First  Prev  1  2  3  Next  Last
Post Reply Asked/Asking Out
10269 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
24 / M / Abyss
Online
Posted 2/13/17
Today, I had an event which reminded me of similar events that I have had throughout my life. I had a bi (male) friend tell me that he had feelings in me. Of course I told him I was straight and nothing would happen. However, I don't mind having bi/gay/lesbian/straight/trans friends. This of course makes things awkward, and I will go into discussion onto it in a bit.

*Another example would be a girl who is asked out by a boy she is only platonic friends with.

Onto the discussion:

When you get asked out by a platonic friend or someone of the same gender (or other examples above), did you find it awkward. Is it grounds for the death of a friendship? How do you feel about this occurring?

My issues with this isn't rooted on their sexual preference or lack thereof. I feel like a horrible person if I remain friends with them and they still maintain feelings for me. It feels like I kept them caged by simply being friends. If you get their word that they will move on, the confession doesn't even matter to me. I don't think the friendship should ever be void unless it is an "Ikea" friendship.

Do you feel like me, or do you feel different?

Feel free to discuss or pose other questions that I didn't broach!
14848 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
24 / M
Offline
Posted 2/13/17
I think its pretty much up to the asker how the rest of the friendship is going to go. All you can really do is keep things normal and see how they handle things. I certainly don't blame someone from distancing themselves if it hurts to continue the friendship, but as someone who has been the asker in the past and still held onto the friendship, it doesn't have to be a death knell.

Just, make sure you make things clear. Don't leave the door partway open. That is a dick move. There is nothing worse than being strung along.
8622 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
17 / F / London, England
Offline
Posted 2/13/17 , edited 2/13/17
I had a similar thing happen to me with one of my friends. It didn't really bother me personally and I felt like our friendship wasn't going to be affected, but she ended up getting really agitated with me because of how little I cared. I found that encouraging her to ask out her other crushes (the ones who are also lesbian) kind of helped restore our friendship. How you should deal with it depends on the person, and I hate to say it, but some people probably wont let it go.
Banned
21752 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
53 / M / In
Offline
Posted 2/13/17 , edited 3/10/17
geez I haven't asked anyone out in 30 years

is "Hey baby want to get funky with the monkey?" still used to ask some one out?
8622 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
17 / F / London, England
Offline
Posted 2/13/17

uncletim wrote:

geez I haven't asked anyone out in 30 years

is "Hey baby want to get funky with the monkey?" still used to ask some one out?


xD I've never heard that before, but it's a way better pick-up line than most new ones.
5326 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Offline
Posted 2/13/17
wouldn't know I'm too ugly to do either.
10269 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
24 / M / Abyss
Online
Posted 2/13/17

sundin13 wrote:

I think its pretty much up to the asker how the rest of the friendship is going to go. All you can really do is keep things normal and see how they handle things. I certainly don't blame someone from distancing themselves if it hurts to continue the friendship, but as someone who has been the asker in the past and still held onto the friendship, it doesn't have to be a death knell.

Just, make sure you make things clear. Don't leave the door partway open. That is a dick move. There is nothing worse than being strung along.


Haha, after the third time I got used to how to tell them.

A TL;DR version:
"I have feelings for you."
Okay, well I am straight so I can never answer them, sorry!
"Ah, its fine, I just thought you may be bi!"
Yea, I get that a lot! Just make sure you move on from me! I don't want to keep you caged in a relationship that will never be fulfilled.

Of course it goes on a LOT longer. I probably took it harder than he did lol. I once had a gay friend on RuneScape who fell in love with me. I told him I was straight and he said okay. Turns out he was still hung on me for 3 years until he got drunk and told me. I had to cut off the friendship to free him from me. That is what I fear. I hate this being the death knell, dont'cha know?!
11403 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
20 / M / Winnipeg, MB.
Online
Posted 2/13/17
In October I overheard a guy try to use the following pick up line on a woman: "Are you the date today? Because you're 10/10" he struck out, presumably for the obvious reason that making it look like you waited for a long time to ask someone out just so you could use a corny pickup line makes you look like a dumbass.

I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who just says "Would you like to go to _________ with me?" What's so wrong with that that people seem to need to use these displays of idiocy instead?
10269 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
24 / M / Abyss
Online
Posted 2/13/17

Ashmash12345 wrote:

I had a similar thing happen to me with one of my friends. It didn't really bother me personally and I felt like our friendship wasn't going to be affected, but she ended up getting really agitated with me because of how little I cared. I found that encouraging her to ask out her other crushes (the ones who are also lesbian) kind of helped restore our friendship. How you should deal with it depends on the person, and I hate to say it, but some people probably wont let it go.


Haha, I told him "I hope you find someone who can answer you though!" Maybe I need to polish off my matchmaker skills. I once introduced a couple on RuneScape who ended up getting married. I even got invited to the wedding! Couldn't go though...
11091 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
22 / M / Texas
Offline
Posted 2/13/17
Honestly, it just feels weird. I got turned down a while back after I let her now my feelings (I wish anime cliches would happen) and she just wants to be friends. However, every time we hangout I have the urge of wanting to be with her. She's really good of trying to change the mood and stuff by backing out or saying something rude.
Posted 2/13/17 , edited 3/10/17

uncletim wrote:

geez I haven't asked anyone out in 30 years

is "Hey baby want to get funky with the monkey?" still used to ask some one out?[


That's kinda cringe.
Banned
21752 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
53 / M / In
Offline
Posted 2/13/17 , edited 3/10/17

starshots wrote:


uncletim wrote:

geez I haven't asked anyone out in 30 years

is "Hey baby want to get funky with the monkey?" still used to ask some one out?[


That's kinda cringe.


Don't knock the monkey until you try it wink wink
4190 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
28 / F / Praries of Canada
Offline
Posted 2/13/17
I have not asked anyone out...that sounds really awkward. I've been asked out twice though. I turned them both down though because they were almost 20 years older then me I think (not sure on exact ages). Anyway, the first guy asked me out "because I like that you're quiet". That sent red flags off in my mind.
14670 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Online
Posted 2/13/17
I can't speak from experience, but I probably wouldn't "feel" that I was keeping them caged. I'm not responsible for their emotional entanglements. Once you tell them 'I understand and appreciate your position, but must advise you that I cannot reciprocate' you have done everything humanly possible to answer their feelings for you. If they maintain their enamored state and re-express it to you at a later time, it is probably best just to reiterate the unlikeliness of a development in their favor and encourage them to find someone who can.
ItsMev 
32941 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
24 / M / Melbourne, Australia
Offline
Posted 2/13/17 , edited 3/10/17

starshots wrote:


uncletim wrote:

geez I haven't asked anyone out in 30 years

is "Hey baby want to get funky with the monkey?" still used to ask some one out?[


That's kinda cringe.


Only "Kinda"?!
That's being a little nice to say the least.
First  Prev  1  2  3  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.