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Post Reply So who wants to help Dante out with relationship trouble
Posted 9/15/16

Xxanthar wrote:

If you are just looking to get laid now and then keep her around. If you want a serious relationship that has a chance of lasting, move on and find someone else.


^ This person is fabulous as well..... XD

Also, yeah... She probably isn't serious about you at all. The "low self-esteem" part is the horrible part. I've got a question about the losing your virginity with her part as well..... You better move on. It obviously never meant much to her. I'm going to guess you're somebody who puts value in that memory - but she obviously, obviously didn't and doesn't.

I already mentioned that you're old enough to do what you want. Being 26, you could possibly be married already. I feel like with her, she might change but it will also take a "never" turn as well. Why wait around when you can let go of the frustration, forget about the old relationship and find another woman who can treat you better?
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Posted 9/15/16 , edited 9/15/16
I've been in your situation before, so I will share my thoughts.

1. Per your statement you were the first real boyfriend.
2. She feels that she is not good enough.
3. She is insistent on being friends.
4. She kisses someone and quickly re-dated. Even if it was a short period of time.

This is my synopsis.

I have dealt with indecisive women like this in the past. She is very insecure about herself, and possesses low-self esteem which is dangerous in a relationship. She has a emotional attachment to you which appears to be evident, but the moment a women believes that she isn't good enough for you she is going to eventually search for other emotional attachments. There is a possibility the “other” guy is the reason why she is acting the way that she is. He put her in a confused and emotional mindset in attempt to draw her away from her boyfriend at the time “you” to be with him. In her own mind, breaking up with you allowed her to kiss and experience another boyfriend without “cheating” on you. She is hoping that you will be her friend as she openly expresses her emotions to other people. She is at a vulnerable moment in her life so she still needs your support, but once someone else can fully fulfill that role she will push you away more or indefinitely.

If you love her, and want her back you need to dominate her emotions. That will be difficult. She needs to know that you're her everything, she can confine all her emotions with you. The moment a woman shares her deepest emotions with others, someone is going to take a opportunity to use that as a advantage to attempt to win her over.

The next choice is to keep your distance, pretend as if you don't care anymore. She'll go crazy trying to figure you out and possibility realize that she can't live without you and come back.

I personally would leave her, it is harder to say that to you because you love her. But it will suck even more if you put a ton of effort into her and she has no intentions of getting back with you to explore other men. I've been there long ago.
Posted 9/15/16

DanteVSTheWorld wrote:

I'd like to think it would be worth it in the end, just because of how close we are and we've opened up to each other about a lot of things. She hasn't even done that with anyone else besides me. But obviously she has issues she needs to fix. Seen her a while ago and even though we're 'friends' she still sits really close to me, or putting her head on my lap, so I'd like to think theres still hope.


That's all good, but I wouldn't bank on the issues being fixed. If you're willing to stay in the relationship despite the problems then by all means I wish you all the best. If you're expecting things to change with her and are looking at this as a form of an investment I would recommend leaving.

I also realize it's a hard thing to do since you know her so well and I'm sure you genuinely like her, so whatever you decide, good luck
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Posted 9/15/16

1stladyent wrote:


DanteVSTheWorld wrote:

So what do you people think, is there still hope for this?


Hi, this is coming from a female's point of view, with the unfortunate experience of listening to other "female friends" do the same crap to their boyfriends.

Leave her. You've basically announced to the public that it takes a lot of emotional effort and a 600-page map to try to navigate the murky waters that is her heart. She is finicky, indecisive, or possibly even highly manipulative - because she thinks she can hold on to you with her sob story.

If she already has a low self-esteem, chances are, she wants to make sure she can keep you around until "someone better" comes along because she probably doesn't want to claim being single.

If you want to continue being dragged around by this girl, then by all means, use up all your strength, but it already seems like you're drained from this relationship. THAT should be a big red flag indicator that it's not going to go in a positive direction.

The timing of her kissing another guy, and turning down your offer to start again should already tell you that she's not going to be 100% invested in you.

In conclusion, you should just drop her. Let her remain a positive memory from your past, instead of remembering the bullshit that frustrated you, or continue to be enslaved by a finicky relationship.


I told her like a week ago before any of this happened, that she needs to stop randomly ending it with me for one reason or another, because I don't wanna wake up one day and my feelings for her are gone. I'm thinking that scared her and she felt bad, so she thought running away from me would fix it or something? I don't think it's nothing to do with her waiting for 'someone better' to come along because if that were true she wouldn't of dumped this other guy almost instantly the moment she knew she could still be friends with me. It's much more to do with her not feeling like she's good enough for me, that weighed down on her and she done something stupid.


beautyinthebreakdown1988 wrote:

Okay, here's reality knocking at your door:

I mean this in the kindest and friendliest way possible. I am speaking to you right now as if I would be speaking to my best friend. Move on, you're too good for her. You deserve better!

If everything that you have stated above is absolutely true, she has rejected your love for some reason she deems valid. However, based on what you have stated about your relationship, she has no basis to end such a loving relationship other than the fact that she is being selfish . To cheat on your multiple times (yes, kissing someone else other than the person you are with is cheating) and not even come clean about her insecurities prior to said offense is a huge smack to the face. Had she truly cared and wanted to put true effort into such a loving relationship, she would have came to you and talked to you in earnest about her feelings. Sure, its difficult, but that is the way true love works. You talk things through, the good, the bad, the ugly and you work on a solution while showing your partner respect. I have been in a similar relationship, and I can tell you - it is merely a constant game of emotional tug-of-war. She can't bear the reality of watching you go because you are a safe zone for her, and more importantly, she knows that she has you wrapped around her finger. She can call on you whenever she wants, because she knows no matter how annoyed you get, she knows the right things to say and the right scenario to present to you. This isn't respect to you, this isn't love. This is pure selfishness. Do yourself a favor and find someone who is willing to give you the world back just as much as you are willing to give the world to them. We females like that do exist out there, and you deserve someone to love you the right way.


She's said to me multiple times now in the past few days I deserve someone better than her. And don't get me wrong it might seem like I'm calm but I'm really hurting right now but I'm trying to think straight. And like I said, as I'm her first serious relationship she probably didn't even know what to do, and I know she really does love me I mean she's written me long ass love letter like 2 pages lol, stuff like that. But she knows I deserve better and she feels really bad for whats she done, but as I said to someone else in this thread already just the fact she's gonna dump this guy almost instantly, after finding out she can remain close to me tells me she still wants to try, but just not yet because she said she wants to be alone to sort her issues out. And I was thinking maybe she feels I'm always going to be around for her, that's why I made it clear if she ever does anything like this again I'd be done with her.

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Posted 9/15/16 , edited 9/15/16
Honestly, I think you had made a mistake by telling her to dump and to still be friends. She not really going to know if you are meant to be. Sure you can be friends, but how things are now, talk through messages. If you are meeting together, bring a bro with you and the same for her. So you two don't make a mistake. This is just my opinion and I got no experience in this, but I do got female friends in this same situation.
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Posted 9/15/16
XD

Aren't women just the best.

Sounds like a pet cat.

My opinion, pet daily, make sure she has fresh water in her bowl, and always feed generously.

I'm Dead Fucking Serious.
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Posted 9/15/16

gornotck wrote:


DanteVSTheWorld wrote:

That's the thing though, she is willing to end it with this other guy just so she can still be friends with me? I'm obviously more important than this other guy, and she is stupid for doing it anyway, I know how bad she feels for doing it I could see it. If she didn't however and she remained with him then whatever I'd move on no problem, but she hasn't. I told her if she ever does anything like this again I'd be done with her, and the next person she kisses better be me when she's ready and she understands, but wants to be alone for now to sort herself out.


unless that 'sorting out' involves talking to a therapist or a psychologist, she's going to continue repeating this behavior.

Thirdly, look to your own needs before you cut your throat for someone else. Do you need anything from her?


Honestly that maybe what she needs, someone to talk to or get put on some meds or something because I have a feeling she might have depression of some kind. And I don't actually need anything from her, it's just the attachment that's already there is nice.


Manneraxion wrote:


Xxanthar wrote:

If you are just looking to get laid now and then keep her around. If you want a serious relationship that has a chance of lasting, move on and find someone else.


^ This person is fabulous as well..... XD

Also, yeah... She probably isn't serious about you at all. The "low self-esteem" part is the horrible part. I've got a question about the losing your virginity with her part as well..... You better move on. It obviously never meant much to her. I'm going to guess you're somebody who puts value in that memory - but she obviously, obviously didn't and doesn't.

I already mentioned that you're old enough to do what you want. Being 26, you could possibly be married already. I feel like with her, she might change but it will also take a "never" turn as well. Why wait around when you can let go of the frustration, forget about the old relationship and find another woman who can treat you better?


Because my last relationship ended horribly, when it was over I refused to believe it but when I look back now it was amazing how blind I was. This time however, it's different because there are things that show me it's not over and we really did have a good thing together, it's not me just saying this either she's said the same, so I don't wanna give up just yet.
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Posted 9/15/16

DanteVSTheWorld wrote:

I told her like a week ago before any of this happened, that she needs to stop randomly ending it with me for one reason or another, because I don't wanna wake up one day and my feelings for her are gone. I'm thinking that scared her and she felt bad, so she thought running away from me would fix it or something? I don't think it's nothing to do with her waiting for 'someone better' to come along because if that were true she wouldn't of dumped this other guy almost instantly the moment she knew she could still be friends with me. It's much more to do with her not feeling like she's good enough for me, that weighed down on her and she done something stupid.


beautyinthebreakdown1988 wrote:

Okay, here's reality knocking at your door:

...She can't bear the reality of watching you go because you are a safe zone for her, and more importantly, she knows that she has you wrapped around her finger. She can call on you whenever she wants, because she knows no matter how annoyed you get, she knows the right things to say and the right scenario to present to you. This isn't respect to you, this isn't love. This is pure selfishness. Do yourself a favor and find someone who is willing to give you the world back just as much as you are willing to give the world to them. We females like that do exist out there, and you deserve someone to love you the right way.


She's said to me multiple times now in the past few days I deserve someone better than her. And don't get me wrong it might seem like I'm calm but I'm really hurting right now but I'm trying to think straight. And like I said, as I'm her first serious relationship she probably didn't even know what to do, and I know she really does love me I mean she's written me long ass love letter like 2 pages lol, stuff like that. But she knows I deserve better and she feels really bad for whats she done, but as I said to someone else in this thread already just the fact she's gonna dump this guy almost instantly, after finding out she can remain close to me tells me she still wants to try, but just not yet because she said she wants to be alone to sort her issues out. And I was thinking maybe she feels I'm always going to be around for her, that's why I made it clear if she ever does anything like this again I'd be done with her.



Here are 2 females, telling you how females work.

If said girlfriend can easily "break up" with this other guy, then you do realize it was bait? She needed a way to gain control of you through her means. A 2-page love letter doesn't solve any kind of problem. I've written 6-10 page love letters to my past boyfriends (something you normally do in high school or on LDRs), and right now, it's just paper with text on it. Just because she dumps the side guy so easily, does NOT mean she can easily call him back, or find another guy to lure.

You are trying to find confirmation or someone to tell you "Yes, get back with this girl", but from what I've been seeing, everyone seems to think it's not worth it to invest your emotions, time, or life on this. I'm sure you are quite clouded at this time, and you're feeding on the idea that you were her first time and her first real boyfriend. If and when she grows up, it's just going to be a memory.

The more you force your idea that this relationship is going to work out because you were "her first" and she "can't live without you" the more toxic this whole concept is going to get.

If you have to post your story on a forum - which by the way has given this girl NO good points to go by - the relationship was already deemed destroyed.
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Posted 9/15/16 , edited 9/15/16

VividDreamZ wrote:

I've been in your situation before, so I will share my thoughts.

1. Per your statement you were the first real boyfriend.
2. She feels that she is not good enough.
3. She is insistent on being friends.
4. She kisses someone and quickly re-dated. Even if it was a short period of time.

This is my synopsis.

I have dealt with indecisive women like this in the past. She is very insecure about herself, and possesses low-self esteem which is dangerous in a relationship. She has a emotional attachment to you which appears to be evident, but the moment a women believes that she isn't good enough for you she is going to eventually search for other emotional attachments. There is a possibility the “other” guy is the reason why she is acting the way that she is. He put her in a confused and emotional mindset in attempt to draw her away from her boyfriend at the time “you” to be with him. In her own mind, breaking up with you allowed her to kiss and experience another boyfriend without “cheating” on you. She is hoping that you will be her friend as she openly expresses her emotions to other people. She is at a vulnerable moment in her life so she still needs your support, but once someone else can fully fulfill that role she will push you away more or indefinitely.

If you love her, and want her back you need to dominate her emotions. That will be difficult. She needs to know that you're her everything, she can confine all her emotions with you. The moment a woman shares her deepest emotions with others, someone is going to take a opportunity to use that as a advantage to attempt to win her over.

The next choice is to keep your distance, pretend as if you don't care anymore. She'll go crazy trying to figure you out and possibility realize that she can't live without you and come back.

I personally would leave her, it is harder to say that to you because you love her. But it will suck even more if you put a ton of effort into her and she has no intentions of getting back with you to explore other men. I've been there long ago.


Thanks, good post makes a lot of sense. I don't think I can go and pretend I don't care route, because she's made it clear she will end things and remain single while she sorts herself out, as long as we get to be friends so I have to be there for her. But how do I make her believe once again in herself and us? At this point she hates herself, is afraid of getting with me because all she's gonna do is hurt me (her friend told me that), so obviously she doesn't even know what to do, and neither do I to be honest. I can't let her go yet, not until I know its really over.


1stladyent wrote:

Here are 2 females, telling you how females work.

If said girlfriend can easily "break up" with this other guy, then you do realize it was bait? She needed a way to gain control of you through her means. A 2-page love letter doesn't solve any kind of problem. I've written 6-10 page love letters to my past boyfriends (something you normally do in high school or on LDRs), and right now, it's just paper with text on it. Just because she dumps the side guy so easily, does NOT mean she can easily call him back, or find another guy to lure.

You are trying to find confirmation or someone to tell you "Yes, get back with this girl", but from what I've been seeing, everyone seems to think it's not worth it to invest your emotions, time, or life on this. I'm sure you are quite clouded at this time, and you're feeding on the idea that you were her first time and her first real boyfriend. If and when she grows up, it's just going to be a memory.

The more you force your idea that this relationship is going to work out because you were "her first" and she "can't live without you" the more toxic this whole concept is going to get.

If you have to post your story on a forum - which by the way has given this girl NO good points to go by - the relationship was already deemed destroyed.


I don't mean to make it sound like I'm trying to force it to work, just doing my best to explain the details. What should I do then? Besides moving on there must be something right? I know from the story she sounds like some bitch trying to play me, but most of it comes down to her being inexperienced I think, and not knowing what to do along with her hurting me, which is why she agreed to be alone to sort herself out etc. She obviously doesn't want to lose me, but she knows if she does it again then she will.
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Posted 9/15/16

DanteVSTheWorld wrote:


Lemontitties wrote:


DanteVSTheWorld wrote:


So present day, she's broken up with me a few times now and the other day I had enough. I was really annoyed, hurt and decided to go for a walk. She seen me and practically begged to talk to me, I tried ignoring her but she was cutting me off so we spoke, I just stood there while she said sorry, she hates herself for having hurt me, and she's lucky to even have a guy like me, then things calmed down a little.

We spoke for few days, hung out on one and we held hands, and she sent me some cute pics later, then the next day I asked her back out. But she said she doesn't know if she can do it, and that she thinks we're better as friends. Once again that annoyed me. Annoyed because just last week, she was saying she loves me, she misses me, and how it can get hard sometimes but we will get through it. And now 'lets just be friends'. And how I deserve better, her thinking low of herself. I made out I'm done and moving back to my old town (as we live in a pretty small village). She came in the local shop where I work after I deleted fb and everything, after hearing I was leaving, she was in tears. Saying why am I leaving. She fell into my arms and kept crying, how she wouldn't be able to cope, and how her heart broke into a million pieces.

And today we met and spoke. I asked her to just be with me again but she said she can't it's too hard. As I was looking at her I knew she was guilty of something. She started sobbing and crying but she told me she kissed someone, and not just once and twice. And apparently they're dating for 2 days. I was like wtf. She stormed off because she must of felt really guilty because even then I was willing to give her another chance, which probably made her feels worse. I tried to hold onto her but it built up until she screamed to let go of her so I did.

We spoke soon after on message and she just kept saying how she isn't good enough for me and stuff. I told her she better end things if she still cares about me, if not I'm done with her for good. She said she just wants to be friends, I tell her how can I be friends when you're with someone else and not me? Then she said "wait, so if I dump him tomorrow you'll be friends with me and only a friend" and I said yes, and she seemed so relived?

I don't fully understand and I'm still hurt, but now we're just taking a break. She said she's just gonna need time, I told her if she does anything like this again I'm gone, because I still love her and I know she loves me too. I said the next person you're gonna kiss and be with is me, when you're ready. And she understands.

God I know this sounds like just one big mess but honestly before this things were great, and that's not just from my point of view, hew friends, her sister, everyone said we was great together. She said it's going to be hard being just 'friends' but maybe we can do 'stuff' at some point (like friends with benefits) then a relationship again. So what do you people think, is there still hope for this?


If she is still refusing to cooperate, then why should you waste any more time w/ her?


That's the thing though, she is willing to end it with this other guy just so she can still be friends with me? I'm obviously more important than this other guy, and she is stupid for doing it anyway, I know how bad she feels for doing it I could see it. If she didn't however and she remained with him then whatever I'd move on no problem, but she hasn't. I told her if she ever does anything like this again I'd be done with her, and the next person she kisses better be me when she's ready and she understands, but wants to be alone for now to sort herself out.


I would be careful of simply accepting that compromise at face value. People can be manipulative or, at the least, can take advantage of your personality, and if you aren't wary of the situation, it will only hurt you more in the long run. Frankly speaking, I would be questioning why she would curb this other guy just to stay friends with you--it's like her grip on reality and interpretations of love, lust, and friendship are very loose. Don't be the backup boyfriend; that role is a nasty one to fill.

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Posted 9/15/16

PandAndy wrote:

I would be careful of simply accepting that compromise at face value. People can be manipulative or, at the least, can take advantage of your personality, and if you aren't wary of the situation, it will only hurt you more in the long run. Frankly speaking, I would be questioning why she would curb this other guy just to stay friends with you--it's like her grip on reality and interpretations of love, lust, and friendship are very loose. Don't be the backup boyfriend; that role is a nasty one to fill.


Her sister tells me everything anyway lol, so I'll find out one way or another if she stays true to her word. And she only got with this other guy because of stupid reasons like her thinking she isn't good enough for me, so maybe she'd be better off with someone else because she deserves 'less' and if that fails, then what (I asked her this) and she said she'll just be single. And I told her why because you think you're not worth it, and you don't deserve to be happy and she said yeah. And I ain't being no backup boyfriend, I was very serious when I told her that I would move on for good if this happens again. And for the first time, instead of getting back together after a few days, she actually wants to remain on her own while she sorts her self out.
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Posted 9/15/16

DanteVSTheWorld wrote:


VividDreamZ wrote:

I've been in your situation before, so I will share my thoughts.

1. Per your statement you were the first real boyfriend.
2. She feels that she is not good enough.
3. She is insistent on being friends.
4. She kisses someone and quickly re-dated. Even if it was a short period of time.


I personally would leave her, it is harder to say that to you because you love her. But it will suck even more if you put a ton of effort into her and she has no intentions of getting back with you to explore other men. I've been there long ago.


Thanks, good post makes a lot of sense. I don't think I can go and pretend I don't care route, because she's made it clear she will end things and remain single while she sorts herself out, as long as we get to be friends so I have to be there for her. But how do I make her believe once again in herself and us? At this point she hates herself, is afraid of getting with me because all she's gonna do is hurt me (her friend told me that), so obviously she doesn't even know what to do, and neither do I to be honest. I can't let her go yet, not until I know its really over.


1stladyent wrote:

Here are 2 females, telling you how females work.


I don't mean to make it sound like I'm trying to force it to work, just doing my best to explain the details. What should I do then? Besides moving on there must be something right? I know from the story she sounds like some bitch trying to play me, but most of it comes down to her being inexperienced I think, and not knowing what to do along with her hurting me, which is why she agreed to be alone to sort herself out etc. She obviously doesn't want to lose me, but she knows if she does it again then she will.


It doesn't matter how much experience one has with relationships, but YOU are allowing her to step all over you like a doormat in this situation. Don't baby her, because she will come to expect that every shortcoming she has and every obstacle or big monster that crosses her, YOU will come and save her. You are incubating the opportunity for her to become dependent on you. She will end up crying more often, then you will weaken at the sight of her sadness and pacify it because you are the "almighty boyfriend", so the next papercut or a boss decides to point out her inefficiencies at work, she will come running to you to come kiss her booboo. Can you tolerate that for years to come? Do you WANT to tolerate that? Because once you stop cradling her emotions, she will change - and probably not in the best way. You will end up walking on eggshells until you realize that there's no need for you to do so.

Girls love it when a man can baby them, but they end up straightening out and getting stronger when a man can step back and let her grow. If she needs "alone time", leave her completely alone. If she can grow up in this situation, you'll probably appreciate it more, but if you prefer, you can commit to taking care of someone who is emotionally dependent. Your choice.
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Posted 9/15/16

1stladyent wrote:

It doesn't matter how much experience one has with relationships, but YOU are allowing her to step all over you like a doormat in this situation. Don't baby her, because she will come to expect that every shortcoming she has and every obstacle or big monster that crosses her, YOU will come and save her. You are incubating the opportunity for her to become dependent on you. She will end up crying more often, then you will weaken at the sight of her sadness and pacify it because you are the "almighty boyfriend", so the next papercut or a boss decides to point out her inefficiencies at work, she will come running to you to come kiss her booboo. Can you tolerate that for years to come? Do you WANT to tolerate that? Because once you stop cradling her emotions, she will change - and probably not in the best way. You will end up walking on eggshells until you realize that there's no need for you to do so.

Girls love it when a man can baby them, but they end up straightening out and getting stronger when a man can step back and let her grow. If she needs "alone time", leave her completely alone. If she can grow up in this situation, you'll probably appreciate it more, but if you prefer, you can commit to taking care of someone who is emotionally dependent. Your choice.


Well I definitely don't want that to happen. So right now while we're on a break shouldn't I see her or talk to her? Or if something is wrong what should I say, I feel like if I say she needs to learn to deal with it and stop expecting me to treat her like a baby that will sound mean and push her away maybe? I mean I wanna be there for her but I don't want to lose her. But I also don't wanna come across like some doormat just because of her issues, I just don't know what to do...
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It's unfortunate to find yourself mired in a situation resembling a bramble patch, but honestly there are way too many flags being thrown for anyone's comfort. There are some people that can manage to go back to 'just friends' after intimacy, but this sounds like an emotional mine field that wouldn't even allow someone like that to survive unscathed. Honestly you should extricate yourself from her as much as possible, and take time to let the wounds heal. Learn from the experience as best you can, and then try to make better choices in the future.

I've attempted relationships with a couple 'broken' women over the years. Their circumstances, personalities, and problems were very different, but the result was the same in the end. Lack of trust, pain, and no hope of progress on both sides. While we can share with each other as human beings to provide guidance and motivation, at the core of things each person is the only one able to choose and make the changes in themselves.
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Posted 9/15/16

Manneraxion wrote:


Xxanthar wrote:

If you are just looking to get laid now and then keep her around. If you want a serious relationship that has a chance of lasting, move on and find someone else.


^ This person is fabulous as well..... XD

Also, yeah... She probably isn't serious about you at all. The "low self-esteem" part is the horrible part. I've got a question about the losing your virginity with her part as well..... You better move on. It obviously never meant much to her. I'm going to guess you're somebody who puts value in that memory - but she obviously, obviously didn't and doesn't.

I already mentioned that you're old enough to do what you want. Being 26, you could possibly be married already. I feel like with her, she might change but it will also take a "never" turn as well. Why wait around when you can let go of the frustration, forget about the old relationship and find another woman who can treat you better?


Some of the other stuff he says is horrendous. Just saying. HE IS NOT FABULOUS.
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Posted 9/15/16

DanteVSTheWorld wrote:


1stladyent wrote:

It doesn't matter how much experience one has with relationships, but YOU are allowing her to step all over you like a doormat in this situation. Don't baby her, because she will come to expect that every shortcoming she has and every obstacle or big monster that crosses her, YOU will come and save her. You are incubating the opportunity for her to become dependent on you. She will end up crying more often, then you will weaken at the sight of her sadness and pacify it because you are the "almighty boyfriend", so the next papercut or a boss decides to point out her inefficiencies at work, she will come running to you to come kiss her booboo. Can you tolerate that for years to come? Do you WANT to tolerate that? Because once you stop cradling her emotions, she will change - and probably not in the best way. You will end up walking on eggshells until you realize that there's no need for you to do so.

Girls love it when a man can baby them, but they end up straightening out and getting stronger when a man can step back and let her grow. If she needs "alone time", leave her completely alone. If she can grow up in this situation, you'll probably appreciate it more, but if you prefer, you can commit to taking care of someone who is emotionally dependent. Your choice.


Well I definitely don't want that to happen. So right now while we're on a break shouldn't I see her or talk to her? Or if something is wrong what should I say, I feel like if I say she needs to learn to deal with it and stop expecting me to treat her like a baby that will sound mean and push her away maybe? I mean I wanna be there for her but I don't want to lose her. But I also don't wanna come across like some doormat just because of her issues, I just don't know what to do...


Sometimes you have to be mean. It might be the best way to resort to a definite decision. YOU are the one in limbo in this relationship, so you need to take control of what happens. Leave her alone, don't talk to her, don't spend time with her, and keep yourself occupied with other things that are in YOUR BEST INTEREST. If she really loved you and still wants to be with you, she will respect YOUR space and let you go, while she learns how to grow up and get stronger. If she uses that time to fiddle with other guys, then either way, YOU have not made yourself a pawn in her plans for HER OWN happiness.

A good relationship does have its ups and downs, but if you both stay in this weird stage of immaturity, it will never evolve into something higher or something more valuable. You have to learn to let go as she does too. If it was meant to be, then when the both of you are better off, you can get back together.

Personally, when I was in relationships with emotionally immature guys, I quickly dropped them. It is not worth the time and effort to try to "correct" or "improve" this behavior, and maintaining a relationship with a person like that can set you back some years in your life. Save your time. Either she grows up and you get back together, or you come across someone who is on your level and you can be yourself without restraint.
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