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Post Reply Does monogamy work?
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24 / Decemberunderground
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Posted 8/10/16
Everyone cheats in one or another doesn't always mean it's sexually.
Polagomy for me is more like being unable to make a choice between 2 people so you want them both.
Cheating well thats for alot of diffrent reasons.
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39 / Inside your compu...
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Posted 8/10/16

Urges wrote:

I do believe that everybody cheats, one way or another, by having your dick inside someone or catching feelings for someone else or even by thinking about someone else beside your lover is cheating. My opinion

Which is why I rather have an open relationship than having to go through the cheating part with my partner.


That doesn't make sense.

It's like saying you have zero self control, therefore zero self control is justified.

All sorts of things can cross your mind at any time. Doesn't mean you have no choice but to do whatever that happens to cross your mind at the moment.
Posted 8/10/16
You have to control your urges for it to work.
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20 / M / Georgia
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Posted 8/10/16

Chaossal wrote:


Hrafna wrote:

So long as people who are "for polygamy" are honest enough to admit that they have emotional issues, who am I to mock them, slap my forehead, and say "Doh!" on their behalf. Failing to recognize where ones issues stem from is not an excuse to advocate dumb shit.


I don't see how loving more then one person means they have emotional issues?
I often read books where the main character loves two people and it tears them apart because they ''Can only pick one'' It would be so much simpler if they just picked both.


Rather than downright emotional issues, I would say they lack self control. I don't have any issues with polyamory, but I don't really see why you need more than one partner. I think there's also an underlying issue, that if you need more than one partner, it's because you aren't satisfied with the one you already have, and rather than trying to make things work out, you're giving up and chasing after somebody else who will satisfy you. One of the problem mindsets that have arisen in recent years is "if it's not working out, you should give up on it, instead of putting in the effort to make it work'. And while your "pick both" method seems like the ideal solution, it isn't that simple. Not everybody is willing to be in a polyamorous relationship because they want to be that person's number one, and if the person they like would rather pick both instead of one, it shows that they are lacking in commitment. Ultimately commitment is the chief issue in relationships, monogamous or otherwise. A lot of them tend to fall apart when there is a lack of commitment involved, and if you were to ask me, polyamorous relationships seem to lack the most commitment.
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Posted 8/10/16

nanikore2 wrote:


Urges wrote:

I do believe that everybody cheats, one way or another, by having your dick inside someone or catching feelings for someone else or even by thinking about someone else beside your lover is cheating. My opinion

Which is why I rather have an open relationship than having to go through the cheating part with my partner.


That doesn't make sense.

It's like saying you have zero self control, therefore zero self control is justified.

All sorts of things can cross your mind at any time. Doesn't mean you have no choice but to do whatever that happens to cross your mind at the moment.


It's not a problem of having zero self-control, it's more of a trust issue for me, and I've seen so many relationships go down hell because someone always end up cheating, so I rather have an open relationship knowing that my partner will sleep with someone else than having to be lied to about it.

You might say "why not date someone you trust then?" well, feelings change sooner or later, it's either your feelings change towards them or their feelings change towards you.

Nothing last forever so for you to choose one person to spend/be with someone your whole life with is just torture.


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24 / F
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Posted 8/10/16

KongouGaro777 wrote:


Chaossal wrote:


Hrafna wrote:

So long as people who are "for polygamy" are honest enough to admit that they have emotional issues, who am I to mock them, slap my forehead, and say "Doh!" on their behalf. Failing to recognize where ones issues stem from is not an excuse to advocate dumb shit.


I don't see how loving more then one person means they have emotional issues?
I often read books where the main character loves two people and it tears them apart because they ''Can only pick one'' It would be so much simpler if they just picked both.


Rather than downright emotional issues, I would say they lack self control. I don't have any issues with polyamory, but I don't really see why you need more than one partner. I think there's also an underlying issue, that if you need more than one partner, it's because you aren't satisfied with the one you already have, and rather than trying to make things work out, you're giving up and chasing after somebody else who will satisfy you. One of the problem mindsets that have arisen in recent years is "if it's not working out, you should give up on it, instead of putting in the effort to make it work'. And while your "pick both" method seems like the ideal solution, it isn't that simple. Not everybody is willing to be in a polyamorous relationship because they want to be that person's number one, and if the person they like would rather pick both instead of one, it shows that they are lacking in commitment. Ultimately commitment is the chief issue in relationships, monogamous or otherwise. A lot of them tend to fall apart when there is a lack of commitment involved, and if you were to ask me, polyamorous relationships seem to lack the most commitment.


Its not a lack of self control, its love. If you and your other partner both love another person whats wrong with bringing them in?
Its not that you are not satisfied with what you have, that's just not how love works. Its not giving up on your relationship if yall bring in another its just adding another person you love to the relationship. And no it is not always that simple as everyone needs to be happy with the situation and some people don't like to share. For those people this kinda relationship would not work. You can be committed to more then one person but I agree if someone is not committed then no mater the kind of relationship it is it will fail. Though to me from what I have seen monogamous relationships seem to lack more commitment and fail more. Of course this could be because I know lots more people in monogamous relationships and only a handful of polyamorous ones.
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83 / F / Bite the pillow.
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Posted 8/10/16
Sure it does.
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26 / M / Socal
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Posted 8/10/16
yeah

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uH_rIT0juiM

Monogamy is the smarter choice.
Posted 8/10/16

Chaossal wrote:

I don't see how loving more then one person means they have emotional issues?
I often read books where the main character loves two people and it tears them apart because they ''Can only pick one'' It would be so much simpler if they just picked both.


In my language, we don't use the term "love". We use another term that can be traced back to its al and el predecessors in Germanic and Indo-European, which means "to be driven by". It means, that when you lose someone you love (whether because they chose to leave you, or because they died) -- you also lose your will to carry on.

Did these characters of yours kill themselves in the end because they lost their will to live? No? Were they seemingly unaffected by loss? How is that love? Is it because "love" in English can only be traced back to the term "lust"? If so, I've loved everyone I've ever fapped to!

Having emotional issues means having issues with emotional attachments and loss. If you are so afraid of loss that you can't even at your very core understand how to grow attached to someone, then yeah, you have emotional issues, that's what emotional issues is referring to. Walking around using ones inability to grow attached to someone as an excuse to say that some people are just more inclined to polygamy than others, that's as superficial as people saying "I don't get it, therefore God did it." The reason for why or how something exist or happens doesn't stop at "polygamy" or "god" simply because one is too lazy to ask more questions, to dig deeper, to get to the bottom of it, and understand it in its entirety. In this case, it leads to emotional issues, attachment issues, fear of loss, and the why can be found in ones childhood experiences.
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33 / M / outer wall, level...
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Posted 8/10/16
its all about trust. i can still trust my SO if she sleeps with some one else as long as i know about it. its not love, its just sex.
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18 / M / California
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Posted 8/10/16

Kerst wrote:

Everyone cheats in one or another doesn't always mean it's sexually.
Polagomy for me is more like being unable to make a choice between 2 people so you want them both.
Cheating well thats for alot of diffrent reasons.


Can someone elaborate on this whole "Everyone cheats" thing? Honestly, it still sounds like you're all projecting your actions or talking about just what you'v witnessed in relationships.

As for not being able to choose between 2 people there was this thing I heard someone say, "If you love two people go for the second, because if you were truly in love with the first then you wouldn't have felt that way for anyone else." Or some shit like that, I don't know how accurate that is since I can't say I'm truly in love with anyone, but it's something that crosses my mind every time I see people talk about not being able to choose.
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8500 / F / Apollo...
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Posted 8/10/16

TrickedMJ wrote:

"If you love two people go for the second, because if you were truly in love with the first then you wouldn't have felt that way for anyone else."


That actually sounds like some legit advice.
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18 / M / California
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Posted 8/10/16

1stladyent wrote:


TrickedMJ wrote:

"If you love two people go for the second, because if you were truly in love with the first then you wouldn't have felt that way for anyone else."


That actually sounds like some legit advice.


It does sound pretty logical.
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It doesn't matter.
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Posted 8/11/16

Jophar_Vorin wrote:

Oh, so the article writers have cheated themselves, and justify it?


The article is either an admission of guilt or they have first hand proof that they are knowingly lying to the readers.
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Right here
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Posted 8/11/16 , edited 8/11/16

nemoskull wrote:

its all about trust. i can still trust my SO if she sleeps with some one else as long as i know about it. its not love, its just sex.


Cant she "fall" out of love?
It seems to me that is what happens.


***


Well my conclusion of this thread is that polygamy is bull.
Thanx for all the responses.
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