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Post Reply How do you deal with the hardship of getting rid of a friend you've known for a long time?
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Posted 13 days ago , edited 13 days ago
You learn to live with it over time. Just keep reminding yourself of the good reasons for ending the friendship.

I don't have a lot of experience with this, as I think I've only once deliberately and directly ended a friendship. Mostly I'm just not great at keeping in touch with people--and if they aren't either, the active part of the friendship just fades away with no hard feelings.

The one time I did make a deliberate decision to have a friend no longer be part of my life was directly tied to the effect her mental illness was having on me. I first tried to find support groups in my area to help me cope and still keep her as a friend, but I didn't find that kind of support and eventually it just became too difficult for me to deal with the disappointments and frustrations her illness-related actions were having on me directly. I wanted to be able to take it in stride, and I tried, but over time I just had to admit to myself that even though it wasn't really her fault, and she was probably going through more difficulties than I could imagine, it was causing me harm and I needed to cut off contact.

So I did. It made me sad; I felt a little selfish and guilty, but I lived with it. And now it's been so very long, so very many years, that I don't even think about it unless a question like yours brings it to mind.
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Posted 13 days ago

Allie_cat418 wrote:


Humms wrote:

It must be soo hard being under the age of 20.

I honestly don't know how people can do it. The amount of hardship


Maybe instead of being so condescending you can provide actual advice...

Come on, educate us with that oh so powerful 4 years of knowledge



You want advice?

OK.... ok, you specifically asked for advice. I'll give you fucking advice.

So back when I was in high school I had long time friends. Then they started doing cocaine until they put holes in their nostrils, dropping acid, popping pills, watching my brother destroy his life, getting into debt, being with the wrong group of people, watching as every single one of my friends become the very thing I hate most in this world.

So guess what? I don't have any friends except for the ones I choose. I can drop anyone like a fucking book without hesitation, because I have seen the worst, I have seen addiction, useless waste of life. If you want to be my friend, just be straight up and honest with me, or I have no problem letting go of you in a heart beat.

Condescending? Good, because most of these people on here complaining about friends have no fucking clue how bad it can get. They bitch and cry about the most idiotic things that it makes me laugh.

So there is your advice my friend. You learn, or you become a fucking table that everyone uses. I don't care if those people I called friends end up in a ditch dead. There is a big world out there, and there are soo many people waiting to earn your trust.
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Posted 13 days ago

Humms wrote:


Allie_cat418 wrote:


Humms wrote:

It must be soo hard being under the age of 20.

I honestly don't know how people can do it. The amount of hardship


Maybe instead of being so condescending you can provide actual advice...

Come on, educate us with that oh so powerful 4 years of knowledge



You want advice?

OK.... ok, you specifically asked for advice. I'll give you fucking advice.

So back when I was in high school I had long time friends. Then they started doing cocaine until they put holes in their nostrils, dropping acid, popping pills, watching my brother destroy his life, getting into debt, being with the wrong group of people, watching as every single one of my friends become the very thing I hate most in this world.

So guess what? I don't have any friends except for the ones I choose. I can drop anyone like a fucking book without hesitation, because I have seen the worst, I have seen addiction, useless waste of life. If you want to be my friend, just be straight up and honest with me, or I have no problem letting go of you in a heart beat.

Condescending? Good, because most of these people on here complaining about friends have no fucking clue how bad it can get. They bitch and cry about the most idiotic things that it makes me laugh.

So there is your advice my friend. You learn, or you become a fucking table that everyone uses. I don't care if those people I called friends end up in a ditch dead. There is a big world out there, and there are soo many people waiting to earn your trust.


Considering the hardships that you've gone through, you really shouldn't make it seem like what others have had to go through are less than what they are based solely off of their age. Now, that might not be what you intended but it certainly came across that way. For 16 years I've had my fair share too- but I digress. Have a good day.
Posted 13 days ago
plainspeak. its just easier. but people tend to take it the wrong way and assume you're yelling or being condescending or what not.

I've only had to do this a handful of times in my life, but each one was a case by case basis on what was the best course of action for that particular case.

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Posted 13 days ago

unblockedbridge wrote:

This happened to me a few months ago actually, I dont tend to make close friends very often, i like to keep my distance but met someone online, we talked pretty much everyday, after about 2 years one day he decided he that he didn't like me and cut off all ties, I must have made him mad somehow, but haven't been able to get back in touch with him. It pretty much put me into a deep depression for a while, feels very lonely and the way he left.

it was really hard but after a while, looked around and saw other friends i have and appreciated them much more bc you never know what might happen. I hope everything goes well for you though. Just try to make small talk with other people too I suppose, you wouldn't believe how far something like that goes. Helps with coping atleast.


SAME
Humms 
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Posted 13 days ago , edited 13 days ago

Allie_cat418 wrote:

Considering the hardships that you've gone through, you really shouldn't make it seem like what others have had to go through are less than what they are based solely off of their age. Now, that might not be what you intended but it certainly came across that way. For 16 years I've had my fair share too- but I digress. Have a good day.




Changed your tune pretty quick. Life isn't rainbows and sunshine, only if you yourself choose to see it that way.
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Posted 13 days ago
Going through a similar thing. A mate of mine, we grew up on the same street. We never went to the same schools but we were friends for a bit as little kids, then became friends again when we were like 14.
I had my own group of friends, where as my mate more so had his brothers friends and he pretty much became a part of my group of friends and ended up going to school with some of them.

We were like best friends for a period, he became part of my group and we been friends for over 20 years. But these days, and for some time, its just not the same.
We're grown men now and this person still wants to talk all the time and hang all the time. He dose not work and has not not worked much at all, never moved out of home, etc
He has driven me mad with wanting to talk and hang out too much, with wanting to borrow my stuff or money or scab too much, he just lacks social skills, he annoys people, embarrasses people, is weird, is a bit crazy, he's been addicted to bad drugs and gambling, he can be very annoying and loud and persuasive, can be selfish, he is compulsive, he motor mouths, talks crazy, etc
i mean he eats loud, speaks loud, sleeps alot, speaks to his mother bad, always drinks to the point of vomiting, rings peopel all the time, talks during movies, etd etc etc.

I at times want to be rid of him. He often makes me feel bad and guilty. He's a good friend in ways and good at heart but so much high maintenance. He's alot to deal with.
At times he is like a stalker or like having a missus but in all the bad ways...
He is time consuming and expensive....


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Posted 13 days ago , edited 13 days ago

Humms wrote:

Changed your tune pretty quick. Life isn't rainbows and sunshine, only if you yourself choose to see it that way.

Well now you have me curious. What exactly have I changed my tune on?

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Posted 13 days ago

LunaTakimoto wrote:

For this topic I'd like to ask if people could keep the "What friends? I don't have any friends" or similar responses out of this thread as I'd like to just be serious about this however do as you will. Anyways... how do you deal with the hardship of getting rid of a friend you've known for a long time? Someone whom you use to have fun with until that friendship came to an end? What did you do to deal with the friendship ending? How did you cope? Were you sad? Did you feel indifferent about it? Did you just part happily?

I'm currently dealing with this and not exactly coping well as I feel as if it was a bad choice to do this but also at the same time it was a good choice for me. I'm just very horrible with coping with it I suppose? I'm very interested in seeing people's answer to this question.




They come and goes, and you'll eventually get new friends. There are things we don't understand why people get upset and not wanting to see us again. But they may have to move on to living in another state for College, or your friend is getting marry and will rarely see you anymore.

Well, on letting go.. this part remind of me someone I fall in love with.. and she told me she rather be friend and that we're living in two different countries. Plus she was already arriaged to get marry. I was hurt so bad, that i told her we couldn't be friend cuz it pain me so much seeing her with another guy.. I just had to pretend that she dead, that was only way to move on. It hurt like son of bitch.. I cry for three days.

Now on the friends, its part of life on getting hurt.. but it will pass..

Sorry am very tired, haven't slept yet.
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Posted 13 days ago
Thwip happens. Get over it.
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Posted 13 days ago
I'm pretty apathetic towards most things, so "indifference" would probably be the best way of putting it. I have acquaintances, "friends" (of the close sort) are not all that important to me. I find it useless to be overly sentimental over things that are inevitable--essentially, I have no lingering attachments: break up, "oh well;" dog dies, "oh well;" falling out, "oh well."
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Posted 13 days ago
Texts are rather fleeting but you can go that route in today's world, I suppose. An old school way is to write him / her / them a heartfelt letter. Thank the individual for the friendship you shared but don't sound maudlin or drag it on ad nauseum saying so. Get to the point without appearing blunt or blase.

Then, in your own words, explain why it's time for you to move on, part the ways. Again, keep it sweet, succinct. Don't expound into the negative even if this individual hurt you as the message of genuineness / sincerity will get lost in the process. More questions will be generated from loose ends than resolved if you choose to get negative. Clean break is what you want, not a neverending cerebral turf war.

Keep in mind when you do this (text, lost art of letter writing) once it leaves your hand, residence, mouth and is SENT you cannot control the outcome. Do not make the mistake of rephrasing, re-explaining later on as that will just weaken / dilute your intent / resolve and make you appear weak, wishy-washy. If this is a Dear Guy / Dear Gal discontinuance letter (aka rejection letter) please, please, please make it sincere, gentle, and do get it right the first time.

Your words / thought processes will mean more than some computer-gen gathering of phrases (though these do offer insight if you're at a loss for sentence structure re the reveal).

If this doesn't work then you will have to toughen your stance. As other posters have suggested, Ignore the individual. No return phone calls, no return texts, etc.

As for coping all I can say is it's a struggle. There are no easy answers. Over time it gets better. An old rule of thumb used to be the time it takes to "recover" will almost equal the time it took "being in the relationship". For you this saying might be correct, then again, not. Everyone handles loss differently. Don't fret too much, there is light at the end of this coping tunnel. Eventually, all will be well.
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Posted 13 days ago
I haven't had that situation myself really. I have cut people off but I was pretty apathetic about it.

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Posted 13 days ago
I stopped speaking to my roommate from college who was also my best friend. He has always been a borderline sociopath who gets off on manipulating people in small ways, but I was fine with it as long as he respected me enough to not pull that bullshit with me.

We had not seen each other in a few years, but he came to visit (immediate red flag, we are dudes, you don't travel 800 miles just to see me), and started playing his little games. Create drama, try to manipulate people into confiding in you, then use that to make more drama... I'm not sure what he was after specifically, but he was definitely trying to hustle me. So I told him to leave, and don't answer his calls anymore.

I don't really feel anything about it. I would only stop being someone's friend for a good reason. I think it's a shame he is that way, but I don't second guess myself for cutting him out.
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Posted 13 days ago
don't be a pussy. I have had many friends move, die, whatever. I don't allow my emotions cloud my focus. there are 2 types of humans on this planet, tools or obstacles.
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