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Post Reply Please Share Your Paragraph! Get It Rated And Comment On!
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27 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 4/10/17 , edited 4/11/17
Here is an exercise for all you CR users who love to write stories.

It's plain simple: the person above will post a short or somewhat long(NOT TOO LONG) paragraph from their own novel or just make up some random paragraph. The person below will read the paragraph, give it a rating, and comment on it then list their own paragraph. And it goes on and on.

When you comment on it, tell the person straight up what you felt about the paragraph. Be honest and give good criticism. Now when it comes to rating the paragraph, use this format below.

1/10- beyond terrible/needs tons of improvement.

10/10- beyond amazing/needs no improvement.


WARNING: DO NOT CONTINUE TO WRITE A PARAGRAPH AFTER ANOTHER PERSON'S PARAGRAPH! WE ARE NOT TRYING TO MAKE A STORY! WE ARE NOT CONNECTING PARAGRAPHS!

I'll let someone else go first then I'll go later.
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20 / M / Winnipeg, MB.
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Posted 4/10/17
Don't have time to do a full paragraph post right now but I'll definitely do it once my exams are done.
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Posted 4/10/17
I wrote this on the fly about 5-10 minutes ago.

She inhaled sharply. She could feel the frost cut through her throat, inflaming her dry lungs. She swallowed. The lump in her throat felt like a heavy boulder clinging to the edge of a cliff, slipping slowly, slowly against a muddy slope to no avail. Her chest felt tight like someone had clasped a lock around her neck. The drumming inside her head would not stop. It would not stop.
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28 / M / UK
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Posted 4/11/17

adrianc0 wrote:


She inhaled sharply. She could feel the frost cut through her throat, inflaming her dry lungs. She swallowed. The lump in her throat felt like a heavy boulder clinging to the edge of a cliff, slipping slowly, slowly against a muddy slope to no avail. Her chest felt tight like someone had clasped a lock around her neck. The drumming inside her head would not stop. It would not stop.


7/10 mainly for lack of context, but then again does a random paragraph really have one?

could anyone also attempt to band these together as the same story? still off the top of their heads, but sounding halfway to a single story maybe
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Posted 4/11/17 , edited 4/11/17

omlettespammer wrote:

7/10 mainly for lack of context, but then again does a random paragraph really have one?

could anyone also attempt to band these together as the same story? still off the top of their heads, but sounding halfway to a single story maybe


Haha yeah, there's literally no context to it so it's up to interpretation.

That would be interesting to see.

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Posted 4/11/17 , edited 4/11/17
I like the idea of connecting the paragraphs, though I may have taken that idea a little too literally. The following is continued from adrianc's paragraph:

"Where is he," she muttered. No one payed any heed. "Where is Addison?" The words stuck in her throat, so she pushed them forwards with anger. "Where is my brother?" One woman turned her head. Her eyes held fear. Not of the twig-like girl standing in front of her, but of what she had seen. Kneeling down beside the woman, she looked her in the eyes. "What happened to my brother?"



adrianc0 wrote:

I wrote this on the fly about 5-10 minutes ago.

She inhaled sharply. She could feel the frost cut through her throat, inflaming her dry lungs. She swallowed. The lump in her throat felt like a heavy boulder clinging to the edge of a cliff, slipping slowly, slowly against a muddy slope to no avail. Her chest felt tight like someone had clasped a lock around her neck. The drumming inside her head would not stop. It would not stop.


As for your paragraph, I'd say 6/10. Not bad, but a little clunky at times and I'm not sure if this is a personal thing, but I don't like directly addressing senses. Basically, I try to not say "she could feel the frost cut through her throat" and instead just say "the frost cut through her throat". I think it makes things sound cleaner.
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27 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 4/11/17 , edited 4/11/17

omlettespammer wrote:


adrianc0 wrote:


She inhaled sharply. She could feel the frost cut through her throat, inflaming her dry lungs. She swallowed. The lump in her throat felt like a heavy boulder clinging to the edge of a cliff, slipping slowly, slowly against a muddy slope to no avail. Her chest felt tight like someone had clasped a lock around her neck. The drumming inside her head would not stop. It would not stop.


7/10 mainly for lack of context, but then again does a random paragraph really have one?

could anyone also attempt to band these together as the same story? still off the top of their heads, but sounding halfway to a single story maybe


Don't forget to list your own paragraph as well.
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Posted 4/11/17

sundin13 wrote:


adrianc0 wrote:

I wrote this on the fly about 5-10 minutes ago.

She inhaled sharply. She could feel the frost cut through her throat, inflaming her dry lungs. She swallowed. The lump in her throat felt like a heavy boulder clinging to the edge of a cliff, slipping slowly, slowly against a muddy slope to no avail. Her chest felt tight like someone had clasped a lock around her neck. The drumming inside her head would not stop. It would not stop.


I like the idea of connecting the paragraphs, though I may have taken that idea a little too literally.

"Where is he," she muttered. No one payed any heed. "Where is Addison?" The words stuck in her throat, so she pushed them forwards with anger. "Where is my brother?" One woman turned her head. Her eyes held fear. Not of the twig-like girl standing in front of her, but of what she had seen. Kneeling down beside the woman, she looked her in the eyes. "What happened to my brother?"

As for your paragraph, I'd say 6/10. Not bad, but a little clunky at times and I'm not sure if this is a personal thing, but I don't like directly addressing senses. Basically, I try to not say "she could feel the frost cut through her throat" and instead just say "the frost cut through her throat". I think it makes things sound cleaner.



Wait, is the paragraph in italics yours? Is the comment and rating underneath it pertaining to the comment above?

You might want to switch it around because I got a little confused.
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Posted 4/11/17 , edited 4/11/17

qualeshia3 wrote:


sundin13 wrote:


adrianc0 wrote:

I wrote this on the fly about 5-10 minutes ago.

She inhaled sharply. She could feel the frost cut through her throat, inflaming her dry lungs. She swallowed. The lump in her throat felt like a heavy boulder clinging to the edge of a cliff, slipping slowly, slowly against a muddy slope to no avail. Her chest felt tight like someone had clasped a lock around her neck. The drumming inside her head would not stop. It would not stop.


I like the idea of connecting the paragraphs, though I may have taken that idea a little too literally.

"Where is he," she muttered. No one payed any heed. "Where is Addison?" The words stuck in her throat, so she pushed them forwards with anger. "Where is my brother?" One woman turned her head. Her eyes held fear. Not of the twig-like girl standing in front of her, but of what she had seen. Kneeling down beside the woman, she looked her in the eyes. "What happened to my brother?"

As for your paragraph, I'd say 6/10. Not bad, but a little clunky at times and I'm not sure if this is a personal thing, but I don't like directly addressing senses. Basically, I try to not say "she could feel the frost cut through her throat" and instead just say "the frost cut through her throat". I think it makes things sound cleaner.



Wait, is the paragraph in italics yours? Is the comment and rating underneath it pertaining to the comment above?

You might want to switch it around because I got a little confused.


I edited my post. Is it better? And don't forget to post your own paragraph ;D
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27 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 4/11/17 , edited 4/11/17

sundin13 wrote:

I edited my post. Is it better? And don't forget to post your own paragraph ;D


I saw your edit. You don't continue after the previous paragraph. You type a short or somewhat long paragraph from YOUR NOVEL or if you can't do that make something up. It's not a complete a paragraph forum thing.

You rate the paragraph, you comment on it, then you post YOUR OWN PARAGRAPH FROM YOUR OWN NOVEL OR MAKE UP YOUR OWN PARAGRAPH so it can get the same thing done to it.

We are not connecting paragraphs.
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Posted 4/11/17

qualeshia3 wrote:


sundin13 wrote:

I edited my post. Is it better? And don't forget to post your own paragraph ;D


I saw your edit. You don't continue after the previous paragraph. You type a short or somewhat long paragraph from YOUR NOVEL or if you can't do that make something up. It's not a complete a paragraph forum thing.

You rate the paragraph, you comment on it, then you post YOUR OWN PARAGRAPH FROM YOUR OWN NOVEL OR MAKE UP YOUR OWN PARAGRAPH so it can get the same thing done to it.

We are not connecting paragraphs.


I do what I want I felt like connecting the paragraph so I connected it. Take it on its own or not on its own, its up to you.
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Posted 4/11/17

sundin13 wrote:

I do what I want I felt like connecting the paragraph so I connected it. Take it on its own or not on its own, its up to you.





Please don't do that. Then everyone might do that and this whole thing would be pointless.

I'll accept it for now. But next post something from your novel or if you can't do that then make up something at random.
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Posted 4/11/17

qualeshia3 wrote:


sundin13 wrote:

I do what I want I felt like connecting the paragraph so I connected it. Take it on its own or not on its own, its up to you.





Please don't do that. Then everyone might do that and this whole thing would be pointless.

I'll accept it for now. But next post something from your novel or if you can't do that then make up something at random.


Boo. I don't really see the problem with it, but its your thread so I'll follow the rules. Now quit stalling and post your paragraph!
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27 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 4/11/17

sundin13 wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:


sundin13 wrote:

I do what I want I felt like connecting the paragraph so I connected it. Take it on its own or not on its own, its up to you.


Please don't do that. Then everyone might do that and this whole thing would be pointless.

I'll accept it for now. But next post something from your novel or if you can't do that then make up something at random.


Boo. I don't really see the problem with it, but its your thread so I'll follow the rules. Now quit stalling and post your paragraph!



Fine. Come back to the thread because it won't be in the quote.
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27 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 4/11/17
My Turn:
(This is what I could come up with on a whim...sadly)

The night sky was always more beautiful at home than in the city. I don't have to worry about those huge skyscrapers with their colorful lights glistening up the night's sky preventing the stars from shining. At least at my home, I can see the beautiful star glow brightly through the crystal night sky. While I watch from the balcony off of my bedroom, I could hear the door to my bedroom open. I glance back a little then look forward at the sky. A figure comes up beside me and bows a little. This figure is actually a maid and one of my personal maids named Rosaria. Turning to face Rosaria, I pulled the blanket that was slipping off my shoulders up so it would not fall on the balcony floor. It was getting chilly outside but I didn't want to go inside. Although, now that Rosaria is here, she'll make me go back inside and go to sleep. Rosaria fixed the blanket that is draped around my shoulders then turned me around so that I can walked to the door to my bedroom. I sighed feeling upset that I had to leave seeing the pretty night sky. Inside, I sat on my bed and let out a big yawn while Rosaria took the blanket off of me.
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