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Post Reply What do you think of people who ask for advice, then make excuses to refute them?
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Posted 9/15/16

sundin13 wrote:

I don't think someone is obligated to do what you suggest if they ask for help, but there are certainly people who ask for advice just to validate their own positions which can get quite annoying.


^^ This
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31 / M / Sandy Eggo, Kali...
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Posted 9/15/16
I'm not sure what your situation was, but when I ask for advice I will definitely bring up reasons to... maybe not refute, but at least break down pros and cons of the advice with the person giving it. Why wouldn't I inquire more about the advice given? it allows me to make the best decision possible.
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Posted 9/15/16 , edited 9/15/16
Um I don't see how it could be a bad thing. I think understanding why they think they are in that situation helps you reach being able to understand your advice and implement your advice. So yea if they don't want to make progress though and keep at it that this is the position I'm in and your all wrong you can't help me then I would say they're in the wrong really. They need to be open to change and help.
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Posted 9/15/16
I mean it varies on a case by case basis, but I encourage questioning just about everything at least once (as long as the conclusions you draw from your questioning aren't complete jackassery like they are for so many people) so I think it can be understandable in many cases.
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21 / M / U.S.A.
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Posted 9/16/16
First time it happens, I tell them to quit wasting my time.
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18 / M / Havant, UK-land
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Posted 9/16/16
Because people are terrible at giving advice about serious issues, I've never gotten any advice which wasn't fucking terrible or shit I've done a million times over regarding my serious shit.

"Just be yourself" is terrible advice, both when taken literally or if you do what's actually being suggested ("Pretend to be someone else entirely, preferably someone whom I find socially acceptable")

"Oh, you're terrified of going outside? have you tried going outside more", like shit dude, how do you suspect I got here, while I'm at it would you like to tell you about my exercise routine.

Only good advice is applied to smaller scale stuff like hobbies, in most cases it also helps that I know the people I'm talking to actually know what they're talking about.
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Posted 9/16/16
It can be frustrating from the people giving advice side but you give advice knowing that a person can choose to accept it or not. Sometimes the person just wants to talk. Sometimes they want attention. Sometimes they've already made their decisions but just want to confirm it for themselves. Sometimes people giving advice don't have all the information so won't ever being in a position to give the best advice. Sometimes a person is depressed.

When it gets exasperating you can stop and ask them what is the whole purpose of the conversation. It's possible they may tell you that they just want to talk. Advisers also have the choice to say when they've had enough and say stop.
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Posted 9/16/16 , edited 9/16/16
Successful coaches across all sports have to work almost like salesmen to make the players buy in to their program. They might have a star player who doesn't listen to the coach because he's good at the game, and can't stand someone who isn't good at playing the game telling them how to play the game. That coach has to treat him differently for that player to listen. The best coaches aren't always sick tacticians who know the perfect play. Often they're just the best at managing their players.

Basically, people respond to things differently than others, so treating everyone the same will lead to different results. If you want to help that person, choose your words wisely.




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Posted 9/16/16
They are just looking for attention. Since they refute all your advice then they already knew the answer before they asked.
Posted 9/16/16
They probably need reassurance
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Posted 9/16/16 , edited 9/16/16
Don't give it, it will be ignored and thrown back at you.

I work in a warehouse with a huge amount of inventory. Floor space is at a premium when it has to be move around and put up on massive metal shelves, I would prefer to do it with the least amount of work possible cause there is a lot to do with a small amount of time to do it in (aka I have a lot of work to do that needs to be divided among every thing I need to do). What do it get? Leaning Tower of Pisa (of shit) that at any moment is going to go down like the Twin Towers (no, not trying to insult...saying a disastrous mess I don't want to pick up).

Picture this...a moving mobile wooden platform that is 48 inches by 40 inches stacked almost 7 feet tall....but it looks like a game of Jenga about to fall over as it is an inverted pyramid of light crush-able stuff on the bottom and heavy stuff on the top without plastic wrap to hold it in place (and the person who created that Jenga mess thought it was stable as Lego bricks). The space I have to put it in, measures about 45 inches (90 total as two pallets stack side by side). I have a couple of inches on both sides to work with.

Instead I get that piece of shit pallet about to fall over that will not fit inside the given dimensions that is stacked like a retarded monkey who hit a bong because the heavy/large objects are not on the bottom with the small on top without the plastic wrap to hold it in place. That massive and dense, heavy book case is going to crush the box of pillows it was laid on, with 3 bookcases on top of that pillow box!

I have asked people to stack their pallets correctly and wrap them so they can be moved around quickly with the least amount of effort/trouble, the shit I get from them : Do it your self cause I managed to roll it back here without falling! while they got 3 crappy pallets coming my way (times the number of people working that shift..expect me to re-stack/wrap 60+ pallets and give direction while putting stuff on the shelf? Not happening). Funny part I get from there: Where do you want it? while I say "Where ever?" and they are struggling to push their little hoarder house living room on a wooden platform (go google hoarder living room...scary shit, what people collect and pile up). They turn to me "It won't fit!" and I wonder why....cause all the pallets are like 15 obese men who weight 350 lbs who are drunk and about to fall over, while packed into an elevator that might fit 6 average adults comfortable.

tl;dr - I don't give advice anymore, I just get more and more angry. I am not picking up after them and I am not going to show them where to put their little hopes/dreams are going to go without them falling. It is pure chaos, their pallets will roll around no problem but when you need to finesse it into that one plot of pavement and move it around it will fall over.

tl;dr summary summary, try fitting an 18 wheeler freight truck with a trailer into a compact parking space. It needs a lot of back up and alignment from the driver to get it to in just right with nothing breaking. And that is the nightmare I deal with at work.
Posted 9/16/16
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.
― Erica Jong
Sogno- 
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Posted 9/16/16
im those people
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Posted 9/17/16
They just want to argue. You can ignore them or let them misuse your good intentions.
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Posted 9/17/16
The best thing to do is to have no intentions, good or bad. That way, no matter what the result, it is a positive for you.
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