demetrius is the sixth grand-prince of Aekhera. He eventually leaves his royal life behind in order to complete his goal. After his sister was placed in a coma due to a horrific incident, he decides to give up his title as grand-prince. He is currently living with his aunt and uncle who are the new rulers of Kenorland. His life changes when he meets a mysterious girl name Kylantha. Kylantha helps Demetrius go forward
with his plan. Demetrius's plan is to get rid of his father and stopping the plan for war. He will form an organization which will work to stop his father from getting his way. Soon Demetrius or Zachary Eisenhower will become a big threat to the world. With the power of the Valkyrie, Demetrius might have a chance but finds himself caught in a series of unfortunate events. Can Demetrius stop his father and change the world for the better?
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Posted 6/29/16
I for one, am all for a war story with a slice of life in it.
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Posted 6/29/16

EJgarland1993 wrote:

I for one, am all for a war story with a slice of life in it.



Yeah, this story isn't a slice of life but it is war. I've decided to change that. Sorry.
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Posted 6/29/16
Again, I want to say that execution is 99% of what makes a story good. That summary could very well lead into something awesome with great execution. I think in a story like this, plot plays a lot bigger of a role than in some of your other stories, because you are dragged into a Code Geass type situation. You would need to write a convincing war narrative, which sounds like it could topple an empire. You can't just write characters, you have to play a game of chess where the underdog/protagonist is always one mistake away from being checkmated. I think a story like this would need a lot of work to go into the pre-planning phase if you want to make it epic. Now that is making assumptions about where your story is going, but I think that is what you summary implies.

As for the summary itself, I think you have a tendency of trying to introduce a little bit too much which is a little confusing. Valkyrie doesn't need to be mentioned by name and neither does Zachary Eisenhower. I think you could also give a little bit more information on what made him give up his birthright.
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Posted 6/29/16

sundin13 wrote:

Again, I want to say that execution is 99% of what makes a story good. That summary could very well lead into something awesome with great execution. I think in a story like this, plot plays a lot bigger of a role than in some of your other stories, because you are dragged into a Code Geass type situation. You would need to write a convincing war narrative, which sounds like it could topple an empire. You can't just write characters, you have to play a game of chess where the underdog/protagonist is always one mistake away from being checkmated. I think a story like this would need a lot of work to go into the pre-planning phase if you want to make it epic. Now that is making assumptions about where your story is going, but I think that is what you summary implies.

As for the summary itself, I think you have a tendency of trying to introduce a little bit too much which is a little confusing. Valkyrie doesn't need to be mentioned by name and neither does Zachary Eisenhower. I think you could also give a little bit more information on what made him give up his birthright.


So, I need to work on this some more?
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Posted 6/29/16

qualeshia3 wrote:


sundin13 wrote:

Again, I want to say that execution is 99% of what makes a story good. That summary could very well lead into something awesome with great execution. I think in a story like this, plot plays a lot bigger of a role than in some of your other stories, because you are dragged into a Code Geass type situation. You would need to write a convincing war narrative, which sounds like it could topple an empire. You can't just write characters, you have to play a game of chess where the underdog/protagonist is always one mistake away from being checkmated. I think a story like this would need a lot of work to go into the pre-planning phase if you want to make it epic. Now that is making assumptions about where your story is going, but I think that is what you summary implies.

As for the summary itself, I think you have a tendency of trying to introduce a little bit too much which is a little confusing. Valkyrie doesn't need to be mentioned by name and neither does Zachary Eisenhower. I think you could also give a little bit more information on what made him give up his birthright.


So, I need to work on this some more?


I think you could work a little more on writing the "summary" but I think for now, if you are committed to this story, you should make an outline of the war, following a typical three act structure:



Act 1 is generally the establishment of the conflict, and in this situation probably the establishment of the rebel band, leading up to when they actually draw the notice of the king. Act 2 is the pushback where they find things changing and that they aren't finding success, leading up to their big failure which almost destroys them. Act 3 is the twist where they change their strategy and make that final push to topple the king.

That is the general template of the three act structure, so obviously you need to fill it with what makes your story unique, but I think step 1 should be creating the war story. Actually, step 1 should probably be figuring out your themes and creating character depth (act 2's failure often ties into the main character's fatal flaw). Step 2 should be utilizing that to outline the war.
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Posted 6/29/16

sundin13 wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:


sundin13 wrote:

Again, I want to say that execution is 99% of what makes a story good. That summary could very well lead into something awesome with great execution. I think in a story like this, plot plays a lot bigger of a role than in some of your other stories, because you are dragged into a Code Geass type situation. You would need to write a convincing war narrative, which sounds like it could topple an empire. You can't just write characters, you have to play a game of chess where the underdog/protagonist is always one mistake away from being checkmated. I think a story like this would need a lot of work to go into the pre-planning phase if you want to make it epic. Now that is making assumptions about where your story is going, but I think that is what you summary implies.

As for the summary itself, I think you have a tendency of trying to introduce a little bit too much which is a little confusing. Valkyrie doesn't need to be mentioned by name and neither does Zachary Eisenhower. I think you could also give a little bit more information on what made him give up his birthright.


So, I need to work on this some more?


I think you could work a little more on writing the "summary" but I think for now, if you are committed to this story, you should make an outline of the war, following a typical three act structure:



Act 1 is generally the establishment of the conflict, and in this situation probably the establishment of the rebel band, leading up to when they actually draw the notice of the king. Act 2 is the pushback where they find things changing and that they aren't finding success, leading up to their big failure which almost destroys them. Act 3 is the twist where they change their strategy and make that final push to topple the king.

That is the general template of the three act structure, so obviously you need to fill it with what makes your story unique, but I think step 1 should be creating the war story. Actually, step 1 should probably be figuring out your themes and creating character depth (act 2's failure often ties into the main character's fatal flaw). Step 2 should be utilizing that to outline the war.



Okay, I'll work more on the summary.

Judging on the summary, would you read it? Is it worth the read to you?
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Posted 6/29/16

qualeshia3 wrote:


Okay, I'll work more on the summary.

Judging on the summary, would you read it? Is it worth the read to you?


I'll read it if you choose to post it. However, I do still think that execution is paramount, so I don't think its possible for me to get a complete grasp on things just by reading a summary.
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Posted 6/29/16

sundin13 wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:


Okay, I'll work more on the summary.

Judging on the summary, would you read it? Is it worth the read to you?


I'll read it if you choose to post it. However, I do still think that execution is paramount, so I don't think its possible for me to get a complete grasp on things just by reading a summary.


I tried, I really did.


Title
The Aekhera Chronicles: Demetrius the Revolutionary

Settting:
Illfreycombe, Kenorland

Genres:
Drama, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Mecha, Military, War, Tragedy, Mystery, Science-fiction, Action, and Adventure

POV:
Third-Person

Premise:
A boy wants to stop his father from destroying the world by starting a world war.

Plot:
The Arionhearts were the most notrious mafia in the underground world. Hendricks Arionheart is the leader and infamous legal criminal. His life changes when his father the current Grand-Emperor was assassinated. He was later made the Grand-Emperor of Aekhera. Hendricks's mother is the Empress of Kenorland was also assassinated. The title of Kenorlandic Emperor went to his eldest son, Lucretius. Hendricks rule the world the way he wanted. Because of this the world mafias, gangs, and legal criminals are on the rise. It isn't long until the world is engulf in chaos because of the rise of legal criminals and mafias. Hendricks managed to change the world in hisimage. This doesn't sit well with some people and many people try to assassinate Hendricks. But failed to do so. The Arionheart family are a force to be reckon with and is feared and hated throughout the world. The story then focuses on the life of Demetrius, the Seventh Grand-Prince of Aekhera and the secret leader of the Revolutionary Planet Federation. He works to make sure the world is safe and free from war. His major threat is his father who knows nothing about the RPF. While his siblings fight each other for the crown of Aekhera, Demetrius just wants to change the world for the better. He'll do whatever he can to stop his father from ruining the world. Along
the way, he meets a mysterious girl name Kylantha who helps him achieve his goal. Together they work to stop Hendricks(Demetrius's father) from throwing the world into chaos. Can they do it? Will Demetrius be able to change the world as a member of royalty or leader of an organization?
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Posted 6/29/16

qualeshia3 wrote:
I tried, I really did.


Oh boy. I just wrote a whole response and then it got deleted. Thanks internet. Heres the abridged version:

Writing summaries isn't really a super necessary part of storymaking. What I am largely encouraging is outlining and preplanning. That basically means figure out your themes, figure out your characters and where they get depth from, figure out your battle strategies ahead of time so you can better use foreshadowing, themes and make better character arcs.

For war stories in particular you need to understand all the conditions of the fight and really dive into the character in the war room drawing up strategies. These strategies need to make sense for the characters and the story, and they also need to make sense logistically. Don't run 200 men into a 10,000 strong army and have the 200 come out on top. No one will believe that. When you are dealing with such overwhelming odds as rebel group vs army, you need to get creative.

As for the summary, I do think that you did better at not including info that would fly over the readers head, but you still included a lot of extra info. I don't think you needed all that about the father. Just one or two sentences about the event that threw the kid over the edge would suffice. That said, I don't think you need to worry too much about the summary. Your focus should be on picking a story and writing it though to the end (including editing and rewrites). Do you want to learn more about this story and these characters enough to devote your time to it? That is your decision.
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Posted 6/29/16

sundin13 wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:
I tried, I really did.


Oh boy. I just wrote a whole response and then it got deleted. Thanks internet. Heres the abridged version:

Writing summaries isn't really a super necessary part of storymaking. What I am largely encouraging is outlining and preplanning. That basically means figure out your themes, figure out your characters and where they get depth from, figure out your battle strategies ahead of time so you can better use foreshadowing, themes and make better character arcs.

For war stories in particular you need to understand all the conditions of the fight and really dive into the character in the war room drawing up strategies. These strategies need to make sense for the characters and the story, and they also need to make sense logistically. Don't run 200 men into a 10,000 strong army and have the 200 come out on top. No one will believe that. When you are dealing with such overwhelming odds as rebel group vs army, you need to get creative.

As for the summary, I do think that you did better at not including info that would fly over the readers head, but you still included a lot of extra info. I don't think you needed all that about the father. Just one or two sentences about the event that threw the kid over the edge would suffice. That said, I don't think you need to worry too much about the summary. Your focus should be on picking a story and writing it though to the end (including editing and rewrites). Do you want to learn more about this story and these characters enough to devote your time to it? That is your decision.


This will be a challenge for me because I've never written a story that involves war and military. I really want to just jump right in and write it but I have to know what I am doing.

Besides this story is just something for me only. I don't plan on writing it for other. Since this story is just for me only, should I just wing it?
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Posted 6/29/16

qualeshia3 wrote:

Besides this story is just something for me only. I don't plan on writing it for other. Since this story is just for me only, should I just wing it?


Thats your decision, but for me, I don't think I could do that. I think art is to be shared
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Posted 6/30/16

sundin13 wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:

Besides this story is just something for me only. I don't plan on writing it for other. Since this story is just for me only, should I just wing it?


Thats your decision, but for me, I don't think I could do that. I think art is to be shared :P


The reason why I'm not sharing it with anyone is because it's not ready to be shared yet. Unless that person I'm sharing it with is going to give me helpful feedback on the mistakes I've made, then no it's not ready to be shared.
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