First  Prev  1  2  3  Next  Last
Post Reply After getting rejected, stays friend?
3088 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
30 / M
Offline
Posted 27 days ago , edited 27 days ago
My idea is to not burn the bridge, got to keep the forest going you know, but I suppose I do get jealous if I do see her with someone else. Suggestions needed
19516 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / NYC Metro Area
Offline
Posted 27 days ago , edited 27 days ago
Hmm, depends how long did you date, and how serious were you.

I tried this with an ex for a while, it drove me crazy for the reason you mentioned (although was in denial for a very, very long time) and recently I was upfront and honest about how I needed to break off contact in order to move on with my life because it was making me miserable. Sure it sounds awful, but at the end of the day if you are in an unhealthy situation you aren't doing anyone any good.

Try to stay friends if you want, but reduce contact immediately since you need sometime to yourself to think about the next step in your life and to be able to move on. Avoid looking/following her social media page, that is key if you want to have a chance to actually stay friends. If after a decent amount of time she starts dating other people and you can't get over it either fade away or if you feel that you owe her an explanation be honest about how you feel and that you appreciated the time you spent together, but that you need to go your separate ways and never ever look back.

I know from experience that since doing this that I have finally been able to emotionally move on, escape on and off depression and spend more time pursuing new hobbies.

Wish you the best of luck with everything.



22120 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
20 / F
Offline
Posted 27 days ago
Give yourself some space. It's not burning down the bridge if you mean to come back to it but if you feel it'll be too hard to see someone else with her then you need space, especially if you've been pining for a while. Sometimes that means a long time, but trust me, it never ever works out to try and stay nice and cozy right afterwards. It's okay for things to be awkward, but you need to give yourself time, learn to live away from them. Every time I see people trying to go back to how it was immediately after it ends ugly, but when people take some time and come back, it's always much more stable and friendly.

If you do take my advice, make sure to explain what you're doing calmly and inoffensively to her, that you just need some space to let your feelings fade so you can enjoy your friendship without those awkward lingering pangs and emotions. She should understand, if she asks for a time stamp just tell her as long as you need, cause that should be the truth.

I'm sorry you were rejected, but I hope you'll find a great partner soon and you'll put it all behind you ^.^
1194 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25
Offline
Posted 27 days ago
I know that everything is different for everyone but I've had two very similar but distinctly different things happen to be before. One was with someone whom I dated for about a week before they left and found out they were dating someone else. That ruined our relationship and while I was civil I never hung out with them from that point on as a friend. Another time I got rejected (though much softer as I was hinting at it and they let it down easy) but dated someone very shortly after and we are still friends.

I think the difference was I wasn't that interested in being friends with the first one so I had not reason to stay friends. The second one I did genuinely like as a friends. If you continue to have feelings for a person in "that way" and it hurts to see them with someone else then don't hang around them as a friend till you stop feeling that way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying "I like you in a different way than you like me and I just feel awkward with our current relationship".

Just don't ever make yourself out to be an ass and don't resent people for rejections.
3088 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
30 / M
Offline
Posted 27 days ago

kevz_210 wrote:

Hmm, depends how long did you date, and how serious were you.

I tried this with an ex for a while, it drove me crazy for the reason you mentioned (although was in denial for a very, very long time) and recently I was upfront and honest about how I needed to break off contact in order to move on with my life because it was making me miserable. Sure it sounds awful, but at the end of the day if you are in an unhealthy situation you aren't doing anyone any good.

Try to stay friends if you want, but reduce contact immediately since you need sometime to yourself to think about the next step in your life and to be able to move on. Avoid looking/following her social media page, that is key if you want to have a chance to actually stay friends. If after a decent amount of time she starts dating other people and you can't get over it either fade away or if you feel that you owe her an explanation be honest about how you feel and that you appreciated the time you spent together, but that you need to go your separate ways and never ever look back.

I know from experience that since doing this that I have finally been able to emotionally move on, escape on and off depression and spend more time pursuing new hobbies.

Wish you the best of luck with everything.





Right I get your idea, I never did block anyone since I am indecisive and annoying and insecure, but I agree with you
22120 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
20 / F
Offline
Posted 27 days ago

fredreload wrote:


kevz_210 wrote:

Hmm, depends how long did you date, and how serious were you.

I tried this with an ex for a while, it drove me crazy for the reason you mentioned (although was in denial for a very, very long time) and recently I was upfront and honest about how I needed to break off contact in order to move on with my life because it was making me miserable. Sure it sounds awful, but at the end of the day if you are in an unhealthy situation you aren't doing anyone any good.

Try to stay friends if you want, but reduce contact immediately since you need sometime to yourself to think about the next step in your life and to be able to move on. Avoid looking/following her social media page, that is key if you want to have a chance to actually stay friends. If after a decent amount of time she starts dating other people and you can't get over it either fade away or if you feel that you owe her an explanation be honest about how you feel and that you appreciated the time you spent together, but that you need to go your separate ways and never ever look back.

I know from experience that since doing this that I have finally been able to emotionally move on, escape on and off depression and spend more time pursuing new hobbies.

Wish you the best of luck with everything.





Right I get your idea, I never did block anyone since I am indecisive and annoying and insecure, but I agree with you


On social media if you want, I usually just look for the unfollow option when I'm avoiding people for whatever reason, not the block button. Doesn't ring any bells and they can still always contact you so you're still on good terms but it makes sure you don't end up seeing anything you don't want to.
1194 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25
Offline
Posted 27 days ago

fredreload wrote:


Yorutenchi wrote:

I know that everything is different for everyone but I've had two very similar but distinctly different things happen to be before. One was with someone whom I dated for about a week before they left and found out they were dating someone else. That ruined our relationship and while I was civil I never hung out with them from that point on as a friend. Another time I got rejected (though much softer as I was hinting at it and they let it down easy) but dated someone very shortly after and we are still friends.

I think the difference was I wasn't that interested in being friends with the first one so I had not reason to stay friends. The second one I did genuinely like as a friends. If you continue to have feelings for a person in "that way" and it hurts to see them with someone else then don't hang around them as a friend till you stop feeling that way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying "I like you in a different way than you like me and I just feel awkward with our current relationship".

Just don't ever make yourself out to be an ass and don't resent people for rejections.


Right I've been called ass, it's my subconscious at work, I tried to hide my anger away (Samurai Deeper Kyo?), anyway it didn't work lol, and I'm still an ass = =, forgive me


I'm a bit abrasive which comes off as an ass but that isn't what I meant. There is a fundamental difference between being an ass and making an ass of yourself. Being an ass is like being cheeky (haha booty puns) but making an ass of yourself is where you get wrapped up in emotions do something petty or embarrassing.
Being an ass "Whatever you're loss you weren't hot anyway."
Making an ass of yourself "Fuck you and fuck your life and you're a bitch" or the opposite spectrum is trying to hard to still win them over after a rejection.

Either way best of luck and never think less of yourself.
3088 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
30 / M
Offline
Posted 27 days ago , edited 27 days ago

Yorutenchi wrote:


fredreload wrote:


Yorutenchi wrote:

I know that everything is different for everyone but I've had two very similar but distinctly different things happen to be before. One was with someone whom I dated for about a week before they left and found out they were dating someone else. That ruined our relationship and while I was civil I never hung out with them from that point on as a friend. Another time I got rejected (though much softer as I was hinting at it and they let it down easy) but dated someone very shortly after and we are still friends.

I think the difference was I wasn't that interested in being friends with the first one so I had not reason to stay friends. The second one I did genuinely like as a friends. If you continue to have feelings for a person in "that way" and it hurts to see them with someone else then don't hang around them as a friend till you stop feeling that way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying "I like you in a different way than you like me and I just feel awkward with our current relationship".

Just don't ever make yourself out to be an ass and don't resent people for rejections.


Right I've been called ass, it's my subconscious at work, I tried to hide my anger away (Samurai Deeper Kyo?), anyway it didn't work lol, and I'm still an ass = =, forgive me


I'm a bit abrasive which comes off as an ass but that isn't what I meant. There is a fundamental difference between being an ass and making an ass of yourself. Being an ass is like being cheeky (haha booty puns) but making an ass of yourself is where you get wrapped up in emotions do something petty or embarrassing.
Being an ass "Whatever you're loss you weren't hot anyway."
Making an ass of yourself "Fuck you and fuck your life and you're a bitch" or the opposite spectrum is trying to hard to still win them over after a rejection.

Either way best of luck and never think less of yourself.


Well if the girl did reject me, I call going for other girls a safe deal, maybe not right away I suppose
19516 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / NYC Metro Area
Offline
Posted 27 days ago

ClothStatue wrote:


fredreload wrote:


kevz_210 wrote:

Hmm, depends how long did you date, and how serious were you.

I tried this with an ex for a while, it drove me crazy for the reason you mentioned (although was in denial for a very, very long time) and recently I was upfront and honest about how I needed to break off contact in order to move on with my life because it was making me miserable. Sure it sounds awful, but at the end of the day if you are in an unhealthy situation you aren't doing anyone any good.

Try to stay friends if you want, but reduce contact immediately since you need sometime to yourself to think about the next step in your life and to be able to move on. Avoid looking/following her social media page, that is key if you want to have a chance to actually stay friends. If after a decent amount of time she starts dating other people and you can't get over it either fade away or if you feel that you owe her an explanation be honest about how you feel and that you appreciated the time you spent together, but that you need to go your separate ways and never ever look back.

I know from experience that since doing this that I have finally been able to emotionally move on, escape on and off depression and spend more time pursuing new hobbies.

Wish you the best of luck with everything.





Right I get your idea, I never did block anyone since I am indecisive and annoying and insecure, but I agree with you


On social media if you want, I usually just look for the unfollow option when I'm avoiding people for whatever reason, not the block button. Doesn't ring any bells and they can still always contact you so you're still on good terms but it makes sure you don't end up seeing anything you don't want to.


Exactly!
35110 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
24 / Undisclosed
Offline
Posted 27 days ago
Move on as best you can, it sucks but taking risks is part of life. It might take a while but you will get over it. Don't spend too much time around her because you have better things to do. If you do see her with someone else don't let it bother you. Don't be upset or happy or anything. They're just like any other couple, they don't matter to you. Go out there and try again.
168680 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
F / Antique bookshop
Offline
Posted 27 days ago
hmmmm i have double standards.
for myself , i won't stay frd with the person who reject me.
or it might be toooooooo awkward to stay as frds right ?
but if i am the one who is rejecting ,i will definitely already have friendzone him, he is the one who is escaping from the friendzone area.
First  Prev  1  2  3  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.