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Post Reply Does it really get better or is that just false hope?
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24 / F / United States, DE
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Posted 9/5/16

Ryulightorb wrote:

Im sorry i overreacted and lost my cool i hope you can forgive me.

Sorry i have had alot of stress and i shouldn't let it out on others even when i don't mean to i hope you have a good day


It's all good, no worries. I hope things get better for you soon. Take care of yourself.
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27 / F / The Ivory Tower
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Posted 9/20/16
I'd been meaning to say something here but forgot until now.

These responses trouble me - especially the ones that say something like, "Life is only as bad or good as you want it to be," or "It gets better." I kind of think they're coming from people who want to believe things get better because they're expecting something bad to happen.

Eventually we're all going to die; is that "better"? Do you think that, during the last few weeks of your life, you'll be satisfied? Will you look back and think things were good? And what if your life just, well, sucks? It didn't get better for that 10-year-old in Syria; why should it get better for you? A lot of people do commit suicide; they didn't think it'd get better. A lot more people get killed in some way, live with chronic pain. health problems, mental problems, poverty, and the like, or have a serious accident. Very few of us are wise enough that our perspectives don't need changing our entire lives. so we may not understand things until we're very old, or we may live our whole lives oblivious to our stupidity. Thinking that it has to get better is unfair to the people for whom it isn't better, and never will get better.

I imagine there are limits to the amount of stress one human can experience, so perhaps the same is true of despair, but that seems like a harder question. I despaired for a period of a few years, and it'd affect me on and off, but one day it got an order of magnitude worse than ever before. I never would have thought it could get worse, but it did. Now my despair is basically gone, but that is really a coincidence: I just happened to read a book that allowed me to reframe my perspective entirely. If I had never found that book, the past few years of my life would likely have been much darker. And there was no guarantee from life that I ever would have found it.

What I'd prefer to say is that we are all stupid: It's incredibly unlikely that a depressed or despairing person has the wisest and most intelligent perspective possible of their situation, so thinking that there's nothing that can be done to change the situation - or even just to view it differently - is arrogant. It may or may not be selfish to want to kill yourself, but it certainly means that you think no better assessment or perspective of your situation exists - and again, that's incredibly unlikely, because it's incredibly likely that you're pretty dumb compared to the smartest people who have lived. And even they're pretty dumb when it comes to living life wisely.

So seriously: take a little comfort in your own stupidity. Because if there's anything you can be absolutely sure of, it's that you know pretty much nothing. And that really should give all of us hope: hope that, somewhere out there, there's an answer. Because out there is a lot more than any of us can possibly comprehend.
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