First  Prev  1  2  3  4  Next  Last
Post Reply So who wants to help Dante out with relationship trouble
8701 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M / Definitely not EU
Offline
Posted 9/15/16 , edited 9/19/16
Summary:

Together a while now. I'm her first real boyfriend (as in her longest relationship has only been like 2 weeks). We been together 4 months. We get on really well, find each other really attractive, was always all over each other, she lost her virginity to me, always done cute things for me as I done for her, treated her really good. but sometimes she'd get in this mood where she feels she's not good enough, and tries pushing me away etc. Because she has low self esteem, and maybe other issues?


So present day, she's broken up with me a few times now and the other day I had enough. I was really annoyed, hurt and decided to go for a walk. She seen me and practically begged to talk to me, I tried ignoring her but she was cutting me off so we spoke, I just stood there while she said sorry, she hates herself for having hurt me, and she's lucky to even have a guy like me, then things calmed down a little.

We spoke for few days, hung out on one and we held hands, and she sent me some cute pics later, then the next day I asked her back out. But she said she doesn't know if she can do it, and that she thinks we're better as friends. Once again that annoyed me. Annoyed because just last week, she was saying she loves me, she misses me, and how it can get hard sometimes but we will get through it. And now 'lets just be friends'. And how I deserve better, her thinking low of herself. I made out I'm done and moving back to my old town (as we live in a pretty small village). She came in the local shop where I work after I deleted fb and everything, after hearing I was leaving, she was in tears. Saying why am I leaving. She fell into my arms and kept crying, how she wouldn't be able to cope, and how her heart broke into a million pieces.

And today we met and spoke. I asked her to just be with me again but she said she can't it's too hard. As I was looking at her I knew she was guilty of something. She started sobbing and crying but she told me she kissed someone, and not just once and twice. And apparently they're dating for 2 days. I was like wtf. She stormed off because she must of felt really guilty because even then I was willing to give her another chance, which probably made her feels worse. I tried to hold onto her but it built up until she screamed to let go of her so I did.

We spoke soon after on message and she just kept saying how she isn't good enough for me and stuff. I told her she better end things if she still cares about me, if not I'm done with her for good. She said she just wants to be friends, I tell her how can I be friends when you're with someone else and not me? Then she said "wait, so if I dump him tomorrow you'll be friends with me and only a friend" and I said yes, and she seemed so relived?

I don't fully understand and I'm still hurt, but now we're just taking a break. She said she's just gonna need time, I told her if she does anything like this again I'm gone, because I still love her and I know she loves me too. I said the next person you're gonna kiss and be with is me, when you're ready. And she understands.

God I know this sounds like just one big mess but honestly before this things were great, and that's not just from my point of view, hew friends, her sister, everyone said we was great together. She said it's going to be hard being just 'friends' but maybe we can do 'stuff' at some point (like friends with benefits) then a relationship again. So what do you people think, is there still hope for this?

You can read the update on this page 4
4780 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
19 / M / Winnipeg, MB.
Offline
Posted 9/15/16
I havent read this whole post but I think if you need to spend so many paragraphs to explain the problem, you probably dont have a very good chance of fixing it.
28685 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
22 / M / United States
Offline
Posted 9/15/16 , edited 9/15/16

DanteVSTheWorld wrote:


So present day, she's broken up with me a few times now and the other day I had enough. I was really annoyed, hurt and decided to go for a walk. She seen me and practically begged to talk to me, I tried ignoring her but she was cutting me off so we spoke, I just stood there while she said sorry, she hates herself for having hurt me, and she's lucky to even have a guy like me, then things calmed down a little.

We spoke for few days, hung out on one and we held hands, and she sent me some cute pics later, then the next day I asked her back out. But she said she doesn't know if she can do it, and that she thinks we're better as friends. Once again that annoyed me. Annoyed because just last week, she was saying she loves me, she misses me, and how it can get hard sometimes but we will get through it. And now 'lets just be friends'. And how I deserve better, her thinking low of herself. I made out I'm done and moving back to my old town (as we live in a pretty small village). She came in the local shop where I work after I deleted fb and everything, after hearing I was leaving, she was in tears. Saying why am I leaving. She fell into my arms and kept crying, how she wouldn't be able to cope, and how her heart broke into a million pieces.

And today we met and spoke. I asked her to just be with me again but she said she can't it's too hard. As I was looking at her I knew she was guilty of something. She started sobbing and crying but she told me she kissed someone, and not just once and twice. And apparently they're dating for 2 days. I was like wtf. She stormed off because she must of felt really guilty because even then I was willing to give her another chance, which probably made her feels worse. I tried to hold onto her but it built up until she screamed to let go of her so I did.

We spoke soon after on message and she just kept saying how she isn't good enough for me and stuff. I told her she better end things if she still cares about me, if not I'm done with her for good. She said she just wants to be friends, I tell her how can I be friends when you're with someone else and not me? Then she said "wait, so if I dump him tomorrow you'll be friends with me and only a friend" and I said yes, and she seemed so relived?

I don't fully understand and I'm still hurt, but now we're just taking a break. She said she's just gonna need time, I told her if she does anything like this again I'm gone, because I still love her and I know she loves me too. I said the next person you're gonna kiss and be with is me, when you're ready. And she understands.

God I know this sounds like just one big mess but honestly before this things were great, and that's not just from my point of view, hew friends, her sister, everyone said we was great together. She said it's going to be hard being just 'friends' but maybe we can do 'stuff' at some point (like friends with benefits) then a relationship again. So what do you people think, is there still hope for this?


In my personal opinion, no. I have had a similar experience, albeit not as deep as what you went through. She also brought up the "Let's just be friends." card, but after everything that happened, that couldn't possibly even work out. I decided to just stop talking to her since she obviously was too indecisive to know what she truly wanted.

This however, is absolutely asinine. If this has been happening on and off for a while now, I'd let her go. You shouldn't have to be her 2nd option, especially if she already found someone else and kissed more than once. She sounds like a troubled, lost soul; which as unfortunate as that may sound, you sound like you've already tried numerous times to make this work out. If she is still refusing to cooperate, then why should you waste any more time w/ her? This sounds harsh, but trust me when I say this, it'll save you a lot of grief later down the road. I'm sorry that you're going through this.
7871 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
20 / F / South Africa
Offline
Posted 9/15/16
It sounds to me like she is very indecisive, she doesn't know what she wants yet.

I think you two should just be friends, that way you can avoid any problems and it's the same for her.
The both of you need a bit of space, so that she can decide what it is she wants...
and I don't think she's going to realise that when she is always with you.

I'm not good at giving advice, but that is what I personally think. Just pace yourself and keep some distance for a while.
Posted 9/15/16
End it. Not worth the drama, or the emotional stress I'm sure you're having to be put through because of this. you can try to carry on being friends but that hardly ever works out. In the end you gotta weigh up the pro's and con's, whether being in the relationship is worth the shit you have to put up with because of how the girl acts.
19849 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
69 / M / Limbo
Offline
Posted 9/15/16
Take the friends with benefits deal man, its all reward and you dont have to put up with the dumb fucking high school bullshit. You're a grown ass man. Smash and dash.
14063 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
18 / M / Britain
Offline
Posted 9/15/16

Lemontitties wrote:

You shouldn't have to be her 2nd option, especially if she already found someone else and kissed more than once. She sounds like a troubled, lost soul; which as unfortunate as that may sound, you sound like you've already tried numerous times to make this work out. If she is still refusing to cooperate, then why should you waste any more time w/ her? This sounds harsh, but trust me when I say this, it'll save you a lot of grief later down the road. I'm sorry that you're going through this.



I agree.

I'd randomly say: "Dost thou even praise?" and if she didn't get either reference, then I'd leave her with the other guy.
8701 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M / Definitely not EU
Offline
Posted 9/15/16

Lemontitties wrote:


DanteVSTheWorld wrote:


So present day, she's broken up with me a few times now and the other day I had enough. I was really annoyed, hurt and decided to go for a walk. She seen me and practically begged to talk to me, I tried ignoring her but she was cutting me off so we spoke, I just stood there while she said sorry, she hates herself for having hurt me, and she's lucky to even have a guy like me, then things calmed down a little.

We spoke for few days, hung out on one and we held hands, and she sent me some cute pics later, then the next day I asked her back out. But she said she doesn't know if she can do it, and that she thinks we're better as friends. Once again that annoyed me. Annoyed because just last week, she was saying she loves me, she misses me, and how it can get hard sometimes but we will get through it. And now 'lets just be friends'. And how I deserve better, her thinking low of herself. I made out I'm done and moving back to my old town (as we live in a pretty small village). She came in the local shop where I work after I deleted fb and everything, after hearing I was leaving, she was in tears. Saying why am I leaving. She fell into my arms and kept crying, how she wouldn't be able to cope, and how her heart broke into a million pieces.

And today we met and spoke. I asked her to just be with me again but she said she can't it's too hard. As I was looking at her I knew she was guilty of something. She started sobbing and crying but she told me she kissed someone, and not just once and twice. And apparently they're dating for 2 days. I was like wtf. She stormed off because she must of felt really guilty because even then I was willing to give her another chance, which probably made her feels worse. I tried to hold onto her but it built up until she screamed to let go of her so I did.

We spoke soon after on message and she just kept saying how she isn't good enough for me and stuff. I told her she better end things if she still cares about me, if not I'm done with her for good. She said she just wants to be friends, I tell her how can I be friends when you're with someone else and not me? Then she said "wait, so if I dump him tomorrow you'll be friends with me and only a friend" and I said yes, and she seemed so relived?

I don't fully understand and I'm still hurt, but now we're just taking a break. She said she's just gonna need time, I told her if she does anything like this again I'm gone, because I still love her and I know she loves me too. I said the next person you're gonna kiss and be with is me, when you're ready. And she understands.

God I know this sounds like just one big mess but honestly before this things were great, and that's not just from my point of view, hew friends, her sister, everyone said we was great together. She said it's going to be hard being just 'friends' but maybe we can do 'stuff' at some point (like friends with benefits) then a relationship again. So what do you people think, is there still hope for this?


If she is still refusing to cooperate, then why should you waste any more time w/ her?


That's the thing though, she is willing to end it with this other guy just so she can still be friends with me? I'm obviously more important than this other guy, and she is stupid for doing it anyway, I know how bad she feels for doing it I could see it. If she didn't however and she remained with him then whatever I'd move on no problem, but she hasn't. I told her if she ever does anything like this again I'd be done with her, and the next person she kisses better be me when she's ready and she understands, but wants to be alone for now to sort herself out.
7886 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
8500 / F / Apollo...
Offline
Posted 9/15/16

DanteVSTheWorld wrote:

So what do you people think, is there still hope for this?


Hi, this is coming from a female's point of view, with the unfortunate experience of listening to other "female friends" do the same crap to their boyfriends.

Leave her. You've basically announced to the public that it takes a lot of emotional effort and a 600-page map to try to navigate the murky waters that is her heart. She is finicky, indecisive, or possibly even highly manipulative - because she thinks she can hold on to you with her sob story.

If she already has a low self-esteem, chances are, she wants to make sure she can keep you around until "someone better" comes along because she probably doesn't want to claim being single.

If you want to continue being dragged around by this girl, then by all means, use up all your strength, but it already seems like you're drained from this relationship. THAT should be a big red flag indicator that it's not going to go in a positive direction.

The timing of her kissing another guy, and turning down your offer to start again should already tell you that she's not going to be 100% invested in you.

In conclusion, you should just drop her. Let her remain a positive memory from your past, instead of remembering the bullshit that frustrated you, or continue to be enslaved by a finicky relationship.
610 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
28 / F / Charlotte, NC
Offline
Posted 9/15/16
Okay, here's reality knocking at your door:

I mean this in the kindest and friendliest way possible. I am speaking to you right now as if I would be speaking to my best friend. Move on, you're too good for her. You deserve better!

If everything that you have stated above is absolutely true, she has rejected your love for some reason she deems valid. However, based on what you have stated about your relationship, she has no basis to end such a loving relationship other than the fact that she is being selfish . To cheat on your multiple times (yes, kissing someone else other than the person you are with is cheating) and not even come clean about her insecurities prior to said offense is a huge smack to the face. Had she truly cared and wanted to put true effort into such a loving relationship, she would have came to you and talked to you in earnest about her feelings. Sure, its difficult, but that is the way true love works. You talk things through, the good, the bad, the ugly and you work on a solution while showing your partner respect. I have been in a similar relationship, and I can tell you - it is merely a constant game of emotional tug-of-war. She can't bear the reality of watching you go because you are a safe zone for her, and more importantly, she knows that she has you wrapped around her finger. She can call on you whenever she wants, because she knows no matter how annoyed you get, she knows the right things to say and the right scenario to present to you. This isn't respect to you, this isn't love. This is pure selfishness. Do yourself a favor and find someone who is willing to give you the world back just as much as you are willing to give the world to them. We females like that do exist out there, and you deserve someone to love you the right way.
6992 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Earth
Offline
Posted 9/15/16
If you are just looking to get laid now and then keep her around. If you want a serious relationship that has a chance of lasting, move on and find someone else.
28685 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
22 / M / United States
Offline
Posted 9/15/16 , edited 9/15/16

DanteVSTheWorld wrote:


That's the thing though, she is willing to end it with this other guy just so she can still be friends with me? I'm obviously more important than this other guy, and she is stupid for doing it anyway, I know how bad she feels for doing it I could see it. If she didn't however and she remained with him then whatever I'd move on no problem, but she hasn't. I told her if she ever does anything like this again I'd be done with her, and the next person she kisses better be me when she's ready and she understands, but wants to be alone for now to sort herself out.


But is just being friends what you truly want in the first place? You may think that now, but I guarantee you'll start to develop feelings once again, if you don't already have feelings for her still. Yes, she's not the sharpest tool in the shed given all the facts you've laid down (no offence of course), but depending on how long this has been going on for, is it truly worth any more trouble for you? That's the question you need to answer yourself.

Also, 1stladyent and beautyinthebreak said it best. This is your decision though. Either move on from the heart break or keep being her safe zone.
8701 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M / Definitely not EU
Offline
Posted 9/15/16

Hail_King_Kakao wrote:

End it. Not worth the drama, or the emotional stress I'm sure you're having to be put through because of this. you can try to carry on being friends but that hardly ever works out. In the end you gotta weigh up the pro's and con's, whether being in the relationship is worth the shit you have to put up with because of how the girl acts.


I'd like to think it would be worth it in the end, just because of how close we are and we've opened up to each other about a lot of things. She hasn't even done that with anyone else besides me. But obviously she has issues she needs to fix. Seen her a while ago and even though we're 'friends' she still sits really close to me, or putting her head on my lap, so I'd like to think theres still hope.


DRO1 wrote:

Take the friends with benefits deal man, its all reward and you dont have to put up with the dumb fucking high school bullshit. You're a grown ass man. Smash and dash.


I mean I probably will because she isn't going to last long without my D lol, but once she gets past this drama shit then maybe we can get back together again.
10622 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Offline
Posted 9/15/16

DanteVSTheWorld wrote:

That's the thing though, she is willing to end it with this other guy just so she can still be friends with me? I'm obviously more important than this other guy, and she is stupid for doing it anyway, I know how bad she feels for doing it I could see it. If she didn't however and she remained with him then whatever I'd move on no problem, but she hasn't. I told her if she ever does anything like this again I'd be done with her, and the next person she kisses better be me when she's ready and she understands, but wants to be alone for now to sort herself out.


First of all, no she doesn't think you're more important than That Guy. You are holding onto a corpse, a necrotic relationship.
Second of all, unless that 'sorting out' involves talking to a therapist or a psychologist, she's going to continue repeating this behavior. She knows, basically, that you're the woman in the relationship.
Thirdly, look to your own needs before you cut your throat for someone else. Do you need anything from her? Is this something that you need to put up with? Are there other aquatic lifeforms within the sea?

You don't seem to need relationship advice so much as an excuse to move on.
First  Prev  1  2  3  4  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.