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Posted 11/1/16 , edited 11/1/16

Well violence never necessarily has to be upon persons. I'm the direct type myself so I'll kick doors, hit the counter/desk, and take to quite animal-like growling. The best day will be when VR comes up with a realistic means of smashing glass. I take after my Father in that manner--he would often slam drawers and accidentally smash glasses in the process. There's something about that noise that's satisfying. He was much the same. It's not like the intent is to hurt anyone rather than redirect energy that doesn't allow you to speak. Similarly to my Father I cooldown, apologize and am ready to talk it out after. If I'm down, I'll escape the situation, maybe drink for a bit. Regardless I do not and refuse to have arguments or problems that extend beyond 24 hours--something we never do in my own relationship. The person I'm with is both cool headed and bluntly, perhaps even rudely, honest. It works well.


My dad was similar to you guys, and my brother took after him growing, neither of them do it nearly as much, or at all as they used to though, maybe I just don't see my brother since he's older than me and lives on his own, and my dad has been taking testosterone blockers due to cancer treatment so I'm sure that has to do with it at least a good portion. I'm glad things are working for you and your partner, I wish you both the best, its nice when you compliment each other and also contrast in some ways ^.^


Haha. Yah know--they say that females are keen on eye contact, but males actually prefer to sit and share a view. Eye contact makes me hella uncomfortable, but every person is just as you say, very different. You're also correct in that the direct honesty can result in semantics--it's always a debate when we settle down as to what is or isn't reasonable on our parts. Takes times, but I prefer it.


Actually, that's exactly why I do it, because it makes people feel awkward. It's super hard for anyone to be stern or yell at someone when you're sitting next to them and being so intimate and welcoming. It's like yelling at a puppy. I don't see it as being manipulative, because people usually have their guard up when they're like that so them being mad at me isn't the root of the problem, I'm just trying to help us both get there. A lot of guys are such awko tacos tho, whenever they're upset and I comfort them they start welling up it's kinda cute in its own way (tho they look away so they totally don't look lame and cry). But people crave honesty and sincerity far more than they realize, we're so used to being disappointed in those ways. I'm pretty motherly at heart though, so maybe I just give off that vibe anyway to my friends in person.


Hmm, I suppose that's one way to look at the timid behavior. I still have a hard time seeing it beyond selfish behavior though--in that the fear is what they may lose from that person rather than in doing for the person.


I think selfish is a strong word, and a little unfair to use in those cases. I think being selfish is more akin to when you know it will hurt someone and you disregard it for shallow, petty gains. I think when someone is afraid or insecure and you call it selfish, it's like saying that someone is selfish for being shy, but people who are shy genuinely struggle to be as forthcoming as those who are not. So if a struggle for them is trivial for you, it's a bit short sighted to pass judgements on them, after all, if it was never a struggle for you then you never had to overcome it in the same way they did, you get me?
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Posted 11/1/16
People do manipulation in all kinds of adversarial relationships.

The thing is, those things are a result of people treating each other as "just another person".

When you're married, the two of you are supposed to be one- One entity that's in it together in union.

If I try to manipulate my wife it would be like the left arm trying to manipulate the right. Now how much sense does that make.
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ClothStatue wrote:
My dad was similar to you guys, and my brother took after him growing, neither of them do it nearly as much, or at all as they used to though, maybe I just don't see my brother since he's older than me and lives on his own, and my dad has been taking testosterone blockers due to cancer treatment so I'm sure that has to do with it at least a good portion. I'm glad things are working for you and your partner, I wish you both the best, its nice when you compliment each other and also contrast in some ways ^.^


Yeah, I don't see it changing on my part. Maybe just new objects? Lol. Yeah they're workin' swell alright, gettin' a place for us to move in just next year is the plan.


Actually, that's exactly why I do it, because it makes people feel awkward. It's super hard for anyone to be stern or yell at someone when you're sitting next to them and being so intimate and welcoming. It's like yelling at a puppy. A lot of guys are such awko tacos tho, whenever they're upset and I comfort them they start welling up it's kinda cute in its own way (tho they look away so they totally don't look lame and cry). But people crave honesty and sincerity far more than they realize, we're so used to being disappointed in those ways. I'm pretty motherly at heart though, so maybe I just give off that vibe anyway to my friends in person.


Yeah, the staring thing would be disarming. I'd definitely look away myself. I'll dig my nails into the palm of my hand personally to prevent the whole crying thing--or drink from my flask. Honesty is hard to come by, loyalty even more so.

You do indeed have that motherly vibe goin' on for yah.


I think selfish is a strong word, and a little unfair to use in those cases. I think being selfish is more akin to when you know it will hurt someone and you disregard it for shallow, petty gains. I think when someone is afraid or insecure and you call it selfish, it's like saying that someone is selfish for being shy, but people who are shy genuinely struggle to be as forthcoming as those who are not. So if a struggle for them is trivial for you, it's a bit short sighted to pass judgements on them, after all, if it was never a struggle for you then you never had to overcome it in the same way they did, you get me?


It's one of those matters difficult to wrap my mind around. I my have my own strong case of anxiety disorder, but that wouldn't stop me from being honest with someone if it was to their benefit to know. I have a hard time understanding chicks that--instead of breaking up--keep things going until the other person is too worn down to continue any longer as an example. Hard to see that as anything beyond selfish and cruel. I wouldn't let my own fears prevent me--so I can't help but wonder what excuse they have? Honesty is hardly something we do for ourselves.

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Posted 11/1/16 , edited 11/1/16

Yeah, I don't see it changing on my part. Maybe just new objects? Lol. Yeah they're workin' swell alright, gettin' a place for us to move in just next year is the plan.


That's wonderful! Must be very exciting ^.^


Yeah, the staring thing would be disarming. I'd definitely look away myself. I'll dig my nails into the palm of my hand personally to prevent the whole crying thing--or drink from my flask. Honesty is hard to come by, loyalty even more so.

You do indeed have that motherly vibe goin' on for yah.


I can totally get that, I think empathy is even more rare, we treat playing nice in the US very condescendingly and as something only naive people do, and people are taken aback by basic human decency. But of course, I think it comes more easily to me too than others so I can only really speak from my experience.

I feel like I'd be suited to a job like teaching or psychology but where our passions lie don't always fit to our social nature I guess XD I wouldn't mind being a stay-at-home mom, but I feel like I'd get bored and also too dependent on my future wife.


It's one of those matters difficult to wrap my mind around. I my have my own strong case of anxiety disorder, but that wouldn't stop me from being honest with someone if it was to their benefit to know. I have a hard time understanding chicks that--instead of breaking up--keep things going until the other person is too worn down to continue any longer as an example. Hard to see that as anything beyond selfish and cruel. I wouldn't let my own fears prevent me--so I can't help but wonder what excuse they have? Honesty is hardly something we do for ourselves.


I can understand that. I'm sorry about the anxiety disorder, that really sucks. Honestly I'd be lying if I didn't get disappointed and frustrated with things like that too, but I don't try to concern myself too deeply with it. I've learned the hard way that if people don't wanna be constructive, they won't be. Like you said it might not work for you but I just try to remove my own feelings from the situation, if they try to milk me for pity at that point I politely try to explain to them that I've given all the advice I can, but if they don't take it or try it I don't know what they want me to do. I may also try to offer to help them over whatever is holding them back, but if I don't have time or the energy I just tell them I don't have time or the energy. So what I'm trying to say is, if someone is dawdling in a conflict when they know better, you or whomever else just shouldn't tolerate it.
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Posted 11/1/16

ClothStatue wrote:
That's wonderful! Must be very exciting ^.^

Hah, extremely so.


I can totally get that, I think empathy is even more rare, we treat playing nice in the US very condescendingly and as something only naive people do, and people are taken aback by basic human decency. But of course, I think it comes more easily to me too than others so I can only really speak from my experience.

I feel like I'd be suited to a job like teaching or psychology but where our passions lie don't always fit to our social nature I guess XD I wouldn't mind being a stay-at-home mom, but I feel like I'd get bored and also too dependent on my future wife.

I think people call for too much empathy--while others call for too little. I'd say one doesn't need much of it to know basic etiquette. I find that reason lends to the proper application of human empathy. Too much empathy and people find themselves demanding the equitable of what they give--which can be difficult or near impossible to grasp in large supplies and often leaves others emotionally exhausted or frustrated. Empathy is not what people lack, instead what they lack is the ability to reason the application of it. You will find that those who think their empathy has been wasted, exploited, or abused are those most cautious in applying it--not that they have less of it to offer.

Unfortunately, that being said, human irrationality is often more of your culprit--not a lack of empathy.

Social nature eh? Well, I wouldn't aim for the stay-at-home, while it can be helpful if asked for or even reasonable at times with children...it can be more difficult for the working parent to get time at home if they need to work more hours. Having the ability to acquire a decent job is at very least due to ease the burden on your partner in case of a firing, lay off, or the need to quit their job imo.


I can understand that. I'm sorry about the anxiety disorder, that really sucks. Honestly I'd be lying if I didn't get disappointed and frustrated with things like that too, but I don't try to concern myself too deeply with it. I've learned the hard way that if people don't wanna be constructive, they won't be. Like you said it might not work for you but I just try to remove my own feelings from the situation, if they try to milk me for pity at that point I politely try to explain to them that I've given all the advice I can, but if they don't take it or try it I don't know what they want me to do. I may also try to offer to help them over whatever is holding them back, but if I don't have time or the energy I just tell them I don't have time or the energy. So what I'm trying to say is, if someone is dawdling in a conflict when they know better, you or whomever else just shouldn't tolerate it.

Eh, can't remember a time in my life without it. Just how it is and I manage it.

We're not too different on that approach. I don't bother when people are like that either. There are going to be many human behaviors that remain intrinsically incomprehensible because they are, for the most part, unreasonable and only objectively explainable in some manner.


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Posted 11/1/16

I think people call for too much empathy--while others call for too little. I'd say one doesn't need much of it to know basic etiquette. I find that reason lends to the proper application of human empathy. Too much empathy and people find themselves demanding the equitable of what they give--which can be difficult or near impossible to grasp in large supplies and often leaves others emotionally exhausted or frustrated. Empathy is not what people lack, instead what they lack is the ability to reason the application of it. You will find that those who think their empathy has been wasted, exploited, or abused are those most cautious in applying it--not that they have less of it to offer.

Unfortunately, that being said, human irrationality is often more of your culprit--not a lack of empathy.

Social nature eh? Well, I wouldn't aim for the stay-at-home, while it can be helpful if asked for or even reasonable at times with children...it can be more difficult for the working parent to get time at home if they need to work more hours. Having the ability to acquire a decent job is at very least due to ease the burden on your partner in case of a firing, lay off, or the need to quit their job imo


Hmm, I feel like that strongly depends on why you give it. If you expect a return from others you'll never be happy with your results. I understand that this method is not for everyone so it may be a moot point but I try to be empathetic with others to better myself, not necessarily because I expect to get anything profound from it. But I do agree that the more people reject you the more guarded you become, and I would be lying if I am not a culprit of having too high expectations from others, especially friends, myself. So yeah I can see what you're saying. I mean I do believe that to a significant extent empathy can be a learned ability, and perhaps going hand in hand with what we're discussing people having the capacity to be empathetic is very different from actually knowing how to use it. Not that we should start having best buddies classes in our school curriculums, kinda defeats the point to force people to be empathetic, not to mention kind of creepy.

Ahahahaha I agree, I think it strongly depends on both of our fields of work, and I think if someone needing to be stay at home becomes a pressing matter, I'd want to sit down with her and try to figure out what's the best for us or our kids if we have any. But yeah I wouldn't feel comfortable not being able to fend for myself, after all if tragedy strikes and in the instance she was the bread winner, I'd have to be able to take her place. However, the most likely option for gay and lesbian couples is that we both share equal domestic duties around the house, don't have any gender roles to distinguish chores after all, from what I've read that's for the best anyway. Besides, I have my plenty of other dreams that probably wouldn't come true if I was stuck at home. Either way I have more than enough time to think about it.

on the last part (my phone isn't letting me quote it), that's too bad, but understandable. Some things just don't work for everyone, or even most of us ^.^
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Posted 11/1/16

ClothStatue wrote:
Hmm, I feel like that strongly depends on why you give it. If you expect a return from others you'll never be happy with your results. I understand that this method is not for everyone so it may be a moot point but I try to be empathetic with others to better myself, not necessarily because I expect to get anything profound from it. But I do agree that the more people reject you the more guarded you become, and I would be lying if I am not a culprit of having too high expectations from others, especially friends, myself. So yeah I can see what you're saying. I mean I do believe that to a significant extent empathy can be a learned ability, and perhaps going hand in hand with what we're discussing people having the capacity to be empathetic is very different from actually knowing how to use it. Not that we should start having best buddies classes in our school curriculums, kinda defeats the point to force people to be empathetic, not to mention kind of creepy.


It's quite the natural thing that comes with empathy--to wonder how another deign to say or incur an action that you yourself cannot begin to understand doing. A higher expectation from those more empathetic or indiscriminate in their empathy is resolved only by reason--to which you personally do by viewing it as a gift. That's quite exactly the way I see my own emotional investments, although I will say the motive differs. The application of empathy is shaped by rationality and lack there of it. Some of that irrationality is bred from evolutionary pressures--like empathizing more with children versus an adult or examples of preference due to tribalism. What you find is that you have a battle not to demand more empathy, but demand it be applied to those often dismissed--often so, irrationally. If you demand more empathy you are bound to have the hollered back--Why should I?--to which would need a reply. Tread carefully still, as often those who wish to have empathy applied to those less fortunate forget to spare it to others still.

That would be creepy. It is good to apply one's empathy capabilities, but only insofar as reason should allow it (not more or less).


ClothStatue wrote:
Ahahahaha I agree, I think it strongly depends on both of our fields of work, and I think if someone needing to be stay at home becomes a pressing matter, I'd want to sit down with her and try to figure out what's the best for us or our kids if we have any. But yeah I wouldn't feel comfortable not being able to fend for myself, after all if tragedy strikes and in the instance she was the bread winner, I'd have to be able to take her place. However, the most likely option for gay and lesbian couples is that we both share equal domestic duties around the house, don't have any gender roles to distinguish chores after all, from what I've read that's for the best anyway. Besides, I have my plenty of other dreams that probably wouldn't come true if I was stuck at home. Either way I have more than enough time to think about it.

on the last part (my phone isn't letting me quote it), that's too bad, but understandable. Some things just don't work for everyone, or even most of us ^.^


Sounds like a good plan to me. I'll probably be the breadwinner in my relationship for awhile, but the idea is for it not to be the case down the line.

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