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Post Reply Be honest: Is this story boring?
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Posted 10/22/16
http://www.lavendermintrose.com/books/celestial-song/chapter-1/

So, I've posted a few chapters of the story I'm working on, and no one's said anything about it.

I don't know... I feel like my heart isn't entirely into it, but I want to have some work online, and my other novel is, well... it's expanding a lot in my mind, and I want to really write the whole thing and edit it and make it really great before I post any more of it. But I want to have something online in the meantime, so that I am a writer and not just some random person who hasn't done anything. I want people to know I'm serious.

But... I don't know. Maybe this story is boring... It doesn't have a huge mystery in it. It's sort of slow-paced, but... that's how I want it to be. That's how the story is. This story is not going to be a huge action thing... and I don't want it to be, because I don't want to write big action things. If it were like that, it wouldn't be a good sample of my writing.

So... what do you think it needs? What do you think I should do?
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Posted 10/22/16

LavenderMintRose wrote:

http://www.lavendermintrose.com/books/celestial-song/chapter-1/

So, I've posted a few chapters of the story I'm working on, and no one's said anything about it.

I don't know... I feel like my heart isn't entirely into it, but I want to have some work online, and my other novel is, well... it's expanding a lot in my mind, and I want to really write the whole thing and edit it and make it really great before I post any more of it. But I want to have something online in the meantime, so that I am a writer and not just some random person who hasn't done anything. I want people to know I'm serious.

But... I don't know. Maybe this story is boring... It doesn't have a huge mystery in it. It's sort of slow-paced, but... that's how I want it to be. That's how the story is. This story is not going to be a huge action thing... and I don't want it to be, because I don't want to write big action things. If it were like that, it wouldn't be a good sample of my writing.

So... what do you think it needs? What do you think I should do?




That is so cool that you have your own website.
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Posted 10/22/16
It's... not hard, it's just a Wordpress.org thing....
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Posted 10/22/16

LavenderMintRose wrote:

It's... not hard, it's just a Wordpress.org thing....


Oh okay.
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Posted 10/22/16
So..... no responses to my question. Okay.
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Posted 10/22/16

LavenderMintRose wrote:

So..... no responses to my question. Okay.



Well, if I could only visualize when I read then I could properly tell you whether or not it was good or bad. I don't want to just say it was good and have nothing to back it up. I would feel like that wouldn't help you.

I am very sorry to waste your time.
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Posted 10/23/16 , edited 10/23/16
Just read the first chapter and a bit of the second. Is it boring? I don't know. Its certainly not my personal cup of tea (fantasy just isn't my thing...), but I don't think its bad. That said, I think it could be better. It seems very exposition heavy, which is something I try to avoid in my writing. I think a lot of this could be better told if you gave the characters more time to breathe and tell the story themselves. This can be tied in to working to get the reader to feel different emotions in your writing. I think things read a bit distant at times and for a story like this, I think a little more intimate writing could go a long way.

I don't think you need to work in making your book bigger (action and mysteries and whatnot), but I think you could push a little more towards making it small but intimate.

Hope that helps a bit.
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Posted 10/23/16 , edited 10/23/16

sundin13 wrote:

Just read the first chapter and a bit of the second. Is it boring? I don't know. Its certainly not my personal cup of tea (fantasy just isn't my thing...), but I don't think its bad. That said, I think it could be better. It seems very exposition heavy, which is something I try to avoid in my writing. I think a lot of this could be better told if you gave the characters more time to breathe and tell the story themselves. This can be tied in to working to get the reader to feel different emotions in your writing. I think things read a bit distant at times and for a story like this, I think a little more intimate writing could go a long way.

I don't think you need to work in making your book bigger (action and mysteries and whatnot), but I think you could push a little more towards making it small but intimate.

Hope that helps a bit.


Thank you ^_^; This one isn't really all that fantasy, it ends up being more of a romance thing...

I need to figure out how to do that... how would you recommend making it more intimate?

I'm trying to think of it, but right now I think I'm just too... emotionally frustrated about other things, and... yeah.



I don't know.

I'm afraid of being accused of writing stereotypical yaoi because Aurelio isn't "manly" enough. But I really don't like manly types. I want to write a character like I'm writing him. And there are characters like that. Shiro is like that. A few of the characters in Touken Ranbu are like that. (the super precious main one in Hanamaru <3) I just write characters like that because I like characters like that. I write all of my characters gender-neutral because in their world, there isn't a cultural concept of gender, so there's nothing that makes males and females act differently. So no matter what they want to say about real-world stereotypes, Aurelio makes sense.
But like.

I don't know. I guess, since I'm doing something a lot of people don't do, there's always that fear...
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Posted 10/23/16 , edited 10/23/16

LavenderMintRose wrote:


sundin13 wrote:

Just read the first chapter and a bit of the second. Is it boring? I don't know. Its certainly not my personal cup of tea (fantasy just isn't my thing...), but I don't think its bad. That said, I think it could be better. It seems very exposition heavy, which is something I try to avoid in my writing. I think a lot of this could be better told if you gave the characters more time to breathe and tell the story themselves. This can be tied in to working to get the reader to feel different emotions in your writing. I think things read a bit distant at times and for a story like this, I think a little more intimate writing could go a long way.

I don't think you need to work in making your book bigger (action and mysteries and whatnot), but I think you could push a little more towards making it small but intimate.

Hope that helps a bit.


Thank you ^_^; This one isn't really all that fantasy, it ends up being more of a romance thing...

I need to figure out how to do that... how would you recommend making it more intimate?

I'm trying to think of it, but right now I think I'm just too... emotionally frustrated about other things, and... yeah.



I don't know.

I'm afraid of being accused of writing stereotypical yaoi because Aurelio isn't "manly" enough. But I really don't like manly types. I want to write a character like I'm writing him. And there are characters like that. Shiro is like that. A few of the characters in Touken Ranbu are like that. (the super precious main one in Hanamaru <3) I just write characters like that because I like characters like that. I sort of write all of my characters gender-neutral because in their world, there isn't a cultural concept of gender, so there's nothing that makes males and females act differently. So no matter what they want to say about real-world stereotypes, Aurelio makes sense.
But like.

I don't know. I guess, since I'm doing something a lot of people don't do, there's always that fear...


When I talk about intimate writing, it basically means that I want to be inside of the main character. I want to feel what they feel, notice what they notice and know what they know. I think this means that you should always be thinking about the emotion of a scene as much as the story of a scene.

The main thing I think is to work on getting the exposition into the story more naturally. Breaking away to describe the background of a musical troupe or describe the history of something in the world usually feels more cold, because it usually is more the thoughts of the writer than it is the thoughts of the character. Also remember that your reader doesn't need to know everything immediately (in fact, sometimes that might overwhelm them). A reader can get just as much out of you showing a cast of characters interacting as they would from you telling them about how that cast of characters got together or what they do.

I think with that, the emotion will come more naturally, but always remember the emotional goal of a scene and work towards it. What is the character feeling in this first scene with his friends? I honestly didn't get much emotion out of it. I learned a few things, but I didn't feel much. In intimate writing, feeling is more important than knowing. Make me feel like the character is putting on airs or getting frustrated, or just lazily getting lost his own fantasy world. I think focus and maintaining the characters perspective are the two most important facets of this.

Theres a lot of things sort of tangential to this idea, but those I think are the main two things.

EDIT: Also, I find it helps a lot to try to get inspired. In my own personal writing, whenever I write without really being inspired, it comes off more cold and I always have to go back and fix it later. Try to get excited about your writing and have fun. On days where it feels like a chore, I try to focus on editing or outlining or research (though something you have to force yourself to move forwards if you find yourself in a funk. Just make a note to go over those sections again when you are feeling better).
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Posted 10/23/16 , edited 10/24/16

sundin13 wrote:

I think with that, the emotion will come more naturally, but always remember the emotional goal of a scene and work towards it. What is the character feeling in this first scene with his friends? I honestly didn't get much emotion out of it. I learned a few things, but I didn't feel much. In intimate writing, feeling is more important than knowing. Make me feel like the character is putting on airs or getting frustrated, or just lazily getting lost his own fantasy world. I think focus and maintaining the characters perspective are the two most important facets of this.

Theres a lot of things sort of tangential to this idea, but those I think are the main two things.


Okay, summary of rambling while I wait for sword boys to load:

He feels distant from himself. He doesn't know what he feels, and he doesn't know what he can feel. He feels unfulfilled by the music thing, but he doesn't think that's possible. He basically tells himself he doesn't have a right to feel that way, that he should be happy they're so successful.

But then he gets this amulet, and he's simultaneously happy and exited about it, and terrified, because he knows that the fate of the whole kingdom depends on the person who has that amulet. So he doesn't want to look like he's excited, because he doesn't want anyone to think he's not taking it seriously.

He's the type who hides his feelings. I realize now that he probably doesn't make a great point-of-view character.

If I write him just going through the motions... well, that's boring. That's not exciting.

Maybe I should start from when he gets to the palace. I don't even know...


sundin13 wrote:


EDIT: Also, I find it helps a lot to try to get inspired. In my own personal writing, whenever I write without really being inspired, it comes off more cold and I always have to go back and fix it later. Try to get excited about your writing and have fun. On days where it feels like a chore, I try to focus on editing or outlining or research (though something you have to force yourself to move forwards if you find yourself in a funk. Just make a note to go over those sections again when you are feeling better).


Yeah. I've had trouble getting excited about anything recently (I'm probably too similar to Evren in that way).

I feel like maybe I should wait until I get to Tokyo to work on this more. New York is draining.
I'm not going to write about dark and gritty things, and I feel like... I feel pressured into doing that, even though no one says things like that to me personally, but it's in the air. I feel like I'm expected to agree with everyone else around me, and how they think the world is all bleak, or they think I should be ashamed of myself. I don't want to think that way, because I don't think it's helpful. I don't know.

But the one thing that really matters in life is that sword boys is finally loading.


Edit: Soooo, I've started revising it . I changed the beginning, I made it start when he's on the train, and I got rid of a lot of stuff about the music. My only concern is that I might not be mentioning the music soon enough. I mentioned his instrument case, but... the music is important, since it's how he connects with the other main character...

I also revised 2 and 3, I'll update those after I finish the revision of ch.1
Humms 
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Posted 10/24/16
Well after reading the first chapter, a bit boring. Mainly because you go on about his personal situation, you know the whole should I be in music or magic. I mean you will never capture someone's attention if you are dreading on something you can't find resolve with, like evrens case, having some internal monologue about where he should be in his life. It's just so bland and it really doesn't wake the reader up.

Try putting in something to help put some color in your writing, not that your writing isn't interesting, I found your writing to be very easy to follow and read along, but you just don't have enough spirit.

Maybe find something to cheer you up. It usually helps to smile when you write. That's like the stupidest thing to say, but it helps me find connection with what someone enjoys to read, having an interesting concept, but your story is carried by your characters ability to add their own charm.
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Posted 10/24/16
I updated the first three chapters.

If someone could look at chapter 3 for me, I would really appreciated. That's when the other main character shows up.

qwueri 
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Posted 10/24/16
The opening of the first chapter is exposition heavy. If the troupe Evren is a part of plays a part later in the story, I'd very much rather read an interaction between them with small throwbacks to their history together. Otherwise, do readers really need to know that they made their instruments by hand.

My biggest complaint is that Evren feels mostly passive throughout the story, up until he jumps into critiquing his cousin's music. Most of story so far is either him being dragged along by other people or him brooding over how may be he should do magic (when he's doing music) or music (when he's doing magic). There's very little sense of personality or agency for the main character.
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Posted 10/24/16 , edited 10/24/16

qwueri wrote:

The opening of the first chapter is exposition heavy. If the troupe Evren is a part of plays a part later in the story, I'd very much rather read an interaction between them with small throwbacks to their history together. Otherwise, do readers really need to know that they made their instruments by hand.

ahaha, that's what I had, but that slowed it down too much, so I cut it off. And anyway, the other troupe members don't really show up (except for one) so I wouldn't say the troupe as a whole plays a part...




My biggest complaint is that Evren feels mostly passive throughout the story, up until he jumps into critiquing his cousin's music. Most of story so far is either him being dragged along by other people or him brooding over how may be he should do magic (when he's doing music) or music (when he's doing magic). There's very little sense of personality or agency for the main character.


He is passive at this point... that's... sort of just who he is, and the situation he's in. It wouldn't productive for him to pitch a fit and try to run away, and he's not immature enough to think it would be. He does get up and walk around the palace instead of just sitting there... He also did something when he got the bracelet, but that happened so fast he didn't really realize it until it was over...

There isn't really a villain or anything like that, there's just his internal conflict and the time limit within which he has to learn the magic. And his interpersonal conflict with Aurelio and Calius. Like I said, it's not a big action thing...
qwueri 
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Posted 10/24/16

LavenderMintRose wrote:

He is passive at this point... that's... sort of just who he is, and the situation he's in. It wouldn't productive for him to pitch a fit and try to run away, and he's not immature enough to think it would be. He does get up and walk around the palace instead of just sitting there... He also did something when he got the bracelet, but that happened so fast he didn't really realize it until it was over...

There isn't really a villain or anything like that, there's just his internal conflict and the time limit within which he has to learn the magic. And his interpersonal conflict with Aurelio and Calius. Like I said, it's not a big action thing...


Are you set on purely following the narrative of one character? Growing a wallflower into a plot mover can be fun to watch, but not terribly interesting to follow until he starts growing. Contrasting his character with some of the more active players might help with the slow start.
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