A Fanfiction I Wrote
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Posted 9/26/16 , edited 9/27/16
This is a Star Wars fanfic that takes place in the Old Republic Era, about 4,000 years before Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker's era.


I hope to read your reactions to my story. Either post a review, as a guest, at the site, or post your thoughts here. Either way, I want to know what you think.
18866 cr points
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35 / M / outer wall, level...
Posted 10/3/16 , edited 10/3/16
okay, you used of *CLASH! CLASH!* makes no sence what so ever. its amatureish and i have no idea where you got the idea that that was accpetable in modren english.
second off, your use of ittalics is a bit much. and if some one is thinking, then itallics is okay, but you should use a ' single quote.
also, your telling what happens, not showing. this is your single biggest problem.

over all, its good, but you need to work on your writing skills. you can tell a story, and that is the more important part.
the second more important part is you finishing your story.
belive me, i read a lot of fanfic, an the most annoying, frustrating thing is getting a good story that is never finished. ill be honest with you, your story is written like crap, but id read it anyways and love it if you can tell a good story. and i think you can. that is something you can not learn or teach.

do you read mainstream fiction? go to the library and read some of the main stream authors. steven king, michale stackpole, dannielle steel, the 1632 series. dont just read it, but as your reading, pay atention to the way its written, the choice of words, the seqnence of events, how much detail is described.

i really think you could be a great writer, ive read some fanfics that were better than stuff read a barnes and nobles. the key is practice and to read a lot. you cant be a good author if you dont read a lot. and read everything. good, bad, ugly.

hope this helps. sorry if its harsh, but if you want to improve, im not pulling any punches. you show promise.
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25 / M
Posted 10/3/16 , edited 10/3/16
I think your writing could be smoother and more focused. It isn't really easy to read and it feels like you don't really have an emotional goal for your scenes. I don't know what you are trying to make me feel. Am I supposed to be sad when Darth Nox kills his wife? Am I supposed to be excited by their lightsaber duel? Is Darth Nox supposed to scare me when he talks to the MC? I don't know.

I didn't read too much, but those were my main thoughts.
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F / Boston-ish
Posted 12/25/17 , edited 12/25/17
Year-end cleanup. Closing threads with no new posts since 12/31/2016
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