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Post Reply Done anything you regret lately also am i weird for this?
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20 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
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Posted 7/10/16 , edited 7/10/16
So today i did something i hate myself for.

Bit of backstory i have a support worker with me for sessions most days of the week so i can get my disability pension its hard to explain in detail but that is needed to be known.

So i was with said support worker at the mall and i saw a girl who had the face of despair and just looked terrible like it was a smile but it was obvious to see it was forced.

She had cuts up both her arms fresh ones over 60 roughly from what i counted.

I didn't ask her if she was ok because my support worker was there and tells people to mind their business.

So i just left...and i totally regretted it 10 minutes later i was at the gym with my support worker and i told him something had come up and i had to go for the day and i made my way back to the mall.

Spent an hour looking just incase with no one to be found not a surprise i expected that but i still felt horrible for not being able to just ask if they were ok.

Most people including my Mother asked me why would i care it's a stranger its not your business just leave them to their own problems however that really just ...struck me.

I have always helped people friend or stranger and gone out of my way to help those even when it disadvantaged me.
Sometimes it is best to mind your own business which i have learnt over the years but sometimes doing that is asking for trouble.

I don't think i will ever understand how people can just walk on after seeing someone like that plainly hurting but i hope if i see them again i can tell them not to give up.

It just annoys me because most people like that are like that because those who are around them whose business it is give 0 shits about them.

I have always looked up to and idolized my hero's and wanted to be like them ever since i was a kid i guess that's what developed me into the person i am now which im not sure is good or bad but i can't not walk away when someone is hurt.

Which reminds me when i saw this in my new favourite Manga i kind of smiled because that is the kind of person i have always looked up to and longed to be.



I have been made fun of over the years because i try to help anyone i can but despite that is it so wrong to want to help others for the sake of helping others?

Why do people assume if someone is helping someone they are doing it for personal gain that is just...disgusting :P


Over the years of helping friends and strangers and comforting people i don't even know i have heard it all "playing hero" "White Knight" etc and i just can't understand ...what do people have against helping people for the sake of helping people.

I come off here alot as a depressed and emotionless person which is to an extent true however ...one of the most enjoyable things in life imo is when you are able to bring a smile to someone.

Seeing those smiles and seeing someone get better and happy is worth every bit of sacrifice you can make to make it happen.
Posted 7/10/16
I think it's weird you counted, that's about it.
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Posted 7/11/16

Sir_jamesalot wrote:

I think it's weird you counted, that's about it.


I'm very perceptive with details im used to noticing intricate things most people don't see detail wise...it was a rough count based over what i saw
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Posted 7/11/16
You can't help everyone, though it's understandable to want to.

There are some you simply don't have the ability or resources to help, and some that frankly, you shouldn't help because they need to help themselves, and outside help would probably make it worse. You really have to pay attention and learn to observe in a detached objective manner to know when to offer help and when to not get involved. Even then you'll still wonder when you choose not to interfere.

In your example, I'd have to say it could have been dangerous for you to get involved, especially not knowing the girl or her circumstances.
You're making a few assumptions -
1) that the cuts were self inflicted and not done by someone else, or the result of an accident.
2) that she was mentally in a state where she could and would accept your concern as altruistic and not some ploy, or something that would expose her to the public. If she wasn't, that could have caused her to withdraw further and be even harder to ever help.
3) anything you might have said would help her.

Yes, the fact that you were able to count the cuts could be a cry for help, but it could be that she simply doesn't care if people know what she's doing, which may be even worse. Dealing with emotionally unstable people isn't a job for the untrained.

I know, the thought that you'll see something terrible about her on the news and that you might have done something to prevent it is terrifying.
But thinking you could 'save' her is frankly arrogant presumption.

If it's still haunting you, talk to your family and friends, your doctor, hell, call the police if you genuinely think she's suicidal; put everyone you know on the lookout so they can help find this girl, figure out who she is, and get professionals to make contact with her.

Lastly, and I don't meant to sound cruel, but if you truly believe you're doing the right thing, you wouldn't pay any heed to your support worker and tell them to shut up and wait for you. If you're going to beat yourself up over anything, that should be it, not your failure to intervene.
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Posted 7/11/16

CasvalRemDaikun wrote:

You can't help everyone, though it's understandable to want to.

There are some you simply don't have the ability or resources to help, and some that frankly, you shouldn't help because they need to help themselves, and outside help would probably make it worse. You really have to pay attention and learn to observe in a detached objective manner to know when to offer help and when to not get involved. Even then you'll still wonder when you choose not to interfere.

In your example, I'd have to say it could have been dangerous for you to get involved, especially not knowing the girl or her circumstances.
You're making a few assumptions -
1) that the cuts were self inflicted and not done by someone else, or the result of an accident.
2) that she was mentally in a state where she could and would accept your concern as altruistic and not some ploy, or something that would expose her to the public. If she wasn't, that could have caused her to withdraw further and be even harder to ever help.
3) anything you might have said would help her.

Yes, the fact that you were able to count the cuts could be a cry for help, but it could be that she simply doesn't care if people know what she's doing, which may be even worse. Dealing with emotionally unstable people isn't a job for the untrained.

I know, the thought that you'll see something terrible about her on the news and that you might have done something to prevent it is terrifying.
But thinking you could 'save' her is frankly arrogant presumption.

If it's still haunting you, talk to your family and friends, your doctor, hell, call the police if you genuinely think she's suicidal; put everyone you know on the lookout so they can help find this girl, figure out who she is, and get professionals to make contact with her.

Lastly, and I don't meant to sound cruel, but if you truly believe you're doing the right thing, you wouldn't pay any heed to your support worker and tell them to shut up and wait for you. If you're going to beat yourself up over anything, that should be it, not your failure to intervene.



I agree with most of what you are saying not all but yeah those are things to take into consideration and all aside from point 1 i did take into consideration.

I always deal with emotionally unstable people as i hang around them the most.

I never thought it could save her chances are i would have little impact however i used to cut and was like her once and all i wanted was someone to come up to me and ask if i was ok.


You are right i shouldn't beat myself up over it i guess however i just wish i could have tried to help in any way.

I'm used to dealing with unstable people and can generally (Not always) calm them down a bit and cheer them up which is all i wanted to do.

We have a thing here where i live where you are advised to ask someone if they are ok if they look like they are depressed.
As someone who has depression i know when i see it on someones face and most people being asked if they are ok makes them happy.

but you are right it could have turned out as number 2.

However i think the odds are more in favor of it not turning out like that in my opinion
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Posted 7/11/16
I think you're weird for making your post like that, it just makes it harder for me to pay attention. As for the question, I've done some things lately that I regret, yes, one of them being that I may have just ended my relationship (yeah, I know, it pisses me off).
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Posted 7/11/16

guitarzim22 wrote:

I think you're weird for making your post like that, it just makes it harder for me to pay attention. As for the question, I've done some things lately that I regret, yes, one of them being that I may have just ended my relationship (yeah, I know, it pisses me off).


ouch man.... :| if it makes you feel better my friend got layed off at his job just as he put down a deposit for six months rent
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Posted 7/11/16

ouch man.... :| if it makes you feel better my friend got layed off at his job just as he put down a deposit for six months rent


Ooh, that's gotta hurt. Ah, I'm not even gonna worry about the problem, it happens, we just realized we weren't right for each other and that we never talked.
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Posted 7/11/16
Yeah. Saw this really great looking sushi stand when I was in Panama City a few weeks ago.

Regretted not getting some ever since.
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Posted 7/11/16
You are quite empathetic despite having said otherwise. I wouldn't bother.

I don't regret anything as it stands.



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Posted 7/11/16
There's nothing wrong or weird about you. I'm a lot like you and in fact I would even go so far as to say my sole purpose for being on this planet is to possibly say a kind word to someone who needs to hear that kind word at that particular moment. Don't listen to all the people who will tell you to just mind your own business. Obviously there are times when you should NOT butt in but it sounds like you have learned when it is or isn't a good time to step in. I would honestly be kicking myself too if I saw a girl like that and did not say anything but I would also be the first person to tell you not to beat yourself up over it. I know it's hard but maybe she needed to feel that particular pain that day for some reason. Who knows, that bad day she's having may be a turning point in her life and those feelings she's having could be necessary for her moving forward. I do know that cutting oneself is some nasty business and people who do so usually have VERY deep rotted psychological problems and it can be a chore even for professionals to help them get their lives back on track. I've also learned to go with my initial impressions on people or my gut instinct and you said:

I didn't ask her if she was ok because my support worker was there and tells people to mind their business.



So maybe your instincts were correct this time. Maybe if you had stopped to check on her then the support worker might have said something that made her feel worse. You never know. Regardless in the end there's not a whole lot you can really do to help someone else. Most of it is up to them but that doesn't mean we have to quit trying either. I will always butt my nose in where it's not my business if I see someone else I think is suffering. It's just who I am and it sounds like that's just who you are too. My advice to you would be to just be true to yourself. Only you know what is or isn't right for you to do. At the end of the day it's you that has to be able to sleep at night and live with yourself. We all do things (whether it's through action or inaction) that we regret later. That too is a good thing and it's a part of our learning process and helps us to grow as people. Maybe you were meant to regret not asking this person if they were okay so that you will better be prepared to ask the next person?

The fact that you were able to estimate or count that many cuts tells me you're one of those people who's able to size things up as well as look at things from multiple angles simultaneously. If you aren't working in a field where you help others (Doctors, nurse, psychologist, case workers, etc.) then you might want to think about doing so. There's really a lot of fields where you can get the most out of your skillset and I imagine they'll come in extremely useful to you no matter what field you work in. Just be yourself and do what you think is right. Sometimes all someone needs is a kind word and to know that they're not alone. You sound like a awesome person and I wish you the best. Don't beat yourself up over it.
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Posted 7/11/16

PrinceJudar wrote:

You are quite empathetic despite having said otherwise. I wouldn't bother.

I don't regret anything as it stands.





i'm in a weird position where my Empathy can go from super low to the other end.
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Posted 7/11/16

TheOriginalStraynge wrote:

There's nothing wrong or weird about you. I'm a lot like you and in fact I would even go so far as to say my sole purpose for being on this planet is to possibly say a kind word to someone who needs to hear that kind word at that particular moment. Don't listen to all the people who will tell you to just mind your own business. Obviously there are times when you should NOT butt in but it sounds like you have learned when it is or isn't a good time to step in. I would honestly be kicking myself too if I saw a girl like that and did not say anything but I would also be the first person to tell you not to beat yourself up over it. I know it's hard but maybe she needed to feel that particular pain that day for some reason. Who knows, that bad day she's having may be a turning point in her life and those feelings she's having could be necessary for her moving forward. I do know that cutting oneself is some nasty business and people who do so usually have VERY deep rotted psychological problems and it can be a chore even for professionals to help them get their lives back on track. I've also learned to go with my initial impressions on people or my gut instinct and you said:

I didn't ask her if she was ok because my support worker was there and tells people to mind their business.



So maybe your instincts were correct this time. Maybe if you had stopped to check on her then the support worker might have said something that made her feel worse. You never know. Regardless in the end there's not a whole lot you can really do to help someone else. Most of it is up to them but that doesn't mean we have to quit trying either. I will always butt my nose in where it's not my business if I see someone else I think is suffering. It's just who I am and it sounds like that's just who you are too. My advice to you would be to just be true to yourself. Only you know what is or isn't right for you to do. At the end of the day it's you that has to be able to sleep at night and live with yourself. We all do things (whether it's through action or inaction) that we regret later. That too is a good thing and it's a part of our learning process and helps us to grow as people. Maybe you were meant to regret not asking this person if they were okay so that you will better be prepared to ask the next person?

The fact that you were able to estimate or count that many cuts tells me you're one of those people who's able to size things up as well as look at things from multiple angles simultaneously. If you aren't working in a field where you help others (Doctors, nurse, psychologist, case workers, etc.) then you might want to think about doing so. There's really a lot of fields where you can get the most out of your skillset and I imagine they'll come in extremely useful to you no matter what field you work in. Just be yourself and do what you think is right. Sometimes all someone needs is a kind word and to know that they're not alone. You sound like a awesome person and I wish you the best. Don't beat yourself up over it.



Someone said to me when i asked them "Someone "trained" recognizes boundaries. Going up to a stranger and asking about their scars is just fucking dangerous. Your support worker is trained and recognizes this.
If you see someone crying and asking for help, by all means go and help. Someone minding their own business is not offering you up an invitation for conversation."

So i don't know if they are right i disagree with them but i see their point.

But thanks and i think you are right.

I got negative comments and people telling me i shouldn't want to help and should mind my own bussiness when i asked a big group im in and people also tell me the opposite im not sure what to believe but all i know is i want to be true to myself and not become the type of person i would hate to be ...someone that walks away without helping because it's none of their bussiness
Posted 7/11/16
I totally regret spending my saved up 50 gems on the class spawn in Unison League since I got crap gear. Ughhh... That really sucked!!

As for your question about what you experienced, sometimes you need to understand that it's not your job to save people. Unless something is escalating right then and there and it's imperative that you interfere, then the best thing to do would be to mind your own business. There is no need to get yourself involved in things you know nothing about unless it's a matter of life and death. Even then there are so many unknown factors that could put you in a lot of danger, so it would be best to call for more help.
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Posted 7/11/16

Rinrinrinn wrote:

I totally regret spending my saved up 50 gems on the class spawn in Unison League since I got crap gear. Ughhh... That really sucked!!

As for your question about what you experienced, sometimes you need to understand that it's not your job to save people. Unless something is escalating right then and there and it's imperative that you interfere, then the best thing to do would be to mind your own business. There is no need to get yourself involved in things you know nothing about unless it's a matter of life and death. Even then there are so many unknown factors that could put you in a lot of danger, so it would be best to call for more help.


It's not my job i never said it was however if someone else doesn't try to help then i will always try to help.

I hate people who just stand around and mind their own business then nothing gets done i mean yes it's more dangerous but if i did that i wouldn't be able to live with myself if i went against my ideals and beliefs like that i would rather not exist at all

I don't want to become what i see as disgusting (which i see people who don't try to help and minding their own business at such times as disgusting)

i guess that's a flaw for me then but last time i didn't try to help someone i hated myself and i still hate myself for doing what i despise and being the type of person i despise and hate in that regard.
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