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Post Reply 8 things women in Japan are banned from doing
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Posted 10/22/16 , edited 10/22/16


I did say a group within radical feminists. I actually highlighted and underlined that for a reason.

And you are right in some ways. However, I know three people who've been falsely accused of rape, and only one who has been rightfully accused. As you said, the one guy is a repeat offender they can never quite catch. The other three are young kids 19-23, who have never had any other accusations of either rape or violence. The most recent guy was falsely accused because the girl's boyfriend got jealous and knows the police chief. And the guy had never even slept with the girl, much less raped her. Glad to say he's out of jail, now.

The problem is - If one man rapes 20 women, and three men get falsely accused.... that's still a low percentage of false rape accusations, but 75% of men are falsely accused. This is ANOTHER problem with the studies you are looking at. NOTE: My numbers come from personal experience, not data gathered for such a purpose, but the principle still applies.

My point is only outline the problems with your argument that men have no reason to fear false accusations. Because, honestly, those studies are showing a very narrow point of view to tell a very specific purpose.


I'm sorry if I made it sound like I disregarded your specificity, I just meant to imply that radical feminists do not make up even a large minority of feminists in my experience, since people may think that radical feminists are extremely common out of the internet.

I am very sorry for your friends who were falsely accused, it's terrible business. I did not mean to imply that men have no reason to fear false accusations, I do understand that it can make men uneasy, what I mean to say in my argument is merely that as bystanders we have no place trying to make accurate judgements of the situation, either false accusations or not. What I mean to say is that if you are a friend of the victim, believe them if they confide in you, and if you are a friend of the accused, do not pass judgement on them either, like you said, it could be false, but that does not mean we have the right to vilify the victim , because maybe your friend did rape them. It's a messy business but I think that people being respectful to victims, and also not pass judgement to the accused until the case has been resolved by authorities, is the best, not perfect but best, way to ensure that real victims feel safe enough to come forward and seek justice. The law isn't perfect, and the whole situation brews a whirlwind of emotions and stresses on everyone involved, but when we as bystanders try to act as the jury, we only cause more harm to one or both parties.

Oh I almost forgot to say, I'm glad your friend got out of jail, that girl is a witch, at least justice was eventually served.
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Posted 10/22/16 , edited 10/22/16

I did notice, I was just sarcastically reminding everyone that this has very little to do with the actual thread.


True, I apologize for going so off topic, and if I have derailed any other current conversations between others with my walls of text.
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Posted 10/22/16 , edited 10/22/16

TheGrandAlliance wrote:

So what, are we just supposed to be "I'm with her" and follow fearless leader? What is this point if this thread... other then to simply provolk undue anger......



Just some interesting articles.
No need to get your panties in a bunch
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Posted 10/22/16 , edited 10/22/16
Also are limited in the SDF, but nobody really commented on that because....


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Oh, I absolutely agree, we do not need to demonize women before the results are in. Or pass judgement on the accused.

I was told by a man once that he loved children. Not in a pedophilia type way, but in the same way many women love children. However, he said that he avoided them. He said, children needed hugs and stuff, but unfortunately if he worked with children, and did this, he would have to face accusations, even if whispered as rumor, that he was a pedophile. He didn't want to put himself in that position.

This is actually a quite personal experience, but I'm going to share it only to point out where this demonizing stereotype that men are predators is causing problems.

So, my 10 year-old step son was over a while back. My daughter is two. When my wife went to wipe my daughter after she used the potty, she noticed a redness, as if she had maybe been tampered with.

My step-son is.... not very trustworthy. I mean, no ten year old should have a reputation with the police. He's ten, so they can't do anything except suggest therapy, and his dad, who he lives with, will not take him. So, when we saw the redness, we had a minor freak-out. I mean, I already do my best not to let him alone with my daughters, but it's hard to do every minute of every day.

I'm going to go ahead and tell you, it turned out to be nothing more than issues with a UTI related to potty training, which is common in toddlers. They hold it, because they don't want to go, and often go by themselves without wiping properly. Doctor explained it was relatively normal.

But, before we found this out, we were kind of worried. We took her to the hospital. The doctor did a visual examination of the outer area. He said there was no sign that anything had happened. Police were called, but nothing really came of that, because the doctors said there was no sign of tampering.

However, they did give my wife the option to investigate. The Officer spoke to my wife, explained that IF she took my daughter to have that done, it could cause trauma. My daughter didn't exhibit any signs of emotional or physical trauma, and there was no reason to cause trauma if there was no reason. If we were worried, keep a closer eye on our step-son and daughter, but the probing would do more harm than good for my daughter.

OKAY, so doctor, her normal physician, found it was a UTI, gave meds, no sweat.

HOWEVER... the entire time we dealt with police, doctors at the hospital, nurses... none of them would speak to me about my daughter. They ignored me, gave me glares, and only spoke with my wife. So, it was clear, IF my daughter was molested, I was going to be a prime suspect. I mean, 10 year old boy or 30 year old man? Who are you going to believe did such a thing?

So, the entire experience was terrifying. Going to jail, losing my daughters, being branded for life.... and I didn't do anything. Indeed, nothing had been done at all, much less by me. We were just overreacting.

Still... you have NO clue how terrifying that is. In the moment when a father should be able to focus on doing what is right for his daughter, he has to face such attitudes and fears that he could lose his daughters forever for something he didn't do. I can't explain that fear.

I joked with my mother about it. My older sister was a borderline con-artist. I was punished for a ton of things I never did, due to her. I told my mom, all those experiences taught me, "Mother fucker, you know you can get punished for something you didn't do."

But, I feel like I was already accused by every public servant and professional we dealt with. I was already guilty, in their eyes. Guilty of something that didn't happen at all, much less that I did.
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Posted 10/22/16


Man, that's harsh.
In my Mexican culture young girls and women in general are told to never be in a room with male who's isn't a relative. It's a shameful thing to do.
I have two younger cousins and they have been told many times that they can't be in the living room when their brothers have friends over. The guys also know they can't talk to them or look at them.
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Posted 10/22/16 , edited 10/22/16

Oh, I absolutely agree, we do not need to demonize women before the results are in. Or pass judgement on the accused.

I was told by a man once that he loved children. Not in a pedophilia type way, but in the same way many women love children. However, he said that he avoided them. He said, children needed hugs and stuff, but unfortunately if he worked with children, and did this, he would have to face accusations, even if whispered as rumor, that he was a pedophile. He didn't want to put himself in that position.

This is actually a quite personal experience, but I'm going to share it only to point out where this demonizing stereotype that men are predators is causing problems.

So, my 10 year-old step son was over a while back. My daughter is two. When my wife went to wipe my daughter after she used the potty, she noticed a redness, as if she had maybe been tampered with.

My step-son is.... not very trustworthy. I mean, no ten year old should have a reputation with the police. He's ten, so they can't do anything except suggest therapy, and his dad, who he lives with, will not take him. So, when we saw the redness, we had a minor freak-out. I mean, I already do my best not to let him alone with my daughters, but it's hard to do every minute of every day.

I'm going to go ahead and tell you, it turned out to be nothing more than issues with a UTI related to potty training, which is common in toddlers. They hold it, because they don't want to go, and often go by themselves without wiping properly. Doctor explained it was relatively normal.

But, before we found this out, we were kind of worried. We took her to the hospital. The doctor did a visual examination of the outer area. He said there was no sign that anything had happened. Police were called, but nothing really came of that, because the doctors said there was no sign of tampering.

However, they did give my wife the option to investigate. The Officer spoke to my wife, explained that IF she took my daughter to have that done, it could cause trauma. My daughter didn't exhibit any signs of emotional or physical trauma, and there was no reason to cause trauma if there was no reason. If we were worried, keep a closer eye on our step-son and daughter, but the probing would do more harm than good for my daughter.

OKAY, so doctor, her normal physician, found it was a UTI, gave meds, no sweat.

HOWEVER... the entire time we dealt with police, doctors at the hospital, nurses... none of them would speak to me about my daughter. They ignored me, gave me glares, and only spoke with my wife. So, it was clear, IF my daughter was molested, I was going to be a prime suspect. I mean, 10 year old boy or 30 year old man? Who are you going to believe did such a thing?

So, the entire experience was terrifying. Going to jail, losing my daughters, being branded for life.... and I didn't do anything. Indeed, nothing had been done at all, much less by me. We were just overreacting.

Still... you have NO clue how terrifying that is. In the moment when a father should be able to focus on doing what is right for his daughter, he has to face such attitudes and fears that he could lose his daughters forever for something he didn't do. I can't explain that fear.

I joked with my mother about it. My older sister was a borderline con-artist. I was punished for a ton of things I never did, due to her. I told my mom, all those experiences taught me, "Mother fucker, you know you can get punished for something you didn't do."

But, I feel like I was already accused by every public servant and professional we dealt with. I was already guilty, in their eyes. Guilty of something that didn't happen at all, much less that I did.


I'm so sorry you went through that, you're right, I can't imagine how scary that is. It's a shame that that man you talked about also was too afraid to work with children. I remember when I was only like, maybe 13 and I had scoliosis, the doctor for children my age was, to put it bluntly, he was very unattractive and if I had met him on the street I probably would automatically think he was pretty sketchy. It was me and my parents at the time, while my mother was perfectly polite and nice to him, my father was sitting in the back giving him that look and I could tell he didn't trust the man because of how he looked and talked. Being a 13 year old and being so impressionable, my dad being uneasy made me uneasy as well. Looking back on the situation I feel really bad for him, the man obviously loved children, he treated me with respect and was very gentle when examining my spine, but I can only imagine how many times a day he must get those looks from parents, no matter how experienced and hard he works.

There's definitely a double standard in many areas that put men as suspect for wrongdoings, but while I sympathize, in certain cases I can understand why as a woman. For example, when I'm walking home late at night I'm terrified to see a man walking behind me when no one else is around, of if a stranger who is a man starts walking with me and trying to get to know me I try to break away because I don't want them knowing where I live or where I frequent. I feel like when a lot of boys and men see women and girls taking these precautions in these cases I said, they tend to take it personally and I can see why they might, but the reality is that 99% of the time rapists are men, we're just trying to be safe and that unfortunately to us takes precedence over whether we insult you or not. I try to explain that the real problem is that rape culture causes innocent men to be feared, because rapists (at least in the college setting, where it is the most frequent) are next to never blamed for these things by other men (or are protected, even when there is ample evidence [think college athletes who have absurd protections from ever facing any real punishment, if any at all] that they were guilty). I'm not a man so I can only speak looking in from the outside and in my experience as a woman, but I am surprised when men are so defensive of rapists, I would think any man who rapes or sexually assaults would be considered an insult to the large majority of perfectly safe, upstanding men in society, and would be more vocally condemning of those that tarnish their reputation. But it seems that most men, at least at my age and in my experience, do not really comprehend how awful rape really is, and maybe they can't, and so they are more apologetic of it. I noticed that older men are far more disgusted with rape than those my age, but idk what to make of that.

I think the way they treated you with the instance you were talking about by authorities was awful, especially before they even were sure there was any wrongdoing in the first place that seems ridiculous to already be jailing people. There are issues facing both men and women in society, men also face harsher punishment sentences and the like. On the risk of going more off topic of this thread, I can tell you that I am blown away when men tell me they walk around without a care in the world at night, and can just think. Talking to men who are transgender after they transition was a really great experience for me, they told me how different it was being more independent in general, but they also see the gender divide from a new point of view, and how they act around women who did not know them before their transition they had a totally different experience and that people were less likely to be nice to them.

However I notice that people are nicer to me than they are with men, and they are more willing to help with small things, like say I need to carry some heavy boxes or carry my bike, friends and acquaintances offer me help almost all the time. And I also see that when boys and men are struggling emotionally people don't really try to help them, but if I'm looking down everyone tries to comfort me. I don't want to make this any longer than it already is but there are plenty of bullshits I face because of my gender too, but it's stupid to get caught up in who has it worse rather than just addressing when one or the other faces bullshit and working to put an end to it. At the end of the day I wish we were all more receptive of what we face so we can deal with it, but people get petty trying to one up the other side of the fence and it keeps anything productive from happening.
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Posted 10/22/16 , edited 10/22/16

Also are limited in the SDF, but nobody really commented on that because....


Japanese women in both the SDF and as Police face a lot of glass ceilings, and are usually assigned menial tasks no matter their competence. I always try to get my other anime friends to watch/read series with women in the military and in the police force, no matter how little the difference it makes, it can only help right?
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I get where you are coming from. Being a man or a woman has its own struggles. As much as we like to pretend we aren't different, we very much are. That's not going to go away. But, that doesn't mean we can't understand each other's point of view and do our best to act as equals.... because in every way that truly matters, we ARE equals, regardless of our differences.

As far as defending rapists, PLEASE don't think that's what I'm doing. I'm defending NON-Rapists who automatically get treated as if they are. I'm saying we need to stop blanket judgement.

Also, I hate to argue with your statistics, but there are a LOT more male rape victims and female rapists than older reports suggested. You have to understand, historically men are MUCH less likely to report rape. Obviously, you can't record something for statistics if it never gets reported. There's been a recent increase in men's willingness to come forward. Therefore, the statistics are approaching true values.

HOWEVER, largely, rape by women and rape by men are different psychologically, especially in male victims. Generally, men are physically secure around women. Most of the time, we're able to overpower them. So, if a man gets drugged or tied up, he doesn't feel as powerless about it as a woman who is held down. When raped by a woman, the man's subconscious tells him, "I'm stronger, I was just tricked. I can take revenge. I'm not weak. I'm not powerless. I'm still relatively safe." When raped by a man, or men, by force, both men and women's psychology says, "I can't do anything. I can't fight back. I'm weak. I'm worthless. There is no safety against this person."

Those two trains of thought lead to a different level of trauma. NO, I am not saying that the rape of men is less terrible. I'm saying that physically forced rape is much more traumatizing than other forms, and while both men and women can be victims of this type of rape, men are primarily the aggressors and women primarily the victims.

But, that's according to my limited understanding.

Rape's a terrible thing. Especially to me, as a Christian. I believe this part of yourself is something special. Ideally, for your spouse. Though, realistically, that rarely happens. But, setting that aside, regardless of spiritual beliefs, that part of yourself is usually a sacred gift you give the people you love and trust the most in your life. I know some people trust a little more than others, so to speak, but that is the overall concept. (Disclaimer, I had my fair share of relations prior to meeting my wife, so no judgment on this.)

So when something you give to people you trust is taken from you by force, that's incredibly damaging to your mental health.

In short, rape is terrible. If it wasn't for needing to be here for my wife and girls, I'd rather be murdered, to be honest.

My point is that these real rapists have tarnished the reputation of men, driving fear in the hearts of mostly women, but other people as well. I mean, I fear for my daughters and wife more than you can know, and my daughters don't even have the ability to understand these concepts, yet. Also, it'd take one strong ass man to take my wife by force. I keep telling her she needs to lift weights, because she naturally builds up muscle. I mean, I'm a tad stronger than her, and I'm pretty stout, but I still couldn't hold her still. [Let's say that we've discovered this through mutual 'experimentation.' (: ]

So, what can we do? I know that one thing we need to do is make sure we aren't letting these fears make instant judgments for us. I mean, that's basically what racism is, at its core. Bigotry in general. It's all the same. Fear, turned into a judgment, turned into treating a person in a way they don't deserve. We all fear each other, because of these small number of incidents that appear larger and more real threats than they really are.

So, we have to stop letting that happen. Women, understand that you have nothing to fear from most men. Men need to realize that rape is real, and terrible, and try to approach these cases with sensitivity. HOWEVER, no one should approach this cases immediately assuming anyone is or is not guilty.


Funny thing about being followed by guys. As someone who has followed a woman down the street by coincidence, I was thinking, "How do I make this not creepy for her?" I usually try to go for a WIDE pass. Like, you can see me coming from an very distant and nonthreatening way. Yeah, it sometimes fails. My other option is to slow way down and let her get far ahead. But, no matter how far ahead they are, if they know you are following, sometimes it makes the creep factor worse.

My point being.... sometimes we're put into situations where we know we may be making someone nervous, desperately trying to make it more comfortable, and fail miserably.


Okay, so this is getting rambly. I'll cut it here. But, I think the best thing is to probably do what we're doing right now--expressing our separate perspectives, so we can have a better understanding.

Cheers.


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Posted 10/22/16 , edited 10/22/16


Don't worry I didn't think you were legitimizing rape! I absolutely agree with everything you just said about it. It makes me happy to see how seriously you take it. I've heard similar things that men say about trying not to be creepy while walking behind women, I really appreciate the effort, whenever it is. Also I did not mean to say that women do not rape or rape men, it's such a crime that men weren't even allowed to file for sexual harassment/assault charges until like, 1998, I'll check again when I have the time but I remember female rapists being a minuscule minority, but again I'll double check on my sources when I get the chance.

And I agree, fear is the seed of hatred. The more we talk the better things get.

I'm really glad we had this discussion, it's good to talk about these things!

Have a great evening (or day... or night... or... whenever it is for you)
Posted 10/23/16 , edited 10/24/16

DeadlyOats wrote:

You forgot, "saying manko." Japanese women can't say that word. So, they say, "down there," instead.


So many angry Mako's.
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Posted 10/23/16 , edited 10/24/16
Over here you're not supposed to say the F word or the N word but lets be honest we sprinkle that little bit of magic into every sentence from time to time. Rules are meant to be broken.
Posted 10/23/16 , edited 10/24/16

52infinity wrote:

Over here you're not supposed to say fuck or nigger but lets be honest we sprinkle that little bit of magic into every sentence from time to time. Rules are meant to be broken.


Fixed it for you.
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Posted 10/23/16 , edited 10/24/16

Hrafna wrote:


52infinity wrote:

Over here you're not supposed to say fuck or nigger but lets be honest we sprinkle that little bit of magic into every sentence from time to time. Rules are meant to be broken.


Fixed it for you.


Thanks now you can deal with Lorrean.
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