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Post Reply When did you stop being a nice person?
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Posted 7/9/16
I usually don't respond to posts, but I relate to this a lot.

I'm 25 and I haven't really stopped being kind, but I've gotten more cautious. I do understand wanting to stop, though. I haven't really been bullied a lot for being kind, but I have had people try to walk all over me, take advantage of me, or think I was weak because of it. I let them get away with it for awhile and I was miserable.

I have had various customer service jobs over the last eight years. Despite being capable at each job, I have had people yell at me, because of my kindness at each job. They seem to think they can get their way if they bully me, but I don't let them get away with it anymore. Kindness is not weakness; it is strength. It is incredibly hard to be kind to people sometimes.

I have thought about not being so nice to people anymore more than once, because I have noticed the correlation, too. I have thought about how I could act differently, but I don't think I would be happier if I acted differently. The world needs more kind people- people who are nice just to be nice and not because they want something.

However, I'm cautious, too. I'll be kind to people until they are cruel/ rude to me. I won't be a jerk back (even though it is really hard not to be sometimes), but I'll adjust how I treat them. I start being polite- not kind and I won't go the extra mile for them anymore; I do the exact amount required of me in the situation and nothing else (especially at work).

I think nice people get treated badly by others, because sometimes people are jealous; maybe they want to act similarly and are not doing well at it; it makes them feel guilty. People may also assume that your life is easy because you seem kind/ happy. Or, like you said, they may assume you are weak. You just have to show them that you are not. This might be difficult- especially since you were bullied so much, but it gets a bit easier once you are not in high school anymore. Also, do you really want girls who are attracted to jerks? There are girls out there who do want nice guys. They might be harder to find, though, but I think that they are probably worth it.

The world has enough self-centered jerks; please keep being kind. You don't have to bend over backwards; just be nice.
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Posted 7/9/16 , edited 7/9/16

Ryulightorb wrote:


stuntie wrote:

I have never stopped being a nice person.

I'm considerate and well mannered, and hold the door open for people (anyone - doesn't need to just be women or disabled or anything).

it doesn't mean I'm weak, or a carpet to get walked all over, or in any other way to be treat like a fool.
I can and do bite back if you try to take advantage of my politeness. I just don't see the point in being an arse just because I can.

it boils down to if you are decent reasonable and courteous to me, then I'll continue being the same to you.

Life's too short to worry about what idiots think. Ignore them and move on. Their loss, not yours.


I'm jealous i wish i could ignore people and not care what others thing i have tried all my life and never been able to do either >.<


It's easy.
Think what lasting impact some 'idiot' or 'rude' person really had on your life.
99.9% of the time it's nothing. No real impact past the pissed of and upset stage. And if they don't care about your feelings, why should you care about them not caring about your feelings.
It's your life. Not theirs. So you get the deciding vote.

And for the 0.1% (i.e. the real idiots etc). that's what friends and the Police are for.
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20 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
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Posted 7/9/16 , edited 7/9/16

stuntie wrote:


Ryulightorb wrote:


stuntie wrote:

I have never stopped being a nice person.

I'm considerate and well mannered, and hold the door open for people (anyone - doesn't need to just be women or disabled or anything).

it doesn't mean I'm weak, or a carpet to get walked all over, or in any other way to be treat like a fool.
I can and do bite back if you try to take advantage of my politeness. I just don't see the point in being an arse just because I can.

it boils down to if you are decent reasonable and courteous to me, then I'll continue being the same to you.

Life's too short to worry about what idiots think. Ignore them and move on. Their loss, not yours.


I'm jealous i wish i could ignore people and not care what others thing i have tried all my life and never been able to do either >.<


It's easy.
Think what lasting impact some 'idiot' or 'rude' person really had on your life.
99.9% of the time it's nothing. No real impact past the pissed of and upset stage. And if they don't care about your feelings, why should you care about them not caring about your feelings.
It's your life. Not theirs. So you get the deciding vote.

And for the 0.1% (i.e. the real idiots etc). that's what friends and the Police are for.



I still care about their opinion on me it upsets me if they think badly of me.
I care about everyone and anyone for the most part the only.

My empathy is very high though and i'm a very emotional person so maybe that is why but the last rude person to me did make an impact they made me feel horrible and it ruined my day as much as i wish to not care and just ignore them i don't understand how to i can't turn off whatever i'm meant to turn off to stop caring well...unless i turn off my empathy that's about the only time i can ignore someone however i don't like doing that it feels bad :x

I guess this is a unique problem i mean i have heard your advice and tried it before i have taken tips from my Parents friends other people and my psychologist and i still can't grasp how to ignore someone and not care.

i just can't find the switch or whatever i'm meant to flick off so to speak.

EDIT: i just looked it up as i thought maybe its something to do with my disability ....turns out alot of people with Aspergers care about what others think about them way too much and have problems with ignoring most of them learnt to fix that in time but some never could from what im seeing.

Still i will keep trying and hope i can ignore people and not care what they think one day also
Posted 7/9/16
Never really stopped. I mean I try to be as polite as I can....though that doesn't always work out depending on the person. Some people can go fuck themselves.
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Posted 7/9/16
It seems like a lot of people here are college age, so we've basically just become adults. We are pretty much not "full" people yet because we have not experienced much of what life has to offer. To associate the people you meet apathetically based on your own solitary experience is not good for your own mental state. Everyone has troubles and life is hard.

Children and teenagers are generally associated with that of rudeness, selfishness, impulsiveness and cruelty because they are not real "people" yet. Their brains have not fully developed and their emotions are centered around themselves. Thus the term "childish". Plus, the added hormones and adult sized bodies that teenagers inherent will make things more complicated for that kid's life. That is why when a adult sees a well mannered kid, they like them almost instantly. They can somehow deal with the crazy world and still act like a kind human.

Personally, I've become kinder with my age. (even though I'm only 24) When you start to have kids of your own, you realize that everyone was a baby at some point in their lives. Whats really sad is people who are adults but act childishly anyways. Those people that spend all their free time harassing others on the internet; people who are obsessed with tribalism (the we are better than them mentality); people that are sexually repressed and want to take away rights from others. Many bad things probably happened to these babies that cause them to act certain ways. But they are all babies who have become broken adults.
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Posted 7/9/16
I was never a nice person. Oh, I had moments of being relatively nice, but it never felt like a core part of my personality.

I've become nicer as I've gotten older. I've mellowed a bit, learned to see things more easily from the perspectives of others, learned better (or started caring more) how my not-nice actions and attitudes affected others, been more successful at letting things roll off rather than being things that required a not-nice response. But I'm certainly not all nice. Not at all. And I think that's a good thing. I don't really like people I perceive as being very, very nice. (But I have more respect for nice people than I used to.)
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Posted 7/9/16
I'm a bit of a softy, I have to be nice.
Posted 7/9/16
Never, I try to be as nice as possible in all honesty but only thing that has really changed about me in all honesty is that I prefer to be quiet and alone.

Now I do go outside everyday and take walks and whatnot but never talk to anyone and prefer to stick to myself. In all honesty this didn't start happening till like I got into high school. I basically only talk when needed to in all honesty.

but back on subject I try to be as nice as possible unless well you start arguing with me but even then I try my best to be as nice and polite as possible.
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Posted 7/9/16
Throughout life I've observed, in general, two types of nice. There's nice and there's "nice".

Nice is when when we are kind and friendly and expect nothing in return. "Nice" is when we are polite and friendly for personal gain. I'm sure this observation isn't anything new to people past their grad school days. What people may not take notice of is that at any given moment any person can shift between nice and "nice". When we are nice we have no control over it as it happens automatically. We do have full control of when we are "nice".

I can see how we can become to forcibly control our emotions in an effort to suppress our genuine niceness due to being taken advantage of. Try as we might not to, once in a while we'll drop our guard and genuine niceness will flow through.
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Posted 7/9/16

Ryulightorb wrote:

So wondering when everyone else stopped for me it was in highschool in primary school i was known for my good manners and how polite and how well i followed instructions etc.

My Parents and teachers etc always said i was one of the kindest people they knew which looking back would have been true however i really hated how i was because i was nice to others without meaning to be it is just part of who i am.

I was bullied all the way through primary school and only got on well with Adults and Female class mates guys were always rude, when it got to highschool i was also for the first year or so then i discovered why people were bullying me.

People saw my kindness as weak and thought it was fun to pick on someone who is polite so i toned down my manners and stopped being nice to everyone (which takes a conscious effort to do so) and the bullying went down so life was bearable.

That's my experience anyhow but do any of you also act like more of a jerk towards people and more unkind because of how people respond to you i want to know.




(Also i failed tonight i ended up holding a door open for numerous strangers all who wouldn't stop thanking me ...T_T)


I was just about the only Asian kid in the whole darn school when I was in junior high.

Didn't have much of an easier time in high school either.

If anything I've gotten nicer. Seriously I don't think the past is a very good reason to be a jerk.
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Posted 7/9/16

nanikore2 wrote:


Ryulightorb wrote:

So wondering when everyone else stopped for me it was in highschool in primary school i was known for my good manners and how polite and how well i followed instructions etc.

My Parents and teachers etc always said i was one of the kindest people they knew which looking back would have been true however i really hated how i was because i was nice to others without meaning to be it is just part of who i am.

I was bullied all the way through primary school and only got on well with Adults and Female class mates guys were always rude, when it got to highschool i was also for the first year or so then i discovered why people were bullying me.

People saw my kindness as weak and thought it was fun to pick on someone who is polite so i toned down my manners and stopped being nice to everyone (which takes a conscious effort to do so) and the bullying went down so life was bearable.

That's my experience anyhow but do any of you also act like more of a jerk towards people and more unkind because of how people respond to you i want to know.




(Also i failed tonight i ended up holding a door open for numerous strangers all who wouldn't stop thanking me ...T_T)


I was just about the only Asian kid in the whole darn school when I was in junior high.

Didn't have much of an easier time in high school either.

If anything I've gotten nicer. Seriously I don't think the past is a very good reason to be a jerk.


I was bullied for the point that i was way to nice and polite so i changed you can't exactly change that you are Asian but that's very true what you said.

Still it's hard to be yourself when whenever you do people bully you and piss all over you you just end up changing after years of it so they just be quiet and the hassle goes away in my experience
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Posted 7/9/16

Ryulightorb wrote:

I was bullied for the point that i was way to nice and polite so i changed you can't exactly change that you are Asian but that's very true what you said.

Still it's hard to be yourself when whenever you do people bully you and piss all over you you just end up changing after years of it so they just be quiet and the hassle goes away in my experience


I can sort of understand what you went through since I've had my share of bullies (of course I can't completely understand since I'm not you...) but I think there's a middle ground where a person could still be himself or herself without being completely "washed" by everything around them. You must be stronger than what's around you in order to be yourself.
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Posted 7/9/16
Be wise like serpents and harmless as doves.
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Posted 7/9/16

nanikore2 wrote:


Ryulightorb wrote:

I was bullied for the point that i was way to nice and polite so i changed you can't exactly change that you are Asian but that's very true what you said.

Still it's hard to be yourself when whenever you do people bully you and piss all over you you just end up changing after years of it so they just be quiet and the hassle goes away in my experience


I can sort of understand what you went through since I've had my share of bullies (of course I can't completely understand since I'm not you...) but I think there's a middle ground where a person could still be himself or herself without being completely "washed" by everything around them. You must be stronger than what's around you in order to be yourself.


that's true
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22 / M / U.S.A.
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Posted 7/9/16
Shortly after my "emo" phase when I decided I would "harden" myself. The walls I built are a little too tall, though.
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