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Post Reply How do you deal with the hardship of getting rid of a friend you've known for a long time?
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16 / F
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Posted 15 days ago
For this topic I'd like to ask if people could keep the "What friends? I don't have any friends" or similar responses out of this thread as I'd like to just be serious about this however do as you will. Anyways... how do you deal with the hardship of getting rid of a friend you've known for a long time? Someone whom you use to have fun with until that friendship came to an end? What did you do to deal with the friendship ending? How did you cope? Were you sad? Did you feel indifferent about it? Did you just part happily?

I'm currently dealing with this and not exactly coping well as I feel as if it was a bad choice to do this but also at the same time it was a good choice for me. I'm just very horrible with coping with it I suppose? I'm very interested in seeing people's answer to this question.

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21 / M / TN
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Posted 15 days ago
This happened to me a few months ago actually, I dont tend to make close friends very often, i like to keep my distance but met someone online, we talked pretty much everyday, after about 2 years one day he decided he that he didn't like me and cut off all ties, I must have made him mad somehow, but haven't been able to get back in touch with him. It pretty much put me into a deep depression for a while, feels very lonely and the way he left.

it was really hard but after a while, looked around and saw other friends i have and appreciated them much more bc you never know what might happen. I hope everything goes well for you though. Just try to make small talk with other people too I suppose, you wouldn't believe how far something like that goes. Helps with coping atleast.
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17 / M / The Bay
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Posted 15 days ago
I would like to give advice but, whether it was friends or family that I've lost contact with I've always felt indifferent. I'm not sure why but I've always harbored the belief that losing one person that isn't with me 24/7 won't affect me much. Even my cousin, I literally stopped talking to him for over a year and avoided going to his house because of choices he made, it doesn't bother me in the slightest either. Even if I was just abandoned without a reason, I usually don't care because I wouldn't want to deal with a person that treats me like that anyways.

If anything, just try to look at the reasons why you chose to drop contact, if you can see why then you can move on with a clear mind.
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Posted 15 days ago
Can't say I've really ever had that problem, however as a kid my fathers work required him to move around the U.S. ever year or so. After awhile of making friend then moving without fail I just kinda gave up on trying to make friend. Finally when we got a stable place.. well I kinda forgot how to make friends. I got use to not talking to people, I had a few friends here and there but I never tried to build a relationship or friendship for better words. They where mainly school friends (in the sense we seen each other daily there for we where friends).

During my late teens I went threw a rebellious phase and I meet a lot of people. Friends would slowly introduce me to their friends and I kinda sorta built up a network of friends. Felt nice to be honest, was never the popular type in school however tried to stick out. It was always much easier to blend in, I've always had this ability I guess you would call it.. virtually everyone I knew thought I was "a prick".

I'm the type who values loyalty above all else, I prefer reliability as I like to get to know people and generally have a good sense of who a person is. The secret is when you meet someone just assume they are the exact opposite of how they try and portray themselves. All my friends parents loved me, I mean all of them... I couldn't tell you how many peoples mother would tell me how much they like more vs their other friends and how they can't stand their friends and that we (their son/daughter) should hang out and I would just smile and say "no no I understand" and the whole time I would just think I'm probably the worst person they know.

I had this one friend in particular, the kid always reminded me of myself. I slowly became a friend with him over a period of time. I would buy him food every now and then and give him cigarettes. The guy was from a fairly poor family so I guess I kinda bought his friendship. We started partying together and our friendship grew to the point where we considered each other family. Over the time we had been threw some stuff I trusted him and he trusted me. One day I meet this girl he had been seeing at work for a few months. Completely caught me off guard as I never heard him mention her once but I was like what ever lol he just keeps that personal. Anyways the girl knew all about me.

Long story ... well long I guess
He started getting shady, accusing me of stealing from him a few times. I noticed a few things come up missing and I started losing trust in the guy. We where room mates at this point and not even a month into it him and his girl friend both lost their jobs and I was stuck paying all the bills. It wasn't the money that bothered me it was the fact I felt like I was slowly losing a friend. Before this we had always had each others back regardless of what it was.. and there was some stuff.. I started questioning where my life was going at that point and realized there was only a few directions which none of them I really liked so one day I got a taxi after work bought a bus ticket and moved away. I've seen the dude a few times after that him mainly wanting this or that or some help and I would help him and point him to the nearest exit.

I sat in jail for a good bit just to help him out and he was no longer there to help me so I'm no longer going out of my way to help him.
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23 / M / Abyss
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Posted 15 days ago
Generally, while not healthy... I treat that friend with great disdain at first. Later complete lack of non-chalance.

In other words, I dislike them greatly for a month or two, then no longer give a flying fuck about them.

Works well enough!
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30 / M
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Posted 15 days ago
You can behave like the main character from the one week friend anime, but... don't do it too many time
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20 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
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Posted 15 days ago , edited 15 days ago
generally don't get rid of friends unless they deserve to be rid of and have hurt you c:

But generally tell them why you don't want to be friends anymore and then stop being friends then try to look on towards tommorow with a smile.

Just don't leave without saying a thing because that's a dick move because it will make the person question it forever.
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Posted 15 days ago , edited 15 days ago
I had to let me 'best friend' go a couple months back
He kept harassing me, almost borderline obsessed with me.
He acted as if me and him were dating and I just had enough
In all honesty he was a close friend but him acting he way that the did and he also wanted me to move to his state so we could live together, I just couldn't deal with it.
I just stopped talking to him. Games, anime and other friends helped me thorough it all. This was also a month after my break up with my ex so my heart was already hurting and when I had to let him go my heart was just a sliver of what was left.
Humms 
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24 / M / CAN, ON
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Posted 15 days ago
It must be soo hard being under the age of 20.

I honestly don't know how people can do it. The amount of hardship
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20 / F / Sweden
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Posted 15 days ago
Well if i don't want them as friends there's a reason so there, easypeasy
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30 / M
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Posted 15 days ago , edited 15 days ago
And, if you can't find someone to comfort you, remember you got us
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Posted 15 days ago
What friend? I don't have... Ahhhh fuck.

As with everything else, you just get over it over time. People come and go.
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16 / F
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Posted 15 days ago

Humms wrote:

It must be soo hard being under the age of 20.

I honestly don't know how people can do it. The amount of hardship


Maybe instead of being so condescending you can provide actual advice...

Come on, educate us with that oh so powerful 4 years of knowledge
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42 / M
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Posted 15 days ago
It's quite easy. Just turn that crap off like a light switch. Turn your back on them, ignore them like I do until they start to hate you for it. Go on about your life as if they never existed. I don't see why people get so hung up over this. Just be a robot for a while and eventually it will just come naturally to you. And for the record: I don't have any friends but I used to and I cut them all loose like driftwood in the sea. Most I cut off when I cut all ties to drugs while others I just wasn't in any shape to deal with and as time went by I decided just to leave that whole era behind me including everyone in it. It's not too hard to turn off one's emotions if you have enough practice. All you have to do is die a little on the inside and then next time you can die a little more until eventually you realized you've lost too much and you really are a zombie now. Then you can either stay emotionally dead or claw your way back out of hell and try to relearn how to be a human again and how to have friends...........................or

you can talk to your ex-friend and find a way to part on good terms even if the reason your parting is because of bad things. It's hard if not impossible to erase good memories. They don't want to be erased and if you successfully do kick them to the back of your mind then one day they'll come rearing back and it will hurt like hell, especially after all those years of pretending to have no emotions. To have them all come back at once when you're not used to dealing with them is no easy thing. I would talk to this person and be cordial. Explain to them that A. You love them because they're your friend but B. You can no longer hang out or be friends right now because of C. and that it would probably be best to just not hang out anymore. Treat it like a normal breakup and give yourself some closure. I would think that all those years of closeness and good memories deserve that at least.

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22 / M / strangereal
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Posted 15 days ago , edited 15 days ago
Well I feel pretty terrible for doing what I did but I suppose I don't regret it. I couldn't handle being around this person anymore. Everything he talked about was one sided and everytime he wanted advice he would repeat the same thing for years. I saw he eventually had friends elsewhere and I felt it was opportune for me to go and just not talk anymore. I regret that there isn't a bit of closure but I had to do it I was just tired of it for years of things I just couldn't stand. So I guess I feel pretty sad about but I felt I had to do it so I wasn't entirely sad. Could've ended on a better note but still I guess there was a bit of relief.

I guess similiarly, someone else let me go and we had quite a long and close relationship I find. We were never together but we were sort of affectionate. Eventually years and years, we both didn't know what our relationship was like for the other maybe? At least I didn't know but I don't feel sad that she let me go or gone and left. I felt I put through a lot of trouble and she put up with me for quite a bit when I was younger. I still regard her as a good friend and while I do feel sad. I saw why she left me and I hope she's doing well either way.

I do feel sad thinking about all these things and wish I could've done it better. But I can't change that and I feel I'm better for it at least. I guess currently I'm very fortunate to meeting this one friend that just seemed like a dream years ago. We've been close for a very long time and I love her. But I don't want to bother anyone since I do kind of talk about her frequently on posts well when I do anyway.

In time I hope you don't regret making the desiscion and feel better for it.
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