First  Prev  1  2  3  Next  Last
Post Reply Are the physically disabled undateable?
46430 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
31 / M / Seattle, WA
Online
Posted 8/16/16
I have Cerebral Palsy and have dated 7 able bodied girls now in my 30 years of life. None of the relationships ended because of my physical disability, but rather because of normal factors. None of the girls had a single problem or gripe with my condition. I let them know what to expect, and they did whatever they could to help. Girls in general care way more about other things than your physical capabilities.

Best of luck. We're all pulling for you bro.
39033 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M / Your friendly nei...
Offline
Posted 8/16/16 , edited 8/16/16
It can lead to serious relationship problems...

16789 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Hoosierville
Offline
Posted 8/16/16

Lemontitties wrote:


aeb0717 wrote:

Face your insecurities, and go out and meet people. As long as you don't go through the effort of socializing offline, you likely won't make any progress. School is an environment that forces people to spend time together, encouraging relationships. You don't have that anymore, and dating sites are very unreliable. You don't want to be seen? Well, it can be assumed that your would-be girlfriend would appreciate spending time with you outside the home, much less, meeting her family and friends. Self-imposed isolation is one hell of a hurdle in any relationship.

I may seem harsh, but I mean well.


Eh, that's easier said than done, especially when you're not in the shoes of a power chair user. I appreciate it though, and I do realize sites can sometimes be unreliable. Like I said earlier though in case you missed it, getting out is near impossible to begin with considering where I live and the fact that not everyone has the time to take me out and about.

I originally meant for this post to just form opinions of what you guys think about physically disabled and how you see them as fully able bodied people and whether or not you think they're dateable. I didn't necessarily mean for it to be about me, rather what your guys's thoughts are about dating physically impaired individuals. I just gave my experience and wanted to hear other thoughts on this matter.




Pfft disabled my ass! This dude just climbed a ladder with just his arms this guys beast.

Since I doubt anyone else will answer your question for fear of hurting feelings I'll go ahead and be the asshole.here. I wouldn't date anyone with a severe disability but I'm not desperate for another either. I wouldn't want to take care of them all the time.

Really you might be best looking for someone that has a minor "disability" and dating them. Like I know a friend that is fine except she is lazy as fuck and because she is lazy she has become pretty useless causing depressing because she thinks she is useless. She is noe on disability -_-someone like her would probably like someone like you because they feel useful.

Posted 8/16/16
I hope my input will help a little.... I haven't really been introduced completely into society and all of its complexities, so I can't really comment on dating sites and all that... Or even of other people's opinions... (Basically take my opinion, or ignore it given my level of ignorance.) But I do think you will find that there are people who will turn their nose the other way if you try and make advances on them. It's mostly because physical disabilities is something that is discernible from the first encounter and there will be people who won't give you a chance due to etc etc ideals etc etc.

Finding a romantic partner is not completely impossible. There have been some videos showing off happily married couples who are so-and-so..... There really is no telling who you will meet out here in this world, and there is no way of telling what your future is.

As for dating a physically disabled person, you can only wonder or speculate when you haven't tried, you know what I mean? I don't think it's condescending or "putting you into a category" when reality is, you want a partner. If you broaden your horizons, maybe you will be surprised.

Physical intimacy is dependent on each individual too. It's all about communication - ask the other person how they feel about it. It's probably a more common thought than you expected.

Good luck.
98034 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
68 / M / Columbia, MO
Online
Posted 8/16/16
Twenty years ago I worked for a quasi-governmental private health agency where some of my clients did have cerebral palsy. One fellow could talk, was paraplegic. He had a steady gf. Unlike him, she could get out of her wheelchair and do limited functions without supervision or assistance. They met at a social gathering held for group home occupants and individuals living in ISL (Independent Supported Living).

Back then I noticed my clients, in spite of their handicaps, enjoyed a better social life than I did. In fact, that observation was more universal among the supervisory personnel I worked with than 1 would like to think.

You may have a long hard road ahead of you re dating but do not give up. What I suggest you don't do (since I've watched a few of my past male clients make this mistake) is bring up the topic of marriage, offer to marry the person once you do meet her the first time for a "coffee", lunch, visit. You know, everyone's lonely but that's not the approach that will win you amiable friends. Usually that instant confession intimidates the crap out of them and scares the person of interest away.

I have seen handicapped individuals in wheelchairs join dating services. Were they successful? I really can't say. Regardless of condition: AB versus not AB, most of us will have difficulty meeting people that interest us beyond the friend / acquaintance stage.

As other posters have already said....dating is hard. Myself, I dated off and on since 1968. I tried everything in those decades before internet: personal ads in newspapers (met many interesting folks here, walking wounded also), friend connections (very unreliable), local dating sites, singles registers.... all to no avail. Then came the internet and voila! I met my wife 3 weeks after I bought my very own computer (only took 38 years of trying using conventional methods). I used eHarmony because I was familiar with some of the personality tests each person has to take to successfully enroll. (Stay away from Match.com......meat market, beware). Married her 9 months later and my life's been upside down ever since. No regrets though.

So if I can do it there's no valid reason why you can't.........just do not give up.
28685 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
22 / M / United States
Offline
Posted 8/16/16 , edited 8/16/16

Rujikin wrote:



Pfft disabled my ass! This dude just climbed a ladder with just his arms this guys beast.

Since I doubt anyone else will answer your question for fear of hurting feelings I'll go ahead and be the asshole.here. I wouldn't date anyone with a severe disability but I'm not desperate for another either. I wouldn't want to take care of them all the time.

Really you might be best looking for someone that has a minor "disability" and dating them. Like I know a friend that is fine except she is lazy as fuck and because she is lazy she has become pretty useless causing depressing because she thinks she is useless. She is noe on disability -_-someone like her would probably like someone like you because they feel useful.



Haha, if you ever develop muscular dystrophy, and I hope you don't, you'll know exactly how it feels to not be able to do anything physical (not even lifting up your arms). At least that guy still has his upper arm strength Hey, by all means, this is what this post is for. As I said earlier, this post isn't about me. I gave my experience as an example and wanted everyone else's opinion. People say it's unfair to judge people based on their disability, but as you said, depending on the severity, can you really blame them? This is coming from me, as ironic as that sounds. Your friend sounds like someone I'd try to avoid at all costs.
atleap 
4674 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / Way North
Online
Posted 8/17/16
I know several people with muscular dystrophy and it's sad to see a friend slowly lose control of his/her own body. Personally, I am a picky asshole when it comes to people I would be willing to date, and as I value my personal time too much, I wouldn't be able to date anyone with a disability, since it would require me to devote too much time for them. As harsh as it may sound, some people just wouldn't be able to handle it, either be completely put off, or start acting weird around you since they don't know about the disability and it makes them uncomfortable.

However, as I see it, you weren't meant for those types of people anyway, and I am sure you can find someone who is a perfect match for you. I won't be so naive as to say "just put yourself out there and start dating", since anyone would struggle with that. However, it is an attractive feature to be confident in yourself despite the hardships you are facing and people do react to that. Your condition isn't something you can change, so try not too spend too much energy focusing on what's wrong with you, but rather try to highlight what's great about you. Maybe you have a wicked sense of humour, or something, try to show it to people. There is a lot more than just physical ability and looks to a person. Granted, you will not be able to date those who rely on their first impressions, since looks are important for first dates and such, but there is definitely someone who manages to see past what you are to see who you are.


I wouldn't though, but I am one of those.. what do you call it.. assholes.
18922 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
46 / F / Reston, VA, USA
Offline
Posted 8/17/16
Muscular Dystrophy is a real kick in the gut. You're 22 now, and I'm 46. I meet people at work with various disabilities every day. Honestly there really is someone out there for everyone - no matter what their disability, special needs, or other issues. However, not everyone is able to cope with the reality of watching someone they actually care about go through the failing health issues ahead of you. It leaves many people feeling helpless to do anything and depressed when there is literally nothing they can do that helps improve your health situation. I worked with a fabulous lady who had Muscular Dystrophy, and she had been married at the time of the diagnosis. Her husband left her because he couldn't handle it. He'd come by and take her to lunch once in awhile so they were still on good terms. When I first met her she was in a wheelchair - later she had a scooter and she used Dragon Dictate to control her computer and do her work (she was an editor for a magazine). I'd say get out and do the things you can - maybe get involved with some clinical studies and with supporting education about the disease so you have a chance to meet other people in support groups and such. Maybe there's another cause you'd rather support but in any case you don't meet people unless you get out of the house. Computer dating works for some people, but not everyone. Meeting other people or family members of people who understand your disorder gives you a boost in the chances of meeting someone you can more easily communicate with about it.

I do think it is necessary to include that you are wheelchair bound on your profile since that may effect places you choose to go on a date because of accessibility. However, you can explain why you're wheelchair bound when you're getting to know people through chat, emails, and in person.
16789 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Hoosierville
Offline
Posted 8/17/16

Lemontitties wrote:


Rujikin wrote:



Pfft disabled my ass! This dude just climbed a ladder with just his arms this guys beast.

Since I doubt anyone else will answer your question for fear of hurting feelings I'll go ahead and be the asshole.here. I wouldn't date anyone with a severe disability but I'm not desperate for another either. I wouldn't want to take care of them all the time.

Really you might be best looking for someone that has a minor "disability" and dating them. Like I know a friend that is fine except she is lazy as fuck and because she is lazy she has become pretty useless causing depressing because she thinks she is useless. She is noe on disability -_-someone like her would probably like someone like you because they feel useful.



Haha, if you ever develop muscular dystrophy, and I hope you don't, you'll know exactly how it feels to not be able to do anything physical (not even lifting up your arms). At least that guy still has his upper arm strength Hey, by all means, this is what this post is for. As I said earlier, this post isn't about me. I gave my experience as an example and wanted everyone else's opinion. People say it's unfair to judge people based on their disability, but as you said, depending on the severity, can you really blame them? This is coming from me, as ironic as that sounds. Your friend sounds like someone I'd try to avoid at all costs.


Not really on topic but I've read ways to delay muscular dystrophy until you get older. Some people have an almost muscle builder style regiment where they build their muscles faster than it degrades. Those people were able to delay its effects till they were 40 or 50 and even then it wasn't entirely crippling.
Posted 8/17/16
No. I have a cousin who's been in a wheel chair his whole life and has found a wonderful wife.
5829 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Online
Posted 8/17/16

Lemontitties wrote:

I've been struggling w/ Muscular Dystrophy for the past 4 years now. Apparently, I was born w/ this physical impairment and only did it recently decide that it wanted to change my life forever. In short, Muscular Dystrophy is a muscle disease which impairs your muscles. I have Limb Girdle which heavily affects the core muscles (i.e thighs, upper arms, and torso). It's also recently affected my breathing, so now I'm on a breathing machine when I sleep. I've had a very close gal friend that I grew up w/ in highschool, was practically in love w/ her, who never speaks to me anymore. Since I live out in the boonies and am wheelchair bound, it's near impossible to get out and do things (not that I'd feel comfortable being seen in a power chair regardless), so I've tried dating websites. Since it's unethical, in my opinion, to not include your disability in your description, I've taken the liberty of doing just that. Several months of trying and no luck.

What do you guys think? Is there no hope, does it all depend on the disability itself or would you consider looking past it?



my best friend has muscular dystrophy. i feel to some extent in your case it depends on severity. he is a more extreme case of it unfortunately and i don't think he is dating though i also believe he isn't interested. but i also know another person with it who got married and had 2 kids mind you in her case it was a more mild version compared to my friend.though one of her kids ended up inheriting it.
52863 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
29 / M
Offline
Posted 8/17/16
I have Mild CP and I still haven't gone on a date yet in my 29 years of life lol
8007 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Offline
Posted 8/17/16
As a fellow wheelchair dude I'd say it depends on your self-confidence.

I know that sounds stupid but imo it's really important to accept your condition. That's of course easier said than done but people notice such things. Believe me things will get better.
19563 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / NYC Metro Area
Offline
Posted 8/17/16
I've know people in wheelchairs or without a limb or other serious physical disabilities who have been happily married for decades or have been popular in the dating scene. Maybe it's harder, but far from undatable. Confidence and personality will ultimately determine if you will find someone in the end.
Posted 8/18/16 , edited 8/18/16


Why would you want to meet people who put you down because of your disability anyway. The people who are willing to work through it because they want to be there for you is a pretty rare fucking occasion. I'm not even disabled and people are just downright shitty. On dating sites you know they're just comparing you to a bunch of other dudes they're talking too. If you want to meet someone it's much better to have it being over common interests.
First  Prev  1  2  3  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.