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Post Reply What do you think of people who ask for advice, then make excuses to refute them?
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Posted 9/17/16

What do you think of people who ask for advice, then make excuses to refute them?


It can go either way.

On the one hand...

You go to a doctor for medical advice. You refuse to follow the doctor's medical advice. You ask a number of other doctors. They tell you the same thing as the first doctor. If you continue to refuse their advice, then you're just an idiot.

On the other hand...

You go to a doctor for medical advice. You follow the doctor's medical advice. But if you had asked a number of other doctors, they would have told you a different answer as the first doctor. Then you're an idiot for not having asked around, first.

On the other hand... (There are those with more than two hands...)

There are those that keep asking around, changing the phrasing of their question, until they hear the answer they want to hear, and then "accept" that person's advice.... Those guys are idiots too.
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It doesn't matter.
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Posted 9/17/16
I don't see anything wrong with rejecting bad advice.
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Posted 9/17/16 , edited 9/17/16

1stladyent wrote:

What do you think they are getting at?
Is there an underlying problem with the person or the situation?
Are they just looking for attention?



I personally do this sometimes and I do not do this for attention and I do not believe I have a problem because of this.
my reasoning is that I should get a lot of people viewpoints and then make my own decision that I think is right based on what think is important and what I learned. this stops me from blindly following what other people think and lets me find the course that best suits me and my situation.
I also think that if you listen to why they don't want to follow your advice you may learn important stuff to.

what I'm trying to say is that no one person knows everything and you should get help from lots of peoples knowledge and experience and not get to focused on only one solution.
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Posted 9/17/16
I am your consciousness speaking. RAWR!!

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Posted 9/17/16

FlyinDumpling wrote:

because bad advice exist...?


While it's very very true that all of the other issues in this thread can and do exist (just wanting validation/attention/etc.) it's still pretty important to keep the above in mind.

Just because you give advice doesn't mean it has to be obeyed. Sometimes the person really has thought about or tried what you are suggesting. Maybe what you are suggesting just isn't possible for them in their current situation or possible for them at all. Sometimes the act of receiving advice and refuting it is actually part of the person's problem solving process and it will help them come to a solution of their own.

If it's an obvious pattern or the refutations are obviously really just excuses then it may part of a bigger problem, but it's a mistake to assume that all advice given is good advice even if it previously worked for you.
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Posted 9/18/16

Aoikihen wrote:

I am your consciousness speaking. RAWR!!



Domo kun!!
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Posted 9/18/16

1stladyent wrote:

What do you think of people who ask for advice (on Social Media, from friends and family, forums, etc.), and then make excuses to refute the advice given to them?

What do you think they are getting at?


They don't actually want advice. They want to be told what they have already decided to do.

Sometimes this is because they lack confidence, and sometimes it's because they need someone else to blame.

More rarely, it's because they want to identify the people who understand them.

Like let's say someone has a bad employee, but that employee is their friend, and they know they should fire this person... but it's their FRIEND. How do you fire your friend?

Sometimes this person wants to be told that there's literally no way around it, their friend needs to be fired.

Sometimes this person wants to be told that they can totally NOT fire their friend and should keep them on staff even if they are a bad employee.

And sometimes this person wants to be told that this is a really tough question but you are sure they will figure it out.

What they do NOT want to be told is that they should hire a consultant to improve efficiency and have the consultant fire their friend. This is, of course, exactly how you fire people you don't want to fire in the business world... but they're not asking for advice.

They're asking for VALIDATION. They want to be told they are right. And we all need that, now and again.
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