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Post Reply When did you stop being a nice person?
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Posted 7/10/16 , edited 7/10/16
i think that's a perspective term. You may not be kind to others while still being kind to yourself. you may not be kind to yourself but still to others. you may be kind or rude to some, but i doubt your rude and menacing to all. I would say i stopped being endlessly forgiving and kind elementary school.

I think its just about your core beliefs right, you developed a lot like i did by the sounds of it, you adapted to a situation that needed adapting too. I was abused a lot growing up and i decided it best to lock away most of my feelings. this is a dangerous thing ive come to find out in my young adult hood, its been years sense ive been abused or in a abusive house and i am still trying to regain most of my joy, i forced myself in my developmental years to be silent and cautious and evasive so i could avoid getting knocked out that the constant paranoia has changed my being.

my biggest warning is a catch 22, if you try and stop being bullied like this, you will face struggles with being able to relate to people, converse with people, feel excitement like most people, you will eventually become very apathetic. currently i try and talk to people, i try and be nice when i can and i try to help people as much as i can to retrain my brain in order to compensate for the years of silence.

ryu, you and i know we have had our differences, but that does not mean i don't like you as a person. you can be a nice person, but you can also be a jerk (i can as well). I can say that you are primarily a good person who just needs to get a grip on being happy for themselves and not others. your a good guy just need to remeber that your a good person and that your the only person living for you so you might as well love yourself, because no one else should love you more than yourself( not like an egotistical way but you have to be able to make yourself happy and not rely on others to be happy).
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Posted 7/10/16
I was never nice. I'm like.... evil nice.
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Posted 7/10/16

lukedollo wrote:

i think that's a perspective term. You may not be kind to others while still being kind to yourself. you may not be kind to yourself but still to others. you may be kind or rude to some, but i doubt your rude and menacing to all. I would say i stopped being endlessly forgiving and kind elementary school.

I think its just about your core beliefs right, you developed a lot like i did by the sounds of it, you adapted to a situation that needed adapting too. I was abused a lot growing up and i decided it best to lock away most of my feelings. this is a dangerous thing ive come to find out in my young adult hood, its been years sense ive been abused or in a abusive house and i am still trying to regain most of my joy, i forced myself in my developmental years to be silent and cautious and evasive so i could avoid getting knocked out that the constant paranoia has changed my being.

my biggest warning is a catch 22, if you try and stop being bullied like this, you will face struggles with being able to relate to people, converse with people, feel excitement like most people, you will eventually become very apathetic. currently i try and talk to people, i try and be nice when i can and i try to help people as much as i can to retrain my brain in order to compensate for the years of silence.


I never could relate to people or converse with people and was very apathetic to begin with i think... as i have Autism which makes understanding people way over my head.

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Posted 7/10/16 , edited 7/10/16

Ryulightorb wrote:


lukedollo wrote:

I never could relate to people or converse with people and was very apathetic to begin with i think... as i have Autism which makes understanding people way over my head.



i added more to my original post bud, didn't realize it was you due to the changed avatar.

you cant do something you claim you can't do.
if you claim you can't do it you've already given up.
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Posted 7/10/16 , edited 7/10/16

lukedollo wrote:


Ryulightorb wrote:


lukedollo wrote:

I never could relate to people or converse with people and was very apathetic to begin with i think... as i have Autism which makes understanding people way over my head.



i added more to my original post bud, didn't realize it was you due to the changed avatar.

you cant do something you claim you can't do.
if you claim you can't do it you've already given up.


True xD i study people to try to understand them but that has offended people but ill continue to try to understand people!

Also i read what you wrote you are right thanks man ^^
Posted 7/10/16
tomorroowow
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Posted 7/10/16
i can understand that, i've been a doormat all my life and i've also been bullied up until high school when I stopped being bothered. i'm honestly still a doormat, but i have definitely lost a bit of my niceness, I feel. for years i've always felt like the same person despite everything that happened to me, up until i had my first relationship which ended in a total mess. it cut me deep and for the first time, i felt something inside of me changing.

can't say it's necessarily a bad thing because it could just mean you are maturing as a person and becoming more aware of yourself to not become a complete doormat.
Posted 7/10/16
I can't not be nice but that doesn't mean I'm a pushover either. I just find that it's best to always lead with niceness -- genuine niceness -- unless I really dislike someone, then I have no problem being blunt.
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Posted 7/10/16
im always nice
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M / In Italy for a year
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Posted 7/10/16
When my parents got divorced
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Posted 7/10/16
Last thursday.
Posted 7/10/16
Nice? It's more that I just know how to act that is socially accepted.
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Posted 7/10/16
Well I'm still nice to people in general, I'm just a bit more wary of who to trust and stuff. I was bullied in school but that never brought me down and I even went on to do community work because I wanted to help others. We cant let our bad experiences influence the way we behave otherwise, we are just creating a cycle of hatred. Simple law of attraction, everything you put out there comes back. Anyway to answer the question I did have a phase when I stopped trusting others. It was about 8 years ago that my supposedly BFF slept with the guy I liked, we lived in a shared accommodation and I started fancying one of our housemates. One evening we were having a bbq and I confessed to her that I fancied R., for a moment I thought that her face dropped but I dismissed it. The morning after, she came to my room to let me know that she didn't mean it but she was drunk and went into his bedroom. She also added that he was soooo good I should definetly try. So I laughed it off and said I don't really like used goods. I could have killed her and I hated her with all my might. Afterwards I stopped trusting people.
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Posted 7/10/16

Rinrinrinn wrote:

I can't not be nice but that doesn't mean I'm a pushover either. I just find that it's best to always lead with niceness -- genuine niceness -- unless I really dislike someone, then I have no problem being blunt.


why not be nice and blunt?

being blunt doesn't mean the opposite of nice o.o
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Posted 7/10/16
I wouldn't say that I'm not nice, in fact I'm a very kind person if people show me kindness in return, I'm just a bit of a recluse. I'm the person you'll find sitting alone in a corner somewhere and who won't talk to people if there is a party or a social event. People often think I'm unkind because of that but it's just because I lost confidence and now think people just don't enjoy talking to me. It's a bit of a vicious cycle. I don't think many people are intentionally unkind, for many it is just a result of bad experiences and an attempt to protect themselves.
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