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Your Daily Horoscope
Posted 9/22/16


Leo:

Need a penny, take a penny. Have a penny? Take another penny! Pennies are worthless, but go ahead and take them all. Build a great fortune only to have its great copper weight crush your lifeless pauper body.

Virgo:

Don’t shoot the messenger, Virgo! It’s noisy, and will alert others of your crime. Lure the messenger inside. Make sure no one saw him come in. Choose something quieter than a gun. Perhaps suffocation, or an accidental fall. Really plan these things out. Stop being so trigger happy, Virgo!

Libra:


Do you believe in ghosts? You don’t? Well, won’t you be surprised when you wake up in the middle of the night tonight! Scream loud enough so the neighbors can hear you.

Scorpio:


You are respected by your peers. You are a great thinker and leader. You…wait, what is this? This is definitely not the right reading for a Scorpio, it must be a typo. I bet the stars meant to say: You should hear what they’re saying about you. Very funny things, Scorpio! They’re saying very funny things at your expense, you jerk! Yep, that’s definitely what the stars meant to say.

Sagittarius:

The best revenge is living well. The second-best is tasteless slow-acting poison. Maybe it’s more of a tie. Either way, you got wronged, and you need to set things right, Sagittarius!

Capricorn:


‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, which is better than to have never loved at all, but also somehow lost a love, thus creating a paradox. Paradoxes are bad, Capricorn. Be careful, or logic will destroy you.

Aquarius:

Your boyfriend is trapped in an alternate desert dimension. It is difficult to say when he will return. Perhaps take up drinking while crying in a quiet room.

Pisces:

A train leaves a station traveling west at 40 miles per hour. Another train leaves a station traveling east at 60 miles per hour. These two trains left on different days, in different years, in different countries. How long until the passengers acknowledge their own impermanence.

Aries:


I think they saw you, Aries. Hold still. They cannot see you if you do not move. Shhhhhh! Don’t move! Don’t move! Don't– Nope, they saw you. So long, Aries!

Taurus:

Someone misses you a lot, Taurus. And even though you have nothing but endless time trapped out in a nightmarish desert hellscape, you have a hard time making a phone call longer than ten minutes. Maybe call a bit more than you do, Taurus! (Yep, that’s just some astrological advice from the stars.)

Gemini:


You know those eight spiders a year you eat in your sleep? Well, they add up. They are all organizing a pretty dramatic escape. Very soon, Gemini! Very soon!

Cancer:

“The ocean is vast,” you convince yourself, walking alone between the trees. “The sky is endless,” you mutter repeatedly, trying to finally lull yourself to sleep. “Matter can neither be created nor destroyed,” you contemplate, despite not understanding the first part of the statement. “What’s on the Food Network tonight?” you say aloud to a stranger you have known for years.



That has been this week’s horoscopes.
I do realize that the week is almost over, but the stars were refusing to cooperate the past few days.

(Horoscopes from the awesome podcast, Welcome to Night Vale)

Vahvi 
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26 / M / Ever Changing
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Posted 9/22/16 , edited 9/22/16
#Impermanence
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24 / F / Charleston, South...
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Posted 9/22/16
This is so cool! Do you post these every week?
Posted 9/22/16

WynterBayumm wrote:

This is so cool! Do you post these every week? :D


I can...
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Posted 9/22/16

Rinrinrinn wrote:


WynterBayumm wrote:

This is so cool! Do you post these every week? :D


I can...


I just find it really interesting! Did you do these horoscopes yourself? I know it sounds silly, I just know there are a lot of different horoscope readings. I have a friends who posts them of FB every day, but she gets all deep into it mentioning the moon and the planets and stuff.
Posted 9/22/16

WynterBayumm wrote:

I just find it really interesting! Did you do these horoscopes yourself? I know it sounds silly, I just know there are a lot of different horoscope readings. I have a friends who posts them of FB every day, but she gets all deep into it mentioning the moon and the planets and stuff.


Nah.. These are horoscopes from a podcast I listen to. I just like how they're dark and messed up but funny as hell so I decided to share. I also wanted to get more people interested in the podcast. It's called Welcome to Night Vale.
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21 / F / Your Body
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Posted 9/22/16
(Leo) O.O ...what?
Posted 9/23/16

HeartDisease wrote:

(Leo) O.O ...what?


Don't worry, baby, I'm here for you.

You can penny on me whenever you want.
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26 / M / Romania
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Posted 9/23/16
Omg, I just read this in Cecil's voice. I remembered I haven't listened to the episodes in quite a while.
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Posted 9/23/16
I have no idea what the Cancer one means.
Posted 9/23/16 , edited 9/23/16

wststreet wrote:

Omg, I just read this in Cecil's voice. I remembered I haven't listened to the episodes in quite a while.


That's the only way to read it. Haha!!
They're still making new ones. I just saw one of their live shows last month and I think they're currently doing a tour in Europe.
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21 / M / Canada
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Posted 9/23/16
Spooky...I'm a Libra and had one of the worst nightmares a couple days ago. It wasn't particularly scary, though.
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26 / M / Romania
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Posted 9/23/16

Rinrinrinn wrote:


wststreet wrote:

Omg, I just read this in Cecil's voice. I remembered I haven't listened to the episodes in quite a while.


That's the only way to read it. Haha!!
They're still making new ones. I just saw one of their live shows last month and I think they're currently doing a tour in Europe.


They're getting pretty close to where I live, but not close enough so I could afford to go. I forgot what episode I last heard, but I think somewhere around episode 50.
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24 / M
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Posted 9/23/16


Oh damn, somebody's watching me, is it NSA?
mrya21 
4383 cr points
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Ohio
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Posted 9/23/16
I'm a libra. Very comforting.
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