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Post Reply Delayed feelings and Exes
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21 / F
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Posted 11/2/16

Hellhunter22 wrote:

So I've been in a few relationships now where a girl would date me and then after a few months they would get bored or things would get "complicated" and then they would break up with me. However, every time between like 1-4 months they always come back saying that they like me now way more than they did when we dated, have no idea why they broke up with me, and just really miss me in general.

This has been the fourth time this has happened to me so I'm just curious if anyone here has been in similar situations or if this is really just a common thing in general for people.



A penny for my thoughts? If possible...

Maybe you're too passive in your past relationships that they always get the feeling that you're not serious with them or you simply just sit back and make them feel insecure about your feelings for them.

Maybe you tend to neglect and not be considerate of how and what they feel about certain things. Maybe there are times they want you to say something, but you often don't and thus the increasing questions of your commitment in the relationship continues.

Do you tend to just be laid back about everything?
Do you not resolve conflicts and just let it die down?
Do you not try to communicate with them when you should?


Or maybe you just really have bad taste in women and you can't discern which are the "for-keeps" women and those who are just plain bored and tend to have shallow emotions for their partner.


That could be it or I could be wrong too.
At the end of the day, you'll be the only one to answer that.


Why not try to evaluate yourself?
The way I see it, it's already a pattern EVERY TIME you get into a relationship.


Maybe you need to change something for your next love quest in the future.
Think about it.


It's not too late.
And there's plenty of fish in the sea.
Go look for the serious ones!


(hope you're not offended by any of this. Just my opinion)
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F / many homes differ...
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Posted 11/2/16
Go grow up some more than come back and we can have this conversation your getting used..
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24 / F
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Posted 11/2/16
Its your age, most teen relationships don't last. Teens are distracted easily and want to be with anyone that they find attractive at the time.
At least from what I saw, I did not start seeing someone until I was 20 as I was not interested in those dumb teen games.

But now that your 22 they should last longer. Unless your just picking those shallow girls who are like that.
Then the problem would be the type of girls you like are the ones who aren't good to have a relationship with.
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29 / F / Chicagoland ~
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Posted 11/2/16

HolyDrumstick
She can divorce me and marry another man, and she'll be my wife, because I meant forever. No matter what happens in this life, if my wife needs me, I'm going to be there. I may life alone for the rest of my life, waiting for when my wife returns or needs me. But, I'll be faithful, not sleep with anyone else, til the day I day.

Isn't that balls crazy?


Yes, that is crazy. It's crazy and clingy and entirely unhealthy. Things can change, relationships can change, people can change, and just as much people can make mistakes. If that were ever a thing that happened, and that's a big if because I really do wish your marriage well, that's really really unhealthy and it wouldn't be good for either of you. I think it's a disgusting notion that a person thinks even after divorce that the other person is still theirs. It's controlling, clingy, and a barrage of mental awfulness.
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116 / M / USA
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Posted 11/2/16

summerbeat wrote:

what makes u think they broke up because they are bored ?
did they said that ?
or becoz u are not making enough efforts ?
The one said that and another kinda tiptoed around saying it.
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Posted 11/2/16

nemoskull wrote:

yeah, i gotta say that your choice in women suck, they are using you. your the fall back, the male version of a 3AM booty call.


I agree with the above comment
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116 / M / USA
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Posted 11/2/16

sexyblack_anime wrote:


Hellhunter22 wrote:

So I've been in a few relationships now where a girl would date me and then after a few months they would get bored or things would get "complicated" and then they would break up with me. However, every time between like 1-4 months they always come back saying that they like me now way more than they did when we dated, have no idea why they broke up with me, and just really miss me in general.

This has been the fourth time this has happened to me so I'm just curious if anyone here has been in similar situations or if this is really just a common thing in general for people.



A penny for my thoughts? If possible...

Maybe you're too passive in your past relationships that they always get the feeling that you're not serious with them or you simply just sit back and make them feel insecure about your feelings for them.

Maybe you tend to neglect and not be considerate of how and what they feel about certain things. Maybe there are times they want you to say something, but you often don't and thus the increasing questions of your commitment in the relationship continues.

Do you tend to just be laid back about everything?
Do you not resolve conflicts and just let it die down?
Do you not try to communicate with them when you should?


Or maybe you just really have bad taste in women and you can't discern which are the "for-keeps" women and those who are just plain bored and tend to have shallow emotions for their partner.


That could be it or I could be wrong too.
At the end of the day, you'll be the only one to answer that.


Why not try to evaluate yourself?
The way I see it, it's already a pattern EVERY TIME you get into a relationship.


Maybe you need to change something for your next love quest in the future.
Think about it.


It's not too late.
And there's plenty of fish in the sea.
Go look for the serious ones!


(hope you're not offended by any of this. Just my opinion)

I'm not offended at all in fact I'm grateful for your opinion but I don't think it was a lack of effort on my part. In fact they usually say I've been the best boyfriend they've ever had but the excuses differ slight but usually run along the lines of the classic "it's not you it's me." I often try and think what more I could do in situations too so it wasn't like I wasn't communicating or not trying or anything. I often try to kinda analyze the thought process tho so that why I wanted some outside opinion and stories to see if I could get some kinda clue if I'm doing something wrong or if it's just my luck at this point so thanks.
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Posted 11/2/16 , edited 11/2/16

IshokuOsero wrote:


HolyDrumstick
She can divorce me and marry another man, and she'll be my wife, because I meant forever. No matter what happens in this life, if my wife needs me, I'm going to be there. I may life alone for the rest of my life, waiting for when my wife returns or needs me. But, I'll be faithful, not sleep with anyone else, til the day I day.

Isn't that balls crazy?


Yes, that is crazy. It's crazy and clingy and entirely unhealthy. Things can change, relationships can change, people can change, and just as much people can make mistakes. If that were ever a thing that happened, and that's a big if because I really do wish your marriage well, that's really really unhealthy and it wouldn't be good for either of you. I think it's a disgusting notion that a person thinks even after divorce that the other person is still theirs. It's controlling, clingy, and a barrage of mental awfulness.


HAHAHA.

No, see you misunderstand. I'm not clingy at all to my wife. Like, my wife get's pissed because I basically always ignore her more than I should. That has absolutely nothing to do with how much I do or don't love my wife.

Also note I said "waiting." I certainly wouldn't be chasing her around. Also, just noting it, with real love, showing real love means giving space when they want it....which I did, in fact, say.

That's not the point at all. My decision on this has little to do with how much I obsess over my wife (because I actually do not).

I could have married several girls in my lifetime. It would have ended horribly, but I could have. Yet, I went 28 (almost 29) years without getting married. You know why? Because marriage is an extremely important decision. Huge. Plus, I didn't get married until after I became Christian.

And, my position on this is almost entirely about the vow I made to God. If I didn't intend on keeping the vow 'til death do us part" I would have never said them in the first place. So, she will always remain my wife. Does that mean waiting involves trying to control her? No. Or being clingy? NO. Or being stalky? NO.

It means waiting.

Hey, you're welcome to think that's balls crazy. Cause, by most people's standards, it very much is. But you missed my entire point of my life story, which was to say, I got broke so hard I can't get attached enough to a part to become clingy in the first place.

So, my entire point was "Hey, you don't have to be clingy to show love. Being clingy isn't showing love. Showing love means giving people the space they want, even if it hurts you. I can do that even while staying faithful to my wife if she was with another man."
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116 / M / USA
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Posted 11/2/16

HolyDrumstick wrote:


IshokuOsero wrote:


HolyDrumstick
She can divorce me and marry another man, and she'll be my wife, because I meant forever. No matter what happens in this life, if my wife needs me, I'm going to be there. I may life alone for the rest of my life, waiting for when my wife returns or needs me. But, I'll be faithful, not sleep with anyone else, til the day I day.

Isn't that balls crazy?


Yes, that is crazy. It's crazy and clingy and entirely unhealthy. Things can change, relationships can change, people can change, and just as much people can make mistakes. If that were ever a thing that happened, and that's a big if because I really do wish your marriage well, that's really really unhealthy and it wouldn't be good for either of you. I think it's a disgusting notion that a person thinks even after divorce that the other person is still theirs. It's controlling, clingy, and a barrage of mental awfulness.


HAHAHA.

No, see you misunderstand. I'm not clingy at all to my wife. Like, my wife get's pissed because I basically always ignore her more than I should. That has absolutely nothing to do with how much I do or don't love my wife.

Also note I said "waiting." I certainly wouldn't be chasing her around. Also, just noting it, with real love, showing real love means giving space when they want it....which I did, in fact, say.

That's not the point at all. My decision on this has little to do with how much I obsess over my wife (because I actually do not).

I could have married several girls in my lifetime. It would have ended horribly, but I could have. Yet, I went 28 (almost 29) years without getting married. You know why? Because marriage is an extremely important decision. Huge. Plus, I didn't get married until after I became Christian.

And, my position on this is almost entirely about the vow I made to God. If I didn't intend on keeping the vow 'til death do us part" I would have never said them in the first place. So, she will always remain my wife. Does that mean waiting involves trying to control her? No. Or being clingy? NO. Or being stalky? NO.

It means waiting.

Hey, you're welcome to think that's balls crazy. Cause, by most people's standards, it very much is. But you missed my entire point of my life story, which was to say, I got broke so hard I can't get attached enough to a part to become clingy in the first place.

So, my entire point was "Hey, you don't have to be clingy to show love. Being clingy isn't showing love. Showing love means giving people the space they want, even if it hurts you. I can do that even while saying faithful to my wife if she was with another man."


Yes and no kind of. I've had similar situations with girls and had similar thoughts and everything. However, I've learned to try and at least attempt to be strong even if it means faking it a bit and just letting that feeling go. Honestly it was really the first one I just fell for hard and she was probably the hardest to really let go but after a while it just kinda happened when I started dating other people but then they all started doing the same crap so I'm just trying to analyze it. I understand your perspective on things though. I personally wouldn't have that outlook and I wouldn't say it's the healthiest but at the end of the day if it gets you through the day and you're happy that's all that matters.

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Posted 11/2/16

Hellhunter22 wrote:


Yes and no kind of. I've had similar situations with girls and had similar thoughts and everything. However, I've learned to try and at least attempt to be strong even if it means faking it a bit and just letting that feeling go. Honestly it was really the first one I just fell for hard and she was probably the hardest to really let go but after a while it just kinda happened when I started dating other people but then they all started doing the same crap so I'm just trying to analyze it. I understand your perspective on things though. I personally wouldn't have that outlook and I wouldn't say it's the healthiest but at the end of the day if it gets you through the day and you're happy that's all that matters.



You're still missing the point.

If we were "just dating" and we broke up, no matter how much I love my wife, and I DO, I'd move on with my life and date again.

We're married. It's entirely about the fact that I MARRIED her. I made a vow to God.

It isn't about my happiness, or anything like that. It is entirely about the fact that I made a vow I intend on keeping.

Even if keeping that vow means I'm a celibate man, just doing my own thing for the rest of my life. I know a man who does it. He actually rarely even talks to his wife, and thinks she's crazy. BUT, because he made that vow, in the ten years they been separated, he hasn't dated anyone. He builds project cars and lives like a bachelor in every way except for dating and sleeping with other women.

Is it an easy thing to do? No. But, I made a vow to God, and that means something to me.
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116 / M / USA
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Posted 11/2/16


Ahhhh I gotcha. So it's more of a spiritual/religious thing. Just keeping to your faith and values.
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Posted 11/2/16

Hellhunter22 wrote:

Ahhhh I gotcha. So it's more of a spiritual/religious thing. Just keeping to your faith and values.


Absolutely. Because I knew the gravity of my vow to God when I made it, ya know.

Not that I'm judging anyone else who gets remarried. That's none of my business.

It's just something I would need to do to feel right about it.

And, I'd probably slip, at some point. But, hey, we're all sinners, just trying to do our best. That's why it's awesome to have a forgiving God.
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8500 / F / Apollo...
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Posted 11/2/16
Yes. This has happened, and still happens to this day. The other parties I've dumped on my own accord do not leave me alone. Their stupid reasonings are along the lines of "I couldn't find a replacement". Totally not my fault. I must've had some sort of mojo back then, because it's been YEARS, and I'm still being chased.

I'd say don't go back to it. There's no point in living the past if you've got a whole future ahead of you to go through.
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30 / M / PlayStation VR
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Posted 11/2/16
Son, it sounds like you've been in crappy relationships. I hope you haven't taken anybody up on the whole "coming back" thing.
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17 / F
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Posted 11/3/16

HolyDrumstick wrote:

I will say this: I ran a SHIT-TON of women off, who never, ever wanted to come back.

I was clingy as hell. Though, I did have this one girl who was so stalky she tried to say i impregnated her during a time when I was out of the country for 7 months.

Anywho, I just wanted a relationship too damned bad.

Then, I got into my first real falling in love. It was fucking amazing. Then is was pretty f-ing good. Then we both started controlling each other. Then I found out she'd fucked a bunch of other dudes and that she 'wasn't leaving me for the man" she married a year later.

And you know what? I fucked me up. Hard. Like downward spiral (wasn't just her, I had other shit go on, too. My rebound girl cheated with her first cousin. The next rebound girl killed herself, and left a note blaming me). Basically, it sent me into my darkest period in my entire life. And I became alone. Very alone, for years.

If I'm being honest, I I was almost Howard Hughes reclusive, and actually did many things Howard Hughes did in his final years.

I hit rock bottom. Accidentally overdosed on methadone. That's suck, by the way. Also, your heart can technically stop while you're still semi-conscious. Look it up. From my experience, it is one of the worst things in the world.... Having blood drawn from an artery in my wrist so they could tell if my blood still have enough oxygen (I think) because I stopped breathing for a bit. Long story short, drugs are bad, M'kay. Worst part was the week after when I was so fucking off I thought'd permanently caused brain damage.

And, bringing this full circle.... all of those things were the best experiences in my life, because they made me a better person. When you fall, the farther you fall, the higher you rise when you climb back out.

So, after I DID climb out of that shit... I met my amazing wife, and guess what? I'm not clingy. I never have been. I treat her the best I can, give her what she needs, even if that's space. So, knowing I'm doing my best, if I lose her to another person, it means nothing about the person I am, and I'm not at fault. I will move on.

That being said, she's my wife, and if she made a mistake and cheated on me, I'd forgive her. Though, it may be hard. She's my wife. She can divorce me and marry another man, and she'll be my wife, because I meant forever. No matter what happens in this life, if my wife needs me, I'm going to be there. I may life alone for the rest of my life, waiting for when my wife returns or needs me. But, I'll be faithful, not sleep with anyone else, til the day I day.

Isn't that balls crazy?


This really gave me hope. You're brave to share such a story. Thank you, and I'm happy for you that you found your wife
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