Post Reply Someone you somewhat know hurting a friend.
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Posted 3/13/17
Can't really think of a title so here is this I guess? Have you had someone you know somewhat hurt a friend before? If so how did it make you feel? And did you dislike the person whom hurt your friend?

I've had this a few times. One of them involved a friend being hurt from the other person whom I thought was pretty laid back and they were pretty close (To the friend). This made me change my opinion of said person as I started to dislike them for what they did (In this case they said a bunch of rude things that weren't needed). I find it a bit strange of me to have a disliking but perhaps it is justified in the situation perhaps it isn't.


So have you? If so how did you feel towards that person?


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Posted 3/13/17
I'm the person that hurts others' friends.
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17 / F / Kuto-ko Tokyo Japan
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Posted 3/13/17
I don't know. But me some how I always hurt others specially my close friends.
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Posted 3/13/17
I hate it that people define being 'hurt' as 'hurt feelings'. If they said "rude" things that "weren't needed", I can only assume that the things they said were absolutely true, but you and your friend with the bruised ego were avoiding confronting their problems.

Much like Ocale, I am probably the person who "hurts" other people's friends, or even my own friends on the nearly unique event that I have any. Either something I say or don't say, do or don't do "hurts" them on some sort of psychological and emotional level. Being unable to face their inadequacy, they eventually disappear from my life to surround themselves with people who ignore both the problems of that person as well as their own personal problems. By never acknowledging their flaws, they can pretend they have no flaws, and so they have their false happiness and feelings of wellbeing.
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Posted 3/13/17 , edited 3/13/17
I don't see how it is wrong to change your opinion of someone based on new information, this is how opinions are formed after-all. If someone hurts your friend, it only seems natural to dislike them (at least a little bit). Can't really provide any personal stories on the matter though, sorry 'bout that.
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Posted 3/13/17
First off, determine how the victim feels, and if it was an unintentionally more damaging than thought slight, based on the offender's persona, then I would ask you to help talk their feelings out. If it seems to be more serious, to the point of consistent verbal abuse, break it off.
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Posted 3/13/17

gornotck wrote:

I hate it that people define being 'hurt' as 'hurt feelings'. If they said "rude" things that "weren't needed", I can only assume that the things they said were absolutely true, but you and your friend with the bruised ego were avoiding confronting their problems.

Much like Ocale, I am probably the person who "hurts" other people's friends, or even my own friends on the nearly unique event that I have any. Either something I say or don't say, do or don't do "hurts" them on some sort of psychological and emotional level. Being unable to face their inadequacy, they eventually disappear from my life to surround themselves with people who ignore both the problems of that person as well as their own personal problems. By never acknowledging their flaws, they can pretend they have no flaws, and so they have their false happiness and feelings of wellbeing.


If you unintentionally hurt someone, you should always apologize. I do not think it has to be an reasonable thing to get upset about, with the only caveat being on accepting social criticism, like you said.

Essentially, if you offended someone, you offended someone. It would not be wrong to apologize in most circumstance, but if it is part of a larger dialogue, then one should reinforce it.
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Posted 3/13/17

PeripheralVisionary wrote:

If you unintentionally hurt someone, you should always apologize. I do not think it has to be an reasonable thing to get upset about, with the only caveat being on accepting social criticism, like you said.

Essentially, if you offended someone, you offended someone. It would not be wrong to apologize in most circumstance, but if it is part of a larger dialogue, then one should reinforce it.


I have come to think that we apologize too easily, and for too much. If you cannot, from your heart, apologize and mean it, you should not apologize.
As a caveat, you should therefor never do anything that you, personally, think that you need to apologize for, and never apologize for anything or anyone else.
People take offense over the damnedest things. You cannot be prepared for what nonsense they get their feathers ruffled over. Being polite means telling the cold, hard truth, anything less is disingenuous and is harmful to everyone as a whole. Certainly discuss it, and if after reasoned discourse you find that you were unreasonably harsh in your criticisms, you apologize for that, not for the base cause.
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Posted 3/13/17

gornotck wrote:


PeripheralVisionary wrote:

If you unintentionally hurt someone, you should always apologize. I do not think it has to be an reasonable thing to get upset about, with the only caveat being on accepting social criticism, like you said.

Essentially, if you offended someone, you offended someone. It would not be wrong to apologize in most circumstance, but if it is part of a larger dialogue, then one should reinforce it.


I have come to think that we apologize too easily, and for too much. If you cannot, from your heart, apologize and mean it, you should not apologize.
As a caveat, you should therefor never do anything that you, personally, think that you need to apologize for, and never apologize for anything or anyone else.
People take offense over the damnedest things. You cannot be prepared for what nonsense they get their feathers ruffled over. Being polite means telling the cold, hard truth, anything less is disingenuous and is harmful to everyone as a whole. Certainly discuss it, and if after reasoned discourse you find that you were unreasonably harsh in your criticisms, you apologize for that, not for the base cause.


I think it is just a matter of polite dialogue. You hurt a person, you apologize, but perhaps that falls into the realm of "reasonable" as well, considering people you are discussing about are not hurt, but just looking for an excuse to be angry, either for them or the behalf of others, and for that, you should confront them. Some people may have perfectly sympathetic reasoning behind unreasonable exercise, and I think both should be taken into consideration, best started off with an apology. It is something I derived from dealing with other's norms, particularly cultural.

I think if the hurt is genuine, and for some people it may be a multitude of things that in different cultures would not matter or seem trivial, then you should apologize for hurting them, on the basis that you harmed another person, perhaps with a reinforcement that you cannot expect everyone to be as forgiving. That doesn't mean one has to be as unforgiving, just polite enough to discuss the validity.

I think apologizing for criticism is a tricky subject. If a person is genuinely being a dullard, then perhaps hurting their feelings are necessary in some cases, if politeness does not work. Baseless generic insults are something that are easily thrown out, both by the giver and the receiver, so I agree.
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