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Post Reply Here is the breaking down of my plot
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Posted 7/19/16
Let me know if a thread like this one exist or not.
Thanks a bunches.


So, I decided to break the plot down the best way I could. If you have any questions about this plot, ask away. I will try my best to answer the questions. I welcome all feedback to my thread. Let me know if I need to make any corrections with it. Excuse my terrible grammar.

Here it is in spoiler:



Enjoy!!!
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First of all, i want to say that this is virtually all backstory moreso than plot. In my story, I have a whole backstory written out but virtually none of it is actually in my book. Its good to know these things but when you are writing, think about what the readers actually need to know to avoid throwing unnecessary information at them.


Are all of the leaders Prometheans or Neo-sapiens?

What is a God Slaying Machine?

I feel like CUFF and EAON would be destroyed. If you are outwardly plotting to kill royalty, someone is probably going to kill you first. These organizations would also never gain the support of any of the countries they were trying to help without the support of the rich and powerful.

Three hundred years pass? After that much time, I feel like most of the backstory becomes irrelevant, the world would greatly change and the organiztions of CUFF and EAON would not still be around in the same way.

"The Kenorland Imperial Family are the direct descendants of the Grand Imperial Dynasty. " yet "The country of Kenorland owns half of the world while the Grand Imperial Dynasty owns the rest.". Doesn't make sense to me. If Kenorland is descended from GID, why are they competing? And if they aren't competing are you essentially saying the same family owns the whole world?
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sundin13 wrote:

First of all, i want to say that this is virtually all backstory moreso than plot. In my story, I have a whole backstory written out but virtually none of it is actually in my book. Its good to know these things but when you are writing, think about what the readers actually need to know to avoid throwing unnecessary information at them.


Are all of the leaders Prometheans or Neo-sapiens?

What is a God Slaying Machine?

I feel like CUFF and EAON would be destroyed. If you are outwardly plotting to kill royalty, someone is probably going to kill you first. These organizations would also never gain the support of any of the countries they were trying to help without the support of the rich and powerful.

Three hundred years pass? After that much time, I feel like most of the backstory becomes irrelevant, the world would greatly change and the organiztions of CUFF and EAON would not still be around in the same way.

"The Kenorland Imperial Family are the direct descendants of the Grand Imperial Dynasty. " yet "The country of Kenorland owns half of the world while the Grand Imperial Dynasty owns the rest.". Doesn't make sense to me. If Kenorland is descended from GID, why are they competing? And if they aren't competing are you essentially saying the same family owns the whole world?


Majority of the leaders are Neo-Sapien but there are some leaders who are Promethean.

A God Slaying Machine is a variety of weapons created by a goddess to kill immortal gods. For some strange reason, it can kill Neo-Sapiens but no one knows why.

EAON was an organization that created by poverty stricken nations to help them get back on top. But EAON felt that what it was doing wasn't enough and decided to team up with CUFF. What EAON really wants to do is help the poorer nations get wealthy. Which means that they're going against CUFF. CUFF is a stand alone organization that wants to get rid of all the wealthy people in the world. CUFF was created by commoners.

I might change it from three hundred to twenty years that has pass. Sorry.

Because Kenorland is mad with power. They were trying to control the lesser nations before they learnt that they were direct descendants of the Grand Imperial Dynasty. The Arionheart-Eisenhower family are rulers of the world.

Any more questions?
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qualeshia3 wrote:

Majority of the leaders are Neo-Sapien but there are some leaders who are Promethean.

A God Slaying Machine is a variety of weapons created by a goddess to kill immortal gods. For some strange reason, it can kill Neo-Sapiens but no one knows why.

EAON was an organization that created by poverty stricken nations to help them get back on top. But EAON felt that what it was doing wasn't enough and decided to team up with CUFF. What EAON really wants to do is help the poorer nations get wealthy. Which means that they're going against CUFF. CUFF is a stand alone organization that wants to get rid of all the wealthy people in the world. CUFF was created by commoners.

I might change it from three hundred to twenty years that has pass. Sorry.

Because Kenorland is mad with power. They were trying to control the lesser nations before they learnt that they were direct descendants of the Grand Imperial Dynasty. The Arionheart-Eisenhower family are rulers of the world.

Any more questions?


First of all, if the majority of leaders are Neo-Sapiens, were those all killed by the GSM too? How many GSM are there? Second of all, if there are leaders who are both Neo-Sapiens and Prometheans, how does "racism" work exactly? You would think that if Prometheans were hated enough to be killed en masse, they wouldn't be holding major positions in government.

Also, were there always these two races or did one spring up after the other?

I feel like CUFF's activities would have to be a secret for them not to be murdered (also, the name "Union" implies something like the EU, which would theoretically be against CUFF's principles. Similarly "Eastern Alliance of Nations" implies that this is something that is endorsed at the highest level, which again doesn't seem to fit with their philosophy). I also think that any organization seeking to kill the wealthy would know that doing so would largely destroy the economy of the world. Advocating communism/socialism and killing those who stand in the way would likely make more sense imo.

And I still don't understand the Kenorland/GID thing. If the whole world is "owned" by one guy, I think the political state would be more reminiscent of the roman empire than the world in the 20th century. Instead of countries fighting against each other for various reasons, you would see countries trying to free themselves from outside rule.
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Some of the leaders that were killed were Prometheans while some were Neo-Sapiens. Yes some of those Neo-Sapiens were killed with GSM. There are over a hundred GSMs that fell on the planet during the war in Celestica(realm of the gods). The reason why there is racism between the Neo-Sapiens and Prometheans is because the Prometheans felt threaten by the power that the Neo-Sapiens have. Neo-Sapiens were actually once a species called Homosapiens or humans. The same goes for the Prometheans who are actually the ancient species who goes by a different name. Neo-Sapiens are immortal superhumans who think they are better than the Prometheans. Before Neo-Sapiens appeared there were just Prometheans. After scientist successfully created the Godspell, a drug use to enhance Prometheans, they begin selling it to the wealthy class. Some Prometheans became Neo-Sapiens while others remain the same.

The CUFF just wants the world to belong to the commoners because they hate the wealthy class. Believe it or not, the leader of CUFF was actually a nobleman who lost all of his wealth, fame, and status along with his wife and daughter. His wife was greedy and spoiled along with his daughter. They only care about money and the leader of CUFF grew tired of it. He was treated differently after losing everything which spark the hate towards the rich and powerful. CUFF knows that by ridding the world of the wealthy the economy will suffer but they are determine to make things right. The leader of CUFF, Zachary, probably wants to be rich again.

When the nations learnt that the Kenorland Imperial Family were direct descendants of the Grand Imperial Dynasty, they were not please and want Kenorland to pay for their actions. But no one dares oppose the Grand Imperial Dynasty no matter what. So they are stuck dealing with them. To be honest some of the members of the Grand Imperial Dynasty feel that Kenorland should pay for their crimes regardless if they are family. But even the members of the GID don't go again the Grand-Emperor. His word is law and nobody goes against it no matter what. Kenorland does calm down with the attacking other nations but it's too late for that.

The Grand-Emperor is actually a kind and honest man and he knows that the Emperor of Kenorland is crazed with power. The reason why he hasn't done anything about Kenorland committing all those acts of crime is because he following the laws that the Arch-Emperor laid out. The Arch-Emperor was the first one to know of that the Kenorland Imperial Family is direct descendants. The Arch-Emperor wants the Kenorland Imperial Family to be treated like actual members of the Grand Imperial Dynasty. The Grand-Emperor isn't the best in ruling the world but his kindness is all that he has going for him. If anything his eldest son is far more suited for ruling the world. The Crown Grand-Prince wants to get rid of the Kenorland Imperial Family simply for what they done in the past. But he can't go against his father unlike Demetrius who doesn't give a shit.

Got any more questions?

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qualeshia3 wrote:



Some of the leaders that were killed were Prometheans while some were Neo-Sapiens. Yes some of those Neo-Sapiens were killed with GSM. There are over a hundred GSMs that fell on the planet during the war in Celestica(realm of the gods). The reason why there is racism between the Neo-Sapiens and Prometheans is because the Prometheans felt threaten by the power that the Neo-Sapiens have. Neo-Sapiens were actually once a species called Homosapiens or humans. The same goes for the Prometheans who are actually the ancient species who goes by a different name. Neo-Sapiens are immortal superhumans who think they are better than the Prometheans. Before Neo-Sapiens appeared there were just Prometheans. After scientist successfully created the Godspell, a drug use to enhance Prometheans, they begin selling it to the wealthy class. Some Prometheans became Neo-Sapiens while others remain the same.

The CUFF just wants the world to belong to the commoners because they hate the wealthy class. Believe it or not, the leader of CUFF was actually a nobleman who lost all of his wealth, fame, and status along with his wife and daughter. His wife was greedy and spoiled along with his daughter. They only care about money and the leader of CUFF grew tired of it. He was treated differently after losing everything which spark the hate towards the rich and powerful. CUFF knows that by ridding the world of the wealthy the economy will suffer but they are determine to make things right. The leader of CUFF, Zachary, probably wants to be rich again.

When the nations learnt that the Kenorland Imperial Family were direct descendants of the Grand Imperial Dynasty, they were not please and want Kenorland to pay for their actions. But no one dares oppose the Grand Imperial Dynasty no matter what. So they are stuck dealing with them. To be honest some of the members of the Grand Imperial Dynasty feel that Kenorland should pay for their crimes regardless if they are family. But even the members of the GID don't go again the Grand-Emperor. His word is law and nobody goes against it no matter what. Kenorland does calm down with the attacking other nations but it's too late for that.

The Grand-Emperor is actually a kind and honest man and he knows that the Emperor of Kenorland is crazed with power. The reason why he hasn't done anything about Kenorland committing all those acts of crime is because he following the laws that the Arch-Emperor laid out. The Arch-Emperor was the first one to know of that the Kenorland Imperial Family is direct descendants. The Arch-Emperor wants the Kenorland Imperial Family to be treated like actual members of the Grand Imperial Dynasty. The Grand-Emperor isn't the best in ruling the world but his kindness is all that he has going for him. If anything his eldest son is far more suited for ruling the world. The Crown Grand-Prince wants to get rid of the Kenorland Imperial Family simply for what they done in the past. But he can't go against his father unlike Demetrius who doesn't give a shit.

Got any more questions?



Wow, you have a lot of backstory. Is the war with the gods going to be relevant to your actual story?

I feel like with the power struggle between Prometheans and Neo-Sapiens, you have a lot of parallels to X-Men. In the scenario in which Magneto gets his way and the Mutants are at the top of the food chain, it would be unheard of to have a human holding high level positions. I guess that is what I am asking. How can there simultaneously be genocidal levels of racism while those who suffer from that racism still hold positions of power?

I get the motives of CUFF. The thing is, if they went public with there plan, they would be eliminated. That is why I feel like that plan has to be a secret that not many people know. I also don't think that they would get the backing of the people and other organizations if they were public with their plan, knowing all of the negative consequences. I would be difficult for such an organization to grow beyond the level of "cult".

How exactly does one attack a bunch of other nations and kill their leaders without breaking the laws of the land? Those have to be pretty terrible laws.

Also, you say the war ends in 9015. Well wars usually end by someone winning. Who won and what were the consequences of that?


I will say, I think you have a lot going on, and I think it may be a little bit too much. I'd be interested to see what you put into your story, but when you set up an idea, make sure that it has some sort of pay-off.
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Not really. The war with the gods is something that is placed in history books.

Because some Prometheans were still fortunate enough to hold power while majority of the Neo-Sapiens rule their nations. Some Prometheans didn't become Neo-Sapiens and remain rulers of the nations. Some nations are either Neo-Sapien only or Promethean only. Then you have nations like Kenorland who are both Promethean and Neo-Sapien.

CUFF is somewhat powerful and still a bit unknown at the moment. EAON is the only famous organization.

What do you mean by "breaking the laws of the land"?

Hate to say it but Kenorland won the war that ended in 9015. They are just too powerful.

You haven't asked me any questions about the characters Rosamaria and Demetrius. Do you have any?

I am having a hard time trying to figure out how to start the story because I'm not really smart when it comes to military stuff and wars.
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I have read. You asked for question and happy to oblige. No but seriously, I tried to rewrite and analyze everything and find the possible faults to help you jump in and fix them. The barrage of questions I formulated can help you, I hope, make the best of this plot. I do think that you can actually make two stories out of all of this. Here goes:

The Grand-Emperor is assassinated by nationalist from Kenorland, who utilized a GSM. Kenorland invades Borussia, Neo-Germania, Cimmeria, and Avantica. During the same year 20M Prometheans were arrested and placed in concentration camps. The prisoners were exterminated and became living subjects of experimentation. Avantica and Breavaria begin conflict over who shall own the nation of Nuna; Kenorland intervenes and wins the war.

Why was the Emperor killed?

Can you shed insight on the GSMs?

What relation, if any, had the assassin with Kenorland’s government?

What triggers Kenorland’s sudden macro-scale offensive?

Is there any particular reason for the promethean holocaust?

Where did Breavaria and Nuna come from? What is their take on this picture?




The first ever Global Scale War begins in Arikaisha a year later. Countries fight each other as they also deal with civil wars. Prometheans and Neo-Sapiens wage conflict over legal rights. Meanwhile, the Grand Empress was also assassinated during a goodwill tour on the foreign planet of Eathrion. This incident creates a diplomatic crisis between Eathrion and Arikaisha.

What triggers the world war? The Emperor’s death? Kenorland’s invasion? Both?

What type of “fight” do the Prometheans wage over the Neo-Sapiens? (The most logical would be guerrilla warfare.)

How mediocre does the security have to be for such an incident as the assassination of the highest monarchs to happen twice within merely 2 years?

Poisoned? How come with such technology there is no way to detect toxic chemicals in the foods/drinks of the Empress before serving?

What is the macro picture of these interplanetary relations?




The global war ends 13 years later but the world affairs remain the same. Two organizations come into play: EAON and CUFF. Respectively, one seeks to aid poverty stricken nations rise again and the other believes that eliminating upperclassmen will improve the lives of the common folk.

How and where did EAON and CUFF came to be?

Do they work independently, hate each other or cooperate? Are they official or outlaws?

How do they work toward their goals?

How is their presence relevant to the past events or how are the past events relevant to their existence?




This is the part where I think the plot could be split in two. One could be about these two organizations and the next one be a follow-up . They seem quite too different to be worked as a single element. Perhaps you could forge two arcs that intertwine. Think of the first arc as a big back-story with a plot of its own, will help readers understand the events on the second half without the need for so much exposition.

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The reason why the Promethean Nationalist killed the Grand-Emperor was because he was a Neo-Sapien. He felt is was bothersome to have a Neo-Sapien rule the world.

God Slaying Machines are weapons used to kill immortal gods but for some reason they can kill Neo-Sapiens.

The assassin is not apart of the Kenorland government. He was actually just a regular guy(forgot to mention that part) who hates Neo-Sapiens. The Grand-Emperor was killed John F Kennedy style. He stole a GSM and used it to kill the Grand-Emperor.

Promethean Holocaust was caused by the Kenorland Chancellor as a way to teach the Prometheans respect and put them in their place.

Controlling Nuna means that the countries of Avantica and Breavaria gets all the exports. Nuna gets all the good exports from other countries. Nuna is pretty wealthy but nowhere near as wealthy as Kenorland. Avantica and Breavaria aren't a poor nation but they aren't rich either. They want to control the financial part of Nuna. But Nuna is also an ally of Kenorland. To get close to Kenorland they'll need to get to Nuna and control them. Unfortunately, Avantica and Breavaria don't get far in their goal to control Nuna.

What triggers the world war is the death of the Grand-Emperor and Kenorland's invasion.

Prometheans just want the same rights as Neo-Sapiens but they treated unfairly by their leaders. The same goes for some Neo-Sapiens. So they fight to claim the rights that they feel they deserve.

The security is pretty strong but some people are pretty smart. Probably too smart for their own good.

Earthion is a planet stricken with poverty and is slowly dying. They don't have the technology that the planet Arikaisha has. So it was easy for someone to slip in and pose as a servant and poison the Grand-Empress. That poison was a GSM.

EAON was created by poverty stricken nations in the east. CUFF was created by a former nobleman from the nation of Pannotia. CUFF and EAON were working separately at first but then came together a year later. CUFF wants to get rid of the wealthy class citizens and make the world suitable for commoners. EAON just wants to get the poverty stricken nations back on their feet again. They want to make those poor nations wealthy. CUFF decided to help EAON in their goal to help the poor nations if EAON helps CUFF reach their goal.

Any more questions? Anything you want to ask about the characters and other stuff?

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What's your focus here? Because before it seemed to be on Rosamaria and Demetrius as characters, and their friendship, their lives, them getting this strange power, and how they use it to change the world around them, and how it changes them.

Now, you have this whole war backstory. I'm not convinced you really need all of this. Neither country needs to be a huge dominating evil power, there doesn't need to be a genocide, you don't need to have these organizations killing everyone... it doesn't seem to need that if your focus is on the characters.
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Posted 7/19/16 , edited 7/19/16

LavenderMintRose wrote:

What's your focus here? Because before it seemed to be on Rosamaria and Demetrius as characters, and their friendship, their lives, them getting this strange power, and how they use it to change the world around them, and how it changes them.

Now, you have this whole war backstory. I'm not convinced you really need all of this. Neither country needs to be a huge dominating evil power, there doesn't need to be a genocide, you don't need to have these organizations killing everyone... it doesn't seem to need that if your focus is on the characters.


I've changed a few things around. The story is going to focus on Rosamaria and Demetrius but it's also focusing on the war and everything else.


Got any questions you want to ask about the new plot?
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qualeshia3 wrote:

Not really. The war with the gods is something that is placed in history books.

Because some Prometheans were still fortunate enough to hold power while majority of the Neo-Sapiens rule their nations. Some Prometheans didn't become Neo-Sapiens and remain rulers of the nations. Some nations are either Neo-Sapien only or Promethean only. Then you have nations like Kenorland who are both Promethean and Neo-Sapien.

CUFF is somewhat powerful and still a bit unknown at the moment. EAON is the only famous organization.

What do you mean by "breaking the laws of the land"?

Hate to say it but Kenorland won the war that ended in 9015. They are just too powerful.

You haven't asked me any questions about the characters Rosamaria and Demetrius. Do you have any?

I am having a hard time trying to figure out how to start the story because I'm not really smart when it comes to military stuff and wars.


Should the main weapon to take down immortals, which is pivotal to the plot really be something that is written about in the history books and tangential to the plot?

Why would EAON support CUFF if CUFF's methods are so terrible and would likely not bring about the results EAON desires?

When I talk about "breaking the laws of the land" I'm talking about this: "The reason why he hasn't done anything about Kenorland committing all those acts of crime is because he following the laws that the Arch-Emperor laid out." Or is the Arch-Emperor yet another person in this confusing political hierarchy?

If Kenorland won the war, they would have taken over the lands they conquered. A lot would have changed, yet it seems not much has changed. Why do these countries that they conquered still exist?



I haven't really asked much about Rosamaria and Demetrius because they weren't really the focus of the OP. The OP was more about the backstory. However, as I've said a few times, I don't really think the backstory matters too much if it doesn't have a direct influence on the plot...

A world should feel like there could be history books written about it. It should feel like everything that exists during the story is due to events that occurred in the past and that the world will keep spinning after the story ends (unless the world ends...). HOWEVER, that doesn't mean that you need to include those history books in your story. I think you need to focus more on your core story and sprinkle in this backstory along the way. Don't let your story become dominated by pieces of information that don't really matter to the plot.
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I guess that makes sense. I mean the GSMs should be used to help the plot. I have to work on that.

Because EAON are only in it for themselves and want CUFF to believe that they are helping them.

The Arch-Emperor is pretty much the former Grand-Emperor. The Arch-Emperor don't have as much power as the Grand-Emperor. The Arch-Emperor wanted to excuse Kenorland for their actions the moment that they learn about their background.

Kenorland did conquer a few nations the thing is I didn't mention it. Sorry.

Sorry for not mentioning more about Rosamaria and Demetrius.
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qualeshia3 wrote:

I guess that makes sense. I mean the GSMs should be used to help the plot. I have to work on that.

Because EAON are only in it for themselves and want CUFF to believe that they are helping them.

The Arch-Emperor is pretty much the former Grand-Emperor. The Arch-Emperor don't have as much power as the Grand-Emperor. The Arch-Emperor wanted to excuse Kenorland for their actions the moment that they learn about their background.

Kenorland did conquer a few nations the thing is I didn't mention it. Sorry.

Sorry for not mentioning more about Rosamaria and Demetrius.


What does EAON gain from tricking CUFF?

So the Grand Emperor who has more power just let Kenorland slide for the genocide of 20million people and attacking and taking over several other countries just because the Arch-Emperor wanted him to? What part does this GID play in the actual story, because it seems like they are just making things more complicated?
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Posted 7/19/16

sundin13 wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:

I guess that makes sense. I mean the GSMs should be used to help the plot. I have to work on that.

Because EAON are only in it for themselves and want CUFF to believe that they are helping them.

The Arch-Emperor is pretty much the former Grand-Emperor. The Arch-Emperor don't have as much power as the Grand-Emperor. The Arch-Emperor wanted to excuse Kenorland for their actions the moment that they learn about their background.

Kenorland did conquer a few nations the thing is I didn't mention it. Sorry.

Sorry for not mentioning more about Rosamaria and Demetrius.


What does EAON gain from tricking CUFF?

So the Grand Emperor who has more power just let Kenorland slide for the genocide of 20million people and attacking and taking over several other countries just because the Arch-Emperor wanted him to? What part does this GID play in the actual story, because it seems like they are just making things more complicated?


EAON wants to own CUFF for they see them as tool in getting what they want which is to help the poor nations get rich. But CUFF doesn't know this.

Pretty much. The Grand-Emperor is also a coward too The GID plays a major role in the story.

I'm going to make another thread about the characters Rosamaria and Demetrius and their goals. Stick around for the next thread.

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