First  Prev  1  2  Next  Last
Post Reply Anyone know how to deal with regret
19863 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
69 / M / Limbo
Offline
Posted 8/23/16
Apologize and hope they can forgive you... or do what I do and drown yourself in the bosom of Lady Liquor.
6638 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
21 / F / USA
Offline
Posted 8/23/16 , edited 8/23/16
Move on with your life. Learn from your past but live for the moment and look to tomorrow.

Unless someone kills your parents. Then you have to live in the past and avenge them.
33510 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
21 / M / U.S.A.
Offline
Posted 8/23/16 , edited 8/23/16
You don't.
7878 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
8500 / F / Apollo...
Offline
Posted 8/23/16


You still have your own life to live. Regretting something you can't control is a waste of time, the only thing you can do is move on. If the opportunity arises for you to repair that friendship and you feel like you can take that chance, by all means, make that attempt. But if it doesn't work out, then....

19 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
106 / M
Offline
Posted 8/23/16 , edited 8/23/16
Sudan's not a real place bro.
19 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
106 / M
Offline
Posted 8/23/16

PeripheralVisionary wrote:



Guts is a fictional person made to suffer. Let's stick to real people. Like the lost boys of Sudan.


Plus I'm fairly certain Africa's also fake.
30236 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
It doesn't matter.
Offline
Posted 8/23/16
Regrets are when you learn from your mistakes.
If you didn't have regrets, you wouldn't have one of the two biggest motivators to do better in the future.
218 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
27 / M / Australia
Offline
Posted 8/24/16
You betrayed your friend, and if it's serious, then don't expect to ever be friends again with that person. You're not likely going to be able to mend your friendship, unless your friend is too forgiving of a person and a total pushover. Remember what happened here, and don't do it again to another friend.

But if what happened is actually really minor, then just apologize and go out drinking but your shout, or do something else to make it up to em.
2549 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
18 / M / California
Offline
Posted 8/24/16 , edited 8/24/16
Sounds like you deserved it, lmao. You betrayed a friend for an image of something you are most likely not, that's so idiotic to be honest with you. I don't know how exactly you betrayed him/her, but even if it's something minor you still show you would hurt a "friend" in order to make yourself look better, are you even sure that person is your friend? Honestly, you gotta think before you make decisions sometimes.

The best you can do is try to reconcile with that friend and hope it all works out, though I doubt your friend will look at you the same, even if you two do become close again.

Also, you could just move on and learn from this mistake.
47860 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M
Offline
Posted 8/24/16 , edited 8/24/16
There's the matter of what it means to 'regret' something, but my basic philosophy kind of renders the term meaningless. This will seem like some irrelevant navel-gazing for a bit, but I promise it's relevant.

We start by asking "what is identity?" What does it mean to say that "I am x?" When you use a word to describe something, the word you use defines a particular set of criteria. The criteria may change depending on what a given person is trying to get across, but nonetheless, they mean something when they say it, and anything that fits that criteria is that thing.

In other words, when we want to look at the question of what it means to say that I am 'x' we need to look at the elements of the set of things that make up 'x.' If we start broadly, we may say that my arm is a part of that set. This is fine, but it's not generally what people are talking about, since for most people, losing your arm doesn't make you a different person. Maybe we zero in on one part, and say that the brain is what makes you who you are. But the atoms in the brain have location as a part of their set. If one moment your brain is in a particular position, and you walk to the other side of the room, then we're talking about two different sets of elements. They may have many elements in common, but they are not the same set. If this is your definition, then we must say that we are talking about two different people when we see someone change location. This is also not common usage.

So, we might say something like 'identity is personality.' So what's that? Probably something like 'the set of character traits a person has.' Now a person can be nice one moment, ambivalent the next, mean, hateful, loving, etc. At the very least, your thoughts change from moment to moment. So under this definition, you would be a different person each time you thought something. So, we might say that personality is something like a 'pattern of thought.' You may have a propensity to think or act in a particular way. This is not meaningless to talk about, but it doesn't help the concept of a continuous identity. What you think and how you act will be determined by what you already know. New information gives new thoughts and creates new behaviors. If we average out behaviors over a life time, we may be able to talk meaningfully about who a person is over a lifetime, but this doesn't speak about how a person acts or thinks at any given time. A 'person' at one point of time may be described very differently from the same at another point in time, to the extent that it becomes difficult to call them the same person by our new definition. And indeed, you will often hear people saying things like "he's not the same person anymore." I think this is the most meaningful definition we can come up with, but we can go a bit further.

We might say that what makes a person is simply a causal connection. In other words, I'm sitting here writing. I'm sitting because, at some point, I sat down. I wrote 'here' because it was included with the thought that I had when I wrote 'I'm' and 'sitting.' The thing that I am now is causally connected with the thing 'I' was before. And what I mean when I call it 'I', in the present, depends on something in the past. What thoughts I'd had, what things I'd learned, etc. This can be a bit helpful, but on the other hand, part of the reason I'm sitting here is that there is a chair here. We wouldn't, however, call the chair 'me.' As far as I can tell, there is no one thing that is constant throughout a person's life, that can reasonably be separated as a distinctive attribute, and thus, no such thing as a continuous self, as distinguished from others. To posit otherwise is usually a proposition of some sort of black box. "I think there's an irreducible self, but I don't know what it is." Such a thing may exist, but if you don't know anything about it, if there's no evidence at all that it's there, then it can't really be a meaningful characteristic, and what's more, there's a pretty good chance it's not there anyway.

TL;DR So here's how I think about regret: The thing that made that bad decision earlier is not me. It was a causal factor in who I am, but the set of things that make up 'me' is not the same set that makes up that person. We are different people. It is true that large parts of that set may be identical, but they still are not the same set. It's rather similar to how we can call two trees in a forest 'tree' without thinking that they are the same tree.

Regret is a feeling that 'you' did something wrong or that you made a decision that you wouldn't make now. I would think about it this way. You should worry about that regretful decision to a proportional extent that the set of attributes making up your past self matches your present self. It's much the same as 'regretting' a decision someone else made. You can think that it was wrong and that something differently could be done, but it's not something 'you' can effect any change with. You can and should learn from your past self like you learn from other people--particularly since you know a whole hell of a lot about your past self--more than anyone else, usually. Consider past decisions to the extent that they affect future ones. You may also just enjoy reminiscing about the past--the good and bad parts. This is a lot like enjoying a story or fantasizing. But if you are vastly different from the character in the story, I would avoid attributing the character's actions to 'you.'

Edit: For anyone interested in learning more, one of my favorite philosophy books is "Reasons and Persons" by Derek Parfit. Outside of professional philosophers, almost nobody has heard of it, but it is nonetheless quite well known within a certain subset of Philosophers. It can get pretty technical, but if you can understand his points, I can almost promise it'll give you something to think about--even if you disagree.
179 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M / Romania
Offline
Posted 8/24/16
Whatever you do, don't "drown yourself in the bosom of Lady Liquor", that's one of the worst advices ever.

In my opinion, the best thing you can do is ask for their forgiveness, showing them you really regret your mistake. Be perfectly honest and tell them you did what you did fearing other people's opinion (being sincere is the best way to regain their trust). However, if your friend doesn't forgive you, then you can at least learn from this mistake and not repeat it again with other people. Maybe a good resolution which will help you move on is deciding that from now on you won't care anymore about what people think of you (in most cases, anyway). And, yes, forgiving yourself is important. I suspect you are dissapointed with yourself, too, and want to prove yourself and others (your friend included) you're better than how you acted in that certain situation. The only way to do that is for you to change and to show aversion for the mistaken way you acted.

Well, that's what I would do if I were in your place. Hope it helps, all the best.
9283 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
M / Australia
Offline
Posted 8/24/16 , edited 8/24/16
It's funny because there was a time, or a period in my life where i had no or little regrets. I was positive and really didn't dwell on things and felt as if i was moving forward and was in a good place.
I really did not dwell or let things keep me down. I just had the attitude of the past is the past, what's done is done, that was then this now.
But in more recent times i do feel regrets and sometimes i really do ponder and dwell on things and often find it hard to get over things.
iam not sure if it's because now iam older and you look back more? Not sure if it's because when you're younger you keep experiencing new things and meeting new people and living life and moving forward?
Maybe when you feel regret it means that you're dissatisfied with where you are at?
I know sometimes i think "what if" or "if only i" and "why did i"? , etc

i suppose sometimes regret is attatched with guilt or embarassment or depreission or consequences or being stuck in a rut. Or if people aroud you are doing better than you are now.

Not sure what my advice would be. I used to just put things behind me with ease and just be a positive thinker. Always look on the bright side of things and try to stop doing things that you will regret.
Sometimes easier said than done.
I guess some things you can do something about but other things just cannot be undone and cant be changed.

7104 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / F / United States
Offline
Posted 8/24/16
NOPE
52842 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
100 / M
Offline
Posted 8/24/16
I don't think professional Assassin have regret or know the meaning of it! :p
18913 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
22 / F / Canada
Offline
Posted 8/24/16


whoa this is ridiculously long................. im gonna read all this!
First  Prev  1  2  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.