First  Prev  1  2  3  4  5  Next  Last
Post Reply What's your experience with female competition?
3606 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
29 / F / Chicagoland ~
Offline
Posted 10/30/16 , edited 10/30/16
I feel like I haven't been in any kind of competition or whatnot and I'm not entirely sure what this even means? I have plenty of female friends and we've never fought or anything. I see the slut shaming and stuff on the internet but I figure it's just the internet and that's how it goes. Though then again maybe that's what happens with normal (but probably more immature depending on age and whatever else) women that drink and party all the time and I just don't get to see that sort of stuff because nerds tend to stick more closely together.
186 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
29 / M
Offline
Posted 10/30/16
I have witnessed much female competition and have been told about it at length. I've many female friends and one of my closest confidants is my little sister, so the feed is basically constant. I'm almost surprised when I talk to a woman and she doesn't complain about something another woman either said or did that day.

The broad strokes I've taken from it is that females are, for lack of a better word, really nasty when it comes to competition/aggression.
Far more violent, both psychologically and even physically, than men. Note that when I say physically, I mean taking out the aggression in physical manner, not necessarily hitting someone. Nearby objects tend to suffer, instead. Or the offending party's property... Keying cars, anyone?

All of my female friends, as well as my sister, have told me they prefer male friends over females.
Every single one of them.
The line "Guys are so much simpler." is probably not new to anyone here. The stereotype is that guys argue for a few minutes, at worse maybe some shoving or punches are thrown, walk out on the whole thing, and then we get over it and move on. (This has been true throughout my life as well. Either the relationship ends abruptly without much B.S, or we don't talk for a while and we make up later, with either one or both parties agreeing they were assholes about it.)

When it comes to females, there seems to be a refusal to end a relationship, no matter how toxic it gets. Women will stick around women they loathe for a long time, all the while talking behind their backs and trying to damage each other's reputation. When done "successfully", it can inflict serious psychological damage to the other party.
High school, for instance, is absolutely horrible for girls. By all accounts I've heard, or those I witnessed myself, I was absolutely appalled.
As a guy, the worst I've seen from other guys in high school is some dbags calling others nerds or fags. And I personally put an end to it for others more than once. All it took was a few words and maybe a solid shove.


PrinceJudar, you are spot on when you say females try to damage other females' "social market value".
I've seen it happen at every level, from work, to a casual get-together, to the bar. A female will slander her competition at length, for no apparent reason. "She dresses like a slut." "Ugh, look at her makeup." are apparently 100% interchangeable with "She dresses like a guy." or "Wow she needs some makeup.". It does not matter what the "opponent" does, she's doing something wrong.
Most of it has no real effect, but when it actually works, it's very sad to see. Being ostracized is really deeply damaging to some people.


Long story short: Chicks be cray.
666 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / F / Canada
Offline
Posted 10/30/16

PrinceJudar wrote:

I'm simply asking about your experiences with females. Sounds more like a defensive 'men are just as bad' reaction. It's unnecessary to demonize men to prevent criticism of women. There are obviously overlaps and poor behaviors that exist for both genders.



I wasn't really demonizing it; everybody has a mean streak, and in some ways I think a punch is better than character assassination. I just don't think this type of thing is as gender-dependent as this thread/pop culture define it.

My personal experiences with other women vary.

1) I had a physical bully in elementary school who, like, wrecked my books and toys and stuff? She was a tomboy and I was a 'girly girl', since that stuff still mattered when you were nine. But I had a tomboy phase in junior high and we were good friends until she moved away.

2) I had a bully in high school who was fairly stereotypical. Passive-aggressive, pretended to be friendly and then bolstered her gossip about your attitude issues when you stopped being friendly back. Mostly bullied me because I was bisexual and had a girlfriend in high school, but she certainly took a few stabs at my 'geekiness' and weight as well. Never especially bothered me, and there were enough people in the school who were not homophobic that it never really caused problems for my social life.

3) In university, I had a more physical female rival. But we were both to blame. I was more aggressive in college, and we butted heads on a lot of issues. Mostly politics, we were both big into environmentalism at the time and disagreed on certain policies. It got heated sometimes, the worst was a day we were out on our own for a project. I scratched her once deep enough that she had to go to the doctor to patch it up, she kicked me in my weak knee and I had to use a walking stick for about ten days. But after our first year she started to change her views to something closer to mine, and we're still friends now.

4) At a store I worked at for, like, a month, there was a girl who had some issue with me. She liked to sign me up for duties involving people, since I have an anxiety disorder and that isn't ideal for me. I just took to taking my break when the next duty roster went up so I could sign myself up for something else, first, and that was basically the end of it.
22653 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
24 / M / USA
Offline
Posted 10/30/16 , edited 10/30/16

IshokuOsero wrote:

I feel like I haven't been in any kind of competition or whatnot and I'm not entirely sure what this even means? I have plenty of female friends and we've never fought or anything. I see the slut shaming and stuff on the internet but I figure it's just the internet and that's how it goes. Though then again maybe that's what happens with normal (but probably more immature depending on age and whatever else) women that drink and party all the time and I just don't get to see that sort of stuff because nerds tend to stick more closely together.


Yeah, that's for damn sure. The more offbeat nerd/geek types tend to be less competitive with each other and they aren't usually looking to climb the social ladder. I find that women that don't prioritize social status tend to focus more on their personality (they spend more time looking inward). Women will prioritize different things in life just as men do. Not every female is going to shove another female under the proverbial bus, just like not every male is going to violently turn on another male for having his pride slighted. I tend to like the more offbeat types of women myself.


3606 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
29 / F / Chicagoland ~
Offline
Posted 10/30/16

PrinceJudar wrote:


IshokuOsero wrote:

I feel like I haven't been in any kind of competition or whatnot and I'm not entirely sure what this even means? I have plenty of female friends and we've never fought or anything. I see the slut shaming and stuff on the internet but I figure it's just the internet and that's how it goes. Though then again maybe that's what happens with normal (but probably more immature depending on age and whatever else) women that drink and party all the time and I just don't get to see that sort of stuff because nerds tend to stick more closely together.


Yeah, that's for damn sure. The more offbeat nerd/geek types tend to be less competitive with each other and they aren't usually looking to climb the social ladder. I find that women that don't prioritize social status tend to focus more on their personality (they spend more time looking inward). Women will prioritize different things in life just as men do. Not every female is going to shove another female under the proverbial bus, just like not every male is going to violently turn on another male for having his pride slighted. I tend to like the more offbeat types of women myself.




I think this is really comfortable, I feel like if I ever befriended women who pulled that sort of nonsense I'd drop them so quick they wouldn't even know what happened. That sort of stuff seems like it should be a school-age attitude at best.
22653 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
24 / M / USA
Offline
Posted 10/30/16

pansyforyourthoughts wrote:
I wasn't really demonizing it; everybody has a mean streak, and in some ways I think a punch is better than character assassination. I just don't think this type of thing is as gender-dependent as this thread/pop culture define it.

My personal experiences with other women vary.

1) I had a physical bully in elementary school who, like, wrecked my books and toys and stuff? She was a tomboy and I was a 'girly girl', since that stuff still mattered when you were nine. But I had a tomboy phase in junior high and we were good friends until she moved away.

2) I had a bully in high school who was fairly stereotypical. Passive-aggressive, pretended to be friendly and then bolstered her gossip about your attitude issues when you stopped being friendly back. Mostly bullied me because I was bisexual and had a girlfriend in high school, but she certainly took a few stabs at my 'geekiness' and weight as well. Never especially bothered me, and there were enough people in the school who were not homophobic that it never really caused problems for my social life.

3) In university, I had a more physical female rival. But we were both to blame. I was more aggressive in college, and we butted heads on a lot of issues. Mostly politics, we were both big into environmentalism at the time and disagreed on certain policies. It got heated sometimes, the worst was a day we were out on our own for a project. I scratched her once deep enough that she had to go to the doctor to patch it up, she kicked me in my weak knee and I had to use a walking stick for about ten days. But after our first year she started to change her views to something closer to mine, and we're still friends now.

4) At a store I worked at for, like, a month, there was a girl who had some issue with me. She liked to sign me up for duties involving people, since I have an anxiety disorder and that isn't ideal for me. I just took to taking my break when the next duty roster went up so I could sign myself up for something else, first, and that was basically the end of it.


I'm quite fortunate in that I never had to deal too much with these sorts of situations. The third scenario seems quite profound though. Scratched her enough that she had to go to the doc? Damn woman. She kicked you in your weak knee though, well, at least your crotch wasn't vulnerable she might have went for it on a guy--lmao.

I feel yah on the anxiety disorder. Shit ain't easy to manage.

22653 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
24 / M / USA
Offline
Posted 10/30/16

X41822N wrote:

I have witnessed much female competition and have been told about it at length. I've many female friends and one of my closest confidants is my little sister, so the feed is basically constant. I'm almost surprised when I talk to a woman and she doesn't complain about something another woman either said or did that day.

The broad strokes I've taken from it is that females are, for lack of a better word, really nasty when it comes to competition/aggression.
Far more violent, both psychologically and even physically, than men. Note that when I say physically, I mean taking out the aggression in physical manner, not necessarily hitting someone. Nearby objects tend to suffer, instead. Or the offending party's property... Keying cars, anyone?

All of my female friends, as well as my sister, have told me they prefer male friends over females.
Every single one of them.
The line "Guys are so much simpler." is probably not new to anyone here. The stereotype is that guys argue for a few minutes, at worse maybe some shoving or punches are thrown, walk out on the whole thing, and then we get over it and move on. (This has been true throughout my life as well. Either the relationship ends abruptly without much B.S, or we don't talk for a while and we make up later, with either one or both parties agreeing they were assholes about it.)

When it comes to females, there seems to be a refusal to end a relationship, no matter how toxic it gets. Women will stick around women they loathe for a long time, all the while talking behind their backs and trying to damage each other's reputation. When done "successfully", it can inflict serious psychological damage to the other party.
High school, for instance, is absolutely horrible for girls. By all accounts I've heard, or those I witnessed myself, I was absolutely appalled.
As a guy, the worst I've seen from other guys in high school is some dbags calling others nerds or fags. And I personally put an end to it for others more than once. All it took was a few words and maybe a solid shove.


PrinceJudar, you are spot on when you say females try to damage other females' "social market value".
I've seen it happen at every level, from work, to a casual get-together, to the bar. A female will slander her competition at length, for no apparent reason. "She dresses like a slut." "Ugh, look at her makeup." are apparently 100% interchangeable with "She dresses like a guy." or "Wow she needs some makeup.". It does not matter what the "opponent" does, she's doing something wrong.
Most of it has no real effect, but when it actually works, it's very sad to see. Being ostracized is really deeply damaging to some people.


Long story short: Chicks be cray.


I'm very familiar with SMV and red pill terminology. You probably read some of the content as I do. I do notice female aggression does tend to occur onto objects. Higher SMV women do play these competitive games much more fiercely. An angry woman tends to kick the car on her way out of the house. Although males I notice certainly have a similar fondness for smashing glass (I think the noise tends to be very satisfying). I'd say female violence may perhaps be more in quantity, but very often results in less or minor injuries (and I think it's how nonthreatening it more often is that lends to its unfortunate social acceptance).

Females are definitely more indirect. I think for some it's a matter of risk aversion, while for more empathetic types it tends to be a matter of avoiding the 'bad guy' label (by self or others). Some especially empathetic woman will choose the long painful rejection style to avoid directly seeing the pain they inflict upon a person.

And yes, being ostracized can be very damaging to people. It's a weapon that is too often underestimated.

19516 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / NYC Metro Area
Offline
Posted 10/30/16 , edited 10/30/16
Most of my female friends tend to hang out in groups with no more than 2 or 3 females with many more males. The reason, they have told me that dealing with the backstabbing and betrayal that most of them eventually ditched all of the fake friends they once had and those they still have left are the only ones they feel they can count on.

As a male, I simply don't get it. If we have a problem we fight it out, but at the end of the day at least we know whose on our side and who is against us. I couldn't imagine being surrounded by a large group of people, where half of them are planning to throw me under the bus to make themselves look better. Sounds like quite an awful situation to put up with.
Banned
17503 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
29 / M / B.C, Canada
Offline
Posted 10/30/16
I have seen enough of it to know I am damn glad I was born the gender I was. It's so much easier when all your problems can be solved by the simplest methods possible. Ya girls really should try it out and save the Sun Tzu shit for actual war.
37144 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Offline
Posted 10/30/16
The women in my workplace can be really nasty to each other. They are all friends, but sometimes drama happens and they all turn on someone. They try to drag me in as well, because if I reinforce their gossip it becomes more credible.

Two women just got fired last week because they allegedly got into a pushing match. Funny thing is they never even pushed each other. One of them just lied about it to try and get the other in trouble, and then the other girl said the first one started it to try and get her back. So the company just fired them both. Completely senseless
10263 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Offline
Posted 10/30/16 , edited 10/30/16
I'm going to tell everyone point blank what I think. If that offends you, get bent.

Everything I know of this subject comes from work experience.

I vastly prefer to work with men than I prefer to work with women. Every experience I have had working with women has become toxic because of unnecessary drama. You have to be super sensitive about what you say, and I've made more women cry, or pissed them off to the point they took revenge, by telling them the truth when they were doing terrible shit, than any man ever, in the work place. When competing for a position, or hours, or responsibility, or a raise, it seems women tend to prefer to make their competition look worse than they actually are to really doing their own jobs and making themselves look better.

On top of all this, if you have a male boss, the chances of their behavior actually being called out and addressed drops by a LOT.

And, if I absolutely MUST work with women, I prefer a female boss who actually did her work to get her position, because that's the best chance you'll have that any shitty behavior like this is called out and addressed. My sister is like that. She works her ass off, and she doesn't have time for any bullshit. Her favorite phrase is "go home." I feel like anyone who's held a job long enough will know what "go home" means.

Just visiting her, not long ago, she gets a phone call... she's face-palming as she's listening. Not much is said. "Give her the phone." "Okay. Okay. No. No. Nope." "Okay, count down your drawer. I'll be up there in a minute to work your shift."

Most men either can't perceive that it's conniving bullshit, or are so afraid of hurting feelings and/or lawsuits to actually call them on their bullshit.

Sorry girls, you play games I'm not equipped, nor desire, to play.
22120 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
20 / F
Offline
Posted 10/30/16 , edited 10/30/16
Idk, I've had the opposite experience of a lot of them men here. I used to hang out with only a few girls and mostly boys in hs. Honestly they were super cliquey, they talked shit about each other behind each other's backs and then acted like they were friends with each other, and I don't mean playful, they were genuinely talking shit. They'd talk shit about women, they thought I'd be okay with it cause I was pretty "don't rock the boat", and would refer to women they didn't like as "bitches" and every time they broke up with girls it wasn't long before that girl became "crazy". At first, because the other girls laughed along and started following the guys in thinking less of girls, I more or less stayed quiet. One day they set their sights on one of my closest friends in a particularly awful way, and I just decided I had had enough of it, and told them to screw themselves and walked out. Later, I went out again with them once for old times sake, they watched their tone around me very carefully, but I heard from the others in the car they got worse, not better as they grew up.

Started hanging out with more feminine groups, all of that stopped.

Just saying, I find it a bit humorous for some the men and boys here to be talking as if their gender is absolved of the same catty behavior. Honestly I don't think most guys even realize when they do it.

After awhile, two of the boys came to me, apologizing, for what they said about the other girls back in hs and the like. One of them just looked down and was like "maybe *insert past girl* was right back then" I had to hold back from going "ding ding ding!". I knew they weren't bad people, y'know, "forgive them, for they know not what they do." and all that good stuff, but again, I'm just saying, I'd be careful about the generalizations you make. Sometimes people can't see their reflection until someone else holds up the mirror.
22120 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
20 / F
Offline
Posted 10/30/16

While similarity is the shadow of difference, so too is difference the shadow of similarity. You will find people that subscribe to the idea that biological sex is all important or that it is all unimportant. Both are incorrect mentalities. There are certainly poorly conducted experiments within the scientific community--especially psychological ones (although one has to be forgiving as they are still an early field of study). There is also certainly a crisis within papers that overestimate the significance of p values. Poor methodology is certainly nothing new--diligence and scrutiny is heavily important within the field of science. Theory, ideas, and conclusions are often preliminary. I find that the worst understanding of science comes from the translation--scientific shorthand to reporter. So much study is misrepresented because it was treated with callous understanding when it reached the masses.

You will find, for instance, many individuals that will read biological ultimate causation and explanation and consider it with the frame of it being proximate mechanisms (Tinbergen's Four Questions). The reaction to the misinterpretation is as expected: much offense taken. Another example would be the reporting of genetic study 'scientists have founds the gene for X'--well no not literally genetics don't work that way. It is actually shorthand for 'gene increases the probability of behavior X' rather than the 'gene always causes behavior X'.

In some aspects, grouping by gender is nonsensical--in others it weighs much more importantly. As we approach upon better grasping of genetics for example, sex, origin, and race become more important to our understanding of medicine, health and psychological well being. Another example where it may be significant is education--where males are now falling behind and finding themselves increasingly placed on medication to correct their behavior. Sometimes its dangerous to ignore differences (like a Mother that forces her daughter/son to appreciate gender neutral toys over the preferred) just as it is to place too much emphasis upon them. It is important to understand that difference is not always malevolent, but additionally that difference is not always significant (that focusing on such can also be entirely unreasonable as it is detrimental).


It is a fine line, and a fuzzy one at that. I try to just follow the sentiment of let nature show itself. I would be the parent who just leaves both toys, lets them do what they want with either. If nature wills they like one thing or the other, then that's that. It's far easier said than done to balance between the two, but I can agree with the sentiments.


That can make sense too though. Women, in comparison to men, are usually more careful about where they step (they are typically not as impulsive and often weigh possible risks of their actions/behavior [unless emotionally compromised of course]). I never had it easy innately understanding females, I was much the opposite and always got along more with men. I have experienced some female-female competition and none of it was pretty...very much the outcasting and public humiliation types. I cringe thinking about it. Not the kindest women met, certainly.


At the same time, the women that I've met who are like that, are more or less conditioned into it. They seem to think that being catty and petty is a role they need to fill, and our media loves to feed that, especially reality tv and sit-coms. Certainly enables some rotten people >.> I'm not saying that that's the sole cause, I've met some girls who were just unending drama queens, everything falling apart at every moment, but those were outliers.
10263 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Offline
Posted 10/30/16 , edited 10/30/16

ClothStatue wrote:

Idk, I've had the opposite experience of a lot of them men here. I used to hang out with only a few girls and mostly boys in hs. Honestly they were super cliquey, they talked shit about each other behind each other's backs and then acted like they were friends with each other, and I don't mean playful, they were genuinely talking shit. They'd talk shit about women, they thought I'd be okay with it cause I was pretty "don't rock the boat", and would refer to women they didn't like as "bitches" and every time they broke up with girls it wasn't long before that girl became "crazy". At first, because the other girls laughed along and started following the guys in thinking less of girls, I more or less stayed quiet. One day they set their sights on one of my closest friends in a particularly awful way, and I just decided I had had enough of it, and told them to screw themselves and walked out. Later, I went out again with them once for old times sake, they watched their tone around me very carefully, but I heard from the others in the car they got worse, not better as they grew up.

Started hanging out with more feminine groups, all of that stopped.

Just saying, I find it a bit humorous for some the men and boys here to be talking as if their gender is absolved of the same catty behavior. Honestly I don't think most guys even realize when they do it.


No, it isn't that we don't engage in such behavior. However, from my experience living and working with only males, it is usually "in your face" aggression, rather than behind your back BS.

It also seems that this becomes even more polarized to the opposite of female tendencies, as the concentration of men increases. Spatterings of females can disturb that quite easily.

Why do I think this is? Because if a man finds out another man is talking behind his back, it has a much higher chance of leading to a physical confrontation. This increases, as I said, in higher concentrations of men. We reinforce and encourage that nature with each other. That seems like it would result in a lot of fights, but it results in less, usually. Men would much rather know upfront that they have problems with each other. There's tension, but usually, you just avoid them and go about your business. Because for the most part, only bullies really want to have that physical confrontation.

Women change the game. The backstabbing becomes a real and constant threat, and therefore it must be countered in kind. Especially with women, where you can't just punch them in the face. Then, that habit works itself into the dynamic of the group.

I mean, maybe you had a different experience. I'm basing this off of only about eleven years of work experience, so you could have had different/more experiences than me.

And, some women don't like the thought that they're different, in such ways.

Well, I don't like that I'm not allowed to punch women in the face for crossing lines no man would dare cross for that exact reason... but, ya know, life ain't the picture perfect sameness everyone likes to pretend it is.
10263 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Offline
Posted 10/30/16

ClothStatue wrote:


While similarity is the shadow of difference, so too is difference the shadow of similarity. You will find people that subscribe to the idea that biological sex is all important or that it is all unimportant. Both are incorrect mentalities. There are certainly poorly conducted experiments within the scientific community--especially psychological ones (although one has to be forgiving as they are still an early field of study). There is also certainly a crisis within papers that overestimate the significance of p values. Poor methodology is certainly nothing new--diligence and scrutiny is heavily important within the field of science. Theory, ideas, and conclusions are often preliminary. I find that the worst understanding of science comes from the translation--scientific shorthand to reporter. So much study is misrepresented because it was treated with callous understanding when it reached the masses.

You will find, for instance, many individuals that will read biological ultimate causation and explanation and consider it with the frame of it being proximate mechanisms (Tinbergen's Four Questions). The reaction to the misinterpretation is as expected: much offense taken. Another example would be the reporting of genetic study 'scientists have founds the gene for X'--well no not literally genetics don't work that way. It is actually shorthand for 'gene increases the probability of behavior X' rather than the 'gene always causes behavior X'.

In some aspects, grouping by gender is nonsensical--in others it weighs much more importantly. As we approach upon better grasping of genetics for example, sex, origin, and race become more important to our understanding of medicine, health and psychological well being. Another example where it may be significant is education--where males are now falling behind and finding themselves increasingly placed on medication to correct their behavior. Sometimes its dangerous to ignore differences (like a Mother that forces her daughter/son to appreciate gender neutral toys over the preferred) just as it is to place too much emphasis upon them. It is important to understand that difference is not always malevolent, but additionally that difference is not always significant (that focusing on such can also be entirely unreasonable as it is detrimental).


It is a fine line, and a fuzzy one at that. I try to just follow the sentiment of let nature show itself. I would be the parent who just leaves both toys, lets them do what they want with either. If nature wills they like one thing or the other, then that's that. It's far easier said than done to balance between the two, but I can agree with the sentiments.


Well, the whole concept that someone can be 'trained' into what many consider 'gender' behavior is bullshit, in general.

As a child, I played with barbies a lot. My grandmother has never been fond of boys and always doted on the girls. My grandfather had a very traditional world view, where he'd give girl's money but make boys work for it. I'm still very much a man. As soon as I could work to buy my own things, I bought toys for boys.

My point is there is a degree of behavior that is largely determined by whether we have an X or Y chromosome in MOST cases. That doesn't mean there are not exceptions, or that we shouldn't be allowed to make our own choices, but the differences exist. Saying they don't is denial.

Society will keep buying into that denial until we start seeing the consequences of ignoring reality, and then society will begin to demonize these delusions. This is business as usual, and we've had similar social cycles since the start of civilization. Though, technology has sped them by a bit. And, truthfully, these social cycles are slowly bringing society closer to what is healthy for us. It isn't like we're doing circles. More like spiraling into perfection.
First  Prev  1  2  3  4  5  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.