Post Reply i cant think of a title and need advice on how to improve this.
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20 / M / england
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Posted 10/15/16
PLEASE GIVE honest response to this story line e.g. is it interesting, can it be improved etc.

the story start off as an intro to the protag her back ground: her name is jamie huen and when she was little she lived in a isolated village called distile.
when she graduated from school (aged 17) she left the village to seek better education but was forced to fend for her self when the relative who was looking after her died after 7 months (her aunt) in a bizarre turn of events (died on the toilet with long gloves on for some reason) after 2 years the company she was working for collapsed and her mother passed away, 3 months later and her relationship with her boyfriend fell apart and she decided to move back home.

after six months an she move back home and got a job as a part time farmer, with a little help from the village mayor/elder, while jogging she noticed a old path leading to the woods she played in as a child and decided to check it out (it starts to rain)

as she gets further in she comes a cross an unfamiliar field and spots a man in the middle of the field taking cover from the rain (under a propped up tarp) she goes to greet him but as she gets closer she gets a feeling of de-ja-vu and collapses.

she awakes to find the that this stranger laying next to her, she was covered with dirt from head to toe (he shoved dirt on her like a blanket) she started to though a fit when she came out of a daze and slapped him. (she is embarrassed and cant think of what to do)

he awoke and started to talk, he told jamie his name(toabi kenzo) and apologised, after asking a couple of questions she headed home.
when she got home the power was out so she decided to head to bed.
on her way up she bumped into may things and when she finally reached her room she
got her night close on and dropped onto the bed and looked up at the ceiling and started to drift off, seconds before she drifted off several sparks of light was flickering in the corner of her eyes but it was too late for her to care as she passed out.

as she slowly opened her eyes she looked up to the morning sky and then realising she was no longer in her home... (if there was a picture of this moment her eyes would reflect the sky.)


i have several adaptations to this story but this is the best i think.





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