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Post Reply Would you read this story? Is it good enough?
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26 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 7/7/16
Let me know if a thread like this one exist or not.
Thanks a bunches.


Here is a novel plot I plan on writing in first person because I'm unsure of how to start it in third-person. Is this a story that your curious to know more about? Is it worth the read? Would you read this story? Let me know if there are any changes that should be made.


Title:
The Chronicles of Arikaisha

Setting:
Aokroypolis, Terris-Genesis

Genres:
Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Tragedy, Mystery, Action, Adventure, Science-fiction, Fantasy, Military, and War

POV:
Third-Person

Premise:
Eight people obtain the same powers from an immortal woman and use it to complete their goals

Plot:
The story revolves around the lives of eight people. These eight people have met an immortal woman name Anna-Mara who gives them each a superpower. That power is called Control Voice and has the ability to control a
person by voice. The eight of them use this power to try and change their lives. Demetrius wants to rid the world of legal criminals, Rosamaria wants to make her nation powerful, Bricks wants to rebuild his country once again, Kylantha is looking for her long lost father who fled the country, Artlin wants to stop his uncles from taking over
his father's throne, Natalia wants to stop her mother by starting a rebellion, Elijah wants to help the commoners stop his father, and Catarina is determined to stop her father from siding with the enemy. These eight are determined make their dreams a reality by using their power. This is their story.

Main Characters:

Demetrius Alexander Zachariah Arionheart: Seventh Grand-Prince of Arikaisha

Rosamaria Valencia Marianne Eisenhower: Crown Princess of Kenorland

Bricks Cray Ezra Ackerman: Prince Of Borussia

Kylantha Sherridan/Moranna Cosmina Delphinina Rosencrown: Princess of Cimmeria

Artlin Alcoy Gheraldo Miliandro: Prince of the Miliandro Mafia

Natalia Julienne Amanda Knightley: Princess of Avantica

Elijah Saul Joshua Carthage: Prince of Epiphania

Catarina Marie St. Valentine: Princess of Helvetica


Enjoy!!!
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25 / F / Various
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Posted 7/8/16
Yes, I would read it, assuming it's well done.

It reminds me of two of my favorite anime. One, I know you've seen (<3<3<3<3). The other is Eden of the East. Have you seen that one? I'm not saying it's a ripoff or anything - there's no plot that hasn't been done before, and it's always good to do things in new ways. This is definitely different from both of those, and it actually seems really interesting.

If anything, just make sure you can handle the complexity of all those different plot threads. I know that's what's killed my attempts at a lot of my own WIPs. I've had to put a limit on myself to make sure I only have so many characters and locations, to not lose track, and to practice the smaller things before leaping into that.
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26 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 7/8/16

LavenderMintRose wrote:

Yes, I would read it, assuming it's well done.

It reminds me of two of my favorite anime. One, I know you've seen (<3<3<3<3). The other is Eden of the East. Have you seen that one? I'm not saying it's a ripoff or anything - there's no plot that hasn't been done before, and it's always good to do things in new ways. This is definitely different from both of those, and it actually seems really interesting.

If anything, just make sure you can handle the complexity of all those different plot threads. I know that's what's killed my attempts at a lot of my own WIPs. I've had to put a limit on myself to make sure I only have so many characters and locations, to not lose track, and to practice the smaller things before leaping into that.


Thank you so much.
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Posted 7/11/16
So you made a new thread for this, and I just want to say... what you have here is better. In the new thread, you've whittled the plot description down to two sentences of cliches, ("Chasing their dreams" "Change their lives" "Life isn't kind to anyone"), and added two characters when you were already asking if eight would be too confusing.

To be honest, with the characters... how are they structured? Are they working in teams, or are they all separate? Are they all in the same locations, or different places? Do they know each other, how well, etc...

You might consider having a central team, ex, Rosamaria and Demetrius and a few knights from their countries, or something, and have them come into contact with the other groups as different arcs of their story. They would help the new group of characters that they encounter, and in doing so, figure out more about what it is they want to do with their own goals, and how to achieve them.

You seem to have a theme of the younger generation taking over when the older generation has lost sight of what needs to be done, or become corrupt. Try to develop that.

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Posted 7/11/16

LavenderMintRose wrote:

So you made a new thread for this, and I just want to say... what you have here is better. In the new thread, you've whittled the plot description down to two sentences of cliches, ("Chasing their dreams" "Change their lives" "Life isn't kind to anyone"), and added two characters when you were already asking if eight would be too confusing.

To be honest, with the characters... how are they structured? Are they working in teams, or are they all separate? Are they all in the same locations, or different places? Do they know each other, how well, etc...

You might consider having a central team, ex, Rosamaria and Demetrius and a few knights from their countries, or something, and have them come into contact with the other groups as different arcs of their story. They would help the new group of characters that they encounter, and in doing so, figure out more about what it is they want to do with their own goals, and how to achieve them.

You seem to have a theme of the younger generation taking over when the older generation has lost sight of what needs to be done, or become corrupt. Try to develop that.




The characters are working separately in different locations. So I should make Rosamaria and Demetrius the only two characters in the novel then bring the other character in later?
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Posted 7/11/16
Up to you which you choose, but you should focus on one or two characters/groups to anchor it... dividing the focus equally can be done, it's just incredibly difficult.

Alternatively, you could have each character's story be separate but connected works.
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Posted 7/11/16

LavenderMintRose wrote:

Up to you which you choose, but you should focus on one or two characters/groups to anchor it... dividing the focus equally can be done, it's just incredibly difficult.

Alternatively, you could have each character's story be separate but connected works.


Then Rosamaria and Demetrius along with Annamara will be my main focus in this story.
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25 / F / Various
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Posted 7/11/16
Okay, nice~ Do they meet in the story, or do they know each other already?
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17 / M / New Jersey
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Posted 7/11/16
I think the concept is interesting, but 8 different characters all focusing on different goals is kind of a stretch. I'd recommend focusing on two or three character's trying to solve their conflicts together.
For example, having Kylantha as a High ranking genreal in Natalia's rebelling army, and she uses her power to gather intel on her father.
You could even have use one male and one female character, and have a sub plot of romance. (you obviously don't have to do this, I'm a sucker for romance, so I had to recommend it xD)

These are just ideas and there are many other routes to take, but I do feel that focusing on that many characters will be way too difficult to turn into a good story.
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Posted 7/12/16

LavenderMintRose wrote:

Okay, nice~ Do they meet in the story, or do they know each other already?


Rosamaria and Demetrius know each other because they are best friends. They both don't know Annamara.
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Posted 7/12/16

DomesticDom wrote:

I think the concept is interesting, but 8 different characters all focusing on different goals is kind of a stretch. I'd recommend focusing on two or three character's trying to solve their conflicts together.
For example, having Kylantha as a High ranking genreal in Natalia's rebelling army, and she uses her power to gather intel on her father.
You could even have use one male and one female character, and have a sub plot of romance. (you obviously don't have to do this, I'm a sucker for romance, so I had to recommend it xD)

These are just ideas and there are many other routes to take, but I do feel that focusing on that many characters will be way too difficult to turn into a good story.


I've already decided to focus on three characters well mainly two.
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17 / M / New Jersey
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Posted 7/12/16
Sounds good
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Posted 7/12/16

DomesticDom wrote:

Sounds good


I have a new thread. It is called "Newly Revise Novel". Check it out.
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Posted 7/12/16

qualeshia3 wrote:

Let me know if a thread like this one exist or not.
Thanks a bunches.


Here is a novel plot I plan on writing in first person because I'm unsure of how to start it in third-person. Is this a story that your curious to know more about? Is it worth the read? Would you read this story? Let me know if there are any changes that should be made.


Title:
The Chronicles of Arikaisha

Setting:
Aokroypolis, Terris-Genesis

Genres:
Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Tragedy, Mystery, Action, Adventure, Science-fiction, Fantasy, Military, and War

POV:
Third-Person

Premise:
Eight people obtain the same powers from an immortal woman and use it to complete their goals

Plot:
The story revolves around the lives of eight people. These eight people have met an immortal woman name Anna-Mara who gives them each a superpower. That power is called Control Voice and has the ability to control a
person by voice. The eight of them use this power to try and change their lives. Demetrius wants to rid the world of legal criminals, Rosamaria wants to make her nation powerful, Bricks wants to rebuild his country once again, Kylantha is looking for her long lost father who fled the country, Artlin wants to stop his uncles from taking over
his father's throne, Natalia wants to stop her mother by starting a rebellion, Elijah wants to help the commoners stop his father, and Catarina is determined to stop her father from siding with the enemy. These eight are determined make their dreams a reality by using their power. This is their story.

Main Characters:

Demetrius Alexander Zachariah Arionheart: Seventh Grand-Prince of Arikaisha

Rosamaria Valencia Marianne Eisenhower: Crown Princess of Kenorland

Bricks Cray Ezra Ackerman: Prince Of Borussia

Kylantha Sherridan/Moranna Cosmina Delphinina Rosencrown: Princess of Cimmeria

Artlin Alcoy Gheraldo Miliandro: Prince of the Miliandro Mafia

Natalia Julienne Amanda Knightley: Princess of Avantica

Elijah Saul Joshua Carthage: Prince of Epiphania

Catarina Marie St. Valentine: Princess of Helvetica


Enjoy!!!


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18 / M / Brooklyn,NY
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Posted 7/12/16
Do you plan to make that as a cartoon?
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