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Post Reply Manipulation in Relationships
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25 / M / USA
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Posted 11/3/16
For those of you in a romantic relationship or have had one previously: What does your partner say or do that may leave you feeling, at least somewhat, manipulated?

It does not have to be intentional on their part (Ex. Crying).

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Posted 11/3/16
"if you leave I'll kill myself"
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25 / M / USA
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Posted 11/3/16

HateKillingCamels wrote:

"if you leave I'll kill myself"


Unfortunately, that's a very common one. Even I've run across that a couple times.
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Posted 11/3/16 , edited 11/3/16

PrinceJudar wrote:

Unfortunately, that's a very common one. Even I've run across that a couple times.


It's a really shitty thing to do, and in itself makes me want out more, but I can't.
So pretty successful manipulation :^)
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25 / M / USA
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Posted 11/3/16 , edited 11/3/16

HateKillingCamels wrote:

It's a really shitty thing to do, and in itself makes me want out more, but I can't.
So pretty successful manipulation :^)


It very much is. I got really apathetic around suicide threats due to my own experiences with it. I wouldn't say you can't though, just that you have to realize the burden isn't on you. Of course, that's always easier said than done. I find myself very pissed off when someone uses that card.

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Posted 11/3/16 , edited 11/3/16
Oh wow. It's been years since I was in the relationship in which this happened but this ex of mine didn't like me going out without him. So he'd get kind of whiny and annoying saying how much he wanted me to stay home and wanted to spend more time with me. I'd often counter that he was welcome to join me and every once in while he'd do that.

But when he did, he'd spend all the time we were out giving off such a general vibe of not having a good time that it was a misery to be there with him. Intentional or not, that was pretty much a way of manipulating me to not go out (except when he could choose the venue.)

What it did instead was convince me to go places alone and not ask him to join me. And when he put up too much of a fuss about that, to eventually leave him for good.

He used to also call me at work (where I had no privacy) to harangue me about personal things, since I'd have to behave professionally and it would be inappropriate for me to argue or say personal things back.
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Posted 11/3/16

lorreen wrote:

Oh wow. It's been years since I was in the relationship in which this happened but this ex of mine didn't like me going out without him. So he'd get kind of whiny and annoying saying how much he wanted me to stay home and wanted to spend more time with me. I'd often counter that he was welcome to join me and every once in while he'd do that.

But when he did, he'd spend all the time we were out giving off such a general vibe of not having a good time that it was a misery to be there with him. Intentional or not, that was pretty much a way of manipulating me to not go out (except when he could choose the venue.)

What it did instead was convince me to go places alone and not ask him to join me. And when he put up too much of a fuss about that, to eventually leave him for good.

He used to also call me at work (where I had no privacy) to harangue me about personal things, since I'd have to behave professionally and it would be inappropriate for me to argue or say personal things back.


Sounds like the guy had a lot of insecurity issues. Couldn't handle criticism, arguments--wanted to 'not be alone' rather than 'with you'. I have my own insecurities, so I can't say I don't have a bit of that. Sounds like he just needs more of a reclusive kind of girl...that or more independence of his own.


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Posted 11/3/16

HateKillingCamels wrote:

"if you leave I'll kill myself"


Saying that wouldn't stop me from leaving someone in fact I'd make a faster exit! I generally want everyone to be okay but I will not be held responsible for someone's own actions of self harm. It would kill me to stay.
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24 / M / Abyss
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Posted 11/3/16
"I don't like how you joke around with your friends, it is crude, so stop."

I shouldn't have listened. I lost a good friend after I started changing how I acted with them.

RIP Puss, you will be missed.

He showed me a picture of him washing his cat, so yea, nicknames were puss, wet puss, angry puss etc. Never seen a cat look so angry.
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Posted 11/3/16
Hmm is it really manipulation if it's not intentional though? I would think it's just kinda like crappy circumstances and the partner feeling like they're between a rock and a hard place.
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19 / M / Temple of Yaoiism
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Posted 11/3/16

HateKillingCamels wrote:

"if you leave I'll kill myself"


Eh, just leave them without being harsh about why you're breaking up with them.

99% of the time they won't follow through, but if they do it's not really your fault because you would have to break up with them sooner or later. A relationship based on manipulation will either end in a breakup or the manipulated person being a slave to the other person.

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Posted 11/3/16

ClothStatue wrote:

Hmm is it really manipulation if it's not intentional though? I would think it's just kinda like crappy circumstances and the partner feeling like they're between a rock and a hard place.


Feeling manipulated and being manipulated are two different things I'd say.

There's a lot of negative behaviors that people don't directly intend to be manipulative--but often leave their partner feelings that way. For example, the motive of your common controlling stereotype does not often set out to control, but rather to relieve their own distress.
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Posted 11/3/16

Feeling manipulated and being manipulated are two different things I'd say.

There's a lot of negative behaviors that people don't directly intend to be manipulative--but often leave their partner feelings that way. For example, the motive of your common controlling stereotype does not often set out to control, but rather to relieve their own distress.


mm I can see that, in those cases I'd recommend trying to get the person to go to a therapist, though that's easier said than done.
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20 / M / Sweden
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Posted 11/3/16
"I'll kill myself if you leave"
"I refuse to accept that you want to break up and will try to always get you to change your mind"

Then the worst one.... Threaten to upload your phone number online so you won't be able to live without getting a bunch of spam calls, trust me it happened to me and it's the worst!
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23 / M / Des Moines, Iowa
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Posted 11/3/16
well my ex

she played this korean beat game smtown or something

I would offer her points for..
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