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Post Reply How do you feel about age gaps?
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Posted 9/13/16

Cenric

Oh well, I probably did misunderstand and still do. My first post was about the whole number thing which you already adressed in your post and I am simply in agreement it's more complicated than that. As someone watching from the sidelines I abstain from passing judgement on people who choose to marry with huge age gaps when I can't see the full picture. In my personal life relationships aren't even relevant enough to think about.



Ah, yeah. I am not passing judgment at all. I'm not "society", after all. My point of view is from the perception of the mates. Uhm, like placing your eyes in their world, and seeing the perspective of one another during their total time (a day, weeks, an entire work/school month, 5 years, etc) with one another.

Or, in a harsher way, when someone says, "This will turn out like (fill in the blank)," and you think, "Wow, that's mean." And then it happens, and you think, "Oh... lol. Okay."

All about perception.
Posted 9/13/16
I think they are fine. It just seems kinda weird if the age gap is too large though, but hey...love knows no bounds haha. Cheesy af, I know.
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Posted 9/13/16

Blackbutler3000

Thanks see you in a different section then ^_^


Please do not respond to me in any further post, reply, or response to another.
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Posted 9/13/16

Nayru- wrote:

I think they are fine. It just seems kinda weird if the age gap is too large though, but hey...love knows no bounds haha. Cheesy af, I know.


It can really depends on so many factors and point of view. That is what I have been trying to say. For example, 40 dating 50, who are both done raising kids or may have decided to not raise kids, may see more similarly than even someone younger with only a 5 year gap.

Its a very relative topic, which is why its tricky to give answers to.
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Posted 9/13/16

pacificjade wrote:


Blackbutler3000

Thanks see you in a different section then ^_^


Please do not respond to me in any further post, reply, or response to another.


I sent a message explaining but it won't go through so oh well I hope you do the same bye ^_^
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Posted 9/13/16
I've dated people younger than me and older than me by anywhere from a couple months to like six or seven years. I don't think gaps really matter unless there are red flags going on in the relationship (like this one guy I dated was a decade older than me, there were tons of red flags due to his immaturity and I found out while he got older he always dated the same age-range of girls, that was a super red flag because it meant he was having unstable relationships and then jumping out of them and then into one with another girl that was around the same age - plus a lot of people that are significantly older that date a lot younger than them tend to be abusive or manipulative in some way - that little thing ended really quick for me because I was able to spot things that didn't add up). Or of course they also matter when the gap is big enough in the right way that you have nothing in common with the other person or your generational ties aren't the same. If you have nothing to speak about then it's obviously only the physical attraction and that'll go away pretty quickly when you start getting bored.

The guy I'm dating right now is only a couple months younger than me and it's the best out of any relationship I've had. But I have friends that have working relationships with people of other ages and that's fine too. It's really up to the person.
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Posted 9/13/16

Blackbutler3000 wrote:

XD because its irrelevant so keep it out of the post please and thank you

It's really unclear what this is in response to, but thus far in this thread that I can see nothing's been so off-topic that this was warranted. It's natural for thread discussions to drift a little, or broaden, as folks bring in their own perceptions regarding the topic. In fact, that's kind of what makes forum discussion interesting.


Blackbutler3000 wrote:


pacificjade wrote:

Say that in a decade :P

Age matters, but not for the number. It matters as much as education, for example.


Please keep it to relevance the post is about age gaps in relationships not education and anything else in life please and thank you ^-^ Im going to please ask you to change your response or have a mod come in thank you sweetie I just don't want others to target the first part of your message and I'm sorry this needed to be edited lol I accidently clicked post reply. Just try to make it strictly your opinion on age gap relationships not on any other sarcastic thing you wanna say ^^


pacificjade's response was very relevant. The general topic is how one feels about age gaps. They replied in a way that indicated that age matters, and explained why, comparing it to other aspects of life experience that can matter in terms of "gaps." I also think you misread sarcasm. I didn't see anything at all sarcastic in their post--well unless you're referring to the rather jovial catchphrase "Say that in a decade" remark--which came across as just being folksy to me. However, in context of the rest of your reply your "Thank you sweetie" does not come across as friendly or folksy but as condescending. One of our site rules includes the phrase "assume goodwill." By that we mean to make an effort to put the best spin on what we think someone else is saying. Is it possible we're reading it more negatively than it was intended? If it's not very clear that something was intended to be sarcastic, or mean, then the best course of action might be to reply as if it was in fact meant in a harmless way.

On-topic -- I don't think age per se matters much in a general way. I've been in sexual/romantic relationships with people a great deal younger than, as well as with people a great deal older than me, and they all worked well for the type of relationship they were. Age gaps can make a difference in some of the specifics of a relationship, but I haven't seen age as something that on its own is a dealbreaker.
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Posted 9/13/16

lorreen wrote:


Blackbutler3000 wrote:

XD because its irrelevant so keep it out of the post please and thank you

It's really unclear what this is in response to, but thus far in this thread that I can see nothing's been so off-topic that this was warranted. It's natural for thread discussions to drift a little, or broaden, as folks bring in their own perceptions regarding the topic. In fact, that's kind of what makes forum discussion interesting.


Blackbutler3000 wrote:


pacificjade wrote:

Say that in a decade :P

Age matters, but not for the number. It matters as much as education, for example.


Please keep it to relevance the post is about age gaps in relationships not education and anything else in life please and thank you ^-^ Im going to please ask you to change your response or have a mod come in thank you sweetie I just don't want others to target the first part of your message and I'm sorry this needed to be edited lol I accidently clicked post reply. Just try to make it strictly your opinion on age gap relationships not on any other sarcastic thing you wanna say ^^


pacificjade's response was very relevant. The general topic is how one feels about age gaps. They replied in a way that indicated that age matters, and explained why, comparing it to other aspects of life experience that can matter in terms of "gaps." I also think you misread sarcasm. I didn't see anything at all sarcastic in their post--well unless you're referring to the rather jovial catchphrase "Say that in a decade" remark--which came across as just being folksy to me. However, in context of the rest of your reply your "Thank you sweetie" does not come across as friendly or folksy but as condescending. One of our site rules includes the phrase "assume goodwill." By that we mean to make an effort to put the best spin on what we think someone else is saying. Is it possible we're reading it more negatively than it was intended? If it's not very clear that something was intended to be sarcastic, or mean, then the best course of action might be to reply as if it was in fact meant in a harmless way.

On-topic -- I don't think age per se matters much in a general way. I've been in sexual/romantic relationships with people a great deal younger than, as well as with people a great deal older than me, and they all worked well for the type of relationship they were. Age gaps can make a difference in some of the specifics of a relationship, but I haven't seen age as something that on its own is a dealbreaker.

I still stand by it being irrelevant sorry ^_^ but thanks for the response
Posted 9/13/16
Age is a number and I'm not very good with numbers. All about appearences.
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Posted 9/13/16
10 years here, it is perfect.
Posted 9/13/16
Think it depends, after 18 anything is fair game I guess?
My manager is married to a guy that's in his mid to late 20s while she's in her early 40s
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Posted 9/13/16
I'm ok with an age gap, but not too big. Physically, I wouldn't want the guy I'm with to look like he could be my dad/grandpa, or my child, and as long as the guy has a lovely balance of maturity, intelligence and humor, we're good.
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Posted 9/13/16
18-29 I think sounds fair. Doesn't matter to me though I'm a master of wizardry.
Posted 9/13/16 , edited 9/13/16
not make a difference to me
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Posted 9/13/16 , edited 9/13/16

kiri97 wrote:

well it can, look at it this way, if im a 60 year old man that wants to marry a 13 year old, then its wrong.
but if im , hmmmmmm, maybe 20 or younger then sure, as long as the person in question is ok with it.


Absolutely not. A 13 year old is still a child who doesn't have any sense of the real world or how it works. You're an adult, you should be w/ another adult, not a kid. That's just pedophilia.
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Posted 9/13/16
Age is just an excuse to say 'I think you have some growing up to do before we can do what we do.'
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