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Post Reply Does monogamy work?
Posted 10/3/17 , edited 10/3/17
Work for what?

There are advantages and disadvantages to both. When women group around the strongest, smartest, richest, etc. then you're maximizing genetic quality. Genetic analysis shows that the average is 2-3 females for every 1 male throughout history. I think it was something like 17:1 during the neolithic period. If the bible is to be believed, then it was hundreds to King David, and about 1000 for Solomon, if I remember correctly. Polygamy has been the dominant reproductive strategy through most of human existence, when men were doing super dangerous shit like defending their homes, conquering other lands, hunting, traveling to distant places, building civilization, etc. There were, naturally, a lot less men since they were out dying all over the place. But on the other hand, it meant what children were produced were concentrated on the "winners" of the survival game. If we put it in "nature vs. nurture" for simplicity's sake, then polygamy gives you the best "nature" results.

However, this also means that we have 1 man supporting a shit-ton of people, which is tough on everyone involved unless the man in question is astoundingly rich. And more importantly, it means most of the children he fathers won't know him directly, which means the only role model the children have are their mothers, which is worse for the particular child than having both parents as an example. Monogamy, thus, tends to maximize quality of upbringing. This is the best "nurture" outcome. And in modern times, when we're in no danger of going extinct and there are more men to go around, it also means that this minimizes the amount of men that are left without partners--maximizing genetic diversity, which can be a good thing. Additionally, it means women don't have to vie for attention with other women for the same man--she has exclusive access (though this fact is not only limited to modern times).

Since females are the limiting factor in reproduction, I see no reproductive benefit for having multiple men marrying one woman. ie, polyandry. Correct me if I'm wrong.

If you want someone to love you forever and always, then agamy is the only way to go, because that shit doesn't exist. And even if it did, it's beside the point. Marriage is a contract built on the premise of mutual benefit. The woman gets a provider/protector, and the man gets access to a vagina with the guarantee that he knows the child is his (assuming the wife doesn't cheat). Both get a genetic lineage out of it.

As far as love goes, if you love the person forever, then marriage is redundant/unnecessary. It's useless. A bureaucratic title at best. If you don't love the person forever, then it's worse than useless, since it requires, by compulsion, a state of mind that contradicts reality. If built purely on love, a marriage sinks rather quickly into oblivion. The only way marriage becomes a benefit (polygamous or monogamous) is in its capacity as a child-rearing tool.

So, then, on the question of whether it "works" I would ask: what job is it intended to accomplish? Personally, I don't want to father children, don't want to establish a relationship of enforced dependence (even if it's co-dependence), and definitely don't want the legal headache should it go wrong. So for me, monogamy doesn't work. But polygamy doesn't work either, if it makes you feel better.
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Posted 10/3/17 , edited 10/6/17
it takes work, but yes monogamy does and can work. I've seen couples together for decades, they even die just months apart from one another. but lazy people won't make any relationships work, and trust issues can be issues, but things can work out with work and not giving up sort of thing.
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30 / F / St. Louis, MO
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Posted 10/3/17 , edited 10/6/17
I am a person who is naturally prone to be monogamous. However, it does contradict the nature of us. We are attracted to many other humans. We are meant to spread our DNA. But.....I myself just want one person. One dude is enough to deal with. I don't need a whole bunch.
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23 / M / U.S.A.
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Posted 10/3/17 , edited 10/6/17
Humans are polygamous by nature. The romanticism of monogamy is the trust and bond that has to be built to make it work. That being said, natures can be taught, so some people have adapted to the learned behavior of having a sole partner. I, personally, have monogamous preference, and would rather my SO be the same in that regard.
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24 / M / Idaho, USA
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Posted 10/3/17 , edited 10/6/17

DazzleKitty wrote:

However, it does contradict the nature of us. We are attracted to many other humans. We are meant to spread our DNA.


I agree. The human libido certainly serves an evolutionary purpose. On the other hand, I personally view monogamy as a useful social construct. It's true that human beings might not be naturally monogamous, but I would say that it has, for the most part, contributed to societal stability up until now. Although.... Whether that last part is still true is up for debate. Regardless.... As social attitudes change, so will our attitudes towards this topic.
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Posted 10/3/17 , edited 10/4/17
Worked for my parents

Worked for my wife's parents

Working for me and my wife


theYchromosome wrote:



If all that is just based on feelings of course it doesn't work - People feel one way one second and another way another

It's a choice and commitment
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21 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
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Posted 10/4/17 , edited 10/4/17
Humans are Monogamous and Polygamous by nature from what i have seen in research a while ago each person is difference.

The idea Monogamous relationships can't work is a sham as some people just can't do polygamous relationships.
So yes it does work
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25 / M / Kaguya's Panties
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Posted 10/4/17 , edited 10/4/17
Nobody is loyal anymore so that's why I'm not going to bother dating.
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21 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
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Posted 10/4/17 , edited 10/4/17

saksiss wrote:

Nobody is loyal anymore so that's why I'm not going to bother dating.


With those assumptions its better not to
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21 / M / Sweden
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Posted 10/4/17 , edited 10/6/17
It depends on your relationship, if everyone is ok with it then I see no problem with it
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Posted 10/4/17 , edited 10/6/17
Monogamy creates more educated and prepared children while polygamy create a lot of children but they dont get as much individual attention so they are raised more by their environment. See the middle east if you want the results of polygamy and see Europe if you want to see Monogamy.

Also women used to die during child birth a LOT so one man could have many children because their wives kept dying during child birth.
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35 / M / outer wall, level...
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Posted 10/4/17 , edited 10/5/17
the question isnt 'does monogamy work',
the question is 'do people take vow seriously'.
99.9 % of the time, no.
most married couples are not willing to die before seperating, as their vows stated.
Posted 10/6/17 , edited 10/6/17
i take love seriously and can only love one person romantically at a time. i am really discouraged about expecting this from anyone else though because every man (and some women) in my family is a cheater including my own father. i've been told since I was little that every man is a cheater and none of them are innocent. to add insult to injury my first boyfriend was as well, a cheater i have heard stories about people that say they've *never* cheated on each other and remained faithful their whole lives but I'm always skeptical about it. does monogamy work? idk anymore especially nowadays with how easy it is to cheat with things like tinder and snapchat. can't even say it gets better with maturity because some people become even worse cheaters as they get older. wish that everyone was straight up and said they can't commit to one person instead of being sneaky and making everything more complicated.

basically i don't think monogamy is 100% possible. from experience and observations. you've got to be reaaaally lucky for two people to truly commit to each other.
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23 / M / Chicago, Illinois
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Posted 10/6/17 , edited 10/7/17
In America, where so many legally and religiously bound couples cheat on each other, I'd say it depends on how devout you are if you are religiously bound to monogamy.

Then again, I believe the biggest issue is trust. We live in an age where we are so paranoid through social media and keeping up our appearance or giving into lust, or whatever.

If anyone is interested in watching a film about the subject of polygamy, you should watch the film Raise the Red Lantern, directed by Chinese director Zhang Yimou (To Live, The Great Wall, Hero, House of Flying Daggers). The film revolves around a Chinese college student from Beijing who becomes a mistress to a wealthy Chinese man, and there is much drama and intrigue that occurs. I stumbled upon the film during my Non-Western Humanities class and it honestly is one of my favorite Chinese films.

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22 / F / Arizona, US
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Posted 10/6/17 , edited 10/7/17
Does no one value monogamous relationships and marriages anymore? Cheating shouldn't be a reason for polygamy though. I don't care really with what reasons even if it's a good reason for polygamy or whatever. Polygamy is disgusting. End of story. I would never date someone in support of polygamy or in "an open relationship". I rather go for a relationship for committed reasons with only one other person than "just for fun".
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