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36 / M / SoFlo
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Posted 2/13/17 , edited 2/13/17

Dark_Alma wrote:

Today, I had an event which reminded me of similar events that I have had throughout my life. I had a bi (male) friend tell me that he had feelings in me. Of course I told him I was straight and nothing would happen. However, I don't mind having bi/gay/lesbian/straight/trans friends. This of course makes things awkward, and I will go into discussion onto it in a bit.

*Another example would be a girl who is asked out by a boy she is only platonic friends with.

Onto the discussion:

When you get asked out by a platonic friend or someone of the same gender (or other examples above), did you find it awkward. Is it grounds for the death of a friendship? How do you feel about this occurring?

My issues with this isn't rooted on their sexual preference or lack thereof. I feel like a horrible person if I remain friends with them and they still maintain feelings for me. It feels like I kept them caged by simply being friends. If you get their word that they will move on, the confession doesn't even matter to me. I don't think the friendship should ever be void unless it is an "Ikea" friendship.

Do you feel like me, or do you feel different?

Feel free to discuss or pose other questions that I didn't broach!


OP, Did your bi(male) friend not know you were straight? That's probably something he should have known before asking you out. If the friendship dies he would be the one to blame for that, not you.

I have several gay friends and we often flirt and I play along with it, but it's harmless and for fun. I was told by one friend that gay men typically do not pursue straight men.
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100 / F
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Posted 2/13/17
I have turned down a friend before, and I have actually gone out with two friends only to end it with both after a very short while because the connection just was not there. I'm close friends with them still, one of them I talk to daily and the other two every now and then we catch up or meet up with a group. It's only awkward if you make it awkward...just pretend it never happened. Eventually, you may be able to even joke about it together. But if the friend that was turned down distances themselves from you, let them be because they were obviously very embarrassed or hurt to the point where they can't really handle being around you. Maybe they'll eventually get close to you again, or maybe they will disappear from your life. Just follow the other person's flow.
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15 / M / chicago
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Posted 2/13/17
yeah i been friend zoned a lot
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24 / M / Abyss
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Posted 2/13/17

zangeif123 wrote:

OP, Did your bi(male) friend not know you were straight? That's probably something he should have known before asking you out. If the friendship dies he would be the one to blame for that, not you.

I have several gay friends and we often flirt and I play along with it, but it's harmless and for fun. I was told by one friend that gay men typically do not pursue straight men.


Well, to be fair they did make an assumption. Though according to my gay, trans and female friend I have multiple female traits that often misguide gay/bi people. I don't know quite how to change my walk style or talk style. I also joke flirt for fun just like you. That tends to get me in trouble lol.
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Posted 2/14/17
That's only happened to me once. This girl named Ashley dated one of my friends to try and get close to me. I couldn't stay friends with her because it hurt me to see my friend all pathetic and heartbrocken... Well all the "Yo imma bust you up sucka!" and "Nah bro you is my dog bro ain't no crusty bi*** gonna come between us two we homies." and "I swear imma burry you n**** imma [email protected]#%in' kill you dog you ain't never gone get away with playin me motha'f*** ain't nobody plays me motha'f*** cuz i'm the motha'f*** who be playin motha'f*** motha'f***er!!!" etc.

Also he's white as the driven snow I don't know where he gets it.
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Mᴇᴡɴɪ
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Posted 2/14/17

They will move on eventually.
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21 / M / Norway
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Posted 2/14/17
Nope, never asked anyone out nor been asked out.
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19 / M / Miami/Hawaii
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Posted 2/14/17
It really depends on how they can handle it. I'll probably be caught just a slight bit unexpected at first, shrug it off, and proceed to be friends on my part, if it makes them uncomfortable I guess it is just how they feel. I'll proceed as per usual though ^^
Posted 2/16/17
I've only ever had 1 friend ask me out and i will admit i made it super awkward. I had slept with her before she asked me out and then when she told me how she felt, i responded with "i need to pee" and then i ran away, in my defense i was a little bit drunk. After that i just avoided her for a while because i honestly didn't know how to deal with the situation i felt like it was my fault and that i'd led her on. Eventually we did talk things through and i'm friends with her still. So yeah i think it's only awkward if you make it that way and it shouldn't end your friendship unless they choose to end it.
Posted 2/16/17
I've been asked out by a friend before, and told her no. However, she and her other friends were persistent and kept trying to set us up. That made it a little awkward. After awhile, I finally decided to say yes....and that was a big mistake. I mean she was nice and all, but it just felt weird dating her. After awhile I decided to talk to her and break things off. Honestly, I thought that was gonna be the death of our friendship, but was the opposite. Things were a little awkward at first after the break up, but eventually we started talking like "normal" again.
Posted 3/8/17
I've asked someone out before... XD All I can say was that it was really awkward... Later on in the week he texted me and told me that he didn't foresee us being together given our social class differences - like, he's more rich, independent and smarter than me.... I was rejected and I felt sad for a few months.... but overall I got over it and eventually started moving along again...
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Posted 3/8/17

Mistrylocks wrote:

I've asked someone out before... XD All I can say was that it was really awkward... Later on in the week he texted me and told me that he didn't foresee us being together given our social class differences - like, he's more rich, independent and smarter than me.... I was rejected and I felt sad for a few months.... but overall I got over it and eventually started moving along again...


Tbh, it sounds like he did you a favor because he comes off as a narcissistic d-bag if he really did say that.
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Posted 3/8/17


I laughed at this but I think my story will be better lol.

I was an athlete in high school, basically the star for all 3 sports ( not trying to be cocky)
So during basketball season, there is these two chicks who are dating each other but they each wanted me lol? It was so fucking weird
and confusing. We were all friends, we hang out and stuff and I'm just happily single and here comes two crazies who are dating but confessed their love to me?? LOL I can't .. I'm laughing wayy tooo hard thinking about it now The weird thing is, they both kinda had an idea that they each liked me but stayed obsessed with each other? wtf? lol. I was too busy with school and sports to think about relationships during that time honestly... so i took the easy route...just mingle, OH I MINGLED o;

One guy friend asked me out..it was valentines day. He wrote me a note and left roses in my locker.
The note said that if I accept his love, just hug him when I see him in the hall way LOL.
I saw him and ignored him lol. He said, "Damn girrl can you could of at least looked at me"
We both laughed. Friends still<3
Posted 3/9/17

trmjkd989 wrote:


Mistrylocks wrote:

I've asked someone out before... XD All I can say was that it was really awkward... Later on in the week he texted me and told me that he didn't foresee us being together given our social class differences - like, he's more rich, independent and smarter than me.... I was rejected and I felt sad for a few months.... but overall I got over it and eventually started moving along again...


Tbh, it sounds like he did you a favor because he comes off as a narcissistic d-bag if he really did say that.


XD He actually put it into a much nicer way.... He told me I was too young for him... And that I was just starting out in life... He told me that I shouldn't throw my youth away for somebody much more experienced in society than him..... His parents wouldn't have been okay with it anyway either.... I only found that later on that his father kind of dismissed me as some sort of wet rag from a foreign part of the city...
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101 / M
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Posted 3/9/17
I know the feeling, I use to have best friend admit his feeling for me and I got panic and told him that I'm NOT GAY. :/ This was long time ago, and I told him that I'm a loner type.. and just because I'm loner doesn't mean I'm gay..

Since I got sexual feeling for women proven that I'm not gay..

I remember the look on his face when he got turn down. :/
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