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Post Reply Does monogamy work?
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Posted 8/11/16

Hrafna wrote:


Chaossal wrote:

I don't see how loving more then one person means they have emotional issues?
I often read books where the main character loves two people and it tears them apart because they ''Can only pick one'' It would be so much simpler if they just picked both.


In my language, we don't use the term "love". We use another term that can be traced back to its al and el predecessors in Germanic and Indo-European, which means "to be driven by". It means, that when you lose someone you love (whether because they chose to leave you, or because they died) -- you also lose your will to carry on.

Did these characters of yours kill themselves in the end because they lost their will to live? No? Were they seemingly unaffected by loss? How is that love? Is it because "love" in English can only be traced back to the term "lust"? If so, I've loved everyone I've ever fapped to!

Having emotional issues means having issues with emotional attachments and loss. If you are so afraid of loss that you can't even at your very core understand how to grow attached to someone, then yeah, you have emotional issues, that's what emotional issues is referring to. Walking around using ones inability to grow attached to someone as an excuse to say that some people are just more inclined to polygamy than others, that's as superficial as people saying "I don't get it, therefore God did it." The reason for why or how something exist or happens doesn't stop at "polygamy" or "god" simply because one is too lazy to ask more questions, to dig deeper, to get to the bottom of it, and understand it in its entirety. In this case, it leads to emotional issues, attachment issues, fear of loss, and the why can be found in ones childhood experiences.


If you think the only way to deal with loss of a loved one is to kill yourself or you didn't really love them then that sounds like YOU have emotional issues not others.
And it seems you are under the misunderstanding that people in a poly relationships are not attached? That is incredibly not true, the only reason they would be in a poly relationship is due to their strong feelings of attachment.
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Posted 8/11/16
Never had the chance to find out
Posted 8/11/16

Chaossal wrote:

If you think the only way to deal with loss of a loved one is to kill yourself or you didn't really love them then that sounds like YOU have emotional issues not others.


Did I kill myself? Am I not alive? Did I say that I did not have emotional issues? If I had emotional issues, how does that mean that others don't have emotional issues?


Chaossal wrote:

And it seems you are under the misunderstanding that people in a poly relationships are not attached? That is incredibly not true, the only reason they would be in a poly relationship is due to their strong feelings of attachment.


How am I misunderstanding superficial, unprincipled little girls, who uses idealization as a platform to define love?
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Posted 8/11/16
Monogamy or polygamy, I don't care. If either of them is cool with you, then that's cool with me. Nothing more, nothing less.
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AKR
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Posted 8/11/16

Progrockdude wrote:

Monogamy or polygamy, I don't care. If either of them is cool with you, then that's cool with me. Nothing more, nothing less.


Well the thread was not if you was okay with it or not, it was if people are cheating alot.
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Posted 8/11/16

TrickedMJ wrote:


Kerst wrote:

Everyone cheats in one or another doesn't always mean it's sexually.
Polagomy for me is more like being unable to make a choice between 2 people so you want them both.
Cheating well thats for alot of diffrent reasons.


Can someone elaborate on this whole "Everyone cheats" thing? Honestly, it still sounds like you're all projecting your actions or talking about just what you'v witnessed in relationships.

As for not being able to choose between 2 people there was this thing I heard someone say, "If you love two people go for the second, because if you were truly in love with the first then you wouldn't have felt that way for anyone else." Or some shit like that, I don't know how accurate that is since I can't say I'm truly in love with anyone, but it's something that crosses my mind every time I see people talk about not being able to choose.


Everyone cheats in a relationship in someway.
Doesn't mean they're fucking someone else.
Posted 8/11/16

Kerst wrote:


TrickedMJ wrote:


Kerst wrote:

Everyone cheats in one or another doesn't always mean it's sexually.
Polagomy for me is more like being unable to make a choice between 2 people so you want them both.
Cheating well thats for alot of diffrent reasons.


Can someone elaborate on this whole "Everyone cheats" thing? Honestly, it still sounds like you're all projecting your actions or talking about just what you'v witnessed in relationships.

As for not being able to choose between 2 people there was this thing I heard someone say, "If you love two people go for the second, because if you were truly in love with the first then you wouldn't have felt that way for anyone else." Or some shit like that, I don't know how accurate that is since I can't say I'm truly in love with anyone, but it's something that crosses my mind every time I see people talk about not being able to choose.


Everyone cheats in a relationship in someway.
Doesn't mean they're fucking someone else.


I respectfully disagree , I have never cheated nor felt tempted to cheat on my boyfriend, and to my knowledge neither has he. As for temptations to do so I never recalled feeling that tbh.
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Posted 8/11/16

Kerst wrote:


TrickedMJ wrote:


Kerst wrote:

Everyone cheats in one or another doesn't always mean it's sexually.
Polagomy for me is more like being unable to make a choice between 2 people so you want them both.
Cheating well thats for alot of diffrent reasons.


Can someone elaborate on this whole "Everyone cheats" thing? Honestly, it still sounds like you're all projecting your actions or talking about just what you'v witnessed in relationships.

As for not being able to choose between 2 people there was this thing I heard someone say, "If you love two people go for the second, because if you were truly in love with the first then you wouldn't have felt that way for anyone else." Or some shit like that, I don't know how accurate that is since I can't say I'm truly in love with anyone, but it's something that crosses my mind every time I see people talk about not being able to choose.


Everyone cheats in a relationship in someway.
Doesn't mean they're fucking someone else.


That's not elaborating, but if you can't explain it I guess we'll leave it at that.
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47 / M / Auburn, Washington
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Posted 8/11/16

Jophar_Vorin wrote:
After being in the weird part of the internet out of boredom, i have seen tons of articles that say polygamy with rules is good or open relationship stuff.


It takes a certain sort of person to be in an open relationship. Not everybody is that kind of person. If you're not, THAT'S OKAY. You don't have to have one. Nobody gets a vote in what kind of relationship you want to have. Not even your partner.

If your partner wants a relationship that you don't want, they don't get to demand that. They get to LEAVE. You are the boss of what you will accept from your partner, but not of what your partner will accept from you. If your partner wants an open relationship, the question is about what YOU WILL ACCEPT, and nothing else. If that's over the line, then say so, and if they can't deal with it they can leave.



They say that everyone cheats. Is this true?


No. People who CHEAT say everyone cheats, just like guys who go to strip clubs say everyone goes to strip clubs, and guys who watch porn say everybody watches porn. I don't cheat, I don't go to strip clubs, and I don't watch porn.

I do, however, have a marked tendency of wanting to fuck half the people I meet. So I don't have relationships with people who won't agree that I can fuck whoever I want whenever I want and however I want.

But that's not cheating, because it's not against the rules. We're not playing the same game monogamous people are.


I am a huge monogamy supporter, but after reading dem articles it seems that its pointless to get a girlfriend.
Am i waving a flag for a dying thing?


Monogamy is NOT dying. Lots of people are monogamous. Polygamy, polyamory, and open relationships are getting a lot of attention lately... but they're not new. And they're not on the rise, either. We're just talking about them more.

It's all about the person you're with and what the two of you can agree to accept. Your relationship can be whatever you want it to be. You can be very rigid about it, or very flexible. All you need is a partner who likes being in that relationship, and wants to stay in it.
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33 / M / outer wall, level...
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Posted 8/11/16

Jophar_Vorin wrote:


nemoskull wrote:

its all about trust. i can still trust my SO if she sleeps with some one else as long as i know about it. its not love, its just sex.


Cant she "fall" out of love?
It seems to me that is what happens.


***


Well my conclusion of this thread is that polygamy is bull.
Thanx for all the responses.


love and sex to me are to different things.
its one thing for her to sleep with some one with my blessing, and its another to go behind my back.
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Posted 8/11/16

nemoskull wrote:

its one thing for her to sleep with some one with my blessing, and its another to go behind my back.


This is crucial.

Cheating isn't a specific, objective thing. It's doing things that you know will hurt your partner. If you can't tell your partner what you're doing, it's cheating.
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Posted 8/11/16

Hrafna wrote:


Chaossal wrote:

If you think the only way to deal with loss of a loved one is to kill yourself or you didn't really love them then that sounds like YOU have emotional issues not others.


Did I kill myself? Am I not alive? Did I say that I did not have emotional issues? If I had emotional issues, how does that mean that others don't have emotional issues?


Chaossal wrote:

And it seems you are under the misunderstanding that people in a poly relationships are not attached? That is incredibly not true, the only reason they would be in a poly relationship is due to their strong feelings of attachment.


How am I misunderstanding superficial, unprincipled little girls, who uses idealization as a platform to define love?


You are not making any sense
and from the sound of it you are misunderstanding all of it, as it is none of those things -_-

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Posted 8/11/16
this is the way i look at it...Love is complicated. me personally, i'd want to be in a monogamous relationship. but i don't judge or put others down for their preferences. but relationships are hard either way. in polygamy, there can be a lot of rules...bc in the end you're still in a relationship with someone and what they're trying to differentiate is an emotional bond vs. a sexual one. so it's like ok, you can fuck other people, but you love only me. so what that might mean is not having sex with someone else more than once. i've met polygamists that have healthy relationships and make it work. but hey, i don't have that mentality. don't get me wrong, it's one thing to be promiscuous when you're dating and single, but like if you put it down, then...and i get it, like divorce is high, relationships don't necessarily last. but like love is love. no matter how long or how short. i was in a relationship where i definitely saw an expiry date. and what i mean is i was like this can't work. but my heart still went doki doki, and i just couldn't leave it alone. and till this day, it was one of my longest, most passionate relationships. something i'll never forget, and something that had a definite effect on me. polygamy may work for some, but i like the idea of being crazy about one person and one person only, even if it's fleeting.

aside, i'd like to state that cheating to me is a very selfish act, and it's also an act of cowardice. so i respect polygamist more than cheaters bc at least they're up front with their shit. because bottom line is this, people are afraid to be alone. but you don't have to cheat. you could keep it real and say i'm unhappy or something else and actually work on your relationship or accept that it's over...but no, we come up with every excuse of why we won't break up and cheat instead. because here you have a person who loves you right? who've you "invested" so much time with. and here is another person who seems fresh and is interesting and even more, interested in you...but what if it doesn't work out? what if something happens, then i'll be throwing away all the time i invested right? SELFISH. COWARD. bottom line, figure your shit out.
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Posted 8/12/16

lotus_komai wrote:

this is the way i look at it...Love is complicated. me personally, i'd want to be in a monogamous relationship. but i don't judge or put others down for their preferences. but relationships are hard either way. in polygamy, there can be a lot of rules...bc in the end you're still in a relationship with someone and what they're trying to differentiate is an emotional bond vs. a sexual one. so it's like ok, you can fuck other people, but you love only me. so what that might mean is not having sex with someone else more than once. i've met polygamists that have healthy relationships and make it work. but hey, i don't have that mentality. don't get me wrong, it's one thing to be promiscuous when you're dating and single, but like if you put it down, then...and i get it, like divorce is high, relationships don't necessarily last. but like love is love. no matter how long or how short. i was in a relationship where i definitely saw an expiry date. and what i mean is i was like this can't work. but my heart still went doki doki, and i just couldn't leave it alone. and till this day, it was one of my longest, most passionate relationships. something i'll never forget, and something that had a definite effect on me. polygamy may work for some, but i like the idea of being crazy about one person and one person only, even if it's fleeting.

aside, i'd like to state that cheating to me is a very selfish act, and it's also an act of cowardice. so i respect polygamist more than cheaters bc at least they're up front with their shit. because bottom line is this, people are afraid to be alone. but you don't have to cheat. you could keep it real and say i'm unhappy or something else and actually work on your relationship or accept that it's over...but no, we come up with every excuse of why we won't break up and cheat instead. because here you have a person who loves you right? who've you "invested" so much time with. and here is another person who seems fresh and is interesting and even more, interested in you...but what if it doesn't work out? what if something happens, then i'll be throwing away all the time i invested right? SELFISH. COWARD. bottom line, figure your shit out.


Good reply but I think you got polygamy mixed up with a open relationship but yes either way there is a lot of rules to these things.
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Posted 8/12/16
sorry...you are right, there is actual polygamy where you have multiple partners that you are committed to, as opposed to an open relationship. i suppose bc polygamy is illegal, and i know people in open relationships, my mind automatically went to that. and i kinda' felt that was where the original question was going more so...touche.
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